


Hellion On Wheels

by mishasan7



Series: Joshua Trees [4]
Category: Lucifer (Comic), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angelic badassery, Angst, BAMF angels, Banter, Biblical Lore, Big Brother Amenadiel (Lucifer TV), CSI-ish, Canon - Comics, Canon - TV, Canon Compliant as much as possible, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, Chloe Decker knows, Dad Joke Tourette's, Dysfunctional Family, Ella Lopez & Lucifer Morningstar Friendship, Ella Lopez is a loving caring sunbeam, Ella Lopez is salty, Ella gets her nerd on, Ella sciences the shit out of things, Explicit Language, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Gen, Graphic Description, Humor, Identity Reveal, Inappropriate Humor, Inspired by Real Events, Lucifer the Lightbringer, Post-Season/Series 02, Protective Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Reese Getty is a good reporter, References to Canon, Romance, Science-y, Sex Jokes, Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements, Violence, Whump, Winged Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Worldbuilding, but tweaked a bit, car racing, celestial beings beating the shit outta each other, general badassery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 09:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 109,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22847566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishasan7/pseuds/mishasan7
Summary: The next chapter in the Joshua Trees series. Post season 2 canon divergent AU following directly on from the events of 'Demon Drink'.Lucifer and Chloe are back at work, and Chloe's finding her new knowledge about her devilish partner rather useful, even if it makes their methods even more unconventional than they usually are. And Ella is still processing what Lucifer did at the dive bar on their night out. She keeps probing, keeps testing, but Lucifer remains a vault. So Ella decides once and for all she's going to investigate him until she gets to the truth.... and if we thought Chloe was the logical, rational one, Ella is going the science the SHIT out of this.
Relationships: Amenadiel & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Azrael & Amenadiel (Lucifer TV), Azrael & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Candy Morningstar & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Ella Lopez & Lucifer Morningstar, Ella Lopez & Marcus Pierce, Ella Lopez & Original Charlotte Richards, Ella Lopez/Original Male Character(s), Linda Martin & Reese Getty, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) & Everyone
Series: Joshua Trees [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/921207
Comments: 530
Kudos: 446





	1. Josie and the Cuddlesluts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PokerFace84](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokerFace84/gifts), [Navaros](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navaros/gifts), [Rainey657](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainey657/gifts), [SueBob99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SueBob99/gifts), [whopooh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whopooh/gifts), [Corisan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corisan/gifts), [dino76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dino76/gifts), [ariaadagio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariaadagio/gifts), [Martine22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Martine22/gifts), [SomeoneAsGoodAsYou (the_wanlorn)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_wanlorn/gifts), [Silent_Bob](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Silent_Bob), [Dani_Cat (Falling_From_Grace)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falling_From_Grace/gifts), [AeonTheDimensionalGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonTheDimensionalGirl/gifts), [bloatedLIZARD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloatedLIZARD/gifts), [Myria83](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myria83/gifts), [SerpaSas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerpaSas/gifts), [Tavalah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tavalah/gifts), [Chess_Blackfyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chess_Blackfyre/gifts).



> G’day everyone! First up just wanted to say thank you for all the amazing support for my stories - reading, commenting and kudosing! This fandom is the best :D Your feedback literally charged me up and inspired me to keep this series going. I just love the community here, you’ve made writing for you all such a positive, motivating experience. I’ve been really enjoying the practise, and am learning a lot.  
> I appreciate each and every kudos, comment, share and review, but this story is gifted to some very special readers for their fantastic support of this series, often through multiple chapters. Ladies and gentlespoons, your encouragement and enthusiasm really got me thinking about just how big I could go with this thing, and helped build up my confidence enough to try. But thank you ALL! Feedback is soo motivating and I appreciate every bit of encouragement more than you know.  
> So... my JT series is going to explore some different ideas I’d been pondering/hoping for for S3. If you haven’t read the first three stories in this series I recommend you do, as I’ll be referencing events and characters from them, and this story picks up the week after Demon Drink. The series is a post-season 2 AU, but if you look closely you may spot shout outs to later seasons, although perhaps… tweaked a little :)  
> In addition I’m incorporating other comics, TV and movie properties with characters I wanted to see more of/need closure with (which ones? no spoilers!) plus a variety from ‘The Big Book’ that I thought might be fun to throw in... It’s by A FUCKING LONG WAY the most ambitious story I’ve ever attempted, and it’s been fun and scary and satisfying... and daunting as Hell trying to work it all out! So any feedback and/or ideas and/or encouragement for the series going forward would be very much appreciated! :)  
> This series has turned into a labour of love; love for the show, love for the characters played to perfection by our brilliant cast, love for the fandom and the overwhelming positivity that comes through, ironically, because of a show about the Devil. I can’t make videos or do amazing fan art or design cool t shirts or get to a con (yet!!) or do any of the other amazing things Lucifans do to express their appreciation, but this show DOES inspire me to write. So I hope you guys enjoy what I come up with. I'm certainly enjoying writing it!  
> PS Big thank you to PokerFace84 for her help!  
> PPS Since I work better with a deadline I'm aiming to update with a new chapter every Sunday. Pray for me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Chloe knows who Lucifer really is, she realises there are definite advantages to having the literal Devil as your partner... and she'll be damned if she won't make the most of it.

The black cat crouched sleepily on the dead woman’s chest, legs tucked under its body, fluffy tail curled snugly around its paws. At Lucifer’s loud snort it startled awake, threw him a bleary look, then went back to dozing.

Lucifer surveyed the crime scene, eyeing the feline with distaste. “Did it eat her?”

“Huh, what? _ No _ !” Ella glanced up from her camera viewfinder before lining up another shot. “And Kitty is a  _ she,  _ not an _ it _ . Collar says her name is Josie.”

Lucifer frowned. “Josie? That’s a rather human name for a cat isn’t it? I thought people liked giving them punny names like… I dunno, Ferris Mewler and Chairman Miaow.” 

“Or… Luci-fur?” Ella offered with a smirk. Over the click of the shutter Ella heard the consultant make a noise, but whether it was a laugh or a huff she couldn’t tell. As she continued taking photos she added, “I’m surprised you haven’t figured out it’s probably a music reference, Mr I’m- So-Cool- I- Listen- To- Bands- That- Don’t- Even- Exist- Yet.”

Lucifer looked surprised. “A music reference? In what way?”

Ella glanced up at him expectantly. “You know - Josie and the  _ Pussycats _ ?”

“Never heard of them. Where they from?”

“The all chick rock band from the Archie comics?”

Lucifer’s expression cleared. “Ah. Fictional. That explains it.”

Ella shrugged, then turned to the moggy and clicked her tongue at her. The cat opened her eyes again, looked up at her, and let out a tiny purr-miaow.

Ella melted. “Yeah, I know. Poor kitty. You lost your mom and you’re so loyal you won’t leave her side.” She added mournfully to Lucifer, “Wouldn’t even eat the food I got to distract her while I combed her for evidence. Isn’t that just the saddest most precious thing?”

Lucifer eyed the cat and cleared his throat. “Correction, she’s not ‘by her side’, she’s perched on top like she’s conquered Everest. Has no doubt always dreamed of this moment, biding her time, plotting...” He fixed the cat with a suspicious glare. “Haven’t you?” 

The cat ignored him.

Ella looked up from her kneeling position next to the body and put a hand on her hip. Lucifer noted her t shirt today sported two atoms in an amusing conversation on the front;  _ I lost an electron! ...Are you positive? _

She asked, “Got something against cats, Lucifer? You more of a dog person?” Then she added with a smirk, “Oh I know…  _ Hellhound _ person?”

Lucifer didn’t smile back. Instead, he nodded. “Indeed.” He raised an eyebrow at Ella’s delighted grin and went on, “While  _ you _ might be oblivious to the number of Hell loops involving snuffing it old and alone in a locked room full of starving cats, Miss Lopez,  _ I _ am not.“ He made a face. “Loathsome creatures.” 

Ella smiled and shook her head, then looked at the totes adorbs bundle of fur curled up on the victim’s chest. She reached out to scratch the cat behind the ears. “Don’t listen to him, nugget,” she murmured. The cat started up with a loud rumbling purr and butted her head affectionately into Ella’s hand. Ella kissed the air at her, then smiled up at Lucifer, who was watching on with his lip curled slightly.

“ _ Awwww _ …? How do you not fall in love with this bundle of cuteness?”

“Emphatically,” he bluntly replied.

Ella sighed and shook her head. Still nothing. Maybe he really wasn’t human.

Chloe appeared in the doorway leading to the front of the house. She saw Ella petting the cat and deadpanned, “Witness being helpful?” Then she blinked and gave the cat a thoughtful look.

Ella smiled. “She sure is.” She made more noises of adoration at the cat. “Aren’t you? Yes you are.”

Lucifer huffed impatiently. He wished Animal Control would get a move on. They’d captured a few of the wandering felines already but there were several more lurking under beds and couches around the place avoiding capture and eyeing him with a strangely unnerving intensity, like they were sizing him up for their next meal.

“Could we  _ please _ get on with it?” he grumbled, compulsively brushing at his sleeve. “I’m accumulating cat hair just standing here.” Every single hair the tiny monsters shed seemed to be circulating through the house and sticking onto his suit like a magnet. 

Ella withdrew her hand and stood up with a reluctant sigh, then gestured at the body on the floor. “This poor lady is Ms Tara Anaya, sixty eight years old. Cause of death blunt force trauma to the head.” She winced in sympathy for the victim as she again regarded her injuries and added sadly, “Well, traumas, multiple. Somebody caved her face in; broke her nose, her jaw, fractured both cheekbones and orbital sockets. The killing blow was most likely to the temporal bone behind the left ear which caused a brain bleed. As you can see…” she gestured at the blood that covered the woman’s face and neck, had dribbled from her left ear and matted down her short, stylishly cut silvering hair, “...Somebody really...” she trailed off as they all silently regarded the body. 

“Time of death?” Chloe asked softly.

“Around 10pm last night.” Ella swallowed. “Judging by the amount of blood and the initial stages of bruising, it wasn’t quick, but I doubt she was conscious.”

Lucifer scowled. “A vicious and cowardly attack. It would seem the killer was very angry with her for some reason.”

Ella replied, “Um, the state of the scene,” she waved her hand to indicate the room turned upside down around them, “Suggests a home invasion. The front door was jimmied, her purse was emptied and there’s valuables missing from the house.”

Chloe shook her head slightly. “Hm, no, I think that’s a misdirect. I agree with Lucifer - the killer knew her. This kind of rage... it had to be personal.”

Ella hummed thoughtfully. “Crime of passion?”

Lucifer shook his head. “Not unheard of at her age, but no, I don’t think so.” He looked down at the woman and his eyes hardened. “This was a punishment.”

Ella’s eyes widened at the conviction in his voice. “For what?”

Lucifer shrugged. “Well that  _ is _ the question, isn’t it? What did she do that was supposedly so heinous as to deserve an end like this?” He cocked his head, thinking. “For all we know, she could be a war criminal, or the reprobate who invented reality television.”

“Close,” Ella replied. “Her career was in music, not TV. She was a talent manager. Sold her agency just last month.”

Chloe, who’d been inspecting several framed certificates and records on the wall and googling on her phone, put in, “A good one, too. Made millions from the agency deal.”

“Goodness me it’s perilous having a music career in LA!” Lucifer exclaimed. “What’ve we had so far, Detective? Shot dead in a drive-by, garrotted with a double bass string, beaten to death with a bass guitar, what’s next? Some poor sod gets a piano dropped on their head?”

Ella piped up, “And blown up with a firework, duh.” How could Lucifer have forgotten that one? It was only a couple days ago, plus he got  _ stabbed _ taking down the perp! You’d never know to look at him though; he wasn’t even wearing a sling. He must be on some insanely good pain meds.

Lucifer hummed. “Indeed. This town is rife with jealousy and desperation, and bottom-feeding maggots who’d screw over their own mum to get ahead.” He looked over at Chloe and added, “Or even murder their own artists, like that cradle-snatching wanker Jimmy Barnes.”

Chloe nodded, subconsciously lifting a hand to her chest to where Barnes had shot her. Hidden by a high-collared, buttoned up green silk shirt the small pale scar stood out even clearer than usual today thanks to the massive haloed bruise surrounding it. It had faded to queasy shades of yellow and green, a reminder of her and Lucifer’s little adventure down at the docks last week.

Lucifer went on, “Even if this woman stopped short of murder she could have stolen music, poached talent, skimmed royalties … she  could very easily have a dark past.”

Ella nodded thoughtfully, then replied in all seriousness, “But if she had a  _ dark past _ you’d know all about it, wouldn’t you, Lucifer?” She winked at Chloe. “Being the Lord of Hell and all. Don’t you have, like, a naughty list?” Ella turned to Lucifer, fighting to keep a straight face, but at the indignant look he gave her she almost immediately dissolved into giggles. “Dammit! I can’t do it!”

Lucifer made an impatient noise. “I’m  _ Satan _ , not Santa, Miss Lopez,” he retorted. “I don’t have a bloody list. And I can’t tell just by looking at her, for goodness’ sake.” He spotted another hair on his sleeve and flicked it off, tutting irritably.

Chloe couldn’t help but smile at the lab tech’s oblivious teasing… if she only knew! She cut in smoothly, “We’ll talk to her lawyer, check to see if she had any litigation brought against her. According to trade sites her divorce was over fifteen years ago and amicable enough but you never know. And we’ve got neighbours to talk to as well.” She tapped Lucifer on the arm. “Coming, Satan?”

Lucifer, compulsively brushing himself down again, shuddered. “Gladly, Detective.”

Ella giggled. “Aww you guys are just adorbs with your little pet names. ...‘Satan’…‘Detective’…”� 

She watched them go out the French doors into the spacious garden and she was once again alone with the cat. She reached over to pet her some more, scritching her cheek and under her chin, grinning at the bandsaw purring.  _ I should be working, _ she thought guiltily. _ In a minute. Just one more minute. _

The cat blissfully threw her head back so that Ella could scratch her better, in the process revealing a tiny dab of pure white on the otherwise pitch black fur of her chest. “Awww. You’re just the cutest.” She was silent for a moment, then whispered softly, “Now, I know this is a bit sudden, ‘cause we’ve only just met, but...” The cat looked up at her with half-lidded green eyes and a tiny bubble of drool on her chin and Ella’s heart melted into a helpless puddle of goo. “...do you wanna come home with me?”

\-------------------

One neighbour in particular was of interest to their investigation, a Mrs Portia Heath who lived next door. According to Ms Anaya’s lawyer, Tara and Portia’s interactions had been getting more and more heated over the past few months. It wasn’t unheard of that an increasingly nasty neighbourly dispute could escalate to murder.

“My goodness, it’s terrible that something like this could happen here,” the old woman lamented, clutching her pearls in gnarled fingers and glancing coyly up at Lucifer. “We’re such a nice neighbourhood, all good people.” 

Chloe didn’t buy the sweet old lady act for a second. She replied neutrally, “So you say Mrs Heath, but you and Tara didn’t get along, did you? There have been problems between you ever since you moved in 18 months ago.”

The old woman gave her an innocent look and replied condescendingly, “Tara took some things too personally, that’s all. Her husband divorced her, she was living alone here with all those cats.” She glanced around the victim’s backyard and craned her neck to peer through the open French doors into the house. “She could be very bitter and vindictive when she didn’t get her own way.”

Chloe gazed back impassively for a few moments before consulting her notes. “According to Ms Anaya’s attorney, you called the ASPCA on her.”

Portia nodded, still trying to see inside the house. “Uh-huh. I was worried about them cats. So many of them living in that dirty house together, running around the neighbourhood liable to get hit by cars… terrible.”

“The ASPCA investigated and found the cats were all safe and well cared for. And yet you kept calling the authorities onto her. In fact, she submitted multiple complaints about you for harassment.”

Portia abruptly dropped the facade and rounded on Chloe. She retorted angrily, “Her goddamned cats kept coming onto my property! Hanging around my aviary and scaring my birds. I had to do something.”

“We were informed you moved in and built the aviary knowing full well there were many cats already living in the neighbourhood, not just Ms Anaya’s.”

“So what?” Portia replied belligerently. “This is a free country. I’ve got the right to live where I want.” She scowled and said maliciously, “I hate cats. They stress my birds. Some of them get anxiety and pull their feathers out! It was all Tara’s fault, nobody should be allowed to have that many cats! They’re a menace. I hope they all get put down.”

Lucifer sighed. He really didn’t care, indeed he tended to agree with her as far as the verdict on cats went, but it was the principle of the thing. “Just out of curiosity, just how many birds do you have?”

“That’s none of your business,” she shot back rudely.

Lucifer’s sharp ears heard Ella quietly cough  _ hypocrite _ from inside the house. He raised an eyebrow at the old woman and replied, “There’s enough for the Ark I’d wager, judging by the ear-splitting racket coming from your back garden.” 

The birds were indeed noisy; there were constant whistles and screeches as the birds fought each other for perch space and squabbled for food in the overcrowded aviary. The old woman’s chin jutted stubbornly.

“It’s a free country. I’m a breeder and it’s my right. I shouldn’t have to change my life just because somebody wants me to!”

And yet she’d demanded Tara do exactly that. Chloe felt a swell of sympathy for the victim, having had to put up with this selfish, spiteful woman. “Tara also claimed you planted your garden full of lilies which are highly toxic to felines-”

“It’s my garden. I can do what I want with it.”

Chloe ignored the interruption, “- and  _ then _ a month ago Ms Anaya accused you of killing one of her cats with poison.”

“Wasn’t me.”

Lucifer finally lost patience. He retorted, “Wasn’t it?” He fixed a dark glare on the old harridan’s watery blue eyes.

Portia turned an irritated frown on Lucifer and was about to double down on her answer but when her eyes met the tall foreigner’s she felt a strange feeling wash over her. She was pleased with herself for what she’d done, and for some reason she wanted this man to know it. 

She smiled nastily. “Yeah, it was.”

Lucifer nodded, not at all surprised, and smiled coldly. “And then that wasn’t enough, was it? Tara still wouldn’t accede to your demands, so you decided to get rid of her too, didn’t you...”

Ella observed silently, off to the side in the doorway behind them. She watched Lucifer in fascination; she’d heard the precinct gossip about his unusual party trick and more stories from Dan on Friday night, but this was the first time she’d actually seen it for herself. 

She hadn’t seen him do anything conspicuous at the bar the other night; not to the perv who’d run out of the bar screaming, and not to any of the couple hundred people who’d gone nuts and nearly started a riot shortly afterward. She’d been really pissed at Dan when he’d jumped straight to blaming Lucifer, as usual, when he didn’t seem to have done anything at all.

Then again, she’d seen plenty of hypnotists in Vegas, but what Lucifer was doing now was nothing like that. There was no snapping of fingers or hands pressed to foreheads or anything flashy, just his oddly magnetic, unblinking gaze and deep, beguiling voice.

The suspect shook her head slightly, looking a bit dazed, and answered, “I tried. Harassed her, threatened her, poisoned her cat; none of it worked.”

Lucifer finished triumphantly, “... And so you killed her!”

The woman started, then blinked. “Are you off your rocker? I wouldn’t kill a person!”

Lucifer stared at her for a moment, then turned to Chloe and shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

Chloe nodded her thanks and asked Portia, “Do you know of anyone else who might hold a grudge against her? Does her ex-husband come by? Any former business associates?”

“I see the ex occasionally, and the son. In his thirties and still an entitled brat if you ask me. But you’d be better off looking at all the musician types that come around here at all hours, drinking and off their faces on drugs, stomping all over my lawn. They’re just lucky none of ‘em ever tried breaking into  _ my _ house. I’ve got a gun and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Lucifer snickered at the mental image of this old battleaxe blasting away at trespassers with a hand cannon. He muttered, “ _ Not on my watch!” _

Chloe elbowed him.

“Did you see or hear anything unusual last night? Say between 9 and 10pm?”

Portia squinted thoughtfully. “Now you mention it, I did hear tyres squealing round about the time I was going to bed. A bit after nine thirty? I went to look out the window but by the time I got there the car was speeding off up the street.”

“What colour was it?”

“I don’t know… it was dark out!” the old woman said tetchily. “My eyes aren't what they used to be.”

Lucifer retorted impatiently, “What did they used to be then? Ears?”

Chloe threw him a quelling look and thanked the woman for her help. And then while Chloe went to talk to the unis who’d canvassed the neighbourhood Lucifer disappeared back inside to pester Ella.

\------------------

“So, Miss Lopez, tell me; what did you  _ really _ get up to last Friday night?” He perched on a nearby chair and leaned eagerly forward, elbows on knees and chin on hands, looking like a teenager gossiping at a sleepover.

Ella, dusting for prints on the jimmied door, tried for ingenuous. “Huh?”

“Come now, you can tell me. You must have had something special planned, you’re not the sort to beg off on a big night out unless you already had something lined up. What was it - booty call?”

Ella shook her head.  _ I wish. _ “Nah, I just… I hung out with my brother Ricky. Just talking, bonding, doing family stuff, that kinda thing...”  _ Street racing, getting high, keeping Ricky from getting beat up, that kinda thing too... _

Lucifer looked a little disappointed and sat back on the chair, elegantly crossing his long legs. “Oh. Well, you could’ve had your brother join us, you know, I wouldn’t have minded. The penthouse is always ready for guests, and the more the merrier, as they say.”

Ella smiled. “Aw that’s so sweet. Maybe next time?”

Lucifer nodded. “Definitely.” Then a gleeful look came over his face. “I can only imagine the dirt Ricksta has on you. I’ve already learned from Maze that you used to pinch cars - the mind boggles as to what else you might be holding out on us.” 

Ella forced a smile. She didn’t mind everyone knowing about the cars thing, or even the sketchy stuff she did with Ricky, it was the  _ really _ freaky stuff from back home that she didn’t want coming out. And Ricky couldn’t keep his big mouth shut at the best of times, never mind when he’d had a few drinks. She decided to change the subject.

“Speaking of brothers I’ve been meaning to ask, the fight with Amenadiel the other night looked pretty intense. You okay?”

Lucifer blinked and gave her a perplexed look. “Yes, of course.” Then he chuckled. “As far as brotherly bust-ups go, that one didn’t even rate in the top hundred.”

Ella nodded sympathetically. “I hear ya. Big families can be tough. And big brothers can be jerks.”

Lucifer snorted. “That’s putting it mildly.”

“I have THREE. Plus Ricky who always  _ acted _ like he was older than me. And we all fight all the time. They always think they know what's best for me, especially my oldest brother Jay. He’s the ‘good’ one.”

Lucifer’s jaw visibly tightened and Ella figured that's probably what the fight had been about. She went on, “Which really ticks me off but they only do it 'cos they care about me." Then she amended, "Well, sometimes it's just because they're dicks, but hey. You can't choose your family. But you can tell them to take a hike when necessary."

Lucifer grunted, remembering Michael’s reaction to his rebellion. “I tried that, and the bastard chucked me in Hell.”

Ella hummed sympathetically but rolled her eyes a little at his drama. She went on, “Are you gonna let Amenadiel off the hook? He seemed pretty sorry about whatever it was he did.”

Lucifer made another noncommittal noise. He didn’t want to talk about it. He pointed at a guitar hung on a peg on the wall among numerous other instruments. “Finished with that?”

Ella nodded. “Yep. Why?”

“I’m in need of something to do.” Lucifer took it off the peg and plucked a few strings, checking it was in tune, then started lightly strumming. A few seconds later Chloe stuck her head in from the garden. 

“Lucifer, what are you doing? That could be evidence!”

Lucifer merely raised an imperious finger then swept his arm at Ella with an expectant flourish.

Ella smiled. “He checked with me first, Chlo’. It’s fine.”

“Oh. Okay. Good.” Chloe thought she detected a touch of smugness in Lucifer’s grin. “Alright then, sorry.” The Detective headed back to what she was doing and Lucifer played a few chords. Then, to Ella’s surprise, he started playing a tune and singing quietly along.

_ “Crime solving De-vil, it makes sense. Don’t overthink it…” _

Lucifer noticed Ella staring and said, “What? It’s a work in progress. I’m writing the Detective and I a theme song.” He continued playing and singing quietly and Ella groaned under her breath. “You play guitar too? Ugh seriously dude, what  _ can’t _ you do? You make me sick.” She mock-stuck her finger down her throat but changed it to scratching her chin when Lucifer glanced up. 

Then she pointed at the large harp that dominated the floor by the window seat and said playfully, “I would’ve thought  _ that _ would be more your speed though, what with being an ANGEL and all.” She threw him a sly grin.

Lucifer gave the harp, and her, a dirty look. “Wrong on both counts, Miss Lopez.” 

_ Hmm. First chink in his armour? _ How could their Lucifer not know the actual Lucifer was supposed to be a fallen angel?

Lucifer went on, “I identify as  _ Devil _ , not angel, and haven’t done since I got kicked out of Heaven. It’s why I changed my name. And the whole concept of angels and harps and halos and so on is all utter bollocks anyway. Fit only for stained glass windows and cheesy Christmas ornaments.” He returned his attention to the guitar and resumed plucking out the melody. “I prefer piano and guitar, they’re much more fun. Not to mention you’re far more likely to get laid, not that I need any help in that department.”

Ella smiled and shook her head. He got her again! He always had his own interpretation of religious lore, and he was so damn good at it. And quick! He was as good as the players on  _ Whose Line Is It Anyway. _

They worked in companionable silence for a while, with only the soft rustling of Ella’s fingerprint brush and Lucifer’s quiet playing as accompaniment. Then Ella carried on their conversation as if they hadn’t even stopped.

“Speaking of representation, have you seen  _ Bedazzled _ ?”

Lucifer had only been half listening, lightly strumming, but stopped abruptly. “What’s that? You got vajazzled?” Then he smiled approvingly. “You’ll be off to Mass in your Sunday best on the weekend then.”

Ella snorted with amusement. “No, no, that’s just your dirty mind.  _ BEdazzled _ , you perv. The sixties movie with Peter Cook and Dudley Moore?”

“Ah yes - and the lovely Raquel. Yes I’ve seen it.” Lucifer went back to playing.

“Well?” Ella prompted. “What did you think of it?”

“Cook’s is one of the few portrayals of me that I actually approve of; very classy. All the ‘sell your soul’ stuff is rubbish, of course, but I got a laugh out of it. I quite liked the remake too, and thought Liz Hurley made a suitably hot me.”

“What were some of your other influences?”

“Influences?”

“Yeah, you know, when you were working out your characterisation.”

Lucifer again stopped playing, crossing his wrists in a relaxed pose on top of the guitar but a half-amused, half-exasperated look on his face. “Miss Lopez, I think you’d be better off asking the Church where they got  _ their _ characterisation of me. I’m barely mentioned in the Bible, and yet religious art is obsessed with giving me goat horns, bat wings, forked tails and so on. It’s not me, it’s  _ them _ .” He made a face. “Aside from the obvious anti-pagan propaganda, what’s with all these repressed religious types and their human-beast hybrid fetishes? Big red flag if you ask me.”

Ella was about to suggest angels were technically hybrids too when Chloe came back.

“Hey Mr Short Attention Span. Wanna get off your ass and come help me?”

“And do what, exactly, Detective? The old bat from next door has already been dealt with and we’re still waiting for the noxious heir to get here.”

“Well, I have an idea,” she said, beckoning to him. With a sigh he hung the guitar back on the peg and followed her down the other end of the house out of Ella’s earshot, where Josie the cat sat watching them from a couch.

Chloe took a deep breath and tried to stay matter-of-fact about this. Maintain her professionalism, even in the face of the utter insanity that was her life now. 

“Would you mind questioning our witness?”

Lucifer looked mystified. “What witness? There wasn’t anyone here besides the cat.”

Chloe’s eyebrows went up meaningfully. Lucifer waited expectantly for a few moments, then the penny dropped, and by the appalled expression on his face he looked like he’d accidentally stepped in the litter box. He pointed at the feline sitting placidly on the couch next to them.

“You want me to interrogate _ the CAT _ ?” he hissed.

Chloe shrugged. “Sure. Why not? Maybe she saw something.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Detective please.”

“I’m serious. Just last week you told me you can talk to dogs!”

Lucifer looked at the cat, who gazed serenely back at him, then abruptly flung a hind leg in the air and started energetically licking her ass. Chloe clenched her teeth, willing her face to stay neutral. 

“Oh that’s a  _ great _ idea,” Lucifer retorted sarcastically, watching the cat’s ablutions with distaste. “Shouldn’t we call her lawyer first?”

“Ha, ha, very funny. Come on.”

“I despise cats. The furry, sociopathic little b…”

“I’d have thought you’d love cats! You’ve got a lot in common with them.”

“What?” Lucifer was outraged. “Don’t be preposterous!”

“Well let’s see,” Chloe ticked a list off her fingers. “You’re all individualistic, impulsive, unpredictable, don’t like being told what to do, are super fussy with the grooming, love the catnip… plus, you know, you’re a bit of a tomcat yourself, maybe she’ll take a shine to you.” 

_ Not to mention _ , thought Chloe to herself,  _ you’re wilful little shits with a rebellious streak a mile wide. _ She smiled as winningly as she knew how to.

Lucifer gave the cat a disdainful look. “Uh,  _ NO _ . Detective, of all of Father’s creatures who could potentially help with our investigations, I would rate felines somewhere level with a troop of poo-flinging monkeys. They typically don’t give a rat’s arse about  anything besides their own comfort, and are notoriously hard to engage.”

She tried appealing to his vanity. “But you’re the Devil. Surely you can handle one cute little puss… er, kitty?” She closed her eyes; she knew it was already too late.

And sure enough, she heard the smirk in his voice as he replied, “Well, pussy wrangling, Detective, that’s a whole new kettle of fish-”

Chloe cut him off with a raised hand. “I know, poor choice of words.” She looked up at him earnestly. “We’ve got a job to do, and I just want to use every tool at my disposal-” He grinned and opened his mouth to say something else but she shook her head and made hasty cutting motions with her hands.

“Every SKILL! I meant skill.” 

Lucifer chuckled in amusement. He loved winding her up.

Chloe smiled hopefully. “So you’ll do it then?”

The smile abruptly fell from Lucifer’s face and he fixed Chloe with a long-suffering look. “Detective, as overjoyed as I am that you finally know the truth about me and are okay with it, I must say that I’m coming to the realisation that your previous ignorance was in many ways bliss. You have been typically, annoyingly pragmatic about the whole  _ Devil _ thing; we did your damn pincushion test, I lifted the back of your car, I exploded your spawn’s popcorn from across the room, but here is where I draw the line. I do not get chummy with CATS!” 

Chloe had to admit Lucifer had been extremely forbearing when it came to her curiosity about him. They’d spent much of their spare time the previous weekend indulging it, after all. Most of her experimentation had been for entirely practical reasons, however, as there were certain things that she  _ needed _ to know now that she knew the truth. For example, the first thing she’d tested was the perimeter of his vulnerability around her. 

Their method hadn’t been particularly sophisticated; she’d simply set up Maze with a pin and a stopwatch while Chloe had sprinted off as fast as she could with Lucifer on the phone. She heard his mildly annoyed ‘ _ ow… ow… ow _ ’s until just under the half minute mark, when Maze’s barked ‘stop!’ had come across her earpiece. Distance wise they were looking at about the length of a football field, one hundred twenty yards or thereabouts. A hundred metre dash, just enough to start getting a stitch. So starting this week she’d added sprints to her workout routine, just in case.

And yes, she’d asked him to deadlift the back of her car to get an idea of his strength, and he’d done it despite complaining about her needing to wash it and the obligatory commentary about doing it from behind, tailpipes and being exhausted. 

And the popcorn thing, well, that was just really cool, and  _ fun _ ; Trixie hadn’t had a clue!

Maybe she  _ was _ asking too much of him now. But she couldn’t in good conscience ignore a possible lead, no matter how unconventional. And let’s face it, her investigative style had started leaning towards the unconventional from the moment they’d started working together. It was worth a shot.

“I’m not asking you to adopt the thing, just ask her a few questions. If it doesn’t work out that’s fine, I just want to make sure we cover all bases.” She gazed imploringly up at him. “ _ Please? _ ”

Lucifer glared rebelliously at her for several long seconds, then found his resolve slipping. It was all the fault of those bewitching  _ anime _ eyes of hers; it was so very hard to say no to her when she looked up at him like that. He noted distractedly that the gorgeous orbs in question were more green than blue today… probably due to the highly- modest- yet- still- astonishingly- sexy emerald silk shirt she was wearing. He forced those thoughts away and frowned, a decidedly unimpressed look on his face. But capitulated. 

“Oh all right,” he harrumphed. Then added churlishly, “But this really is beyond the pale, Detective.”

“Thank you, Lucifer,” Chloe said with feeling, and a beautiful smile. Satan’s insides abruptly turned all warm and fluttery. 

Chloe added, “Just let’s keep this between us, okay?” She glanced down at the cat. “And stay in here. It’s best we don’t let anyone get wind of what you’re doing.”

Lucifer shuddered and smoothed his jacket. “Don’t worry about that, Detective. The last thing I want is for people to find out about this.”

\------------------------

“Where were you when your human was killed?”

Blink.

“Do you know who did it? Could you pick them out of a line-up?”

Yawn.

“Did your human fight with anyone? Did she have any enemies?”

Another blink, followed by an impudent ear flick.

He was asking all of the Detective’s boring questions but as expected, the cat was stonewalling him. Well, he’d said he’d try, and he’d tried. He turned to leave. Suddenly a plaintive little voice rose behind him.

_ Where did Mother go? Why wouldn’t she wake up? _

_ Drat it. So close. _ He resignedly turned back to Josie and replied, “They took her away. And she isn’t asleep, I’m afraid, she’s dead. She isn’t going to wake up. She’s gone somewhere else.”

_ But I don’t want her to be gone, _ Josie replied peevishly.

“Well, that’s too bad. It’s just the way things are now.”

The cat grumbled softly and started sharpening her claws on the arm of the couch.

Lucifer sighed. He really didn’t need this witness to be any more hostile. He went on in a slightly more conciliatory tone, “Look, I’m sorry your human’s gone but there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

The cat sat down on her haunches and flicked her tail primly around her feet again.

_ I want to go to where she is,  _ she said firmly.

“That’s not up to me either. If she’s with Dad, try to be slightly less annoying and they might let you in when your time comes. Your… ‘mother’ will be happy to see you again, I’m sure.”  _ Although I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea WHY,  _ Lucifer thought.

He decided to give it one last shot for the Detective’s sake and said cajolingly, “So, will you answer my questions? We want to make sure the person who did this is caught and punished.”

_ Why? _

“Because they deserve it.” 

The cat looked unimpressed.

Lucifer added reluctantly, “If you do this for the Detective then I’m sure I can do something for you in return.”

_ Alright. _

Lucifer waited expectantly. “Well, what do you want?”

_ I want Mother. _ The cat let out a long, mournful  _ mrowwwwwwww _ . It set Lucifer’s teeth on edge.

“You really do have a one-track mind, don’t you?” he said impatiently. “ _ Aside _ from that.”

Josie promptly scooted towards him, sniffing the air and leaning right over the edge of the couch, only by some unholy skill of feline levitation managing to not fall off.

_ I want to sit.  _

Lucifer gulped. “What, on  _ me _ ?”

_ Yes. _

Lucifer subconsciously backed up a step.  _ No.  _ Hell _ no. _

“Uh, how about some yummy fresh tuna? Or… an entire salmon! With roe of course, only the best, as much as you like. Or how about a…a...” Lucifer cast around desperately trying to think of what else a cat might desire. “Some new toys, perhaps? A personal assistant? Your own apartment? Really, you could do much better!”

_ No. I want to sit.  _ Josie meowed again, in an insistent and quite demanding fashion. Lucifer’s heart sank.  _ The things I do for you, Detective _ , he huffed, thinking he’d really rather get shot again.

“Very well. If I must…” He gingerly sat down on the couch next to the cat, who was up in his lap like a shot. She then started walking in a circle kneading his thighs, stomach and crotch, the forward little hussy. A loud rumbling started up deep in her chest and she slow blinked up at him.

_ I like you. You’re really warm. _

Lucifer sat rigidly with his hands by his sides, a look of resignation on his face. How long would he have to do this?

Josie looked up at him and miaowed.  _ Pet me,  _ she demanded.

Lucifer stared back at her. “I beg your pardon?”

_ Cuddle me. Mother always cuddles me when I sit. _

“No! I’m not your mother, you hairy little extortionist!”

Josie’s plush black tail promptly swatted Lucifer in the face as she hopped off his lap and pointedly went to sit at the far end of the couch with her back to him.

Lucifer blinked in annoyance but couldn’t help also being a little impressed; his hellhounds would never dare try a power play like that. Outwardly sweet and harmless Josie was Machiavelli in disguise.

_ For fuck’s sake. _ He flung his head back, conceding defeat. “ _ Argh! _ Very well, you devious little bugger. Come here.”

She leisurely licked herself a few times before deigning to return to his lap, pushing her head into his palm, then primping her cheek, neck and arched back along his hand. Then she turned around and did it again. Lucifer scritched her cheek as he’d seen Ella do and Josie started alternating pressing on him repeatedly with her paws again like she was kneading dough. What on Earth was she doing? He suddenly noticed she also had her claws out...  _ on his fifth best Italian wool suit…! _

“Hey! Stop that! You’re pulling the threads out!” he yelped.

Josie stopped, did a couple more rotations in his lap, then started up again in a different spot. Lucifer groaned. Another suit ruined. Dad damn it!

She also started sniffing and lightly licking his trousers and shirt, snuffling around like she was looking for something.

“What  _ are _ you doing, cat?”

_ You smell nice. Tasty. _

Lucifer frowned. Perhaps the furry little assassin had sniffed out his feathers. Talk about adding insult to insult, being mistaken for prey. 

“Well, no biting. Try to take a chunk out of me and the deal’s off. Besides which you’ll be going through the window.”

_ Okay _ . Josie stretched languorously, then flopped down on her side across his lap. __

Now that he’d resigned himself to doing it, petting the cat wasn’t completely awful. There was something about her soft warm fur and the deep purr emanating from her that was oddly calming, almost soporific, like the muted rumble of the Corvette’s engine. Then Lucifer glanced down at his leg and shuddered.  _ Ugh, if only she’d stop drooling and shedding on me… _

“So are you ready to talk?”

_ Yes _ .

“Right. As I was saying, where were you when your human was killed?”

_ Hiding in the hallway. _

Lucifer groaned inwardly. Was all of this going to be for nothing?

Dreading the answer, he asked, “Did you happen to see who did it?”

_ Yes. Her human son. _

Lucifer blinked. That was easy. “Sebastian?”

_ Yes. _

“What happened?”

_ I was with Mother when he came to see her, and they talked, and he got very angry. He hit her with something and she fell down, and I ran away. He kept attacking her and screaming at her, and only stopped when Pudding jumped on him. _

Lucifer stopped petting Josie, tilting his head in confusion. “I’m sorry, did you say ‘pudding jumped on him’?”

_ Yes. He’s my brother. _

Lucifer rolled his eyes. Some other cat must be named ‘Pudding’. Because of course he was. “What did he do?”

Josie realised that Lucifer had stopped petting her. She got up and batted at his hand with her paw, then reared up and bunted his chin with her head. Lucifer flinched backwards in surprise.

_ Don’t stop _ , said Josie insistently.

Oh, for…! Lucifer made an irritated noise and pettishly resumed stroking her, and the cat settled contentedly back down on her haunches. When her rumbling purrs started up again he urged impatiently, “Well?”

_ Pudding jumped off the back of the couch onto Bas’ neck, then clawed him and bit him and told him to leave her alone. Bas stopped hitting Mother and started hitting Pudding instead, then threw him on the floor and kicked him into the garden. _

Lucifer was speechless. A  _ cat _ had defended a human? And quite ferociously, by the sounds of it.

“I see. And where is-” Lucifer stopped, flinching at a presence at his back. He turned in his seat and saw another three cats, two tortoiseshells and a colourpoint Burmese, walking along the top of the couch towards him, eyeing him with interest.

“Piss off,” he said crossly.

_ You smell nice,  _ they chorused.

“Don’t even think about it.” Lucifer grabbed a nearby cushion and used it to push them off the couch. But a moment later they jumped back up again. He groaned in annoyance; it was times like this that he  _ really _ missed his Devil face. He decided it would be best to just ignore them and get this over with as quickly as possible.

“Right,” he said, returning his attention to Josie, “Where’s this-”

“Lucifer!” A voice suddenly came from the doorway across the room. A human, male, and all-too familiar voice. The Douche.

Shit.

He turned to Dan with a forced casual air and in a clipped tone replied, “Yes?”

“What the Hell, man? You should be helping Chloe, not screwing around!”

Lucifer frowned, then scowled even more when he felt one of the cats behind him plant its paws between his shoulder blades and start kneading. He snapped impatiently, “Go away Daniel, I’m working!”

“Like Hell you are!” Dan seemed about to launch into a douchey tirade when they both heard Chloe call out from the other end of the house. 

“Hey Dan? You got a minute?” 

Dan threw Lucifer another pissy look. “Not cool.” But he thankfully left, no doubt to go and whinge to the Detective. Sending her a silent thanks for the backup Lucifer pushed back against the couch to dislodge the cat’s claws. The cat did get off him, but also booped him in the back of the head with its face, purring like an idling lawnmower. Lucifer growled deep in his chest and the cat backed off a little.

He turned back to Josie and asked doggedly, “So where’s this brother of yours now, then?”

_ I haven’t seen him since last night. He’s probably hiding in the garden. I think he’s hurt. _

“Understood. Is there anything else-  _ Judas Priest! _ ” Lucifer recoiled in horror as the long-haired Burmese brushed itself along the back of his head and a clump of cat hair settled  _ on his face _ . Then when he tried to get it off, Josie realised that he’d again stopped patting her and as a mild reproach dug her claws lightly into his leg.

_ Don’t stop. _

Lucifer gritted his teeth and carried on. Nearly done...

“Is there anything else you can tell me about what happened?”

_ Just that Bas threw some things around, broke the door, and went upstairs before he left. _

Lucifer nodded in satisfaction. As per their theory, to make it look like a burglary. He abruptly stood up, unceremoniously tipping Josie off his lap. 

“Annnd we’re done.”

Josie grumbled in protest, but Lucifer was already sidling away from her and heading for the door. He wiped his face, sputtering, trying to remove cat hairs from his mouth, but only succeeded in getting more in there. The infernal stuff was everywhere, it seemed to be bloody  _ glued  _ on! 

Meanwhile, all four cats clustered around his ankles as he walked, seemingly trying to trip him up, and getting even more hair on his trousers. 

_ I want a cuddle,  _ they meowed piteously.

“No! Rack off!” Lucifer snapped, then ducked quickly out the side door into the garden, slamming the door in their faces. 

\------------------

Safely outside the door he breathed a sigh of relief. What an ordeal!

He tried for a full five minutes to get the fur off himself to no avail, so he finally gave up and dug out his silver tobacco case. Halfway through a calming cigarette he closed his eyes and reached out with his senses into the surrounding garden. 

He soon located the cat hiding under a large glossy-leaved bush and wandered casually over, mindful of the uniforms who peppered the grounds. 

After a few moments he whispered at the bush, “I know you’re in there, cat. Are you…” he rolled his eyes skyward and gave a long-suffering sigh. “...‘Pudding’?”

Distrustful growl.  _ Who wants to know? _

“I’m an... acquaintance of Josie’s,” Lucifer replied, ignoring the curious looks he was getting from the unis over by the driveway. He had a thought that an earpiece like the one that the Detective used would come in very handy right about now. He continued, pointedly not looking at the cat.

“Josie tells me you fought off Sebastian.” Lucifer blew a lungful of smoke into the air. “Good for you.”

Pudding hissed.  _ I hate him. _

Lucifer smiled. “Would you be interested in getting another pound of flesh?”

_ How? _

The cat cautiously stepped out from under the bush; he was a big bugger. Orange and light grey for the most part, with green-gold eyes and a fluffy white ruff speckled with brown stains. There was a similar discolouration around his muzzle and forepaws - dried blood? 

One ear had a large nick in it plus there was an old scar across his nose. And going by what Josie had said he could be nursing new bruises and possibly cracked ribs from Sebastian’s kicks. Lucifer felt a grudging respect for the cat; he was a scrapper, alright, and must’ve really given old Sebastian what for. 

He was about to ask him if he’d be willing to submit to Miss Lopez’ ministrations when the Detective came striding across the garden.

“Sorry about Dan, he got away from me for a second. Any luck with Josie?” She spotted the cat lurking beside the bush and looked hopefully up at Lucifer, then did a double take when she noticed the cat hair that liberally coated his dark jacket.

“What happened?”

Lucifer glared at her. “We made a deal.” He ground his cigarette under his shoe and tried, again unsuccessfully, to brush himself off, cursing under his breath. “It was a bloody nightmare but believe it or not your outrageous suggestion did produce another witness.” He pointed to the cat in the garden. “Detective, meet Pudding.” He muttered disgustedly under his breath, “ _ Pudding,  _ for goodness’ sake! If you’re going to name an orange cat after food at least ‘Marmalade’ makes a little more sense…”

Chloe looked down at the cat, then back up at her partner. “Okay, so did either of them give us a lead?”

“Better than that, they gave us the killer.”

Chloe blinked. “Really? Who was it?”

“The victim’s malevolent offspring.”

“Sebastian? I just talked to him. He arrived while you were interviewing the… um...witness.” She couldn’t say it;  _ while you were interviewing the cat. _

“What did he have to say for himself?” said Lucifer.

“Oh he was suitably upset, said he hadn’t seen his mother for over a week, he couldn’t believe this was happening, the usual.”

Lucifer tutted disapprovingly. “The big fibber. Did you happen to notice any scratches on his neck?”

“I did actually. Pretty nasty-looking. He said they were from rose bushes.”

“Rubbish,” Lucifer declared, then indicated Pudding with a flourish. “Pudding here fought him off. By the look of him it was quite a bloodbath.”

Chloe looked down at the cat, who despite his bloodied state was gazing placidly around the garden.

“Nice. I’ll get Ella on it.” The lab tech tested fingernail scrapings and blood spatter for DNA evidence all the time; so what if it was from a cat?

Lucifer added, “He might need a vet as well. I’m told Sebastard kicked him.” He pulled out his flask and took a sip. “So do we have a motive? What was he so pissed off at his mum for?”

“When I spoke to her lawyer earlier he mentioned he’d got an email from Tara last week saying she wanted to update her will. She was thinking about leaving the bulk of her estate to… get this… a cat sanctuary in Atwater Village.”

Lucifer nodded knowingly. “That’d do it. So Sebastian believed he was about to get shafted. By cats, no less.”

Chloe nodded. “Maybe if you mojo him he’ll let something slip.”

Lucifer made a doubtful noise. “Asking him what he desires won’t do any good; he’s got it. He’s hardly going to admit to anything now.”

“Well, his blood on the cat would tie him to the scene, but there’s no way of proving the scratches happened during the murder.”

Lucifer’s head tilted thoughtfully. “He doesn’t know that.”

“True,” Chloe replied. “And the freshness of the injuries coupled with him lying about seeing his mom should help us get warrants for his house and car. But they won’t come through until tomorrow.”

“Excellent.” Lucifer abruptly clapped his hands together and turned to go. “In that case Detective, if you don’t need me anymore I’ll be off.”

Chloe fell into step beside him as he started hurrying toward the Corvette parked at the end of the driveway. She had to double time it to keep up with him. 

“What’s the emergency?”

“I require an immediate shower and a change of clothes.”

Chloe shook her head at his fussiness. “It’s no biggie, let me get a damp cloth or some sticky tape and I’ll get the hair off. It’s the least I can do after you took one for the team. You don’t need to take a shower.”

Lucifer gave her a wounded look. “I most certainly DO, Detective, Josie  _ drooled _ on me!”

Chloe shrugged. “So what if you got a bit of cat slobber on you? You’ve had heaps worse.”

Lucifer was poised to retort but suddenly sensed something behind them. He threw a quick glance backwards and blanched. “Oh bloody Hell…” 

They’d found him. 

He quickened his pace until he was practically sprinting the last dozen yards to the car, and Chloe and the other cops at the scene were taken aback to see several cats including Josie chasing after their consultant like he was the Pied Piper of Hamelin. They reached their target and circled his ankles, weaving between his legs and meowing insistently.

_ I want a cuddle. Give me a cuddle. _

“Oh for goodness’ sake!” Lucifer said in exasperation, trying to maneuver around them so they couldn’t get any more hair on his trousers. “Will you furry little bastards leave me  _ alone! _ ”

Ella stopped beside Chloe and watched the goings-on in bemusement. “What’s going on?”

Chloe unsuccessfully stifled a giggle. “Lucifer’s made some new friends.”

Ella just stared. The cats were going nuts. What the-?

Meanwhile, Lucifer had managed to reach the Corvette, and he flapped impatiently at the felines milling around him. “Bugger off! This was not part of the deal!”

In too much of a hurry to even open the door, he sat on the side of the car and swung his long legs in, dropping smoothly into the driver’s seat. The cats promptly hopped up and over into the bucket seat beside him, all clamouring to sit in his lap. 

He used his elbows to fend them off. “Get out of my car!” he blustered. “You’ll scratch the upholstery!” 

Lucifer gingerly picked up the Burmese and dropped it out of the car. “ _ Out! _ ” It jumped straight back up. Lucifer gave up and groped in his pocket for his keys. “Rack off, the lot of you, before I peel out of here with you all wedged in my tyres!”

Dan walked up to stand beside Ella and Chloe as well, a mystified look on his face.

“What-”

There was a sudden ear-shattering roar as Lucifer revved the Corvette’s V8 to redline. As one, the cats all exploded from the car, fur standing on end, and scattered to every corner of the garden like furry shrapnel. A moment later gravel spat from under the tyres and the car roared away down the driveway towards the gates in a cloud of dust.

Once Lucifer was safely out of sight Chloe bent over, hands on her knees, laughing so hard she had tears coming out of her eyes. She tried valiantly not to, but she just couldn’t help it. The Lord of Hell had been sent packing not by homicidal snipers, bombers or knife-wielding lunatics, but a posse of overly affectionate kitties. She wheezed for breath and tried to stifle her mirth but succeeded only in making loud snorting noises.

Meanwhile, Ella and Dan just looked at each other. What had just happened? 

Dan shrugged and headed back into the house while Ella watched Chloe, laughing fit to bust at yet another inexplicable Lucifer moment.  _ Chloe really can’t see how weird that was? _

By the time most of the dust from Lucifer’s departure had settled Chloe had finally gotten herself under control. “Oh, jeez. Sorry Lucifer. Oh my God, I am so gonna pay for that.” She’d try to make it up to him somehow, but she had a feeling even a year’s worth of dinners wasn’t going to cut it. But then again, a little harmless payback after all the shit he’d put her through over the past couple of  months did feel kinda satisfying.

She looked over at Ella, who was staring thoughtfully into space. Then the lab tech turned to her and pondered aloud, “Ever consider the possibility that Lucifer is an alien?”

Chloe covered her astonishment with a slightly too-loud chuckle and answered jokingly, “Well, he definitely isn’t from around here, and you know how the current administration feels about immigrants…”

Ella didn’t notice her discomfiture. “Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s awesome to work with someone who’s even weirder than you are which  _ believe me _ is no easy thing, but I just wonder what it takes to really get to know the guy. You know, to get past all the devil persona and the mentalist stuff. And he can even charm cats. He told me he hated them. Does he, like, keep catnip in his pockets or something?”

“Well he smokes everything else, I wouldn’t be surprised,” said Chloe dryly.

Ella gave a distracted little huff of amusement, but turned to gaze down the driveway, her expression thoughtful.

Chloe wondered if maybe she should try to derail this train of thought. Or maybe just ignore it. Or tease Ella? What would Lucifer do? Actually... that was not helpful.

“What else is there to know? He’s… just… Lucifer. Zero filter, zero inhibitions, a live- and- let- live kinda guy unless somebody gets hurt. Then he’s all about making sure justice gets served. It’s why he works with us.”

Ella laughingly replied, “God only knows why that guy does any of the things he does, Decker.”

Chloe hummed vaguely.  _ True. Though I’m not sure even Lucifer knows sometimes, never mind his dad. _

“That’s just him. He sees things differently to most people and he keeps a lot of things to himself. But he’s always been totally honest with us about who he is.”

Ella rolled her eyes at her. “Come on dude. He tells everybody he’s Satan!”

“I mean just  _ how _ he is. The person he is, even if he insists on the whole Devil thing.  Even taking into consideration the sometimes sketchy stuff he’s into; he always does what he feels is right. And he’s honest.” 

Chloe smiled fondly and shook her head, then kept on talking, seemingly thinking out loud. “And  _ really _ sweet. ...Insensitive, damaged, completely clueless about feelings, half the time totally selfish and the other half totally self _ less _ , obsessive, passionate, prone to running headfirst into things, always so damn sure he’s right and never just friggin’  _ listening _ for once…” Chloe realised she was rambling and stopped, to see Ella watching her intently.

Ella said slowly, “Did… something happen between you two?”

Chloe mentally shook herself. “Huh? No…? No. ‘Course not.” But even she heard the uncertainty in her voice, and inevitably, Ella pounced, a huge smile on her face.

“It totally did! Oh my God! What happened?!” Then she sobered. “Don’t tell me; it happened after I left on Friday night, didn’t it?” She made an exasperated noise and smacked herself in the forehead. “ _ Dammit!  _ I can’t believe I missed it…”

Chloe had a sudden idea and bit her lip to keep a straight face. “It’s no big deal, we just slept together, that’s all.”

Ella practically screamed. “ _ What!? _ ” 

At Ella’s reaction Chloe’s poker face dissolved into giggles and she relented, hurriedly shaking her head. “I’m kidding! I mean we literally  _ slept _ slept together. Shared a bed. That’s it. Nothing happened, we just… cleared the air a bit. So hopefully he’ll be a little less secretive from now on.”

“Oh,” Ella replied, then laughed and whacked Chloe in the arm. “Damn girl you really got me!”

Chloe chuckled evilly. It seemed Lucifer was rubbing off on her more and more these days.

“So has he actually told you the truth about who he used to be?”

Chloe chose her words carefully. “Lucifer’s always been honest with me about the kind of person he is, and his past.”

Ella eyed her. “Did he happen to confess to being James Bond in a former life?”

Chloe laughed. “No.”

Ella frowned thoughtfully. “Huh. That would’ve been my bet.” She threw Chloe a hopeful look. “Anything that you can tell your best girl bud?”

Chloe reached out and patted Ella sympathetically on the arm. “Nothing that he hasn’t already told you, sorry.” 

Ella’s groaned theatrically, then giggled. “He drives me nuts. I wanna know so bad! I’m glad he finally opened up to you, though.”

Chloe smiled happily back at her. “Me too.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Borrowed the name Ferris Mewler from (author, blogger, friend of Neil Gaiman and all round legend) Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess. Her other pets include the authorly-named Hunter S. Thomcat and Dorothy Barker, and a large, fake shop cat she named Terry Scratchett.  
> -A couple of names in this fic are shout outs to real life hero cats who have saved their humans' lives. You may have seen the security cam footage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckDVpihCPq8 of Tara the cat body-slamming and chasing off a dog that was attacking her 4 yo human, and Pudding was a brand new rescue who raised the alarm when her human was having a diabetic seizure. Plus a pudding reference in a Lucifer fic is kinda a no brainer, right?  
> \- Yes indeedy, Ella’s electron t shirt is the same one Peter Parker wore in Spider-Man Homecoming.  
> -Quite a bit of dialogue inspo came from a Tom and Aimee Facebook livestream that you can find on YouTube - Ella’s mock puke and complaining ‘what can’t you do’ about Lucifer's musical skills is one example :'D In the next chapter, another interview provided the line Lucifer says to Chloe that Ella ‘always has to know everything’... it’s what Tom said about Aimee :)  
> -There's quotes and grabs from 401 Everything’s Okay ('Dammit! I can't do it!'), 219 Candy Morningstar (the crime solving Devil song), 205 Weaponiser ('Not on my watch!), Let Pinhead Sing... can you spot them all?  
> -The ‘garrotted with a double bass string’ case isn’t from Lucifer canon, but is a shoutout to the Ioan Gruffudd show ‘Forever’, which our very own showrunner Ildy Modrovich worked on. The episode I referenced is called ‘6am’. Check it out, the show only got one season but fark it was a damn good one.  
> \- Lucifer jamming at a crime scene was inspired by Tom Ellis’ predilection for playing guitar between takes, and Aimee Garcia’s self-confessed ‘creeper’-filming him for her Instastories. We love your creeper ways, Aimee!  
> \- The bedazzled/vajazzled confusion is thanks to my sister mishearing something I said a while back and laying me out on the floor with laughter. :'D


	2. Furry Enforcer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another normal day at work for Chloe and Lucifer. They close a case, do some paperwork, and talk faith, punishment, choice ...and Ella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aka Pudding's Revenge.

_The following morning._

Chloe regarded the lineup coolly. “We’ve brought you all here because we’ve found an eyewitness to Ms Anaya’s murder. We believe this witness can positively ID the person responsible.”

Their expectant looks turned to surprise, then mistrust, as they glanced furtively at the people next to them. Brendan the ex-husband, Jane the gardener, Sebastian the son, Thaddeus the lawyer and a few others all known to the victim. One or two nodded hopefully, others looked confused, and one went visibly pale. 

The door opened and Lucifer walked in, a huge Maine Coone-looking cat at his heels. Lucifer gestured at the row of suspects and addressed the cat. “Right, Pudding. Which one of them was it?”

The lineup of people stared in disbelief, then looked at each other in more confusion. Someone sniggered. 

Sebastian fidgeted and asked nervously, “Is this some kind of joke?” Then flinched backward as the large orange tomcat started advancing on him, growling, ears flattened to his skull and bushy tail whipping angrily from side to side. The low growl suddenly rose in pitch to a hair-raising yowl as Pudding launched himself onto Sebastian’s right leg, sharp claws slicing through his pants deep into his flesh. 

“Holy shit!” yelled the ex-husband, and he and the others scattered, pushing and shoving each other to be the first out the door. 

Pudding paid them no attention, focused as he was on shredding Sebastian’s leg. Sebastian howled as the furious cat inched inexorably upwards, claws digging deep into his thigh like a bear scaling a tree, his fur standing on end like he’d had a shock from a power outlet. 

“Get it off get it _OFF_!” Sebastian yelled, trying desperately to unhook the cat.

Pudding hissed and resisted. _I hate you,_ he said with implacable loathing, sinking his teeth hard into his foe’s hand. Sebastian screeched.

Lucifer chuckled. “He certainly seems to have it in for you,” he remarked brightly. “Why is that, I wonder?”

The young man yelled, “I don’t know! It never liked me! OW! Do something or I’m gonna sue your ass for police brutality!”

“Pudding is a _cat_ , not a cop.” Lucifer replied smugly. “You can’t sue cats, even in California.”

Chloe added, “Animal control will be here shortly.” She casually dropped the folder in her hands onto the table and took a seat. “While we’re waiting,” Chloe went on, “Tell me again how you got those scratches on your neck?”

“Gardening!”

“Oh yes, that’s right,” Chloe smiled benignly, then added in a meaningful tone, “It’s just that forensics collected DNA from this cat’s claws at the crime scene, and we had yours on file from when you assaulted a young woman at college. It’s a match. I don’t suppose you’d know anything about that?”

“No!” Sebastian tried desperately to unwind the cat from his leg, but it was latched on like a limpet. A furry, hissing limpet with needle-like teeth and four sets of tiny razor blades for feet. And Sebastian only had two hands. He gritted his teeth, yowling in agony as the cat chewed on him.

“Either way it’s given us probable cause to check your home and car for evidence. We’re still looking for the murder weapon but you’re new at this so we’re pretty sure we’re gonna find it. In the meantime Pudding here wants to keep you company...”

As if on cue Pudding growled, his pupils so dilated his eyes were solid black, like a shark or some kind of soulless chimaera. Lucifer nodded in approval. Felines were definitely far more interesting than he’d given them credit for. 

There was a soft knock on the door. Ella stuck her head around it and silently handed Lucifer a sheet of paper, casting a wide-eyed glance at the scuffle in the corner. Lucifer glanced at the paper and passed it to Chloe, who scanned it and nodded. She placed it on the table and addressed Sebastian, raising her voice to be heard over his and the cat’s caterwauling.

“Forensics found traces of blood in your car, Sebastian. And I’m willing to bet at least some of it will match your mom’s.” Sebastian wailed and kept trying to prise Pudding’s claws out of his leg. The cat hissed, his ears flat on his skull, and attacked his hands with renewed fury, his tail whipping from side to side.

Chloe continued conversationally, “They’re searching your apartment as we speak. Just wondering; did you get rid of the stuff you stole to make it look like a robbery yet? Because if it’s still there we’re gonna-”

“All right!” Sebastian yelled, realising it was all over. “All _right_ ! She’d gone senile! She was going to give my inheritance away, blow it all on goddamned _cats_ ! She had no right, _I’m_ her son, _I_ deserve her estate, not a bunch of dirty animals she found on the street! She told me what she was planning to do and I just… lost it!” He screamed in pain and fury. “Now get this fucking thing off me!”

Lucifer and Chloe exchanged satisfied looks and Lucifer addressed their furry enforcer. “Alright, Puddie lad,” he said. “You can get off him now.”

Pudding didn’t budge. Instead his determined growl went up an octave and he seemed to embed himself even deeper. Sebastian howled as well. It almost sounded like they were doing a duet.

_No. He hurt Mother._

Lucifer looked at Chloe, then back at Sebastian, then sighed in mock chagrin and spread his hands in a _what can you do_ gesture.

 _“Cats!_ Am I right?”

\----------

Later, after Pudding had been escorted to his new home and Sebastian to the holding cells, Lucifer was surprised to realise he’d developed a grudging respect for the vindictive little furball. Large for a cat but still a mere fraction the size of a grown man, and with bruised ribs to boot, he’d torn strips off Sebastian and made him scream like a tweenage girl at a Bieber concert.

The cat certainly had a talent for inflicting pain that would serve him well as a torturer in Hell, and an almost demonic level of loyalty to boot. His ‘mum’ would no doubt have been quite chuffed seeing him take on Sebastian for her like that.

He stopped scrolling through his phone and regarded Chloe, who was, as usual, doing the paperwork.

“Perhaps I was wrong,” he said. 

Chloe didn’t even look up. “Probably. About what?”

“Maybe felines aren’t useless sponging layabouts after all. Josie was extremely helpful, and Pudding certainly acquitted himself admirably.”

Chloe looked up at that, and smiled. “Yeah. So did you, Lucifer. Thank you for going that extra mile. I owe you - especially since I know how much you hate cats.”

Lucifer got a warm feeling in his chest at the Detective’s praise. “Well, ‘hate’ is a strong word,” he demurred. Then added thoughtfully, “You know, I could do with an attack cat. I could train it to ambush Amenadiel when he comes over. And it’s not like I haven’t had plenty of hellcats in the penthouse before.” He smiled thoughtfully, warming to his subject. “Or... maybe it’s time to get that tiger I’ve always wanted! And as a bonus, it’d save me getting a lock for the elevator.”

Chloe smiled to herself and thoughtfully tapped her pen against her lips. “Hmm yeah, I guess it would, but have you considered the size of the litter box?”

Lucifer’s face fell. “Ugh, no. Excellent point. I hadn’t thought of that.” Then he brightened again. “Maybe if I asked him to use the loo?”

Chloe shook her head in fond exasperation. Hopefully he’d change his mind once he realised his prized Italian leather sofa would likely be the first casualty of a giant sabre-clawed kitty. She decided to change the subject. 

“So Ella’s dying to know what went down at your place the other night,” she said casually.

Lucifer chuckled. “That doesn’t surprise me. Miss Lopez always needs to know _everything_. What did you tell her?”

“She could tell something had happened, so I just told her that we’d cleared the air.” At Lucifer’s disappointed look she added nonchalantly, “And that we slept together.”

Lucifer huffed a delighted laugh. “Well played! How’d she take it?”

Chloe giggled. “Pretty much as you’d expect.”

Lucifer chuckled evilly. “I look forward to telling her all the sordid details. Especially that Linda slept over as well.”

Chloe snorted and shook her head. “Sorry, I came clean already. It was just… you should have seen her face.” She broke into giggles again.

“I can imagine.” Lucifer grinned approvingly. He greatly enjoyed teasing Ella, she was a good sport and gave as good as she got, even if what she considered teasing about him being the Devil wasn’t actually teasing at all. He went back to scrolling on his phone, but found his thoughts were suddenly elsewhere.

He remembered how at the crime scene Ella had been joking with him, asking questions about him as if he was the Devil, but he knew that she didn’t believe him. Her questions were all about trying to dismantle his ‘Method’ as she saw it, get him to break character. He usually just played along, but in light of recent events he thought perhaps he should reconsider.

The Detective had said he’d taken her choice away by not telling her the whole truth about himself, and Linda hadn’t said it in so many words but her choice to be his friend was also an informed one. Linda had actually been the one to make him realise that he _had_ to prove himself to Chloe in order to give her choice back to her. Surely Miss Lopez, also being his friend, deserved the same?

By the time the Detective had filed the paperwork and he’d returned to her desk with their lunch, he’d started to really consider it. He decided he needed his partner’s input.

“Should I tell her?” he blurted to Chloe without preamble or explanation.

She glanced up from her gourmet toasted panini and frowned slightly. “Hm?”

“During our… er, barney last week you said that my not telling you about me took your choice away.” He waved towards the lab. “So, since Miss Lopez is also my friend, shouldn’t I tell her too?” He looked at her uncertainly. 

Chloe’s eyebrows went up. “You… wanna tell Ella who you are? I mean, really prove it to her?”

Lucifer shook his head. “No, not particularly. Since she’s such a big fan of Dad…” he pulled a face. “I really can’t see her knowing who I am as being the slightest bit helpful to our working relationship.”

“Then don’t tell her. Simple.”

“But don’t I owe her the same choice I gave you? And Linda?” He groaned suddenly. “Bloody Hell! ...Does that mean I have to tell Daniel as well? We’re friends.” 

At Chloe’s pleased smile Lucifer grimaced and churlishly added, “I’m a big enough Devil to be able to admit the man’s grown on me. He’s _slightly_ less twatty these days and he did drive all that way into the desert to help me last week. And on top of that, even refused a return favour.” Then he threw his hands in the air in agitation. “But then where would it end? Do I also have to come out to Beatrice, my staff at Lux, my favours, the bloody pizza delivery bloke…?”

Chloe reached out and grasped one of his hands. “No, of _course_ not,” she replied emphatically. “Frankly I think that would be a really, _really_ bad idea.” She peered into his face, frowning slightly. “What’s brought this on, Lucifer?”

“It’s just that you were very… convincing in your argument. The very last thing I want to do is impinge on anyone’s free will. Much less hurt my… the people I work with.”

They both looked over at Ella, earphones in and bopping energetically around inside the glass fishbowl of her lab windows and munching on a carrot stick. She caught a glimpse of the two of them watching her, smiled and waved, then turned and mimed walking down stairs, then tripping and falling down them so that she disappeared behind her workbench. Then she popped up again, laughing.

Chloe laughed as well. She loved Ella, she was fun and genuine and unapologetically herself, and cared so much for people, even complete strangers. She still remembered their very first non-work-related conversation and how patient and obliging Ella had been to answer Chloe’s very personal (and also kinda inappropriate) question about her faith.

She said casually, “I actually asked her about it once.”

“About what?”

“About whether she’d want to know if the things she believed in were real or not.”

Lucifer gave her a startled look. “Why on Earth would you ask her that?”

Chloe sighed. “Probably because _I_ didn’t really want to know and was procrastinating. It was back when I was debating whether to get your blood tested or not.”

Lucifer laughed. “And you asked her _that_ question on her very first day? Bloody Hell, Detective! And here I thought you were supposed to be the tactful one.”

Chloe smiled sheepishly. “Yeah I know. She called me out on it, too.”

Lucifer glanced over at the lab. “Well? What did she say?”

“She said she wouldn’t want to know.”

Lucifer blinked. “Really? That surprises me. I’d have thought she’d jump at the chance.”

“She said she had faith because she believed? No... she questioned so she could believe? Something like that.”

Lucifer squinted at her.

Chloe shrugged. “Yeah, I didn’t fully get it either.” She shook her head slightly. “Anyhow I think she was saying the whole point of faith was not _needing_ proof.”

“But she’s a scientist. So many scientists are atheists for the simple reason that there IS no proof of the divine. Dad drilled into us the importance of making sure of _that_. Why wouldn’t she want to reconcile the two?”

Chloe shrugged. “I have no idea. I’ve never had faith in anything so I don’t know how it all works.”

Lucifer snorted. “You do have faith, Detective. Some of the most unshakeable faith I’ve ever encountered, in point of fact.”

Chloe threw him a look. “No I don’t, I _know_. Knowing is different.”

Lucifer shook his head. “I don’t mean faith in my father. I mean your faith in the rational world, and in the reliability of science to explain everything. You’ve demonstrated truly _epic_ levels of single-minded stubbornness there.” He grinned cheekily at her. “I even came up with a name for it; ‘The Chloe Decker Church of Tenacious Rationalism’.”

Chloe blushed a little; he was right. She’d steadfastly refused to see the devilish truth about him for a truly embarrassing length of time, despite more than sufficient evidence, and now that she’d gotten over the initial shock he wasn’t about to let her forget it. 

“Well, you shot that belief out of the water already. Like I said, I _know_ about the other stuff now.”

Lucifer held up a finger. “I’m not done. You also have faith in people. And in the value of your vocation. And in the love of your family. Humans always have faith in something, even if it’s misguided.” Chloe opened her mouth to argue with him some more but before she could speak he added casually, “Like your belief in the sanctity of marriage, for example. You would have fought tooth and nail to defend Dan’s loyalty to you as both a husband and a fellow cop but he sold you up the river to save his own neck.”

Chloe swallowed. It still hurt to think about what Dan had done, especially when Lucifer laid it all out in stark black and white like that. Then she retorted, “Yeah, but don’t forget he then turned himself in to save _your_ neck. He made a mistake, but he fixed it, and proved I was right about him.”

Lucifer hummed in concession of the point. “Bit late, though. Your marriage was still buggered.” At the Detective’s frown he added placatingly, “Ah, not that that’s at all relevant.” He cleared his throat. 

“Look at the world around you, Detective. Faith is an undeniable part of the human condition. It often becomes so intrinsically part of you humans that you will refuse to acknowledge anything that threatens it, even if the beliefs are damaging, even if others openly exploit them, and no matter how incontrovertible the evidence is against them.”

Chloe sighed in reluctant defeat. “Yeah, I know.” Chloe knew Lucifer was right; she’d seen it herself in all kinds of situations from domestic violence cases to ridiculous conspiracy theories to the freak show that was the current White House administration. _Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it,_ as the saying went. 

She was surprised that Lucifer of all people had realised it though. “That’s very perceptive of you, Lucifer. Did you get that from Linda in a session or something?”

Lucifer shook his head. “No. From Mazikeen. Millennia ago. She learned fairly early on that the only way to really make a soul suffer was to break them first, you see. They couldn’t give themselves their just punishment otherwise. Countless Hell loops involve souls being tortured by the realisation of just how misguided their actions in life truly were.”

Chloe went cold. Again, those casual mentions of his ancient age and earlier life as the ruler of Hell. She hummed and nodded thoughtfully, and took a bite of her panini while she tried to rally her frazzled thoughts.

After she swallowed, she asked him, “So… do you think Ella might be broken by learning about you? That, you know, you’re so different to the idea of the Devil that she’s been taught?”

Lucifer shrugged. “I would hope not. She did claim to have sympathy for me - or, at least, the _idea_ of me - when we first met. Either way, perhaps she doesn’t want to know in case her beliefs are proven wrong.”

Chloe could understand THAT all too well. She’d pretty much done the exact same thing herself.

Lucifer went on, “At any rate I’m certain that _her_ fond regard isn’t because Dad gave her false feelings for me-”

Chloe rolled her eyes. _This again_. “Lucifer, your dad’s got nothing to do with how I feel about you-”

Lucifer kept talking. “- so her free will isn’t compromised by not knowing who I really am-”

Chloe continued stubbornly, so they kept talking over each other, “- _And neither is mine_ -”

“So keeping her out of this would be better than bringing her in. What good would proving myself to her, or to any of them, really do?”

Chloe thought for a moment, then replied honestly, “I don’t know.” The revelation could go either way. Chloe totally got why Lucifer hadn’t been willing to take the chance on her for so long; a reaction to something this huge really was a coin toss, regardless of how well you thought you knew somebody.

Lucifer glanced back over at Ella and murmured, “And yet… doesn’t she deserve the same consideration I showed you?” He sighed and asked glumly, “What the Hell should I do?”

Chloe followed his gaze and saw Ella, happy Ella, confident and at ease with her faith and a loving friend to Lucifer. If she found out the truth, there was no telling how it could hurt her. And the prospect of hurting Ella, the brightest ray of sunshine she’d ever met in human form aside from her own daughter, didn’t bear thinking about. Besides which, she’d already _said_ she didn’t want to know.

So she answered Lucifer with conviction. “Don’t tell her.”

Lucifer turned back to her and nodded solemnly. “If you say so. I trust your judgment in these matters, Detective.”

  
  



	3. Mission: Implausible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella starts digging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm uploading the next chapter a little early because my family and I are heading to New Zealand tomorrow morning to see family, celebrate two big birthdays, and take our boys on their first overnight tramping trip. :D Wish us luck, and no more flooding; we had to change our first booked tramping destination when a month ago parts of the South Island copped A METRE of rain in only 60 hours. A bloody landslide hit the hut we were due to stay in! Everyone in it was fine, but all the tracks around the Routeburn are now closed so we're heading to Wanaka instead :)  
> And the following instalment will be a little late as I'll update as soon as I can after we get back.

Ella shook her head as she watched Sebastian Anaya being led away in handcuffs. Chloe and Lucifer had done it again; another killer caught, in record time, with a full confession, and this time, just to mix things up, they closed the case with the help of a cat.

A  _ cat! _

What was it about Lucifer that this random cray-cray shit always seemed to happen around him? She’d been endlessly mulling over what’d gone down at the dive bar on their night out and realised she was thinking more and more that maybe Dan was right; maybe Lucifer  _ had _ had something to do with it. 

Like, weird stuff always seemed to happen around him, so it made sense to think that it was coming  _ from _ him, mainly because he seemed to really enjoy messing with people’s heads with the whole ‘Devil’ thing. But if he  _ had _ done it, and that was a big if, she was still no closer to finding out how.

And on top of that, she couldn’t get the image of Lucifer hulking out on that Kennerly guy out of her head, that casually brutal way he’d thrown him into the wall. She got goosebumps just remembering the look on Lucifer’s face; like he’d fully intended to tear the guy limb from limb. 

Like, Lucifer’s really funny, loads of fun and an awesome dude and everything, but that night, just for a minute, he got… really scary. In a way she’d never even suspected he could be.

She’d had a few drinks but she remembered everything - she always remembered everything, no matter how effed up she got; it was both a blessing and a curse. So was her curiosity, which had got her into trouble more than once. It served her extremely well in her job, but not always in other areas because she never seemed to know when to leave well enough alone. And Lucifer’s refusal to break character was driving her nuts. 

He had an answer for everything, and despite all her attempts to poke holes in his Devil story, he remained a vault. So she made a decision: she was going to investigate him, and she’d keep pushing until she got to the truth. 

It felt really weird planning an op on a co-worker but it’s not like he’d left her any choice. Besides, maybe he  _ wanted _ her to find out. Maybe all the stonewalling was a test, all his cryptic little answers were clues, and this was all part of some game? Lucifer had proved more than once that he had a flair for the dramatic. 

Either way, she’d keep the operation on the DL since the subject in question was the opposite of helpful anyway,  _ and _ because she didn’t want to tip him off; maybe she’d finally catch him out with something.

She peered through the glass door at him, chatting animatedly with Chloe as they ate their lunch together. She squinted slightly in concentration, focusing on the area just above their heads, and a few moments later the pair of them went a little fuzzy as they were thrown into silhouette, coronas of light appearing around them. 

As always, Lucifer’s Base colour was a vibrant red with bands of gold, and unusually strong. Along with his bro Amenadiel they had two of the strongest auras she’d ever seen; not as strong as Charlotte Richards’ - before her near death experience had faded and darkened it anyway - but heaps stronger than most people's.

Lucifer was textbook Red; energetic, adventurous, direct, and stubborn as a pack of mules. But that was tempered by the golden hues that manifested his charm and charisma, his love of beauty, and his tendencies towards being both fiercely independent and always wanting to be the centre of attention.

Around Chloe glowed the colours of a master communicator; vivid blue shot through with green. She was down to earth but extremely intuitive, and had a head / heart balance that made her a formidable cop as well as an all-round amazing human being. Even if she did work way too hard and was just a little bit of a control freak.

Over the time she’d known them, though, their colours had started siphoning off onto each other, complementing each other; Chloe’s blues and greens swirling around him, Lucifer’s reds echoing in her. The pair of them were more like a rainbow some days, especially lately. 

Ella watched the two of them, flirting and teasing like an old married couple. Then she thunked her forehead on the doorframe and muttered, “ _ Ughh! _ What’s the holdup?! Why don’t you two just hurry up and  _ do _ it already?” 

She sighed. She was rooting for them to sort themselves out but it was taking for EVER. It’d already been several months since she’d started here in forensics and according to Dan they’d been making eyes at each other for a while already  _ then _ . She did what she could to help things along, but she could only do so much. 

Well, who knows? If she could ‘solve’ Lucifer for Chloe maybe that would help bring them together. There was definitely something getting in Deckerstar’s way, and Ella would work this case with every spare minute she had until she shifted it.

She moved away from the door and headed to her laptop, stretching her neck from side to side. 

_ Right. Let’s do this. _

\---------------- 

Okay. The mysterious Lucifer Morningstar. What did she know so far? 

Arrived in LA six years ago. Stupid rich. Stupid hot. Eccentric, bit of a shady rep. Multilingual club owner, hypnotist, martial arts expert, escape artist and cat whisperer. And despite what Chloe had told her, Ella still had a soft spot for the former spy theory. Though how could he be a spy if he claimed he didn’t lie? But of course that could just as easily be a lie too, especially since hello, the guy claimed to be the Devil. 

He never let up with the Satan shtick, even to friends, but she’d long suspected there was more to him than the Stanislavski Method. It was just his  _ thing _ , but the big question was, what was it hiding? Out of all of the characters he could choose as a performer, why ‘the Devil’? Why was it so important to him?

She could guess at some of his background; he’d had a privileged, non-traditional and most likely abusive childhood. He’s a white English guy, while his brother is African-American, so one or maybe both of them were adopted and they obviously grew up apart. She wasn’t able to find any records supporting family ties but they sure acted like brothers, and spoke the same (presumably) first language, that Dutch-Elvish-Klingon dialect they’d argued in at the bar. That line of enquiry turned up zilch, however.

On their night out Dan had let slip that the new Lieutenant had requested a full background workup on Lucifer when he’d assumed command, so she (sorta kinda) hacked into his computer to see what he had. Ella let out a low whistle; no one had ever accused Lieutenant Marcus Pierce of not dotting every i and crossing every t, and for good reason. There were reams of info; official documentation, news articles, social media posts and more.

The first mention of him in LA was, randomly, on a cage fighting playbill at Rico’s in 2011 where he’d beaten some unknown by the fighter name of ‘God’s Finest’. Shortly afterward he’d struck a deal with Dean Cooper to take over the  _ Rico’s _ building’s lease, had remodelled the venue in record time, and opened Lux only a month later. It was an instant hit, and he’d been a local celebrity ever since.

He had a social security number, his tax returns were always done on time, he’d been granted a green card as an immigrant investor by virtue of opening Lux… all his paperwork was in order. But like Dan had told her, he didn’t seem to have existed, on paper anyway, until just over six years ago. It was a classic signaller of an assumed identity, but whatever Lucifer had been into prior to arriving in LA, even the LAPD didn’t have the clearance to find out what it was.

Her next step was following up on the tall tales Dan had told her at the bar. She first pored over Chloe and Lucifer’s old case files; Chloe had written all the reports, and while they were detailed and comprehensive, there was no mention of any of the crazy stuff Dan had mentioned. 

Lucifer disappearing from under several cops’ noses in Lux after the murder of Jacob Williams was written up as  _ Mr. Morningstar resisted arrest... contacted sources to help locate the suspect, then later turned himself in _ , and Lucifer supposedly throwing sports agent Joe Hanson through a wall was simply  _ Mr. Morningstar apprehended the suspect as he was attempting to flee the scene _ . The reports had all the crucial details to ensure a conviction, but Chloe’d obviously redacted the more far-fetched bits and worked hard to make their case presentable. 

Of course. Chloe would hardly have put what Dan had told Ella into official reports if she wanted to ensure the arrests stuck, not to mention keep her job. Seeing the bare bones of Dan’s outrageous stories written down so matter-of-factly, though, Ella wondered again if he had been pulling her leg, or was just giving too much credence to rumours.

So she chased up firsthand eyewitness accounts of Lucifer’s shenanigans, starting with his bullet-dodging stunt in Lux after the murder of Jacob Williams. She tracked down Officer Baker, the rookie patrolman who’d tried to shoot him when he’d resisted arrest. Baker still seemed a little rattled by it.

“One second he was there, coming at me like he was pulling a piece, then my gun went off and he was gone! Like, disappeared from right in front of me,” he said, shaking his head in bewilderment at the memory. “He’s gotta be a magician or a hypnotist or something, like that Dynamo guy, makes you think he can, like, bend glass and float in the air and walk down the sides of buildings, kinda thing? People pay money to see that shit but we got to see it for free.” He huffed a slightly uneasy laugh.

“I have to admit it scared the shit outta me at the time, though. Shook all of us  _ right _ up - and we still haven’t figured out how he did it!” Then he sobered. “Whatever it was, I’m glad it worked. If I’d shot Lucifer because of that crooked piece of shit Malcolm Graham…” he trailed off. “Still gives me chills thinking about it, ya know? I apologised to him later and he said no hard feelings, but I was like, fuck, man, I coulda killed you.”

It sounded so freakin’ crazy but Lucifer definitely seemed to have some kinda mind voodoo going on; all the cops who’d been there that night swore he must have done something to them, and she’d seen him do… _something_ to the bird lady the other day as well. 

The line of murderers turned into blubbering messes after encountering Lucifer couldn’t be denied either. Jimmy Barnes was spending quality time in a padded cell, Benny Choi had signed a full confession and begged to be locked up for his own safety and the smuggler Bert Williamson was semi-catatonic with bouts of extreme paranoia. But then anybody who could commit premeditated murder had to be a little unstable already, right?

She remembered Dan had told her there was security cam footage of the incident at the sports agency, so she got Sharon from Tech to retrieve it for her and stayed back after her shift to watch it.

Dan had told her the precinct gossip of what’d happened, but she hadn’t really believed it. And then… then she watched Lucifer throw a two hundred pound ex-pro-footballer over twenty feet,  _ right through a wall _ . 

Literally _ threw _ a grown man, one-handed, across a room and into a desk like Captain friggin’ America.

_ Whoahhh... what the SHIT!?? _

Ella stared at the screen in disbelief. Watched it again. And again. And again. It looked like some kind of special effect. How the hell had he generated the force needed to do it? Aside from his throwing arm the rest of him had barely moved! 

Dan had said Lucifer must do weights; Ella murmured, “Dan, I love you man, but are you high?” 

That level of strength just shouldn’t be possible, not unless you were the size of Gregor ‘The Mountain’ Clegane. It was even more impossible than what she’d seen with her own eyes in the dive bar. It was…  _ literally superhuman _ . Ho-ly shit.

She frowned and bit her lip. So… how the Hell does he do it?

He had to be using performance enhancers, that was a foregone conclusion, but there could be a genetic component as well - he could be like David Dunn from the movie  _ Unbreakable _ . Or from real life, the old-time strongmen who could bend steel or break chains with their bare hands... or Bruce Lee and his one-inch punch... or one of Stan Lee’s ‘superhumans’. Or even Ozzy Osborne; the fact he still wasn’t dead after decades of substance abuse that would’ve killed a regular person proved he was  _ some _ kind of genetic mutant. 

The logical first step would be to do a blood screen for performance enhancers, but she didn’t have a sample of his blood. Actually… something pinged in her memory and she went back to the report on Malcolm Graham’s shooting. 

Chloe had told Dan, who’d told her, that Lucifer had been gut shot, point blank, by Malcolm Graham, then told her he’d died, then ‘gotten better’. Those particular details had been conspicuously absent from the case file, as usual, but forensics did mention that a large pool of a blood-like substance had been found at the scene, over five pints’ worth. It wasn’t Graham’s, and Lucifer hadn’t submitted a blood sample for comparison. 

It didn’t really matter, as it had been found to be not blood. At least, there were strong similarities to human blood, they were definitely biological cells, but the DNA had come back inconclusive. 

Ella found a memo from her forensics predecessor about it, and reading between the lines it seemed he’d suspected it was either contaminated or a hoax. Still, it was evidence, and a sample had been carefully logged and stored with everything else.

Ella dug the slides out of evidence lockup to look for herself - perhaps she’d find something the CSI had missed. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

She prepped the slide and popped it into the microscope. “Alright, little dudes, show me whatcha got…” She peered into the eyepiece and got the shock of her life. The cells on the slide were still viable.

What? They’d been uncultured in cold storage for months! 

“Whooooahh cool…” She sat down and pushed her roller chair back from the bench, an excited frisson running up the back of her neck in the eerie silence of the nearly deserted precinct. 

Immortalised cells. It was not unheard of but to her knowledge it had only ever happened naturally in cancer cells; every med student knew about the first ‘immortal’ HeLa cell line. The story of Henrietta Lacks was required reading, for God’s sake, and Ella still wigged out a little at the knowledge that tens of millions of metric tonnes of living cells used to research vaccines, gene mapping, IVF and other medical breakthroughs were being cloned from the cells of a woman who died nearly seventy years ago.

But these cells were different; they weren’t constantly multiplying like Lacks’ did, they just… weren’t dying. If someone held a gun to her head she’d say they were acting like quiescent stem cells, like they were in some kinda stasis. She was starting to agree with the original CSI in thinking this was either an elaborate prank or a monumental screwup. Either way the ‘blood’ trail was a dead end without something to compare it to.

She huffed a frustrated breath. So far all she’d come up with was hearsay and most likely planted evidence. Most of which could be explained if Lucifer was indeed some kind of illusionist like Dan and Baker had suggested. His strength though… that was a little harder to explain, even with modern performance enhancers. 

Anabolic steroids were constantly getting their structures tweaked to evade detection in drug tests, and Lucifer obviously had the resources to obtain the latest and best designer drugs money could buy. There were at least two thousand different refinements you could make to a steroid molecule that would jack you up, and some permutations could maybe do it with less muscle mass. Normally she’d perform a simple urinalysis or blood screen to find out. 

_ No can do _ , Ella thought ruefully. _ I can hardly sneak a urine sample or make him bleed without him knowing. _ A strand of hair would do, but she needed the follicle and she wouldn’t get that unless she yanked it out herself. Not practical either. How else could she get her hands on his DNA without him knowing?

The thought gave her an uncomfortable twinge; this was starting to feel creepy. Well, to be honest it’d been creepy right from the start but she was a scientist and clinical detachment had stopped her feeling  _ too _ weird about what she was doing. But she hadn’t found answers and now she felt like an obsessive stalker, going behind Lucifer’s back like this.

But she couldn’t stop now, the more she found out the more his mystery deepened! Besides, it wasn’t like she was going to use anything she found  _ against _ him, it was purely to satisfy her own curiosity. So it wasn’t a big deal. It was just harmless research. 

On a friend. 

A  _ friend _ .

She chewed her lip.

_ Maybe Father Kinley can give me some guidance _ , she mused. Yes. She’d go and see him before work tomorrow. The thought cheered her; he was a straight talker but he’d know she didn’t mean any harm, surely.

Reassured, Ella closed down and unplugged the thumb drive containing all her Lucifer intel, dropped it back in her junk drawer and gathered her belongings to head for home. She’d hit a dead end anyway, and she’d have to wait for a break in the case. Well, not ‘case’, exactly, but… yeah.

She headed to the parking lot, smiling when she remembered who was waiting for her at home. Josie had settled in no problems at all and Ella was delighted with her new roommate. She was so funny; sitting patiently by the bathtub waiting for Ella to finish her shower, then when she got out leaping up to perch on her new mom’s shower-warm back when she bent down to dry herself off. She’d rub her fluffy head on Ella, brush up against her legs and swat at the bath towel like she was trying to help.

Then later they’d binge Netflix together, Josie curled up on Ella with her warm rumbling purr vibrating through her chest. Occasionally, when she wanted affection she’d meow softly, or reach out a paw to gently touch Ella’s chin. And at bedtime, she’d wait for Ella at her bedroom door then curl up next to her to sleep. She was always the furry little spoon, her head resting on Ella’s bent arm. Ella loved it. 

_ This cat is a total cuddle slut,  _ Ella thought happily. _ We’re perfect for each other. _

As sad as she was that  _ Josita _ had lost her mom, she was over the moon that it had led to them finding each other.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Yes, my Ella can see auras :) Which I figure IS canon, since she could see the Goddess' light, and later see Charlotte's darkness, although the show kept it vague it's an idea I really like so I ran with it.   
> \- Did anyone else need closure for the scene where the rookie cop shoots Lucifer in the S1 finale? Totally.  
> \- Smuggler Burt didn't have a last name on the show so I gave him the actor's - Joe Williamson.  
> \- That thing about Ozzy Osborne being a genetic mutant? TOTALLY TRUE! Researchers actually studied him! https://www.nme.com/news/music/according-new-research-ozzy-osbournes-dna-proves-genetic-mutant-2537911 That is SO rock and roll. :'D  
> \- Lucifer's immortalised cells is how I figure Lucifer's wings didn't decay after being cut from his body! I wanted a sciency reason and not just 'they're divine'.  
> \- Everything I put in about Ms Henrietta Lacks was 100% true. Well, I don't know if her story is required reading for med students but it bloody well should be. Hopefully it all sounded good enough for the real STEM legends out there! I think I identify with Ella the most, and I certainly got to unleash my inner nerd with this story :'D  
> \- Notice a certain name, did you...? What's he doing there I wonder... :D  
> \- Yes, Ella did indeed adopt Josie, which gives me all the fuzzies.  
> \- A week into the new year life imitated art when our family adopted a black kitten from our local shelter. A boy, and much younger than Josie, but a green-eyed little cuddleslut too, already running around like he owns the place :)


	4. Seeing Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella continues her investigation and we touch base with Chloe and Lucifer. And someone in the precinct sees something they shouldn't...

Ella had been giving out pamphlets all morning, taking names and recruiting donors. She congratulated herself on having found such a nifty solution to her little roadblock; a precinct blood drive was the perfect way to get a sample of Lucifer’s blood, and Lucifer wouldn’t suspect a thing!

As planned, she'd gone to confession that morning with Father Kinley to clear her conscience but he hadn't been as understanding as she'd hoped. He'd counselled her to stop her investigation, and then when she'd said she wouldn't, he'd refused to give her absolution. Which was fair enough, she supposed. Like Father Kinley said, you can't be truly repentant for doing a bad thing if you keep on doing it.

Although calling what she was doing 'bad' was a bit harsh, she thought. Her mission was a completely harmless, fact-finding one, and she had to woman up and be a scientist about it. It was a little 'sneaky and underhanded', maybe, but not _bad._ Still, faced with Father Kinley's disapproval she'd felt uneasy; he could look quite forbidding when he wanted to, and Ella had felt like she'd been back at school getting detention.

_But it’s not hurting Lucifer. I’d never do that._

It was really gratifying that Lieutenant Pierce had thrown his support behind her blood drive idea… even though she felt a little uncomfortable at his praise for her ‘proactive frontline support’ and ‘community awareness’ when she had an ulterior motive for it. But she consoled herself with the knowledge that a lot of good would come of it, and figured it might even alleviate some of the guilt she felt for doing the dirty on Lucifer.

She was just putting up a poster in the break room when she saw a hulking dark shape out of the corner of her eye. She turned to look at it fully, and the roiling shadows faded to a dim outline. Sure enough, it was the lieutenant, back from his meeting at City Hall. 

She’d been horrified when she’d first seen his aura; it was powerful, and thicker and darker than she’d ever seen before. It seemed to fill the entire room, tendrils of it surging menacingly around people, almost like it was attacking them.

She’d actually squealed in fright, then had to laugh it off by saying she was a little jumpy from a caffeine OD. She’d made light of it, but she’d been severely shaken. It still disturbed her; black meant a toxic and harmful energy. 

It could represent hatred, negativity, depression, or even imminent death, the last of which was particularly worrying considering his line of work. It was also shot through with dark brown, which was _no bueno_ as well; it could signal selfishness, greed and deception. Such dark colours had indicated that there must be something seriously bad going on. Why else would he be so full of such harmful energy? 

It didn’t make sense; Pierce’s energies were completely at odds with everything she’d learned about him as the Force’s golden boy. And then she heard some precinct gossip that made it all make sense; Pierce’s brother had been murdered shortly before he left Chicago. 

Of course - depression, the shadow of death, it all fit. And the brown Subtles probably indicated confusion, not deception. Either way, it seemed like Pierce was going through a _lot_ behind the scenes. She was really impressed at how well he was holding up, and admired him even more for his strength and stoicism. She’d had to try really hard to keep the fangirling to a minimum and stay professional, but she just really, _really_ loved watching him do his thing.

She glanced into the bullpen and saw that Chloe and Lucifer had got back too. She put Pierce from her mind, grabbed her flyers and headed over.

“Blood drive, guys! Can I interest you in donating to a very worthy and important cause?” She looked hopefully at Lucifer. To her intense disappointment, he shook his head.

“Sorry, darling, I can’t. Angel and human blood doesn’t mix, you know. Ever heard of the nephilim? _Not_ a good scene.”

 _Oh, for-!_ Damn the Method! Ella coaxed, “Come on, Lucifer, it’s for a great cause!”

“I’m sure it is. But did you know the FDA has restrictions on people who’ve lived in the UK due to the risk of Creutzfeldt-Jakob?”

“Oh.” Ella said, deflating. She could’ve talked him past the nephilim thing but the law was the law. Shit. 

Then she rallied and casually probed, “So… you lived in the UK between 1980 and 1996, huh? Whereabouts were you based?”

Lucifer smiled enigmatically. “I go wherever the mood takes me, Miss Lopez.” Then he shrugged. “But I’ll make a cash donation to the Red Cross so I can still do my bit, alright?”

Ella, bummed she wasn’t going to get what she needed from Lucifer despite her cunning plan, replied a little sullenly, “Fine.” Then she shook herself and hurriedly added, “I mean yeah, of _course_ , a donation would be totally awesome, thank you!” Then she turned to Chloe. “How about you, Chlo?”

Chloe gave her an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Ella. I had a blood transfusion just under twelve months ago so I’m not quite eligible either. Definitely the next one, though.”

Ella nodded, conceding defeat. “Okay, that’s cool. Thanks guys.”

Ella shook off her disappointment that her plan hadn’t worked; it was still a great idea. And doing something good _did_ make her feel a little better about sneaking around behind Lucifer’s back. She headed downstairs to scour other divisions for volunteers.

\--------------

When Ella was safely out of earshot Chloe shot Lucifer a mock accusing look.

“What?” said Lucifer innocently.

“ _Creutzfeldt-Jakob?_ You don’t have Mad Cow Disease.”

Dimples appeared at the corners of his mouth. “Amenadiel might disagree.”

Chloe laughed. “You’ve never even lived in the UK!”

Lucifer looked smug. “I never said I had. I was merely stating facts… totally _unrelated_ facts, but still.” Then he grinned. “Besides, you don’t really think I should be giving blood.”

Chloe smilingly shook her head. “No. Definitely _not_.” 

They went back to work, Lucifer reorganising Chloe’s files for her and Chloe doing paperwork. But after a while, as was often the case these days since she’d learned the truth about her devilish partner, her mind started to wander. And then she remembered something.

“Lucifer?”

“Yes, Detective?”

“Um… I meant to ask you something the other night. About the others who rebelled, the other angels who were sent to Hell with you. Were they your brothers?

“Yes. And sisters. All up a couple hundred of us were cast out.”

Chloe’s eyes widened. _A couple hundred?!_

“Just how many siblings do you _have_?”

“Six hundred and sixty six.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Yes.” He grinned and Chloe smiled, rolling her eyes. Lucifer continued, “Several hundred that I know of. Mum and Dad might've had hate sex and punched out a few more between me getting exiled and Dad sending Mum to Hell, I don't know. I haven’t exactly been in the loop.”

“Have any of your siblings come to Earth?”

“Recently? Well, Amenadiel you know. And before I moved to Earth my sister Azrael was here the most; she’s the Angel of Death. Saying we hate each others’ guts would be putting it mildly. Another brother came here briefly as well - Uriel.” 

He paused for a moment then said dismissively, “That’s it, far as I know. Most of them don’t think very highly of humanity, especially the tossers in the Silver City. And the poor sods in Hell aren’t even able to get to Earth since they don’t have their wings anymore. It’s part of their punishment so they can’t escape.”

“You kept yours, though?”

Lucifer hummed. “I could hardly have ruled Hell without them, Detective. I wouldn’t have even been able to reach the throne.”

Chloe nodded. “Oh.” Then she said, “So tell me about Azrael.”

“Why?”

“I want to get to know your family.”

“Seriously, you don’t.”

“Stop telling me what I want, Lucifer.” The sudden warning tone in Chloe’s voice took Lucifer by surprise. At the steely look in her eyes he relented.

“Very well. You’ll recall I told you that a human’s choices and actions in life dictate where they go after death?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Generally speaking, a soul’s guilt sends it to Hell. But on very rare occasions a human has no conscience and no guilt, and is thus unable to pass judgment on themselves. Those aberrations are the one flaw in the system, and we had to figure out a work-around.”

Chloe twigged. “‘We’… meaning you and Azrael?”

Lucifer shook his head. “More me, Azrael and Dad. Since those souls can’t judge themselves Father does it for them, then sends Azrael to force them into Hell.”

Chloe nodded silently. This Azrael sounded like a real badass. “So Azrael is kind of like an angelic... bounty hunter?”

“You could say that.”

“But you don’t get along?” 

Lucifer emphatically shook his head. “Nope. Not since the war.”

Chloe said musingly, “You’d think it would’ve been a bonding experience for you guys, the two of you having to deal with all the evil of humanity like that.”

Lucifer snorted. “It might have been, if she hadn’t bloody well blamed _me_ for it all. She’s always thought, along with most of my siblings, that humanity’s twisted depravities come from me.”

“But you don’t create psychos. When they decide to hurt people that’s free will, not you.”

Lucifer sighed. “Preaching to the choir, Detective.”

Chloe frowned. If even Lucifer’s own family couldn’t see what a good man he was, no wonder humanity didn’t. 

“So how did all this bad blood start, anyway? The rebellion, I mean.”

“I told Dad I wanted to have free will like humans did. About a third of my siblings sided with me, the rest, including Azrael and Amenadiel, sided with Dad. Things got heated, and we didn’t stand a chance. Michael demanded we bow and scrape and beg forgiveness but I refused, so Dad had him cast us all out.”

“But why do they all think you’re evil, though? What’s with the stories of you trying to take over Heaven?”

Lucifer frowned. “A number of my hooligan siblings decided to try to wrest Azrael’s blade from her to assemble the flaming sword. You remember, the one that can wipe even celestials from existence?”

Chloe nodded. She wasn’t likely to forget about that.

“Dad’s side all thought that I’d ordered them to do it. That I’d wanted to use the sword to destroy Father and take the throne.” Lucifer scoffed. “Bloody celestial gossip mongers. As if I’d ever want to rule there, or anywhere. The last thing I’m interested in is controlling people, even my idiot family.”

“So what happened with Azrael?”

“She blamed me for it all, of course, and has spent the last few eons making my life even more of a living hell than it already was. I got off more lightly than the rest of them, though; she used her blade to cut the wings off the angels who tried to take her blade, and then cut off the rest of the Fallen's as well, on Dad’s orders. Azrael barely batted an eyelid.” His lips pursed.

“I loathe that bitch with every fibre of my being but I can admit she is a damn good scrapper and ruthless in a fight.” He absentmindedly rubbed his leg, the one she’d broken when she dumped him in the Mojave.

“She sounds a lot like Maze,” observed Chloe.

Lucifer suddenly spluttered with laughter. “Don’t let her hear you say that! Either of them!”

Chloe smiled but continued, “She sounds like me too, a little. I just mean how sometimes the job needs me to compartmentalise to get it done. Maybe your dad had her do that job because she’s got the temperament for it.”

“You mean she’s a cold-hearted beeyatch. A frosty-souled hitman. A bitter, flying popsicle.”

Chloe raised a finger. “Definitely _not_ what I said.”

Lucifer grunted unintelligibly.

Chloe said matter-of-factly, “I’m pretty sure all the perps I bring in think _I’m_ a cold-hearted beeyatch.”

“Definitely not, Detective,” Lucifer said loyally. “You’re more a… crunchy-coated badarse with a hidden marshmallow centre.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows. “Somehow I don’t think the bad guys would agree. I’m different at work though, and maybe Azrael’s the same. I mean, you’re not the same person in Hell compared to when you’re partying up here, are you? Maybe if you got to know a different side of her you’d change your mind.”

“Doubt it,” said Lucifer dismissively.

“Okay.” Chloe thought for a minute, then asked, “What about your other brother? Uriel, I think you said? Why does he come to Earth?”

Lucifer said flatly, “We don’t have to worry about him, Detective.”

Chloe peered at him. Judging by the way he’d shut down he must hate Uriel’s guts even more than Azrael’s.

“What happened?”

“I don’t wish to discuss it. Please?”

The slightly beseeching tone in Lucifer’s voice took Chloe by surprise. She nodded. “Okay, Lucifer. But if you do wanna talk about it, you know I’m here, right?”

Lucifer’s eyes as he looked back at her were bleak, but he nodded. Chloe decided to change the subject. 

“Okay. So. We’ve gone through your vulnerability around me, your strength, your Lightbringer powers, you can fly, speak any language, talk to animals, hear prayers, heal injuries…” _Holy shit, list it all like that and it sounds even more freaking insane!_

Lucifer merely nodded his head. “Yes to all that.”

“So, what you said about being able to teleport, is that-“ _Don’t be stupid, Decker, of course it’s true, or he wouldn’t have said it._ “I mean, I think I remember you saying you can teleport too?”

Lucifer nodded. “Yes.” Then he squinted slightly. “At least, travel so fast via another plane of existence that on _this_ plane of existence it seems virtually instantaneous.”

Chloe cocked her head. “So why do you still drive everywhere?”

Lucifer spread his hands. “I have a garage full of vintage wheels, Detective. Why wouldn’t I?”

Chloe thought that was fair enough. “Okayy, what else you got? Can you… I dunno, appear in dreams?”

Lucifer let out a mischievous chuckle, then said flirtatiously, “I’m quite certain I feature in a great many dreams, Detective, but I highly doubt it’s because of my _angelic_ qualities.”

Chloe, belatedly remembering she had experience with that herself, felt her ears go pink. “Um… alright. What about… can you turn invisible?”

“Of course,” he replied. Then promptly did so. 

Chloe gasped. Then quickly glanced around to see if anyone was looking their way. “Lucifer!” She hissed in his general direction. “I didn’t mean in the middle of the damn precinct! What if someone sees you?!“ Then she blinked and corrected, “I mean, doesn’t see you!”

No answer.

“Lucifer?” She stood up, reached out and tentatively passed her hand over his chair, encountering only air. “ _Lucifer!_ ” Then she stopped, realising she was waving her arms and talking to thin air like a crazy person. She casually turned the movement into a stretch, then reached over to pick up a random folder from the top of her filing cabinet. She sat back down in her chair... only to land on the large warm object that was already in it. 

She yelped in surprise and ricocheted out of Lucifer’s lap like she’d sat on a tack, the folder flipping high in the air and scattering papers everywhere. Lucifer reappeared, his broad shoulders shaking with laughter.

“DAMMIT, Lucifer!” Chloe yelled, then gave a bark of laughter too. “You asshole!”

Suddenly loud guffaws joined in from across the room. They both looked over and saw Dan standing in the doorway of Interrogation One, laughing his ass off. He started to clap. “Wow, Chloe! I’m impressed! I totally bought that!”

Chloe smiled uncertainly. “Uh… thanks, Dan?”

Her ex came over and said animatedly, “That was really great, guys! I knew Lucifer had skills, he basically never takes a break, but I didn’t know you still had the bug, Chloe. You guys riffing off each other is GOLD. You should come with me and Amenadiel to improv some time, everyone’d love you.” 

He punched Lucifer playfully in the shoulder. “Your big bro could really learn a thing or two from you, man.”

Lucifer’s nonplussed expression changed to one of mild annoyance as he brushed imaginary crud from contact with Dan from his jacket. “Whilst I don’t disagree, Daniel, I wasn’t acting. I was merely demonstrating-“

Chloe quickly talked over the top of him, laughing a little too loudly. “Thanks Dan! I did a little improv back in the day and I thought I’d brush off the old skills. It’s been coming in real handy on the job lately, you know?”

Dan nodded, chuckling. “Yeah, I do.” He grinned at both of them. “Well, if you ever wanna join us, lemme know.” He headed to his desk.

Lucifer looked at Chloe, a slight frown on his face. “What was all that about?”

Chloe retorted under her breath, “I was just about to ask you the same question! What’s with pulling a disappearing act in the middle of the bullpen?”

Lucifer replied, “I didn’t. Not really. I only concealed myself from YOUR sight. As far as everyone else was concerned I was still here. That’s why Dan thought you were…” he grimaced in distaste, “...doing improv.”

Chloe stopped. “Wow. You can do that?”

Lucifer shrugged. “We can ALL do that. And back when I _had_ it, I could also choose who to reveal my face to. I once scared the pants off that charlatan Jacob Williams in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard and nobody else was any the wiser.” He smirked. “Good times.” 

_Ah_ , thought Chloe. That’s why Williams had had it in for him. _Jeez, Lucifer, like your life here isn’t already complicated enough that you have to go around picking fights with religious types. Even fake ones!_

Then Lucifer frowned at her. “Detective, why did you go along with Daniel’s misconception that you were pretending?”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “Come on Lucifer, I couldn’t let Dan know that I really thought you were invisible. He’d think I was crazy!

Lucifer’s lips thinned slightly. “But it’s alright if he thinks I’m crazy, is that it?”

Chloe shook her head. “He doesn’t think you’re crazy. But also… yeah.” At Lucifer’s frown she added hurriedly, “Only because, you’re you, and this is your _thing_ , you know? You say you’re the Devil and talk about weird stuff all the time and nobody cares.” Then she rolled her eyes at herself. “Well until the truth is staring them in the face anyway.” She looked closely at him. “Do you really want Dan believing you?”

Lucifer thought about it for a second, then replied, “Well, I can’t see why not.”

Chloe looked at him doubtfully. “Really? With your history? I really don’t know how he’d take it.”

“I don’t know how he’d take it either but you took it well and that’s all that matters to me. If he couldn’t handle it it’d be his problem.”

Chloe smiled, touched by his heartwarming frankness. _You took it well and that’s all that matters to me_. Then she asked, “What about Ella, then? Her and Dan are pals, plus she’s religious. What if he told her? Have you forgotten our conversation about this already?”

Lucifer sniffed. “I forget nothing.” Then amended, “If I cared enough about it to pay attention in the first place.” He nodded briskly. “But yes, you're right, perhaps it’s best not to rock the boat.”

Chloe inwardly sighed with relief, then resumed their earlier Q&A session. What kind of other stuff would angels be able to do? 

“Umm, what about ghosts?” she asked. “Can you see spirits and stuff?”

Lucifer see-sawed his hand back and forth. “Meh. I can sense souls, but as far as the ones bound for Heaven go, only until they cross the threshold. After that, they’re beyond my reach. If they’re Hellbound however, I can follow them down, find their cell and have a little chat. Which I did with the murderous Professor Carlisle, if you’ll recall-”

Chloe cell suddenly chimed. She checked her notifications, then stood up, showing Lucifer the screen. “Body’s dropped. Firehawk Ranch in West Hills. I’m driving.”

Lucifer stood as well. “Goody, another body! But it’s quite a drive, why don’t I play chauffeur in the Corvette? You drive like a geriatric snail and you _are_ still recovering from being shot, after all.”

Chloe shook her head as they headed for the staircase. “I’m 100% recovered, and while I appreciate that you’ve been very... chivalrous since my incident, I don’t need you treating me like some fragile china doll. _You_ are just as vulnerable as I am out there, don’t forget…”

\----------

Charlotte Richards emerged from a client interview and saw Lucifer Morningstar going up the staircase with his partner Detective Decker. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief that she hadn’t had to face him just yet after the spectacular fool she’d made of herself coming onto him yesterday, but her gaze lingered despite herself; she could watch that ass walk away all day.

Then she blinked. Then blinked again. There were two large shafts of light spreading out behind him, surrounding him and Decker in a soft white glow. She squeezed her eyes shut, hard, then when she opened them again was relieved to see the lights had disappeared. She shook her head slightly.

_Trick of the light._

The late morning sun was streaming through the large picture windows behind them… maybe it’d reflected into her eyes?

_It’s just your imagination._

She felt an uncomfortable twinge; she’d been saying that a lot lately. Ever since her accident down at the pier she’d been... seeing things. Voices, shadows moving in empty rooms, and nightmares… of death. Her family, gunned down over and over every night, by a slew of clients she’d known were guilty but kept out of prison. She dreaded going to sleep, but then it started happening when she was awake, too. She’d once seen Decker with her jeans torn and drenched in red and Lucifer with a massive bloodstain across his shirt. But that paled in comparison to what she’d seen around Lieutenant Pierce.

No two hallucinations were ever the same, but they were usually gruesome. One time a slashed throat, another time a crushed skull. She’d seen him impaled on swords, with bullet holes in his head, with his entire body blackened and charred like it’d been cooked in a fire.

After the initial shock had worn off she’d tried throwing logic at it. She’d researched her symptoms and thought maybe it was some kind of weird post-trauma death fixation. Why she experienced it mainly around Pierce she had no idea, she barely knew the man. She knew she didn’t like or trust him though; she knew his type. Manipulative and superficially charming, and willing to do whatever it took to get what he wanted. But at least he was smart enough to not try grabbing her ass; she would _smoke_ him. First with a swift knee to the crotch then dragging what was left of him through the courts.

At the back of her mind, however, was the terrifying prospect that maybe it _wasn’t_ PTSD… maybe she was going quietly insane. And _that_ had apparently started long before she woke up under Santa Monica pier with an old stab wound in her gut. 

It was a deeply surreal experience, finding out somebody else had been living your life. A complete stranger, but wearing your face. Months and months of time were just wiped from her memory like it had never even been there. 

The Victor Perez sting was long over. Marco, the poor kid, was dead - murdered by Liam with a screwdriver. And even though she’d been there, she couldn’t remember a damn thing.

Amnesia was bad enough, but while she was ‘away’ she’d also apparently undergone a personality change. She’d mistreated her kids and driven them away with her erratic behaviour, dumped Brad, left Elliot, even assaulted some lawyer in a men’s restroom to poach one of his clients.

When she’d tracked down the client to ask him what he knew about it, he’d practically shit his pants. He insisted he didn’t know _anything_ , he would never tell _anybody_ , he’d never tell a living soul that _she’d blackmailed him into building her a bomb_.

A fucking _BOMB_.

The most terrifying thing was, what was to stop this ‘other’ her from coming back? Where the Hell had she put the bomb? Maybe it was just a matter of time before she was triggered like some kind of lunatic sleeper agent and blew up a government building. 

But even so, she flatly refused to talk to anyone about what was happening to her. The prospect of never seeing the kids again, losing everything she’d built and being locked up in a mental institution for the rest of her life terrified her. So she’d kept her mouth shut, was trying meditation and Xanax, and hoping that her symptoms would go away on their own.

But now she was seeing _lights_? That didn’t sound like PTSD, that sounded like a fucking brain tumour. She fumbled her phone from her pocket and her hands shook as she dialed her doctor’s number. As it started ringing her gaze wandered across the bullpen and through the open door of Pierce’s office. She froze in dread, the phone dropping from her fingers.

There were two men standing there, talking. Pierce and some uniformed cop. But their faces were… a horror.

The cop didn’t even look human. His skin was the bloodless white of a corpse, and his eyes were enormous black empty pits. His mouth opened wide and a torrent of thick black sludge bubbled out and down the front of his uniform.

And Pierce...

Pierce’s face and the entire top of his head were blown clean off. She only knew it was him because of his size, his plaid shirt and the fact he was standing in Pierce’s office. She quaked in fear.

_It’s not real. It’s not real._

She bent down to retrieve her phone, squeezed her eyes shut for a few seconds, inhaled, exhaled, then got up and looked again.

Black tarry sludge cascading onto the floor… bits of brain matter on Pierce’s shoulders.

_It’s not real._

And even though she couldn’t see their eyes, it felt like they were watching her.

She gripped the handle of her briefcase so tightly that her knuckles turned white, and tried to stop shaking. She turned away and headed on rubbery legs for the elevators, forcing herself with every ounce of willpower she had not to break into a run. She imagined the waking nightmares behind her, watching every step she took, but pushed the images away. Because _it wasn’t real._

It wasn’t real because it couldn’t be. It sure looked real, though. _So. Fucking. Real_.

_What in God’s name is happening to me?_

She stepped into the empty elevator and the doors closed. She let out a soft sob, hugging her briefcase tightly to her chest.

 _Oh God_ , she thought despairingly, _I really am losing my mind._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- This chapter allowed me to air some of my theories and interpretations of the canon of the show, as well as lay some groundwork for future chapters. And have some more fun with Lucifer and in-the-know Chloe!  
> \- My take on Ella has come from the fact that I initially suspected her of being Elaine from the comics: the half-angel daughter of Lucifer's brother Michael with the special ability to communicate with spirits of the dead and see into the open minds of others. I think the Lucifer Writers having the ghost replaced with Azrael was a brilliant move and I hope to see more of that storyline in canon but I'm exploring some other possibilities in this AU... :)  
> \- Father Kinley being Ella's conscience and the voice of reason? Whut? Well, this IS an AU, anything can happen... :)  
> \- Azrael's role is entirely my idea and appears to be very different to canon Azrael, but fixes a few issues I had which haven't been dealt with to my satisfaction either in the show or some fics I've read. For example, in this story guilt isn't the only thing that sends souls to Hell, and guiltless psychopaths do NOT get off scot free.  
> \- Azrael’s role as the Angel of Death I got partly from Islam’s version of Azrael, ie they are only informed by God when time is up to take a soul. Plus her taking murderous psychopaths neatly fixed the problem of what happens to those who truly feel no guilt, and as a bonus explained the occasional locked door in Hell that we see in the show.  
> \- My Charlotte is suffering more aftereffects of her death than TV Charlotte's, who only had nightmares. I thought it'd be cool to explore that a little more :)  
> \- The cop with black sludge pouring out of his mouth is a reference to another DC TV property; Constantine... and that's all I'm gonna say about THAT. :D


	5. Just Another Crack in the Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in the Mojave, a certain National Park Service employee begins his own investigation...

Nick hefted the bag of equipment over his shoulder and hiked briskly down Banshee Canyon in the chilly shadows of early morning, his climbing harness clinking with every step. A stiff morning breeze was up and it was causing a familiar eerie wailing from blowing across the Swiss-cheese-like holes and crevices in the canyon walls.

He took a deep, cleansing breath; finally, he was on trail. The waiting had been driving him crazy; it’d been almost two weeks since the rockfalls had closed Hole-in-the-Wall. Reopening the Rings Trail had been pushed back even further after more falls in Banshee Canyon. But weirdly,  _ only _ in Banshee Canyon, including a major one right on top of the second set of climbing rings. 

After things had settled down, a small team of geologists and rangers had been over the site with everything they had and found nothing. No evidence of freeze-thaw or explosives, no root wedging, and while there had been the usual daily/twice daily earthquakes - this was California after all - that level of destruction wasn’t warranted by the low magnitudes. Plus, it only seemed to have affected a few small areas; the rock face next to the information centre, the wider section partway down Banshee Canyon, and a landslide blocking the access road. That’s what was so weird about this so-called ‘seismic’ event; that the damage was so severe yet so oddly contained.

To his frustration, Nick hadn’t been allowed to tag along with the investigative team despite his experience as a cop. He’d grilled them for every little detail afterwards, which concerning the cause of the rockfalls wasn’t much, but there’d been something else of interest in the canyon. They’d apparently found footprints.

Which normally wouldn’t be strange, but whoever had left them had pulled some serious David Copperfield shit; with a bus-sized boulder blocking the way from the trailhead there was currently only one way to access that part of the canyon - via the exit at the eastern end. And yet there were no footprints leading in, and none leading out. 

They knew this because a layer of pink-tinted grit had settled over the whole area, and two sets of footprints had been clustered together right by the rock fall. Maybe some looky-loos had rappelled down from the top of the canyon, had a fight or a dance off, then climbed back out again?

Sure why not?

Nick was more inclined to think the rangers got bored and decided to mess with him. And legit or not, the rangers had neglected to take any photos so Nick couldn’t decide for himself what the marks were.

Officially, the cause of the damage was listed as a combination of seismic activity and freak weather conditions but unofficially people were calling it an Act of God. ...In other words they couldn’t figure out  _ what _ caused it. Chalk up one more to the inscrutability of nature. Nick had to admit it did sound like something off the X-Files, and added yet another story to the enigma that was the Mojave.

Now that the rockhounds had finally given the all clear, Nick had volunteered for the job of putting in new climbing rings over the second fall so that the trail could reopen. He scrambled to the top of the massive pile of rubble, hammered in an anchor point, clipped in and rappelled down the now much-higher drop into the amphitheatre. He whistled as he took in the destruction. 

As well as the semitrailer-sized boulder wedged above the original set of rings, there were numerous piles of large debris scattered across the floor of the canyon. A rock tower had collapsed as well. Of course, the mysterious ‘footprints’ had long since been scuffed over by the investigative team, but as Nick looked around, he spotted more marks on the ground, off by themselves near the sheltered base of the southern canyon wall. He rock-hopped over to take a look.

Right below a large fissure in the rock face he saw a number of large indentations in the dust. If they were footprints, judging by the stride length they’d been left by somebody very tall, probably over six feet. 

Straight away Nick thought of his unusual rescue from the fortnight before. The British guy who’d given his name as Lucifer Morningstar then pulled a disappearing act. Could he have been here? Came for a day of extra risky free solo climbing? Nick scoffed.  _ In bare feet and dress pants? _ He had looked pretty beaten up, though, maybe he’d suffered a fall?

The guy had been suspiciously tight-lipped about what’d happened but maybe it was just some kinda bachelor party gone wild? Drugs? A dare? He’d said it was a family thing, maybe he had some wild-ass bros who’d gotten hooched up or high and it all went sideways when ‘Lucifer’ got lost and fell down a cliff? Or got in a fight?

Huh.

He spent the day hammering his way back up the rockfall, setting ring bolts and pondering various theories, but by the time he was done he’d dismissed most of them. It didn’t really matter anyway. No crime had been committed, and he had other things to worry about.

And then two days later a truck arrived on his doorstep from Los Angeles, delivered with a handwritten note.  _ Regards, Lucifer Morningstar. _

A quick call to a pal still on the force had revealed that there was indeed a Lucifer Morningstar living in Los Angeles, a local celebrity in fact, who worked as a civilian consultant to the police. And yes, he claimed to be the Devil. Well how about that.

“Oh yeah I’ve seen him around,” said Choudhury _. _ “He’s weird, but not weird for L.A. if you know what I mean. He’s alright.”

“Describe him for me?”

“White guy, six three, black hair, brown eyes, sharp dresser. Permanent five o’clock shadow.”

“American?”

“English. Owns the best nightclub in town. But then started working homicides with Detective Chloe Decker, oh, over a year ago now? Pretty wack for her to partner up with a playboy type but hey; it works. They’ve got the best solve rate in their department.”

Nick shot the shit with Choudhury for a while longer then ended the call. 

Well, that sounded like the guy he’d picked up, alright. Lucifer Morningstar was his actual legal name? And he works with the police? Then what was all that stuff about him being dumped in the desert a 'family matter'? It couldn't be organised crime then. What had happened to him out here?

_ Hmm, _ Nick pondered.  _ It’s been a while since I’ve visited LA. _

He decided that once things were back to normal in the park he’d make the time to go. He needed to see for himself that this ‘Lucifer’ guy was (a) real and (b) okay, plus (c) he really had to thank him in person for the college ride and the totally sick truck. 

And if he could find out a little more about what Lucifer had been doing out here, and whether he’d been in the canyon or seen anything, that’d be cool too.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- A few of you wanted to see Nick again. And as it turns out, so did I! I'm crushing on Nick a little bit.  
> \- A short chapter, but still enjoyable I hope! I was hoping to get the next chapter finished to publish midway through the week; no promises, but I shall try! There's some long instalments coming up so I hope that makes up for it :)  
> \- I hope everyone's staying safe and sane in this coronavirus craziness. As for me, since the Australian government in its highly questionable wisdom is still refusing to close schools I am home schooling my two starting tomorrow. Should be interesting :'D


	6. Family Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The siblings have an impromptu chat in Lucifer's penthouse.  
> ...It doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed because I realised too late that this longer chapter should go here and I didn't want to miss my deadline.

_It’s time I checked on him,_ Azrael berated herself as she soared miles above the vast expanse of desert below, the seemingly endless blue of the Pacific Ocean ahead in the distance. _Long past time._

Amenadiel had been calling to her regularly for quite a while now but she hadn’t gone to see him yet. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to do it because she knew that he - the strongest, proudest and most steadfast of God’s angels - had done the unthinkable and fallen. 

Uriel had told her. Bragged about it, in fact, about how he’d been the first to ever defeat their eldest brother in battle. Amenadiel probably wanted her help, and she felt ashamed, both of him that he had fallen so low and of herself for not having the courage to face him. So she’d kept putting it off.

But as uncomfortable as it would no doubt be, she couldn’t delay any longer. Hell and its demons were becoming increasingly troublesome and despite the fact Amenadiel no longer had his powers she needed his guidance. He always knew what to do. At least, he used to; it had become apparent that their infallible big brother was indeed fallible after all. Perhaps they could join forces to get Lucifer back on his throne, and then, duty fulfilled, hopefully Amenadiel would get his powers back.

She had another reason to see him; she had to return his necklace; the gift from their Father that Lucifer had stolen. She’d been livid when she found it on him before dumping him unconscious in the desert; furious he’d been so spiteful as to take it from his powerless, helpless brother despite knowing how important it was to him. She knew Lucifer had somehow escaped the canyon already and had half a mind to snatch him up and toss him back in there. Even an eternity of torture wouldn’t be enough for that… _snake_.

She dithered a little longer but finally mustered the courage to follow Amenadiel’s call, and landed in a large, opulent apartment overlooking the city of Los Angeles. A grand piano dominated the room and an enormous bar full of liquor took up almost half of one wall. On the opposite side of the room, along with a beautiful stained glass window, Akkadian cuneiform tablets were embedded in a stone slab feature wall. 

This was typically studious of her eldest brother, even if the subject matter was a little unusual for him; they were extremely graphic texts about various erotic arts as well as an excerpt from the _Epic of Gilgamesh_. 

_Let your belly be full, your clothes clean, your body and head washed; enjoy yourself day and night, dance, sing and have fun, and let your lover delight in your lap! This is the destiny of mortals._

Sheathing her russet wings, she looked around in mild disapproval. It seemed Amenadiel had embraced the trappings of humanity just as Lucifer had. Well, Amenadiel was virtually human now, so that was understandable. And with the loss of his wings, she could definitely understand why he’d choose to make his home somewhere up high.

She saw him reclining on a long leather couch, so engrossed in an enormous leatherbound book that he hadn’t even noticed her arrival. She smiled. Angel or no, some things never changed.

“ _To you, peace, Ammi_ ,” she called in the angelic tongue.

He looked up in surprise, then his face split in a delighted grin. 

“Rae!” 

He jumped up from the couch and hurried over to enfold her in a warm embrace. For a moment Azrael forgot everything else and just enjoyed being with her favourite brother again. As always he towered over her, seemingly solid as a mountain despite his frail human form, and she wrapped her arms carefully around him, enjoying the comfort the rare physical contact brought her. 

After a few moments her brother held her at arms’ length, smiling down at her. “It’s so good to see you, Rae.” His gaze settled on her head and he gave her an approving look. “I like what you’ve done with your hair. It’s very you.”

Azrael smiled and touched the shaved side of her head a little self-consciously. “I have had this for a while now.”

Amenadiel said teasingly, “Has Hela been hanging around with Vikings again?”

Azrael replied in a playful tone, “She might have joined them for a horn or two of mead a while back.”

Amenadiel nodded sagely. “And a brawl or five as well, I’ll bet.”

Azrael glanced slyly at him, light eyes twinkling against her dark skin. “It wouldn’t be _Valhalla_ otherwise, would it?” She grinned and Amenadiel laughed, that rare, deep booming laugh that she loved so much. 

Then she sobered and said apologetically, “I’m sorry it has taken me so long to answer your summons, Brother. I have been very busy. And there are things that I would speak to you about, but first…” she pulled his pendant from her robe and held it out to him. “I wanted to return what Lucifer stole from you.”

Amenadiel took it from her with a murmur of thanks, then frowned and looked about to say something. Then he appeared to think better of it and invited her to sit down.

“Would you like a drink? There’s no mead, unfortunately, but there’s plenty of grain whiskies to choose from. Or would you like to try a coffee? Espressos were one of Mom’s favourite things about Earth.”

Azrael blinked. That her eldest brother would actually deign to serve her was startling enough, but the news that their _ammaa_ had had favourite things - plural - about Earth, when she’d always despised humans, had likened them to insects and had been imprisoned for trying to exterminate them, was practically earth-shattering. 

Her curiosity got the better of her and she accepted an espresso; it was strong and bitter, and to her surprise she liked it very much. Then they sat on the couch together and talked as though the last seven years had been a mere seven days. 

Azrael had never related well to most of her siblings. They thought her odd and she suspected they’d always been a little scared of her… of her hard edges, and her temper, and perhaps, of her blade. An opinion, admittedly, she hadn’t made much of an effort to change. 

Amenadiel was different. He’d always had the strength to let her be herself without feeling threatened. And because she felt accepted, she felt comfortable enough around him to allow her friendlier side out. He was the only one allowed to call her by her nickname, and vice versa. Anyone else who tried soon regretted it.

Their shared love of and skill at fighting had been the foundation of their early bond, but Amenadiel had always tempered his strength with learning and wisdom and she’d always had to fly fast just to keep up with him. He could be demanding and unyielding but she’d always looked up to him and felt grateful for his guidance. But this Amenadiel was very different to the one she’d come to know.

He seemed more… humble, somehow. Mellow. And even more unbelievably, he appeared relatively comfortable about having lost his wings and being stranded on Earth. In fact, he seemed happier than she’d ever seen him.

He spoke animatedly of his time earthbound, talked about the things he’d learned and experienced from humans firsthand; he even had human friends! His best friend was a human male named Daniel, and he’d started going with him to something called ‘improv’. He also had a meaningful relationship with a woman named Linda, who was a healer and had taught Amenadiel many things about himself, as well as what it meant to be human.

Hours passed and Azrael realised she hadn’t yet spoken to Amenadiel about the reason she’d come to see him. She was about to broach the subject when he looked solemnly at her and said, “I know what you did to Lucifer in the desert, Azrael.”

Azrael felt a rush of pride. “It was the least I could do after everything he’s done.”

Amenadiel tilted his head and gazed appraisingly at his sister. “What is it that you think he’s done?”

Azrael frowned. “He has steadfastly refused to return to his duties, of course. Then he released Mother from Hell, and murdered Uriel with my blade when he tried to take Her back. And then to even take advantage of your powerless state to steal your most treasured possession - I could not stand for that.”

Amenadiel shook his head and said gently, “Lucifer didn’t take my necklace, Rae. I let him have it so he could assemble the flaming sword. He could have destroyed Mom with it but instead opened a portal to a new universe for Her. He dismantled the sword and kept this,” he held up his necklace, “but threw your blade and the medallion after Mom. He intended to return my pendant to me but you kidnapped him and took it before he could do so.”

Azrael stared at him. “I do not believe this,” she said incredulously. “You are _defending_ him?”

Amenadiel shrugged. “It’s the truth.”

“And what of Uriel?” Azrael spat. “What excuse did he make to you for annihilating his own brother?”

His voice heavy with grief, Amenadiel answered, “Uriel wasn’t in his right mind, Rae. Rather than return Mom to Hell, he intended to destroy Her. He also tried to murder an innocent human.”

Azrael narrowed her eyes at him. “Did the _snake_ tell you to say that?”

Amenadiel frowned and replied curtly, “I do not take orders from Lucifer, Azrael. Lucifer rarely listens to me anymore, but I do trust his word. And I also know that something was very wrong with Uriel. When he realised I no longer had my powers, he took great pleasure in beating me half to death.” He swallowed against a lump in his throat. “He was no longer the Uriel we knew.”

Azrael gazed implacably back at him, and Amenadiel wondered if he was getting through to her. After several moments she said softly, “No, he wasn’t.”

Azrael remembered thinking Uriel was up to something; he had been acting very strangely, even for him, and breaking her trust to steal her blade was only part of it. It was why she’d thought he was conspiring with Lucifer against Father.

Amenadiel continued calmly, “Think about it, Rae. Lucifer was earthbound, without wings or coin and unable to reach the Underworld when Mom escaped. He only found out she was gone when he was killed, woke up in Hell and Father showed him that Mom’s cell was empty. I _know_ it wasn’t him.”

Azrael put her hands on her hips. “So then who _did_ let Her out?”

“I have no idea. Even Mom said She didn’t know.”

Azrael gave him a long look. “Even if Lucifer wasn’t able to release Mother, he is still more than capable of marshalling his demons from up here. He’s up to something terrible, something large scale, and I fear his scheming will impact the human world. In fact, it is already happening.”

Amenadiel leaned closer. “What? How?”

“There’s someone working the black arts up here, Brother, interfering in Hell so that demons can cross over. I have had to purge a number of them from human hosts over the past several months, and I suspect there are many more out there. Either it’s someone that Lucifer has compelled to do it, or he’s doing it himself.”

Amenadiel shook his head. “Lucifer wouldn’t, Rae. He takes Father’s ban on that very seriously.”

Azrael scoffed in derision. “He brought Mazikeen here, the foremost torturer of the Lilim! And _kept_ her here!”

“He brought Mazikeen so that she could fulfil her oath to him. And she’s on this plane in her own form, not possessing a human.”

“So who is to say that he didn’t bring more of them across just to amuse himself? He would welcome the chaos it would bring!”

“That’s ridiculous, Azrael,” Amenadiel argued. “Lucifer’s not here to make trouble. At least, not _that_ kind. Lucifer _likes_ Earth, particularly Los Angeles. He considers it his home now and he would never do anything to endanger it.” Amenadiel shook his head. 

“If someone is indeed summoning demons to Earth you should get Remiel to help you track them down; she loves a good hunt. And I think you should tell Lucifer all of this. Without my powers I can’t help you.”

Azrael shook her head. “Even if he _isn’t_ behind this, he won’t care, Ammi. He only cares for himself.”

Amenadiel looked earnestly down at her. “That’s not true, Rae. He’s changed. He spends his time on Earth helping humans, and he’s helped me to live among them, and respect them too. I’ve learned that our brother is not the monster we believed he was.”

Azrael scoffed. “He spends his time on Earth drinking, screwing, and thinking up ways to get revenge on Father.”

“He spends his time catching human criminals and bringing them to justice.” At Azrael’s openly skeptical look he reluctantly added, “And okay, _yes_ , drinking and screwing. _Lots_ of drinking and screwing.”

“And his plan to help Mother usurp Father?”

“He never intended to be part of Mom’s plan, and in fact by sending Her into the Void he actually stopped it.”

Azrael gave him a skeptical look, but was silent for a moment. Then she asked, “If Lucifer’s not mobilising the demons, who is?”

“I don’t know. There are probably still many mages among humans, but the only one I know of is John Constantine because Lucifer was forever complaining about him trespassing in Hell. But he would never willingly help demons escape - he’s always sending them _back_ to Hell. And demons would rather tear his head off than be indebted -” He trailed off when he heard the ding of the elevator.

_Oh, shit._

Amenadiel’s heart sank. Lucifer was home. Either he and Chloe had finished early or he’d gotten bored and bailed. It was so typical of him that he’d do it today, of all days!

A second later their brother walked in whistling a tune, saw them both and stopped dead.

“What in the bloody-?”

Azrael immediately leapt to her feet. “What is _he_ doing here?”

Lucifer snapped, “I live here! What the Hell are _you_ doing here?”

Amenadiel stood up too, and placed himself between them, his hands out in a calming gesture. “Lucifer, I called Azrael here. Azrael, this is Lucifer’s home. I probably shouldn’t have called you from here but I had no way of knowing you’d actually come this time.”

Azrael rounded on him and said accusingly, “You’ve allied yourself with him! That’s why you’ve been making all these excuses for him, trying to sway me! _You_ were the one who rescued him from the desert!”

Lucifer smirked then. “No, actually, that was you, Raemond.” At Azrael’s frown he added, “I yanked one of your feathers during our scuffle and it came in very handy for fixing me leg, so thanks for that. I was back home the very next day, so your big _al fresco_ punishment ended up a bit of a dud, I’m afraid.” He chuckled mockingly.

Azrael seethed. She should have broken _both_ of his legs. And maybe his arms as well. 

“That you have once again managed to sidestep your rightful punishment doesn’t surprise me, Lucifer-” She stopped when she saw Amenadiel was giving her meaningful looks. She rolled her eyes, took a calming breath and finished, “But it doesn’t matter. I am here to tell you there are demons coming to Earth.”

Lucifer jerked his head. “No there aren’t.”

Azrael kept a tight rein on her temper. “There _are_ , I assure you. I have returned many of them to Hell myself.”

Lucifer repeated, “They wouldn’t leave Hell. They know it’s against the rules.”

Amenadiel cut in, “They might not be leaving of their own volition, Lucifer, but Azrael told me she has dealt with many in recent months. They _are_ leaving, no doubt being summoned by a practitioner up here.”

Lucifer made a dismissive sound, turned his back and walked over to the bar. “Either way, I don’t care.”

Azrael took another deep breath and said reasonably, “You are the Lord of Hell. Controlling the demons of Hell is your responsibility.”

Lucifer poured himself a bourbon and downed half of it in one gulp. “I can’t see how you expect to make this my problem, Raemond. I had everything running just fine when I left, and I’m retired now, remember?” He finished his drink and poured himself another.

Azrael ground her teeth and said with a rising temper, “You are still Hell’s Lord, regardless of what you tell yourself. You have been absent without leave for a very long time and things aren’t running as they used to. There’s so many escaped demons that Israfel and Gabriel have had to help while I collect Father's judgments-”

Lucifer abruptly barked, “What do you keep telling me for? It’s not my problem!”

Azrael shouted, “It’s your _responsibility_ ! _Baabujii_ gave you this task as your punishment and it is your _duty_ to-”

Lucifer bellowed back, “When will you get it, Raemond, I DON’T CARE!” 

Azrael stopped, clenching her fists, and looked over at Amenadiel, her face stony. “I told you.”

Amenadiel looked at each of them in turn and said firmly, “Azrael, just hold on a minute. Lucifer, I think Azrael has very important information and we should listen to what she has to say.”

Lucifer ignored him and glared at his sister. “Rack off, Azrael.”

Azrael glared right back and set her jaw. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

Amenadiel heaved a quiet sigh and gazed Heavenwards toward their father. Sometimes Rae and Lucifer were so alike it was as if _she_ were Lucifer’s twin, not Michael. Unsurprisingly this did not help them get along. _If only Linda were here,_ he thought to himself. _What would Linda do?_

Meanwhile, Lucifer came out from behind the bar and started heading for Azrael.

Amenadiel again stepped between them and said firmly, “Please - despite everything we’re still family. Let’s sit down and talk about this.”

Lucifer said brusquely, “Get out of the way, Amenadiel. I need to bounce this trespasser and I don’t need you getting hurt, or worse. You aren’t the angel you once were.”

Azrael fumed at the slight to her older brother. “Shut up! Even as a powerless human he’s still ten times the warrior _you’ll_ ever be!”

Amenadiel brushed off his siblings’ unintended insults and stayed implacably where he was, a mere mortal standing between two furious and powerful angels. “That may be true, Lucifer, but I don’t want you two getting hurt, either,” he said. “And don’t forget, we aren’t supposed to fight here on Earth.”

Lucifer scoffed. “Please. As if that ever stopped you, Brother. How many times did we trash this very penthouse with your little ‘lessons’? Just tell your little clone here to piss off back home and there won’t be any more problems.”

Azrael lifted her chin. “If you had just gone back to your duties when Amenadiel bade you, there wouldn’t _be_ a problem in the first place! What’s happening is all your fault!”

Amenadiel racked his brain for something that would get through Azrael’s anger. She was so loyal to their father, just as blindly loyal as he himself had been. Perhaps if she knew about His plan…

“Azrael, I believe Father wants Lucifer here on Earth.”

She scoffed in derision. “That’s ridiculous! Why would He want such a thing?”

Amenadiel made a placating gesture and explained, “Because He has tied Lucifer’s destiny to a human’s.”

“What are you talking about?” said Azrael.

Lucifer put in disgustedly, “Oh for goodness’ sake, you’re on about this again?”

Amenadiel ignored him and explained, “Thirty-six years ago Father tasked me with blessing a couple here in Los Angeles with a child. A bit over a year ago Lucifer and that child - a miracle - crossed paths as Father intended and have been working together ever since. Lucifer, our brother, _the Devil_ , is doing good deeds and redeeming himself here on Earth. I believe his being here is all part of Father’s plan.” He ignored Lucifer’s exasperated snort and smiled at his sister, hoping she would see reason.

Unfortunately, she saw red.

She rounded on Lucifer. “The first time in two thousand years that our Father has intervened on Earth and it was to help _you_?” she said incredulously, striding up to Lucifer and shoving her finger in his face.

Lucifer slapped it aside and retorted hotly, “I have no idea what He’s doing but the meddling bastard is certainly not _helping_!”

Azrael fumed, “How dare you speak of our Father that way!” and without warning she whirled and kicked Lucifer so hard in the stomach he flew backwards through the air. He smashed first through the floor to ceiling window, then continued through the balcony railing. Amenadiel gasped as he plummeted out of sight toward the street below in a shower of shattered glass.

“Azrael! Control yourself!”

Azrael was about to answer when Lucifer reappeared, pure white wings pumping powerfully as he soared back up, glaring at his sister. He shouted, “I’ll speak of that bastard any way I fucking _like_!”

Azrael gaped. He has his wings back? And he’s flying around this city _in broad daylight?!_

She yelled, “Conceal your wings, you fool, the humans will see you!”

Lucifer landed nimbly on the balcony, then irritably jerked his shoulders to fold away the limbs in question. He strode back inside, levelling a furious scowl at his sister and brushing bits of glass from his suit. “Oh, and whose fault would that be, you sucker-punching little bitch!?”

“You could have hidden yourself, idiot!”

“It’s not my fault, you’re the moron that kicked me out the window!”

They both headed straight for each other, eyes blazing, fists bunched in rage and drawn back ready to strike.

“AZRAEL! LUCIFER!” Amenadiel thundered. “ _STOP!_ ”

Both of them abruptly halted and turned to look at him, millennia of habit still ingrained in them to obey their eldest sibling’s commands. But then Lucifer suddenly realised what he was doing, scowled, and defiantly kicked Azrael’s legs out from under her. As she crashed to the floor he lifted his knee and brought his designer bootheel down with crushing force onto his sister’s right shinbone. 

There was a muffled crack and Azrael cried out, clutching her broken leg with a murderous look on her face.

Amenadiel rushed over and Lucifer allowed himself to be pushed aside. “Lucifer! What do you think you’re doing?”

Lucifer gazed dispassionately down at his sister. “An eye for an eye, Raemond.” His dark eyes glinted with satisfaction. “And a leg for a leg.”

Azrael glowered back at him, cradling her injury, then spat, “You deserved it!”

“Lucifer…” Amenadiel said warningly. 

Lucifer’s eyes slid to his brother’s, then after several long moments he unsheathed one of his wings to pluck out a snowy white covert feather. He tossed it at his sister. “Fair’s fair,” he grunted.

Amenadiel gave him a look that was halfway between grateful and aggravated and snatched the feather from the air. He held it to Azrael’s injured leg and it instantly dissolved into rays of brilliant white light, the divine energy flowing into the limb and healing it. Amenadiel went to help his sister get up, but she angrily shoved him away.

“Why are you helping this _chutiya,_ Amenadiel?” Azrael snapped, climbing to her feet. “You should be returning him to Hell!”

“I no longer intend to return Lucifer to his throne, Rae.”

Azrael was shocked. “What?”

Amenadiel looked back at her, his eyes beseeching her to understand. “As I said, I believe Lucifer is here as part of Father’s plan. And besides, he doesn’t deserve Hell anymore, Rae. I’m not sure that he ever did.” 

Beside him Lucifer’s eyes widened in surprise. Amenadiel was actually sticking up for him?

Azrael felt the pit of her stomach drop away with a horrible realisation. “That _IS_ why you’ve fallen! You’ve sided with him against Father!”

Amenadiel’s jaw tightened. “I don’t know for sure why I lost my wings, Rae, but I’m certain it _wasn’t_ because I reconciled with Lucifer. Either way, we are not plotting against Father. If anything, we’re helping him.”

Lucifer interjected sharply, “Oi, steady on, Brother! Speak for yourself. Any helping of Dad was purely accidental on my part.”

Azrael ignored Lucifer and raged, “You know you can’t face our father as a failure, so you’ve betrayed Him and sided with His enemy! You were the Almighty’s warrior and emissary and now you’re the pathetic lackey of this… monster?!”

Amenadiel bit back an angry retort. “Azrael, that’s not what’s going on. Let’s all just stay calm and talk about this like civilised people-”

“What, and let the silver-tongued fiend sway me, too? I don’t think so!” She pointed accusingly at Lucifer, her light grey eyes boring fiercely into his. “Lucifer has corrupted you, Amenadiel, and you don’t even realise it. He’s a manipulative liar sowing discord for his own amusement - why do you think he’s here on Earth?” Her face twisted with contempt. 

“To throw firecrackers among children to see what will happen! He has always revelled in chaos and courted destruction. He tore our family apart and now he’s trying to sabotage Father’s creation as well!” She stepped up to Lucifer and said venomously, “You haven’t changed since the Garden. You knew _full_ well how Father would react to the humans’ disobedience, and didn’t care about the consequences they would face. They were ejected from Paradise into a world of sin and pain, all because of _you_!”

Amenadiel glanced at Lucifer, who was being surprisingly reticent in the face of Azrael’s tirade. His face was stony but his eyes were wide with shock; even after countless centuries, it seemed their siblings’ hate still hurt.

He spoke for him. “Azrael, Lucifer didn’t make Adam and Eve do anything. _They_ chose to eat from the Tree.” He moved next to his sister and went to put a calming hand on her shoulder. Predictably, she knocked it away. 

“And now he’s even gotten to _you!_ ” she spat.

Amenadiel answered patiently, “Rae, Lucifer hasn’t done anything to me. I know I’ve changed, but that has come from me, not him. Celestials are eternal but we too can change, here on Earth. We can learn, if we’re willing. We have free will-”

Lucifer did a double take at him and Azrael gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. “Blasphemy,” she breathed, backing away and tears springing to her eyes. Her russet-coloured wings unfurled and a moment later she was gone.

Silence fell. A few moments later Lucifer sighed loudly. “Well that went about as well as could be expected.” He kicked at a shard of glass on the floor. “ _Fucking Azrael_ ,” he cursed softly.

Amenadiel grimaced as he looked over at him. “I didn’t used to be _that_ bad, did I? Don’t tell me I was that bad.”

Lucifer levelled an accusing look at him. “You were worse. At least _she_ hasn’t tried to actually kill me.”

Amenadiel frowned. At least, not _yet_.

Lucifer eyed Amenadiel thoughtfully. “Did you really mean all that, by the way?”

Amenadiel nodded. “Every word. I told you, I have your back, Lucifer. I know now that you don’t cause humans to sin.”

Lucifer impatiently shook his head. “No, no, no, I mean that stuff about us having free will.” He gave his brother a disbelieving look. “I mean come _on_.”

Amenadiel shrugged. “It certainly feels like it. Humans make their choices, and live with the consequences. My life here has been just that.”

Lucifer snort laughed. “Don’t you think that could just be down to the fact you’re not exactly angelic anymore, Brother? You’d be more human than angel now.”

Amenadiel pondered for a moment, then suggested, “Perhaps that’s _how_ we attain free will? By losing our wings?”

Lucifer shook his head. “I once hoped that, and cut the bastards off, remember? But shocker, it didn’t work. Dad still sent you after me, didn’t he, and later forced my wings back on me to really underscore the whole thing.”

Amenadiel said firmly, “Well, whatever the outcome for both of us, I think it’s all part of Father’s plan.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes and stalked off to the bar to get a drink. “You know, just when I think you might finally be becoming less of a dick you go and say something completely _dickish_ like that.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I hope you all remembered Azrael? :D Another blast from the past, and from the desert as well. We see a rather different side of the Angel of Death in this chapter though, and I found it really interesting to play her off against both the brothers this time, especially since Amenadiel is now firmly behind Lucifer. (yay!)  
> \- When he had the Epic of Gilgamesh inscribed on his bedroom wall Lucifer redacted the bit about 'look upon the child who holds your hand'... but that seems to have happened anyway :D https://www.timesofisrael.com/4000-year-old-erotica-depicts-a-strikingly-racy-ancient-sexuality/  
> \- Azrael calls Lucifer a 'chutiya': it's a very strong Hindi insult along the lines of 'motherfucker' :) I figure Lucifer has an English accent (I've decided he was created that way) and comes out with very English phrases and insults (eg wanker, lol) so since Azrael looks and sounds Indian she uses Hindi words and sayings as well. (Also, 'ammaa' means 'mother' and 'Baabujii' means 'Father'.) I love the idea that angels have attributes from all races of humans from their Father's creation :) I have more on that later in the story...  
> \- Shoutout to episode 218 The Good the Bad and the Crispy. Anyone get it?


	7. New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Linda gets an unexpected visitor.

Linda dropped her bag on the side table, kicked off her flip flops and jumped down the steps to the kitchen. She was starving, and she had to make a healthy dinner quick before she succumbed to temptation and ordered something in.

As she heated up a Lean Cuisine she reflected on her day; a packed schedule with her regular clients as well as Lucifer barging in at the last minute for a short but intense emergency session. His sister - yeah, the Angel of Death one - had attacked him in his home and Lucifer had had a lot of stabby feelings and resentment about that. 

She’d asked if there was any chance of Azrael joining them in her office so she could act as a mediator, but apparently Amenadiel had already given it his best try and it had ended with Lucifer getting literally kicked through his penthouse window. So no, it probably wasn’t a good idea, at least not for the time being.

After work she’d followed up with an equally intense yoga session - which she had completely smashed, by the way - she really had been feeling incredible lately. Loads of energy! It had to be a side effect of being healed by angel feathers. 

_ If only Lucifer could bottle that stuff, _ she thought wistfully.  _ I can’t remember when I last felt this good.  _ Her stomach growled. _ Or this hungry. _

She’d barely got a few mouthfuls in when there came a knock at the front door. It couldn’t be Lucifer or Maze, they’d just walk in. Chloe would’ve called first. And Amenadiel had a key. 

She quickly put her dinner down, went to the side drawer to retrieve the large spiked flail Maze had given her and cautiously sidled up the steps to the front door.

“Who is it?” she said loudly.

“It’s me, Linda!” came a familiar voice. “Surprise!”

_ He’s back already?  _ She quickly hid the flail behind a planter box in the entranceway and unlocked the door, then stared at her husband, who was standing on her doorstep grinning with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“Reese! I thought you’d be in Syria for months yet!” She stepped forward to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Reese shrugged. “Things got a little too hot even for me. ISIL are kidnapping and executing any journalists they can find, so Shelley ordered me back.”

A shiver went up Linda’s spine at the always-casual way he talked about the dangers of his job and she resolved to send Reese’s editor at the LA Telegraph a humongous gift basket. “Oh my God. I worry about you out there but I feel a little better knowing you’ve got her looking out for you.” She stepped back to let him inside, beaming as he passed her the bouquet.

“Thank you, they’re beautiful. But what are they for?”

“Can’t I bring my ex-wife flowers just for the Hell of it?”

Linda did a double take. “ _ Ex _ -wife? You signed the papers?”

Reese pulled a sheaf of documents from his satchel and held them up. “I signed the papers. I’m sorry it took so long but I’ve been on the road a lot and I wanted to do this in person.” He handed her the papers then smiled, a little sadly.

Linda gave him a soft look. “Thank you, Reese.”

Reese shrugged. “It was time. You’ve been more than patient, Linda. But you can’t blame me for wanting to stay married to you for as long as I possibly could.” He smiled, that boyish toothy grin that had helped enchant her in the first place. Linda felt a sudden, surprising pang of loss, for all that she’d been wanting their divorce to be official for over two years now.

She pushed it down and asked him with wry formality, “So can I get you something to drink?”

Reese threw her a look of mock astonishment. “Jesus Christ, it hasn’t been  _ that _ long has it Linda? Just throw it at me, you don’t even need to ask.”

Linda giggled and poured them both a drink. Reese held up his and said, “To my amazing former wife, who’s the smartest, wisest, kindest person I’ve ever met.” He hitched the corners of his mouth up as he silently added,  _ I’m sorry I never showed you just how much I love you. _

Linda raised her glass back at him. “And to my brilliant former husband Reese, who’s the bravest, most talented, most determined son of a bitch  _ I’ve _ ever met. To… happy endings. ”

Reese added, “And new beginnings.” 

They toasted and drank, then as Linda continued eating her dinner Reese eyed her thoughtfully. “So, what’s up with you? You look great. Like… amazing. You’re practically glowing.”

Linda said dryly, “That’s a diplomatic way of saying ‘sweating your ass off’!”

Her ex grinned. “That too. How was class tonight?”

Linda did an excited little bounce. “I did my first scorpion handstand! Have you tried hot yoga yet? Or even  _ any _ yoga?”

Reese deadpanned, “I’ve been crammed into a stinking hot car trunk in Colombia, which is close enough for me.”

Linda laughed. “Aside from that then, how’ve you been?”

“Oh, you know, the usual. War, extremism, atrocities on all sides. The ongoing shitfight in the Middle East thanks to Dubya swinging his dick in Iraq.” He ran a hand through his wild silver blond hair. “Need a little time out so I’ll be in LA for a while, recouping. You?”

“I’ve been really good… well, for the most part,” she amended. Linda had many conflicting emotions about the rollercoaster that had been the past year and a half, landing on death’s doorstep being the biggest low. 

The highs, however...

“Work, especially, has been… incredibly rewarding,” she said with a smile. “And  _ illuminating _ , to say the least. I can honestly say that I’ve never learned so much or felt so strongly that I’m making a positive difference in people’s lives than I have lately.”

...She’d been helping the Devil himself turn his life around; no other therapist on the  _ planet _ could make that claim! She gave Reese a pleased smile.

Reese smiled back. “That’s really great, Linda, I’m happy for you.” Then he gave her an appraising look. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”

Linda couldn’t help it; her smile got even wider. “Actually there is… I’ve met someone.”

Reese threw her a sly look. “He’s a bad boy, right? You never could resist.”

Linda’s grin turned mischievous. “No I couldn’t.”  _ Including the baddest of them all _ , she thought with a certain sense of achievement. “But no, he’s not like that, not really; he’s different from anybody I’ve ever met. We didn’t have the best start… no, we had a  _ terrible _ start, but we became friends, and then… it just grew from there.”

“How’d you guys meet?”

“Through work. He was a… colleague.” Technically that was true, since Amenadiel was posing as a therapist when they met. She could have gushed for ages about him but knew Reese wouldn’t want to hear too many details of her new relationship; he tended to get a little jealous and she wanted to keep things light. So she changed the subject.  _ Baby steps. _

“You know, his brother is an interesting character. You’ll have heard of him; Lucifer Morningstar.”

Reese huffed a laugh, blue eyes sparkling in his tanned, rugged face. “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of him alright. The scandal sheets love him; eccentric playboy teams up with a former B-list actress to solve murders. I hear they’re doing surprisingly well.”

“They are.” Linda smiled to herself; she was really proud of Lucifer for the progress he’d made while working with Chloe, and for forging his own path. Then she was struck by sudden inspiration.  “Oh my God! You should do a story on them!”

Reese threw her an unenthusiastic look. “It’s been done to death, Linda.” 

Linda shook her head. “Only in tabloids and gossip blogs, not by a real reporter who’s actually talked to them. Just think of it as a nice break from the religious extremists and serial killers while you’re settling back in LA.”

Reese threw her a challenging look. “You don’t think a guy who goes around saying he’s the Devil is a ‘religious extremist’?”

Linda waved her drink. “Nah. Not once I got to know him.”  _ And realised he was telling the truth. _

“Regardless, I don’t really do fluff pieces, Linda, you know that.”

Linda laughed. “They’re solving  _ homicides _ , Reese, not rescuing kittens from trees. It’ll be a great hook.”

Reese shrugged. “Okay, okay. I’ll think about it. Thanks for the tip.”

Linda smiled. Lucifer would love having a reporter follow him around asking him questions, he’d no doubt make the most of the opportunity to play up to his adoring fans as well as try to promote Lux. And she was intrigued as to what Lucifer would make of Reese, too. And vice versa. 

She strongly suspected even her hard-headed ex-husband would find Lucifer a little challenging, and she had to admit to a little guilty thrill at the prospect of seeing sparks fly between them. Reese was accustomed to dealing with larger-than-life characters, had written about a lot of very big names in his career, and Linda was tickled pink at the idea of Reese Getty, intrepid reporter, literally, unknowingly interviewing the Devil himself. 

She couldn’t wait to see how those two got along, although she resolved to ask Lucifer not to mention their fling. No good could possibly come of Reese knowing  _ that _ .

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Yes, another S3 character has popped up! Good (?) old Reese a Roni. I REALLY love Off The Record. I love how different it is to the usual episodes, and the way it's told entirely from Reese's pov - I always love seeing my favourite characters from different perspectives! I love how it embodies one of the main themes of the show too, of personal responsibility, and how each choice Reese makes set him on the path that ultimately led to Hell. ARRGH SO GOOD!  
> -That said, I've got something a little different in store for our intrepid reporter, starting with his and Linda's relationship. I just thought it would be really interesting to explore some of the other personality traits we saw in Reese during his episode besides jealousy and arrogance. Like that movie Sliding Doors - the choices we make every day can change our lives for good and bad, and I thought it'd be fun to lean into that like they did in the canon episode. :)


	8. Business as Unusual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer and Chloe encounter a case they can't solve. Ella's faith starts to get a little shaky, but she still tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just did NOT want to be written! Once you've read it you might understand why. There's a lot of darkness in this one - a lot. I really didn't enjoy writing it. I've never written a content warning before, but I think this chapter needs one.  
> Graphic descriptions of torture, crime scene, war and war crimes. The murder victim is a child molester, but there are no children in this story except for one mentioned as a witness to the victim's trial.
> 
> \- If you want to avoid all of those parts, read up until Chloe and Lucifer encounter the reporters out front, then skip over to where I've put in a little ---------- line. I hope this suffices. If not, please let me know and I'll fix it.

“...And then the cow kicked me out the window!”

Chloe, driving them to their next crime scene, did a double take. “Wait, what? I thought this was happening in the penthouse.” 

Lucifer nodded. “Oh, it was. The fact that we were sixteen storeys up in the middle of downtown didn’t stop her though.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Honestly, it’s a good thing I _didn’t_ cut my wings off again, otherwise my taking a swan dive into the Strip would’ve been a bit bloody problematic. Raemond always did have a temper.”

Chloe tutted sympathetically but inwardly she was reeling. Apparently Lucifer’s sister Azrael - _the Angel of Death_ \- had turned up yesterday, picking fights and ranting about him having to go back to Hell.

Lucifer had told her many times about how his family mistreated him but she was appalled at the lengths they went to; banishment to Hell, physical and emotional abuse, attempted murder and kidnapping, and now an unprovoked attack in his own home. Chloe had been pleased to hear that Amenadiel had stuck up for him though, and wondered if their little chat at the bar a few weeks back had had something to do with it.

She said, “But why’d she turn up _now_? What did she want?”

Lucifer snorted. “Just the usual. To tell me I’m evil, demand I get back to Hell, yadda yadda.” All the fake news rubbish about his demons coming to Earth was no doubt concocted to convince Amenadiel, and there was no point telling the Detective about that. “Naturally I refused, and she took exception.” 

Chloe scowled. She’d actually been feeling a little more sympathetic towards Lucifer’s sister after hearing about the shitty job she had dragging psychos to Hell, but now she’d burned all that good will. And this Azrael was supposed to be one of the supposedly ‘good’, Heaven’s angels? 

Chloe let out a sigh. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Does your family ever have a conversation that _doesn’t_ involve beating each other up?”

“Well, come to think of it, I haven’t punched Amenadiel for a good long while,” replied Lucifer thoughtfully. Then added darkly, “Doesn’t mean I haven’t _wanted_ to though.”

“Well, it’s progress,” Chloe said wryly.

They had to park a short distance from the crime scene as there were already a number of vehicles parked on the street, including an ambulance and a number of news vans. Chloe’s lips pursed; if the media were already circling they’d probably been tipped off that there was something sensational about the death. Possibly a celebrity, or multiple victims, or it was particularly gruesome; they weren’t usually interested in the ‘everyday’ LA murder scene.

As they neared the tape the questions started, but thankfully the reporters didn’t seem to know anything too specific.

“Detective Decker! What can you tell us about this murder? Is it true the body was decapitated?”

“Detective Decker! Over here!”

“It’s been said the victim is a well-known ex-con - is this a gangland killing?”

Lucifer cleared a path through the waiting pack and lifted the tape for her, and ignoring all questions they headed inside. Following the unis’ directions they headed underground into the bowels of the building, through long badly-lit corridors and past ugly bare concrete walls and winding pipes. The air grew stale and Chloe’s nose twitched at the foul smell of vomit; they passed a pool of it on the final approach to the crime scene. They didn’t need any more directions at that point, they merely followed a series of bloody footprints labelled with evidence markers. They turned one final corner and arrived at the boiler room, then pulled protective coverings over their shoes and went inside. Ella was already hard at work. 

“Hey guys,” she called, her usual exuberance dulled somewhat, and looking around at the state of the crime scene Chloe could understand why. Ella was wearing a full jumpsuit because the room was an absolute bloodbath. There were so many different blood spatter patterns that it was like walking through a giant Jackson Pollock painting. Spatters, drips and sprays of it covered the nearest wall, smeared across the floor, and pooled under the body. Even Lucifer pulled up short in surprise.

The victim was a middle-aged white male, lying supine on the floor. His clothes were in tatters… and his body was a ruin. His hands, feet and genitals were missing, along with his right eye and numerous strips of skin from his body and scalp.

So many cuts, bruises and blisters covered the corpse there was barely an inch of unbloodied skin left, and the room held the stench of burned flesh and hair. What remained of the clothing was soaked with dried and crusted blood. Chloe shuddered, not so much from the gore, but from the primal fear of knowing that there was a sadist out there capable of doing something like this to another human being.

She cleared her throat. “What’ve you got, Ella?”

Ella replied with feeling, “One sick puppy.” Then she glanced at the body beside her and added contemptuously, “And I’m not just talking about whoever did this.”

Chloe blinked at the uncharacteristic venom in Ella’s voice. “What? Who is this guy?”

“Dirtbag’s - I mean, _victim’s_ name is Jerry Ridgedale.”

Chloe’s eyebrows rose. “ _That_ Jerry Ridgedale?”

Ella gave a sharp nod. “Yep. Fifty four years old, former priest and convicted child molester. He died some time around dawn but was being worked over in here for a couple hours before that. Was found by the morning janitor who’s currently being treated for shock - thank God he didn’t puke on my crime scene.”

Lucifer smirked up at the ceiling. “I bet He hasn’t heard that one before.”

Chloe looked again at the body, but in its current state it was unrecognisable. And with no apparent wallet, no fingers for prints... “How’d you ID him?”

Ella’s mouth twisted in disgust. “Birthmark.” She pointed at a large, raised dark mole on the corpse’s upper left thigh. “It was used as evidence at his trial; the testimony came from a twelve year old boy.” Ella glared down at the corpse. “Son of a bitch abused over _thirty_ kids in the ten years he worked as a school chaplain. His church bosses didn’t stop him, they just kept moving him around to different places and covering it up. Then he finally gets caught and sentenced to eighteen years, but he got out on parole last week! Only served fifteen, but he should’ve got life!” Ella swore under her breath.

Lucifer said blithely, “Well, he’s serving a life sentence _now_ , isn’t he?”

Ella hissed angrily, “And his victims are too, after what he did to them. I just can’t understand how the Church kept helping him get away with it!”

Lucifer opened his mouth to reply but Chloe stopped him with a hand on his arm. She said gently, “Ella, I know it’s hard with a case like this, but we need to maintain distance. What Ridgedale did was horrific, but so is what was done to him and we need to stay focused. Are you okay?” Ella nodded, muttered indistinctly and went back to collecting evidence.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “Oh I don’t know. Seems to me the killer did the world a favour, getting this malignant riffraff off the streets.”

Chloe said firmly, “Lucifer, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you it’s not our job to judge?”

Lucifer was regarding the body thoughtfully. “It’s not my job to punish, either, in this case. Looks like someone did that already. And did a demonically good job of it, too...” He trailed off thoughtfully, then frowned.

Chloe glanced up at her partner and said in a low voice so Ella couldn’t hear, “I always used to wonder how you could be so okay with some of the crime scenes we got. Especially those two Satanic cult members last year.”

Lucifer gave a distracted jerk of his head. “I’ve seen much worse, Detective. Both down there _and_ up here. Hell, I _did_ worse, back in the day. You don’t come across this sort of thing that often, though...” he trailed off.

Chloe suppressed a shudder at the mental picture of Lucifer in Hell, inflicting gruesome tortures like what had happened in this room. On souls, but still... She forcibly turned her attention back to the lab tech. “What can you tell us, Ella?”

Ella raised her eyebrows. “Well, speaking as a forensics professional, this body’s really effed up. I’ve counted over fifty incisions of various kinds so far, removal of an eye, the genitalia, hands and feet, stump cauterisations, and multiple penetrating fractures on the forehead’s left side. Blunt force trauma from that brick over there.” She pointed to a bloodstained clay brick on the floor next to an evidence marker. 

“Killer came prepared. Wore gloves, left no prints except for the footprints. Looks like the wounds were all inflicted with specific tools, including a kitchen blowtorch, a double-edged serrated knife, a stiletto-style dagger, a flaying knife, evisceration scoop and most likely a machete. And aside from the brick, the perp took it all with him.”

“Along with the restraints,” added Lucifer. At Ella’s quizzical look he snorted. “You don’t think Jerry here sat quietly while the killer tore strips off him, do you?”

Ella shook her head. “No… but he could’ve been drugged. We’ll have to wait for the tox screen results to find out.”

Lucifer shook his head. “I doubt he was sedated. I get the distinct impression the killer wanted Ridgedale to feel every second of this.”

Chloe swallowed. “Yeah I get that feeling too.”

“We won’t know for sure what killed him ‘til after the autopsy but my money’s on shock and blood loss,” said Ella. “Killer used tourniquets and cauterised the wounds but nobody could survive this much damage for long. The killer gave him the skull fractures anyways, they came after I think, you know, like a _coup de grâce_ sorta thing but with a brick instead of a bullet.”

Lucifer asked suddenly, “Is this how he was found?”

Ella looked up, surprised. “No, I was getting to that.” She pointed at her camera which was stashed with her kit on a nearby shelf. “I took photos.”

Lucifer retrieved the camera and they found numerous shots of Ridgedale on his knees with his face pressed into the floor. His arms were bent so that, had he still had hands, they would’ve been resting palms down on the floor either side of his head.

“It looked like he was put into _sujud_ . That’s the position of utmost humility and submission before God.” She threw a sly smile at Lucifer and added pointedly, “That is, before _Allah_ , in the _Islamic_ faith.”

He answered distractedly, “Yes, I’m well aware, Miss Lopez. He was even arranged in the correct _qibla_ by the looks of it.”

Ella blinked and looked down at the body and Chloe asked, “ _Qibla?_ ”

“With his head towards the holy city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia, specifically to the _Ka'bah._ Which from Los Angeles would be only slightly east from north.” He pointed with his arm at an angle toward the right side of the room. “That way.”

Ella narrowed her eyes at Lucifer. “We’re underground without a compass. How would you know which way it is?”

Lucifer looked at her as if to say _well DUH_. “Well, you know which way’s up and which way’s down, don’t you?”

Ella’s face scrunched in confusion. “Huh? What’s up and down got to do with it?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “One’s basic innate sense of direction?”

Ella scoffed. “Up and down is gravity. Compass directions have got nothing to do with gravity.”

“No, but they’re just as easily discerned. You just have to look at -”

Chloe interjected impatiently, “Guys, please. We’re getting off track.” She said to Ella, “How do you know about Islam?”

Ella shrugged. “Took a college class in comparative religion.” She waved over at the camera. “I mean, I’m no profiler, but dude was definitely posed or staged. I mean, the victim’s Catholic, _his_ victims were all Catholic, and Catholics prostrate themselves by lying full length face down on the floor, not like that.”

Lucifer sniggered to himself. Prostrate. _Maybe the killer’s a bad speller and gave the priest a prostrate exam._ Then he looked back down at the camera screen and frowned again.

Chloe hummed. “So you mean… _is_ the killer Muslim, or did he just do this to throw us off? Make out it was some kinda religious hate crime to cover up the real motive?”

Ella nodded. “Yeah.”

Chloe realised Lucifer had fallen silent and looked up at him. “Any thoughts?”

Lucifer shook his head. “I’m not sure.” He asked Ella, “Is there any way to tell in what order his bits were cut off?”

“Huh?” Ella gave him an odd look.

“Did they start with a hand for example, or his tackle? Can you tell?”

Ella huffed a laugh. “No, dude. Not unless the killer numbered them. They were just tossed in a dumpster outside.”

Chloe peered up into Lucifer’s face. He wore a slight frown and he kept glancing at the camera screen. “What is it?” she asked quietly.

Lucifer hesitated. It might just be a coincidence. But after what Azrael had told him another explanation was rearing its ugly head...was it possible that a damned soul had finally found a way out of its loop?

He put the camera back on the shelf, took Chloe gently by the arm and headed for the door. “Excuse us for a moment Miss Lopez. Detective, might I have a word?” Outside the room they dumped their shoe coverings and Lucifer led Chloe down a darkened branch of the main corridor away from the scene.

“What is it, Lucifer? You got something?”

“I bloody well hope not,” Lucifer muttered. At Chloe’s questioning look he explained, “There’s a serial killer I know of - in Hell - who’s different from most. His name was Aleksander Prifti. He was active during the Kosovo War, which you may remember was rife with ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity?”

Chloe nodded. She’d been eighteen and shooting _Hot Tub_ for part of it, and had been shocked to hear from a co-star that his Albanian cousins had been forced from their home by Serbian police and had to escape across the border to Montenegro. The war had lasted less than eighteen months but they’d lost everything, had friends and family go missing, had even witnessed Albanian children being intentionally run down by a Yugoslavian Army tank. Up until that point the horrors of war had only been an abstract concept to her, happening a long way away on TV screens or a long time ago in the pages of history books, not to the loved ones of people she knew.

Lucifer went on, “Aleck was a Kosovo Albanian, a Muslim, one of the rebels fighting Slobodan Milošević’s lot. One night he witnessed a Yugoslavian soldier gun down a friend and his entire family - eight people altogether, including children. Sent him right off the deep end into berserker territory. Hacked off the killer’s right hand, left foot, left hand and right foot, then stoned him to death with a chunk of rubble.” Lucifer glanced back up the corridor towards the crime scene. “In his mind he became the angel of death, tasked with extracting the souls of the guilty. He placed the victim into _sujud,_ for humility before Allah to ask for forgiveness, and from that point on started tracking down war criminals and doing the same thing to them.”

“But if he was Muslim how come he thought he was the angel of death?”

“Islam recognises the angel of death too, Detective, but they call her _Malak al-Maut_. Azrael’s recognised by hundreds of cultures under different names, and they all have varying ideas about what she does.”

Chloe hummed thoughtfully. “Okay. So you think Ridgedale is this Prifti guy’s MO?”

Lucifer tipped his head to the side. “Yes, although not so much the eyeball gouging, spaying and flaying, that’s new. But in the Islamic faith the worse the sinner the more painfully their soul is extracted, and using a position of trust to abuse children puts Ridgedale right down there with the worst.” Then he muttered under his breath, “Not to mention what Aleck’s millennia in Hell might’ve done to him by now…”

Chloe said, “But if he’s in Hell this can’t be him. Maybe it’s a copycat? Somebody following in his footsteps?”

“That’s just it Detective, he never told a living soul what he was doing. And his victims’ murders were never fully investigated in all the chaos of the war. He took his secret to the grave.” 

“Are you sure?”

Lucifer gave her an impatient look. “Detective, you know perfectly well that humans can’t lie to me.” 

Chloe mentally facepalmed. “Of course. Right.”

“He needed anonymity. He was taking out war criminals on both sides of the conflict - mostly the Serbian police and the Yugloslav army, but the KLA as well; his own side. So there was the danger of retribution on his family from him being both a rebel _and_ a traitor. He was never caught, never took trophies or kept diaries or scrapbooks or any of the things that serial killers often do. He didn’t kill for pleasure, he killed because he thought God ordered him to.” Lucifer sniffed. “Didn’t mean he was right, of course, and he still went to Hell. His ‘mission’ ended one day when he realised one of his victims had been innocent, and he offed himself.”

“So what are you saying? He-” Chloe did a double take, then added in a tone that conveyed her disbelief at the words coming out of her own mouth, “He told somebody in a séance or something?”

“No, he kept the secret between himself and Dad. At least until he landed downstairs and his Hell loop drew it out of him. And yet, this murder just… _feels_ like him.”

Chloe said slowly, “But if damned souls don’t ever escape their loop...”

Lucifer said reluctantly, “Well, none have _so far_. Not one in eons.” Lucifer gave a frustrated sigh. “I suppose the only way to know for sure is to simply go and make sure he’s still down there.” He rolled his shoulders and his wings unfurled with a thump, alarmingly loud in the quiet corridor.

“Whoah!” Chloe’s eyes widened and she whirled to check they were still alone. “Okay, how long will that-” She blinked as Lucifer beat his wings with one powerful downstroke and her hair whipped into her face. Lucifer disappeared almost as soon as his feet left the floor, then in almost the same instant Chloe got wind-blasted from the other direction as he landed again.

“-take?” She turned around to see Lucifer shaking out his wings then shrugging them away. He heaved a deep breath of the stagnant underground air and brushed at his suit. 

“Ah, that’s better. One of the many, many things I will never miss about Hell is that bloody awful stink. LA might not smell of roses but at least it doesn’t reek like the Phlegethon.” He saw Chloe staring at him with her mouth open and added helpfully, “A burning river of boiling blood.”

“You’ve been there and back already?”

Lucifer nodded. “As quick as I could manage, and it still took several hours to find him. All tucked up in his loop watching his family getting slaughtered. Of course.” _So much for that ridiculous theory_ , he thought in irritation. He wouldn’t have even considered it if bloody Azrael hadn’t put the idea in his head about Hell’s denizens escaping in the first place. 

“I also stopped in to see if Ridgedale could give us any leads but the bastard was as useless in death as he was in life. His loop is fifty recurring years of getting tortured and murdered by children." Lucifer's mouth pursed in a moue of distaste. "Like I needed another reason to be leery of the sticky-fingered little imps." He sighed. "Apologies, Detective. This has been a complete waste of time.” He sighed. “Maybe it’s just that hive mind that everybody talks about.”

Chloe reached out to touch his arm. “Not a waste, it’s one less dead end and I really appreciate you going. I’m actually relieved your lead didn’t pan out, to be honest. At least now we can rule out that it’s supernatural.”

Lucifer nodded. “I’m rather relieved myself. The last thing I need is an infernal jailbreak just when we’ve got everything going nicely between us again.” He beamed at her and Chloe’s stomach did a little flutter. “I suppose we’ll be trawling through all of Ridgedale’s victims then?”

Chloe nodded. “And their families. And tracking down similar cases, since it looks like this guy might’ve killed before. And possible accomplices, past colleagues, anyone who might’ve held a grudge...”

Lucifer groaned. “That’ll take bloody _ages_. It’s a sign you’re a true arsehole when even Ella Lopez hates your guts.”

Chloe agreed. They’d have to cast the net wide for this one, and the high profile of the case wasn’t going to make things any easier.

\-------------------

They got back to the scene to find the burly form of Lieutenant Pierce waiting for them. A dark-suited couple loitered by the door behind him; Feds. 

By way of greeting Pierce muttered, “Nice of you to join us.”

Lucifer nodded and replied graciously, “You’re welcome.”

Chloe ignored both of them to peer at the FBI agents. “What’s going on, Lieutenant?”

“It’s a federal case now.” Pierce’s expression gave nothing away as he turned and indicated the two agents behind him. “Special Agent William Barnes, Special Agent Amelia Jenkins, this is Detective Chloe Decker and her civilian consultant Lucifer Morningstar.” 

The two agents, one a stoop-shouldered bald black man and the other a fair-skinned woman with an auburn pixie haircut, walked over and nodded politely at them but Chloe noticed the look they gave each other. While their professionally neutral expressions didn’t change Chloe got the distinct impression of a mutual eyeroll. By the way Lucifer shifted beside her she knew he’d seen it too.

Jenkins spoke first. “We’ll take it from here, Detective Decker. We’re from the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime.”

Lucifer made a small sound of amusement. “I’m impressed you managed all that in one go, Amy darling. It’s quite a _mouthful_.” He smiled lazily at Jenkins and she blinked. A second later she smiled back and distractedly touched her hair as she looked Lucifer up and down. Lucifer’s smile got wider. Then Barnes loudly cleared his throat and Jenkins jumped, the spell broken.

Chloe suppressed an eyeroll of her own, subtly elbowed Lucifer and said to the two agents, “We can help. Surely the more hands on a case like this the better.”

Barnes replied smoothly, “Due to the nature of the case, and the identity of the victim, we think it prudent to avoid any potential controversy going forward. We know from media reports that Mr. Morningstar here doesn’t have the best track record for dealing with members of the religious community.”

Chloe frowned. “You don’t mean Jacob Williams, do you?”

Barnes’ eyes flicked to Lucifer. “Not only him, but yes.”

Lucifer scowled. “Hold on; surely you’re not booting us off the case because a phony reverend once had a go at me?”

Chloe said softly, “Lucifer…”

Pierce said tiredly, “The footage made the news, Lucifer. And then Williams ended up dead. Regardless of the circumstances you have to agree it wouldn’t be a good look.”

Lucifer gave him a withering look and replied brusquely, “I most certainly do _not_ have to agree. What I consider ‘not a good look’ is the LAPD removing their best detective from a serial murder case just because a couple of _suits_ blow in and say so.”

Jenkins said sharply, “Who said it was a serial?”

Chloe put in diplomatically, “ _Possible_ serial,” at the same time Lucifer sniffed, “It’s _obvious_.”

The two feds looked at each other, then at Pierce. Jenkins nodded briskly and said, “Thank you for your cooperation, Lieutenant. We’ll be in touch if we need anything.” Pierce nodded back, then with one last glance at Lucifer, the two agents turned and walked away.

Lucifer made a disgusted noise. “What, so that’s it?”

Pierce ignored him and addressed Chloe. “There’s been a stabbing at the Popeyes drive through on La Brea and Jefferson. Details should come through shortly.” Then he gave her a slight shrug and a sympathetic look. “Them’s the breaks, Decker.”

Chloe shook her head. “It’s fine. Thanks, Lieutenant.”

Pierce headed back up the corridor and Lucifer scoffed loudly. “So the FBI turns up and Pierce just rolls over? I thought he had more spine than that.”

“I don’t think it was just the Feds, Lucifer. The brass probably wanted us off the case as soon as Ridgedale was IDed, for the same reason. They don’t want the distraction of a controversy, this case is high profile enough as it is.”

Lucifer’s lips pursed. “Whatever the excuse, I don’t like it. Those _Men in Black_ wannabes will only bollocks it up.”

Chloe couldn’t help feeling a little territorial too, but it was just the way things went sometimes. She said reassuringly, “Lucifer, the Feds know what they’re doing, they have an entire team dedicated to serial killers and a _lot_ more resources than the LAPD. We put together inter-agency task forces all the time - if they need us they’ll bring us in.” Her phone pinged.

Lucifer sighed. “So what now, Detective?”

Chloe read the screen and her eyebrows went up. “Well, Popeyes, like Pierce said. A man cut in line and got stabbed to death. The killer then stole his car, rammed every other car in the parking lot, and got away before the cops arrived. There’s a BOLO out.”

Lucifer huffed a laugh but said disparagingly, “Sounds like a waste of our talents. So straightforward even the Douche could manage it.”

Chloe threw him a disapproving look for the dig at Dan but let it go, and they started walking along the corridor back to the exit. Chloe asked casually, “Any plans at Lux tonight?”

Lucifer smiled broadly. “Yes. I’ve hired some new dancers - it’s about time we had some man candy about the place and I need to put them through their paces.”

At Chloe’s startled expression he laughed. “That’s not a euphemism, Detective, I don’t bonk people on my payroll. They can bonk each other to their hearts’ content but one of the only downsides to working at Lux is that they don’t get to do the boss.”

Chloe’s cheeks heated up at the thought, as they often did when Lucifer started talking about sex. “But what about Maze? You guys had a thing.”

Lucifer raised a finger. “True, but she was never an employee in the human sense of the word. Besides, Maze did the books for me. Technically she paid herself.”

Chloe nodded, then said lightly, “Anyhow, Trixie’s staying at Landa’s to work on a class assignment tonight, so I was thinking I could blow Ella’s mind and see if she wants to come out for a drink. Just hang out for a few hours, do the single girl thing, you know...”

Lucifer did a double take. “You want to come to the club _tonight_? You do realise it’s only Wednesday?”

Chloe replied casually, “Sure. Why not?” At Lucifer’s astonished look she shrugged. “I’ve been living with a party-all-hours demon for the last six months. Maze is always banging on at me to have a little more fun.” (Which was actually true and thus the perfect excuse for her to spend more time at Lux.)

A slow smile spread across Lucifer’s face at the phrase _Maze banging on at me_. “I quite like that mental picture.” Chloe rolled her eyes and he chuckled, then added animatedly, “Perhaps I could throw together a last-minute singles event. Have you ever played Spicy Dice, Detective?” When she shook her head he went on, “Been in a pants off dance off?” She shook her head again, making a face, and Lucifer chewed his lip. “Perhaps we’d best ease you into it then, hold one of our famous naughty raffles to start with.”

“What do you raffle off?” asked Chloe curiously.

“Me, normally, but I’m sure we can cobble together a saucy gift basket or exotic dancer or two. I’m sure Maze will have some ideas...”

Lucifer didn’t particularly like the thought of Chloe on a night out getting chatted up by horny randos, or _doing_ the chatting up for that matter, but he was going to have to deal with it. He had to do what he could to help her break free of Dad’s influence and move on from her false feelings for him after all. If she went on the prowl in Lux at least he could keep an eye out for her and fend off the worst of the pillocks. It was the least he could do for his partner.

\---------

Ella pushed back from her desk with an annoyed huff, unable to focus on her work. She had long shed her PPE and cleaned up from the Ridgedale scene but she still felt… soiled. And on edge, and more than a little pissed. She wasn’t affected by many scenes anymore but this one had left its mark, and in a very different way to all the others.

Being in such close proximity to a monster like that had made her skin crawl and dredged up a boatload of guilt to boot; at every crime scene she’d ever worked she’d always felt at least SOME empathy for the victim, but not this time. None. In fact she was glad Ridgedale was dead, and that he’d suffered - a _lot_ \- on his way out. She couldn’t help it. Did that make her a horrible person?

She needed to vent about it, but didn’t know who to. Chloe was still out with Lucifer and Dan was working a case in Westwood. She didn’t want to go to Father Kinley, not because she thought he’d sympathise with Ridgedale; on the contrary she knew he’d have handed his ass to him, priest or no priest. But however outwardly understanding he’d be she knew he’d probably be disappointed in her and she really didn’t need more judgment right now. 

What she _needed_ was to disinfect her brain. Fortunately, margaritas and dancing at Lux tonight would be just the thing; Chloe’s surprise midweek invitation to Lux couldn’t have come at a better time. Ella wondered if maybe Chloe had decided to make a move on Lucifer and wanted her along for moral support. She hoped so, then wondered if Linda knew anything about it.

Actually… Linda! _That’s_ who she should be talking to, the wise shaman of their tribe. Even the colours of her aura said so - the deep turquoise greens of a healer. And true to those colours, she had a directness about her, but balanced with kindness and compassion. She had the most _amazing_ ability to inspire people, and she always made things better.

Amenadiel was her opposite in many ways, but they seemed to bring out the best in each other. His Base colour was a powerful yellow-orange; he had smarts too, but was more logical and analytical than Linda, and like many Yellows could have a tendency to be a bit of a hardass. Lucifer would no doubt think so, anyway. Amenadiel was a great listener though, and seemed to be really interested in things and to care about people.

Ella grabbed her phone and fired off a quick text to make sure they were coming; it’d been weeks since their last catch up, which still ranked up there with one of the weirdest nights of her life. It’d be awesome to have the gang all together again. She doubted Dan would come this time though, he was still salty and quite frankly acting like a real dick to Lucifer lately-

"Excuse me, Miss Lopez - could I speak to you for a moment?”

Ella glanced up at the familiar female voice to see Charlotte Richards standing there. She looked every inch the high-powered lawyer with her expensive navy and white outfit, towering high heels and belligerent jut to her jaw, but for once she looked very awkward and uncomfortable, like she’d rather be literally anywhere else. And even flawless makeup couldn’t hide the haunted look in her eyes.

Ella gave an infinitesimal shrug. “Sure.”

Charlotte visibly steeled herself and said, “I wanted to ask you something. You know this darkness you said that you see in me? Details would help. How do you see it exactly? Where? When?”

Ella felt a stab of guilt. She knew what she’d said to Charlotte last month had hit home and while she’d initially felt satisfaction at getting payback for Dan she'd been feeling a little crappy about it too as she’d basically kicked Charlotte while she was down. And while she’d absolutely deserved it, Ella figured maybe she’d been punished enough.

She chose her words carefully. “Well, it seems to me like you’re walking around under this big dark cloud. Like you’re feeling bad about something. And see, you can try to ignore it, not think about it, but it’s not gonna go away on its own. You gotta deal with it.”

Charlotte frowned slightly. “But deal with _what?_ ”

Ella lifted a shoulder. “Only you know that.” Then she added pointedly, “But you could maybe start by looking at how you treat people. I’ve heard how snarky you get at peeps just trying to do their jobs around here, and with some of the stunts you’ve pulled lately I’m not surprised your conscience is acting up a bit.”

Charlotte bristled. “That’s ridiculous. I’m just doing my job, defending my clients.”

Ella gave a derisive snort. “So your _job_ includes sleeping with a detective so you can go through his phone? Get intel on his ex so you can screw her in court and get a cop killer back out on the street?” She scowled. “Do me a friggin’ _favour_ with this BS.”

Charlotte’s eyes widened in shock and she opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. After several moments she finally stammered, “Uh, obviously that was… um… I can’t believe I did that…”

Ella crossed her arms and regarded Charlotte coolly. “I can hardly believe it either, but I know you _did_.”

Charlotte swallowed and looked down at the floor, mortified. What the Hell was the matter with her? How could she have done such horrible things? And not even remember it? She knew she’d hardly been a paragon of virtue before her accident, but this… _other_ her had been a complete psychopath. But then, maybe she’d been so appalled at the things she’d done she’d… blocked it out, somehow? And the terrifying things she’d been seeing, and the nightmares, and the feeling of dread that followed her everywhere was just her guilty conscience like Lopez said?

And a guilty conscience couldn’t be fixed with a lawsuit, or by threats, or by kicking it in the balls. It was all in her head so she had to find some way to fix _that._

She said quietly, “You’re right. I’ve behaved… _terribly_ , and I’ve hurt a lot of people. I guess it’s all finally catching up with me. I have to make changes, and do better.”

Ella blinked in surprise - knowing her rep and her history, she’d been expecting Charlotte to double down. But she appeared genuinely contrite - maybe she wasn’t such a heartless bish after all. She felt a sudden rush of compassion for her. Ella had had dark times in her life too, everybody did, and sometimes people just needed a little positive reinforcement.

When she’d first met Charlotte she’d been surprised to say the least. Outwardly she’d seemed to fit her reputation, but as an attack dog lawyer for mobster douchebags Ella had expected her aura to be pretty much anything _but_ what it was; a beautiful silvery white light, the strongest she’d ever seen.

Then she’d had her accident and when Ella saw her again that light had changed, faded and obscured by a swirling, anxious palette of grey, brown and black like storm clouds across the moon. She obviously had problems, but to her credit, Charlotte was willing to face them.

 _I guess getting stabbed, falling off a pier and nearly dying_ **_would_ ** _make you reevaluate your life and figure out where you went wrong,_ Ella thought sympathetically.

Charlotte’s colours reflected her exceptional gifts; intelligence, talent, charisma and a drive to succeed that meant she was able to get the most out of every opportunity. How she decided to use those gifts was her life lesson, and it seemed the lesson had been a harsh one. And now she just needed a little help picking up the pieces.

She looked appraisingly up into Charlotte’s face. “You really mean that, don’t you?” The other woman nodded curtly and Ella beamed. “That’s really awesome, Charlotte.”

Charlotte gave her a tentative smile in return and on impulse Ella went in for a hug. Charlotte didn’t fend her off with a hand in her face like last time but she did stiffen, and didn’t relax until Ella let her go. It was like hugging a well-dressed door jamb.

When Ella stepped back Charlotte said a little exasperatedly, “Only problem is, short of joining the Peace Corps or donating my entire savings to a shelter for blind, one-legged puppies I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”

Ella snorted a laugh. “Have you been taking drama lessons from Lucifer? Being good is just a choice. That you gotta keep making. You know, choosing to say something _nice_ to someone instead of cutting them to pieces? Giving instead of taking with your foot on someone’s neck? _Helping_ people instead of using them, that sorta thing. It’s not complicated. At all.”

Charlotte tilted her head thoughtfully, then added resignedly, “Prosecuting criminal dirtbags instead of defending them?”

Ella’s eyes widened and she pointed excitedly at Charlotte. “Good one!”

Charlotte steeled herself and nodded. _If that’s what it takes…_ “Right. Okay. I guess I’ll be making a date with the DA, then.”

Ella hit her playfully on the arm. “You are gonna make his _decade_.”

Charlotte lifted her chin, already feeling better for having a plan. “I know what to do in a courtroom, but I’ll need help with day to day stuff. _You’ve_ got this being good thing down - maybe you could... gimme some pointers?”

Ella gave her a blank look. “You want me to be your... good behaviour guide?”

Charlotte nodded. Then said bluntly, “I can pay.”

“ _Charlotte!_ ” Ella cried, scandalised, then exploded with laughter. “First lesson: the whole point of doing someone a favour is that you do it _for free!_ All I’d ask is that you try to pay it forward somehow.”

Charlotte nodded. “Sounds like a fair deal.” She gave Ella a hopeful look. “So you’ll do it?”

Ella was thinking maybe she would. Helping Charlotte was definitely making her feel better after a monumentally crappy morning, and like Buddha said, _If you light a lamp for someone else, it will also brighten your path._

She nodded. “Okay I’ll help. I see you, I’m proud of you and I’m rooting for you." Then she looked Charlotte square in the eye. “But if you're gonna be around here more often, first thing you gotta do is apologise to Dan for how you've been treating him."

Charlotte’s brow furrowed in confusion. "Dan Espinoza?"

Ella snorted. “No, Radcliffe. YES Dan Espinoza!”

Charlotte frowned in confusion. "Why would- _ohhh_ ..." The weird vibes. The cryptic messages. The unknown man's belongings in her condo. She mumbled to herself, "It was Dan, not Lucifer." Then she did a double take and said incredulously, "Really? _Dan?_ " If she’d been sleeping with Morningstar she could totally understand, but _Espinoza?_ She shook her head in disbelief and muttered, “What the Hell was I thinking?”

Suddenly Lopez’ expression turned distinctly hostile. "Do you want my help or not?"

Charlotte held up her hand. "Yes, yes, I'm sorry. I'll talk to him, and apologise. I promise." _I'll apologise, even if I have no idea what for_ , thought Charlotte glumly. _But judging by what I did to everybody else it must have been bad._

\---------------

True to her word, and to everybody’s astonishment, Charlotte did indeed quit her firm to work for the District Attorney’s office. And she must’ve made good on her promise about Dan too, because they started talking, then having coffee, then one day when Dan spaced on getting a sitter for Trixie Charlotte stepped up to mind her. And then before the two of them knew what was happening the li’l sneak had set her and Dan up on a date.

Ella cornered Charlotte afterward and she’d seemed genuinely floored that she’d enjoyed it. They were actually going steady now, and had double dated with Amenadiel and Linda to Tribe night at Lux a few times, but stopped because Charlotte could barely take two steps in the place without some guy calling her a 'goddess' and hitting on her. Charlotte also started having sessions with Linda and seemed to be doing better, although her aura was still pretty messed up. Dan was definitely doing better and stopped being such a douche to Lucifer, and in return Lucifer eased up on his Douche- prank- athon. A bit, anyways. 

And so things got gradually back to normal.

Unfortunately, Operation Morningstar had pretty much ground to a standstill; Ella had exhausted every avenue of inquiry that she could think of to dig up Lucifer’s past, all to no avail. She’d even gossiped with his staff at Lux, and while it hadn’t been of much use to her investigation it _had_ been really interesting. For example the staff were all convinced Lux was haunted. 

The building already had a chequered history going back over eighty years, had been a hotspot for bootlegging and other organised crime, and the recent shootings of the singer Delilah McCord and Rev. Jacob Williams had only added to the mythos of the place. And spooky stuff tended to happen there too.

Things mysteriously moving around, random inexplicable damage… the latest instance was just a couple months ago. Apparently every single light in the club had exploded simultaneously and a bunch of people had been knocked to the ground by some kind of shock wave. Everyone had fled the club thinking it was a bomb, but all the LAFD found was that every electrical circuit in the place had been fried and they couldn’t figure out why. So _weird!_ Ella had never gotten even an inkling of a vibe though, and wondered if the stories were Lucifer using his mentalist tricks to pull in the punters; they certainly made for good hype.

Nothing was happening on the Deckerstar front either, even though Chloe and Lucifer seemed to be getting along better than ever. Ella didn’t get it; Chloe was sending out all the signals, making moves, but Lucifer just wasn’t responding. Ella could understand Chloe’s frustration, especially when he took randos upstairs every damn night. 

And one day she came to the realisation that there might be another dark horse in the running; Lieutenant Pierce. He seemed to have a crush on Chloe.

He’d come up and asked her one day what everyone’s favourite snacks were, and while it hadn’t escaped Ella’s attention that Pierce had asked about Chloe last, the very next day he’d turned up to work with Chloe’s favourite, lemon bars. _Home made_. For ‘everybody’, like he wasn’t being completely obvious. 

It was a sweet gesture and Pierce seemed like an old-fashioned good guy and all, but Ella was Captain Deckerstar and wasn’t sure she was behind the idea of Chloe with Pierce. But then it wasn’t about what _she_ wanted, it was about what _Chloe_ wanted. Chloe had the right to be happy, and Ella could see her frustration growing. If Lucifer refused to pull his head out of his ass and see how awesome him and Chloe would be together Chloe shouldn't waste her life chasing after him. And Pierce was an amazing guy and him and Chloe made sense as a couple. On paper, at least; in reality he seemed a little… meh. 

Like, Ella admired him from afar - quiet strength and chisel-jawed badassery was sexy AF and he pulled it off _really_ well - but she knew the reality of a stern, high-achieving workaholic type wouldn’t do it for her for long. Even hot got old, and a girl wanted someone she could have all kinds of fun with, not just between the sheets. And for Chloe, that someone was most definitely Lucifer. Even a blind man could see how she lit up around him.

Ella, watching Pierce through the lab windows like she often did, saw that he still had that negativity following him around, and his energies were as dark and alarming as ever. It’d been months, now, and he obviously still hadn’t dealt with his brother’s death. He was old school and probably thought getting help for emotional issues was a sign of weakness or would tarnish his tough guy reputation or something. 

Ella huffed through her nose. Outdated macho bullcrap. Sure he had a well-deserved reputation - he’d come all the way from Chicago and the city brass had fallen over themselves to give him a command here. He was a rockstar among lawmen and while Ella had always thought to rise to that level of prominence you had to be a bit of a psychopath, that obviously wasn’t the case.

He could be arrogant at times, but he backed it up by being damn good at his job. His fearlessness in the field was legendary, he’d been cited countless times for bravery, he never let his personal issues interfere in his work, not that he seemed to have much personal _anything_ \- but come on, his _brother_ got murdered! Anybody would find that hard to deal with. But he _did_ have to deal with it.

And then maybe he'd lighten up a little, have a bit more fun. Maybe he just needed a little push, like Charlotte had. Or even just to know that somebody cared. She decided to reach out.

The next day she cornered him in the break room. “Hey, Lieutenant. Catch the Lakers/Cavs game last night?”

“No,” Pierce replied, passing her the jug. “I had work to do.”

Ella nodded sympathetically as she poured herself a coffee. “That’s too bad, it was a nailbiter, hashtag no spoilers.” Pierce passed Ella the creamer and sugar as well, and she smiled. _S_ _weetiepants_. “I gotta admit the Lakers just haven’t been the same for me since Kobe left. Shame he had to retire, but he’s only human, right? We’re all mere mortals, and it’s only healthy to know our limits, right?”

Pierce gave her an odd look. “Right.”

Ella barged ahead. “Speaking of limits, like, it’s really important to take time for yourself when you need it. You know, do that self-care. Make sure body, mind and spirit are firing on all cylinders. Like they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup.”

The lieutenant frowned slightly. “Everything alright, Lopez? Are you gunning to extend your time off this weekend?”

Ella quickly shook her head. “No! No, not me. I meant, uh… listen, I… I heard about your brother, okay? Department grapevine, you know how it is...”

Pierce’s expression didn’t change. “Uh huh.”

“And I can see you’re going through some stuff, and I... just wanted to check in, make sure you were doing okay.”

Pierce nodded blandly, but turned to sidle away and make his escape. “I appreciate it Lopez, but I’m fine. Now if you’ll excuse me-”

Ella dodged in front of him, blocking his path. Not that she’d even be a speed bump if he decided to keep on walking, but still. She blurted, “It’s just, I dunno, I’ve got this…feeling about you. I think you’re going through something really, really _dark_ , and you’re hiding it from everybody, and it’s got me worried that it might… uh… I dunno. That something bad will happen.”

Pierce merely looked back at her, head tilted thoughtfully to the side.

Ella pressed on. “I lost someone real close to me too. When I was younger. My best friend Mona, who was like a sister to me. And it really messed me up because I refused to deal with it. I just kept ignoring it, trying to brush it off, but that stuff always catches up to you eventually. So if you wanna talk about it, or just get a beer or something, I’m here, okay?”

Pierce was studying her so closely Ella was starting to get uncomfortable. Then he smiled. “You’re very perceptive, Lopez. It’s true, my brother’s death did hit me hard. I’ve never been much of a sharer, but don’t worry, I’m working on it. I’ve got plenty of support in place to make sure I don’t go off the rails.”

Ella brightened. “So you’re okay? Like, really okay?”

Pierce nodded. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Ella beamed. “That’s great! I’m so relieved to hear that.” She wanted to go in for a hug but Pierce was already turning and walking back to his office. Ella levelled a glare at the Big Black Vortex of Doom that accompanied him.

_Your days are numbered, buddy._

She tipped her grody coffee down the sink. Even with creamer and sugar, it wasn’t much better than something you’d find at the bottom of a wastewater recycling tank. She left the breakroom with a bounce in her step; she was glad she’d checked in with Pierce, and hopefully there'd be a change in his energies soon. It was his birthday next month, and it might cheer him up even more if the station did something nice. Actually Chloe had a birthday coming up too, soon. She might brainstorm ideas with Josie tonight. And she really needed to get to work, but first: COFFEE.

She headed through the bullpen, noticing as she neared the stairs a stranger loitering by Chloe’s desk. She rolled her eyes. The guy was hot, and it wouldn’t be the first time Lucifer had organised for one of his dates to swing by the precinct. She changed course to head him off before Dan or the lieutenant saw.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH IT'S DONE FINALLY. Sorry about the extended wait, but this chapter just sat there for months while story kept being written around it. The next chapter is completed so I'll post it tomorrow. I have some catching up to do! In the meantime you can ponder who it is that Ella's about to meet :)
> 
> \- Jerry Ridgedale was named after Gerald Ridsdale, a pedo Catholic priest who operated in my mum's hometown FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS despite his bosses knowing exactly what he was up to. You can find him on Wikipedia but you'll want a bleach bath afterwards; pure filth. Mine is a younger version, thankfully murdered halfway through his abusing spree.  
> \- I hated writing about this subject, it sickens and depresses me to even think about it, but it's a fact that it happened so I didn't want to ignore it. I needed a crime that got under Ella's skin and systematic child abuses and coverups by members of the clergy seemed the only choice to me. Her feeling of betrayal is one that I share; I was raised Catholic too, and I imagine a lot of Catholics feel as disenchanted with the Church as Ella and I do.  
> \- I found out the direction from LA to Mecca via a website called hamariweb. com - Muslims can find out which direction Mecca is from anywhere in the world! I love that, ancient traditions merging with modern technology.  
> \- Aleksander Prifti is totally made up. The Kosovo War really happened, as did its MANY crimes against humanity, but this serial killer is entirely my own invention. My old hometown in Western Australia had quite a large expat community from the former Yugoslavia and surrounds and they had stories to tell. Chloe's shock at hearing first/secondhand accounts of being in a warzone reflected my own experience as a teenager hearing about my sister's classmate's house getting shot up and their family having to flee the country. Nobody we knew saw anything as bad as the tanks thing or the family being murdered, but that did happen, I found it during my research. :(  
> \- Mention of the Phlegethon is from Greek mythology and Milton's Paradise Lost. I like the show's idea of Hell being this endless uniform city of black pillars and doors, but I'll also take any chance to incorporate other mythologies into my stories.  
> \- There are no male dancers in canon in Lux yet. After four seasons. WTH is the deal with that?  
> \- 'Ella pushed back from her desk with an annoyed huff, unable to focus on her work.' = ME WRITING THIS FUCKING CHAPTER.  
> \- There's no surname for the Delilah character in IMDB so I gave her the actress' - Annalynne McCord.  
> \- When Ella refers to herself as 'Captain Deckerstar' I got that from Aimee. She called herself that in a Facebook live Q&A with Tom. You can find this absolute treasure on YouTube.  
> \- In this AU the Lakers/Cavaliers game was moved to Thursday so it fit my story. It really happened on Monday. If there are any basketball fans out there I hope my cavalier attitude to your beloved sport doesn't incur your outrage ;)  
> \- I liked changing up the reason Ella accosts Pierce in the precinct - it mirrors episode 310 The Sin Bin, my least favourite Lucifer episode, closely followed by The Sinnerman that came directly before. Plus I got to reference a character from the Lucifer comics, and I've already mentioned how early on I thought Ella would turn out to be another character from there.  
> \- Pierce's birthday is specified in an episode (can't remember which one) as the 26th of April 1977.  
> \- There's a few other nods to canon especially towards the end - can you pick 'em? I always hope someone will list them in the comments but nobody ever does! Are they too obscure? ...Bear with me, I think I'm going a little crazy here in iso :'D  
> \- 'naughty raffle' - 404 Orgy Pants to Work  
> \- Charlotte interrogating Ella about the darkness she sees in her - 308 Chloe Does Lucifer  
> \- Charlotte ranting about joining the Peace Corps/donating her fortune to a blind three legged puppy shelter - 306 WBCR  
> \- Pierce passing Ella the creamer and sugar in the break room - 304 What Would Lucifer Do?


	9. Smokey and the Batmobile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella meets someone and pumps him for information about Lucifer. Tequila, threats and random penises ensue.

“Who are you? What are you doing back here?”

Nick turned around in the busy police precinct. A fierce-looking Latina was standing behind him, a challenging look in her eyes. The authoritative effect was only slightly marred by the _#HUGLIFE_ t-shirt she was wearing.

Nick smiled reassuringly back at her. “Nick Gonzalez, National Park Service. Here to see Lucifer Morningstar?”

Instantly the woman’s stern demeanour relaxed and she gave him an easy smile. “Oh, right! Is this about a case? I think he’s still busy in an interrogation right now.”

Nick shook his head. “No, not a case exactly, I just wanted to check in with him, make sure he’s-”

Suddenly a cheerful English voice carried loudly across the bullpen. “Nicholas!” 

They both looked over and saw Lucifer standing in the open doorway of Interrogation Two, a delighted smile on his face. 

Nick was taken aback, he looked so different to how he’d seen him last. Dressed in a fancy navy three piece suit with light blue shirt and shoes that probably cost more than his trailer, he looked more like he belonged at a high-end fashion shoot than in a downtown cop shop.

In just a few long strides Morningstar had crossed the distance between them and clasped Nick firmly by the hand.

“How lovely to see you again! I see you’ve met Ella, our resident forensics boffin.”

“Hey,” Ella said, holding out her hand to Nick. “Ella Lopez.”

They shook, and Ella noted Nick’s grip was firm and palms roughened from manual work, and his upper body had the lean muscular look of somebody accustomed to working outdoors. 

_Be cool Lopez,_ she said to herself. _This guy is hot AF and don’t forget you’ve already got_ one _cat at home._

“Don’t tell me that rust bucket of yours actually made it as far as Los Angeles?” said Lucifer. Then he grinned and snapped his fingers. “No, of course – you’ll have the truck by now!”

Nick nodded. “Yeah, I came in the truck. It’s amazing!”

Lucifer threw him a lewd grin. “Well that’s _one_ way to christen it, I suppose. I didn’t realise you’d like it quite _that_ much.” 

Nick laughed at Morningstar’s bawdy sense of humour, and Lucifer’s friend Ella joined in as well. Yep, that sounded like him alright. 

_Guess I didn’t imagine him then._

Lucifer deadpanned, “What brings you to the City of Angels? Is there a Smokey Bear convention in town?” 

Nick huffed a laugh. “No, I just… was around and I wanted to come thank you personally for your _crazy generous_ gifts. I feel a bit weird about accepting them though-” 

Lucifer made a dismissive gesture. “The fixer would’ve already told you in this particular instance I will not take no for an answer. You can sell the truck or even torch it if you like but it’s yours. No takesies backsies.”

Nick nodded. “Alright. Thank you, it’s incredible, and it’ll make my job so much easier. And you got my tuition too! I mean, I have no words. You don’t know what this means to me…”

Lucifer smiled. “I have an idea.”

Nick went on, “But I also wanted to check up on you, make sure you were really okay. Did you end up seeing a doctor, at least?”

Lucifer shook his head and said affectionately, “I already told you, Doctor Gonzalez, that was not necessary. I’m absolutely fine.”

Nick added, with a little self deprecating laugh, “I also kinda wanted to make sure I didn’t dream you. The whole thing was a bit weird, and then you just up and disappeared.”

“That was rather rude of me, wasn’t it? In my defense, I had urgent business and was in a very big hurry to get back...”

Ella watched the exchange with wide eyes. Lucifer _gave_ this dude a truck? And a free ride to college? They had a weird… thing, and Lucifer bailed, and this guy wanted Lucifer to see a _doctor_? That didn’t sound good. That sounded like something that required an assload of antibiotics.

She asked straight out, “Did you guys date or something?”

“What?! _No!_ ” Nick practically yelped, and Lucifer chuckled wickedly. Nick cleared his throat, all too aware that you only get one chance to make a good first impression, and that the lab tech was absolutely stunning in the way generally guaranteed to turn him into a babbling idiot.

“No, I’m straight. Very straight,” he blurted. “...And single.”

Beside him Lucifer made another sound of amusement and Nick mentally slapped himself in the back of the head. _Way to play it cool,_ pendejo _. What did you say that for?_

Lucifer said warmly, “Didn’t stop me trying though, did it?” He turned to Ella and added, “He didn’t want a bar of me, Miss Lopez. He’s far too much of a professional, much like the Detective, and wasn’t up for any funny business.” Lucifer looked him up and down with a wistful smile. “Pity.”

Nick was starting to feel a bit dazed, and had a flashback to feeling similarly off-balance when he’d first met Lucifer. And what was with this annoying tendency to overshare in Lucifer’s proximity? He sighed inwardly. As far as his chances with Ella went Nick was pretty sure he’d blown it.

“Lucifer-!” A willowy dark blonde in a brown suede jacket caught Lucifer’s eye from across the bullpen and he nodded to her in acknowledgment. Then he turned to Nick and gave him an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry, Nicholas, but unfortunately I have to go. It’s been lovely seeing you again. You will pop by my club while you’re in town, won’t you? It’s Lux, on Sunset; just give the lads at the door your name. With any luck I’ll see you there later!”

And a quick backslap later he was gone. Ella and Nick watched him go, then smiled at each other, a little self-consciously. 

Nick didn’t want to go just yet, but he didn’t have a legitimate reason to hang around the station anymore now that Lucifer had left. Could he just ask Ella for her number? Would that be creepy? Maybe if he went to this Lux place he’d see her there? Would _that_ be creepy? She probably thought he was a complete tool.

Ella didn’t want Nick to leave yet, she wanted to know more about what’d happened in the desert. Neither Chloe nor Lucifer had said anything about it, but maybe Nick would have some intel. And… he seemed really nice.

Ella looked closely at Nick and in a few moments his colours shimmered around him; vivid green with streaks of red, orange and yellow. A chill, social kinda guy, an analytical thinker, with an adventurous streak. Plus, of course, he was _really_ cute. Tall, dark-haired and dark-eyed, and she really liked the heavy stubble thing he had going. It really emphasized his strong jawline and the manly planes of his face. A very nice face, with kind eyes and a cute dimple. And he _had_ said he was single.

_Carpe diem, Lopez._

“So Nick - um, if you’re free right now, do you wanna go for a coffee?”

Nick was struck speechless. _Did she just…?_

At his silence Ella added awkwardly, “No pressure. I mean, I gotta java, and I figured-”

“Yes!” Nick said hurriedly. “Sure. I’d like that, long drive and all...” he said, and a litter of tiny puppies starting bouncing around in his stomach. As he waited for Ella to fetch her jacket, he smiled hopefully. Maybe he hadn’t screwed it up after all!

\------------

They made small talk while they waited for their coffees, but on the short walk back to the station Ella couldn’t contain her curiosity any longer. “Why did Lucifer give you a truck?”

Nick shrugged. “I think he felt like he owed me. He didn’t, though, I was just doing my job.”

Ella said, “Which is…?”

“I work in the Mojave. Mainly out of the visitor centre at Hole in the Wall but after I get my degree I hope to level up to park ranger.”

Ella’s ears perked up. “You guys met in the Mojave? Was this the spider hole case a few months back? I don’t remember seeing you at the scene.”

“No, I wasn’t there, but I heard about it. I met Lucifer the day before.”

Ella suddenly clicked. Of course. Dan had told her about how he’d gone to pick up Lucifer outside of Baker, and how he’d been in a real state, all beat up and dehydrated. Lucifer had stayed pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing, and hadn’t given up any other details since, but apparently he’d been dumped somewhere in the desert. And this guy...

Ella gasped at the realisation. “You saved his life!”

Nick replied, slightly bashfully, “Um… I guess.”

Ella abruptly threw her arms around him and squeezed him hard, right in the middle of the sidewalk. “Oh my God, thank you! SO much!”

“Just doing my job,” Nick demurred, surprised but pleased.

They resumed walking back to the station and Ella added, “And then you came _all_ this way to check on him? That’s so sweet!” _Oh my God, I can't with this guy..._

Nick nodded. “I have a couple other errands to run, but yeah. He was in pretty bad shape the last time I saw him. Also… I guess I just wanted to find out a little more about him. He’s a mysterious kinda guy and I used to be a cop - being nosy’s part of the job description.”

Ella spotted an opportunity for intel and pounced. “He hasn’t said anything to me about what happened out there. Don’t suppose you could fill in any details?”

Nick shrugged. “He didn’t tell me anything either. But from what he said I figured his family had dumped him out there. While he was coming around he kept cussing out his dad, and when I asked him about it he said it was a family thing.”

Ella huffed a disbelieving laugh. “His _family_ ? No way. I know his big brother, he’s a sweetie pants.” She paused, thinking of the big fight Lucifer’d had with Amenadiel at the dive bar. “I mean, they fight, but they’re bros. I’d think it was weird if they _didn’t_. I grew up with four brothers and we were always getting into it. But to do something like that, something really dangerous, no. I can’t see it.”

Nick nodded. “Okay.”

Ella hesitated. His dad, though… maybe. She’d heard what Lucifer had said to Amenadiel about him during their argument at the bar. He’d been really upset about something bad his dad had done to him. But she certainly wasn’t going to talk to a complete stranger about her suspicions, especially when it wasn’t any of her business. She decided to change the subject.

“So, about this truck. Can I see it?”

“Sure.”

When they got back to the station they stayed in the lift until they reached the rooftop parking lot. When Ella saw the truck she whistled. The thing had _six_ wheels. And a satellite dish.

“Wow. Mad Max eat your heart out!”

Nick snort laughed. “I know, right? It’s like an off-road Batmobile. It just turned up outta nowhere two weeks after I spent less than an hour with Lucifer. I don’t even know how to use half of it.” He popped the cover panel on one side of the truck and pointed at what looked like a circuit breaker panel inside. “I don’t even know what that thing is, but it looks expensive.”

“It is.”

Nick’s eyebrows went up in silent query.

Ella explained coyly, “Lucifer might’ve asked me for a wish list of all the gear I’d want if I was out wandering the desert like - and I quote - ‘a tricked-out good Samaritan’.” She grinned. “Then I gave him the name of a guy my brother knows who runs a pro-touring outfit based in Chatsworth.” She regarded the truck with something like awe. “So this is what it was for. It’s _tight_.”

Nick was really impressed. “So I have you to thank for this beast too, huh?”

“Maybe a little.” Ella grinned. “You’re welcome.”

Nick walked around the side of the truck, popping the other hatches. “Don’t suppose I could get a guided tour?”

Ella grinned. “I can give you the highlights.” She walked around the truck, pointing at various features as she mentioned them. “Toyota Landcruiser GXL Cab Chassis with custom extension, heavy duty aluminium Norweld Canopy, long range fuel tank, inbuilt Dual Compressor, upgraded brake booster and slotted rotors, 120W solar panel and 1500W inverter, lithium battery, cell phone booster and hotspot for mobile internet…”

Nick laughed. “Holy crap.”

Ella peered in the passenger side window. “You would’ve already found the stereo. And up top is a James Baroud. It’s the Starship Enterprise of rooftop tents.”

Nick shook his head. “Crazy. All that plus the back kitted out just like my old truck with storage for all my gear AND space for a stretcher. Plus a mini fridge, a pair of binoculars, a freakin’ Celestron portable telescope, a pile of Camelbaks and a flashlight that puts out so many lumens it can probably light a campfire at twenty paces.”

Ella threw him a quizzical look. “Why so many Camelbaks?”

Nick grinned. “Private joke.”

Ella grinned back. _Private to you maybe, but I’ll get it outta Lucifer in about five seconds flat._ “And they finished the build in two weeks? Wow. Lucifer must’ve put out big time.”

At Nick’s startled look she shook her head and laughingly added, “A _favour_.” She stepped closer to inspect the circuit board. 

Nick shuffled uncomfortably, then said, “I know it’s rude to ask, but… how much do you think all this cost him?”

Ella hummed. “Um, replacement cost? Probably over a hundred grand?”

Nick paled. “You’re shitting me.”

Ella walked around the truck, taking it all in. “Lucifer’s real big on favours and repaying debts. It’s kind of his _thing_. He does tend to go overboard a bit - he doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘moderation’, ya know?”

“No kidding.” Nick shook his head. “I’ve never had a brand new truck before, never mind a _custom built_ brand new truck. Now I’m even more nervous about driving it.”

Ella said reassuringly, “You’ll be using it in the desert mostly, right? Not much to crash into out there. And it’s built tough.” She spotted an unusual design above the driver’s side window. It looked like two semi inverted Latin crosses, touching so the crossbars formed a perfect diamond and with a long vertical line through the middle.

“What’s that on the window? Logo for your favourite fashion label?”

Nick shook his head. “No. It was on there when I got it. I did a Google image search and apparently it’s a kind of Nordic _bindrune_. Cool, huh?”

Ella squinted at him. “A bindrune. Oh I know what that is… it’s a… um… what is it?”

Nick replied solemnly, “A couple of magical symbols joined together. This one is for the protection of home and property.” Nick huffed a laugh and shook his head. “When I first met Lucifer I might’ve picked him as a New Age hippie type but not from looking at him now.”

Ella nodded. “He is a surprisingly spiritual guy. But in the most down to earth way! Like, he runs a nightclub, parties like there’s no tomorrow and can handle himself in a fight but he’ll also take a couple minutes to pray to the Big Guy at work.”

Nick hummed. Lucifer did seem like a really… _unique_ kind of person, that’s for sure. “That’s cool. He’s driving in his own lane, I can appreciate that. And as far as this thing goes,” he patted the bindrune on the window, “It’s working so far so I’m not complaining.” He chuckled.

Ella laughed too, but also took a surreptitious photo of the symbol.

Nick paused, then added, “Maybe you could fill me in on something?”

Ella nodded. “Sure.”

“The whole ‘ _Lucifer Morningstar’_ thing.’” Nick gave her an amused look. “I thought he just didn’t wanna give me his real name but apparently it _is_ his real name, and he tells everyone he’s the Devil. What’s the deal with that?”

Ella gave a little exasperated chuckle. “I know, right? It’s like he’s a performer, like _deep_ undercover, and he’s always ON. And he never slips up. Like _never_. Even when he’s totally hammered.”

Nick grunted in agreement. “Or after a near death experience.”

Ella nodded. “Right?! My working theory is that he’s a former British spy slash mentalist in hiding. Like a retired James Bond.”

Nick laughed. “He’s too high profile, hiding in plain sight like that would never work! Unless he went his whole career without anybody seeing his face, like Batman.”

Ella laughed too. “True.” Then added, “What about that guy who did all those game shows while being a CIA assassin on the side? It could happen.”

Nick raised a finger. “The CIA denied all that.”

Ella countered playfully, “Well, of course they would.”

Then at the same time they both said, “ _Plausible deniability!_ ” Then laughed.

Ella went on, “He is seriously the craziest, most generous and fun guy I’ve ever met, but he can be a bit of a handful about the Devil thing sometimes. You know, reeeally inappropriate, like he was raised by wolves or something.”

Nick snorted in amusement. “No kidding. He tried to give me a blowjob within five minutes of meeting me.” Then added with a laugh, “While I was driving! I nearly ran us off the road!”

Ella burst out laughing again. “I got that beat! He propositioned me _at a crime scene_ once. Vic’s laid out on the floor next to us, right, head caved in, blood all over, and next thing I know Lucifer’s casually offering to jump my bones in the next room. He flirts with everyone and seems to be on a non-stop booty call but he doesn’t mean it disrespectfully or anything. He’s just, like, world champ at sport boning and always seems surprised that not everyone’s into it.”

They laughed easily together, then in the silence that fell immediately afterward Ella decided to just go for it. _Carpe diem_ , right?

“How long are you in town?” she asked.

“Probably head back tomorrow,” said Nick, then added to himself, _unless I can think up a not-lame excuse to see you again..._

“So how about that drink at Lux tonight? I’m a regular, I can show you around,” Ella said casually.

Nick blinked. _Wait up. Did she just ask me out? Again, like, properly? I think she did._

He smiled. “That’d be… I’d really like that.”

Ella beamed. “Really? I mean, awesome! Meet you at the gate outside at eight?”

“Yeah! Sounds perfect. Well, Ella, I guess I’ll… see you there.”

Ella smiled, a beautiful wide open smile and her eyes lit up. “It’s a date… Nick.”

They shook hands again and said their goodbyes. Nick drove away in his truck, grinning his head off and tapping out a happy beat on his steering wheel, and Ella danced in the elevator all the way back down to the lab.

\-------------------

“I saw the truck, Lucifer,” said Ella, pointing at him with her margarita. “It’s amazeballs.”

Lucifer preened a little. “Yes, Rickster’s mate really knows his onions, doesn’t he?”

Ella added to Nick, “I reckon you’ve got enough solar juice to run all the electrics, charge batteries for laptop and phone, _and_ probably still have enough left over to run an espresso maker.”

Nick huffed a laugh. “I’ll add it to the list once I’ve figured out the SatNav, the WiFi and the rooftop tent. Just about the only things I know how to use are the hotplate and the UHF radio.”

“That’s not entirely true, Nicholas. You’re also _very_ handy with a Camelbak,” put in Lucifer with a cheeky grin. Nick and Ella both laughed; Ella understood the joke now, and she’d been quietly floored by Nick’s tale of Lucifer’s rapid recovery.

Nick excused himself to go to the bathroom and Lucifer pointed with his Scotch at Ella’s rapidly emptying margarita glass. “Same again, Lopez?”

“I really shouldn’t. I’m working tomorrow.” Then she gave a dismissive wave of her hand and yelled, “¡ _A la verga_!”

Lucifer looked around. “Penis? Where?”

“What?”

“You said there was a penis over there.” At Ella’s expression he said disappointedly, “It’s a turn of phrase, isn’t it?”

Ella said curiously, “You know, for somebody with perfect Spanish it’s so weird that you don’t know a handy Mexican saying like that.”

Lucifer waved his hand. “I haven’t lived there, I don’t know a lot of slang. What’s it mean?”

Ella shrugged. “Depending on what you wanna use it for it means ‘fuck it’, ‘fuck off’, ‘fuck this’, ‘the fuck’, ‘oh shit’, ‘whatever’…”

Lucifer did a double take, then chuckled delightedly. “Miss Lopez! I’m enjoying this side of you!”

Ella giggled. “It’s the tequila.”

Lucifer said gleefully, “What does Tequi-Ella think of this one then - ” and unleashed a stream of extremely colourful invective, all the more startling as it was delivered with his usual posh English accent. Ella flinched and nearly sprayed her drink across the table. 

She spluttered, “Dude! You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

Lucifer recoiled. “ _No!_ ” he exclaimed. Then muttered defensively, “Technically she wasn’t my mother anymore...” Then he shuddered and took a very large gulp of his Scotch.

Ella frowned in slightly tipsy confusion, then patted him companionably on the back. “Anyways, I think that’s my new hobby; teaching the Devil how to swear in Mexican.” She dissolved into guffaws.

Lucifer chuckled along with her. “You’re not worried that I’m corrupting you?”

Ella shook her head, still laughing. “You’re too late, my brothers did this to me when I was in kindergarten!”

Lucifer sipped his drink and said, “We’ll have to pack a lot in tomorrow then won’t we, and no doubt scandalise the Detective,” he grinned mischievously. “Since you have the weekend off, don’t you?”

Ella bounced excitedly. “Yep! Just me, Josie, Netflix and chill. And... the beach… and catching up with some gal pals, and maybe just a bit of partying at my fave Devil’s lair…” she said with a teasing grin, lifting her glass.

Lucifer snorted in amusement and they cheersed. “Well, if you do happen to be around you might find yourself interviewed if you’re lucky,” he said in a conspiratorial tone. “Apparently the Telegraph is sending a reporter to do a story on the Detective and I. A Pulitzer Prize winner, no less!”

Ella’s eyebrows went up. “Yeah? Cool!” She punched him lightly in the arm. “You guys _totally_ deserve all the kudos, you’ve been killing it lately. I mean, I still remember the Anaya case, done and dusted in less than _a day!_ Whaaaat?”

Lucifer preened a little, then added magnanimously, “Josie helped.”

Ella blinked, then giggled and finished off her margarita. “Can I tell you something, Lucifer?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Can I stop you?”

Ella leapt over and promptly buried her face in Lucifer’s chest, much to his surprise. “I like Nick!” she yelled, her voice muffled by Lucifer’s lapel. Then she stood back again and went on happily, “Like, really _like_ like. Isn’t he awesome? I mean, I’ve dated some princes who turned out to be frogs - no, toads, let’s be honest here - but I’ve just got a good feeling about this one. Like, I’m not about to start picking out wedding bands or anything-”

She looked up at Lucifer and suddenly realised he was grinning, and looking at something over her head. Ella’s heart sank. She turned and sure enough there was Nick returning from the bathroom. Had he heard her? Hopefully not. It was hella noisy in here. And she’d been facing away from him. He hadn’t heard her. Surely not. Had he? ¡ _A la verga!_

Ella made a snap decision. “Gotta dehydrate,” she announced. Then abruptly charged past Nick to go get herself together in the ladies’ room.

Lucifer chortled into his glass.

Nick watched her go, surprised, then caught Lucifer’s eye. He shrugged and gave him a lopsided grin. “When you gotta go, right?”

Lucifer hummed, eyeing Nick appraisingly. “Another drink, Nicholas?”

Nicholas blew out a breath. He’d already imbibed more tonight than he usually did in an entire weekend. But he was enjoying himself, and figured one more wouldn’t hurt. “Uh, sure, I’d love one, thanks Lucifer.”

Lucifer put down his own glass and moved a little closer to Nick. “But first… I have a question.”

Nick shrugged. “Shoot.”

Lucifer eyed him for a long moment, then said firmly, “What exactly are your intentions with Miss Lopez?”

Nick blinked in confusion. “My _intentions_? Uh-”

Lucifer leaned in even closer. “Yes. What do you want with her? A little fun? A hit and run? Promise her the world then ghost her?”

Nick shook his head fuzzily. “No, I-” He knew deep down what he wanted with Ella, but that was a barely formulated, ridiculously optimistic delusion at this point. To say it out loud would sound pathetic at best, stalkery at worst. But for some unfathomable reason he blurted it out anyway. 

“I just… wanna be with her. Get to know every little thing about her. I have this… this amazing, homey, safe feeling about her, like I’ve known her for years and-”

Lucifer abruptly cut him off with an impatient shake of his head. “Alright, alright, I don’t need your life story, Nicholas. Save it for the Valentine’s card.”

Nick let out a bewildered laugh. _Shit, I really said that, didn’t I. Thank God Ella wasn’t here to hear it._

Lucifer placed his large hand on Nick’s shoulder and said warmly, “I like you, Nicholas. You seem a good sort; a very decent human.”

Lucifer didn’t look drunk, but he kinda sounded it. Or maybe Nick was drunker than he’d realised… he certainly felt weird, but that seemed to be an ongoing side effect of spending time with a guy who called himself the Devil.

“Uh, thanks? You’re good people too, Lucifer.”

Lucifer’s hand suddenly tightened on Nick’s shoulder, and his eyes turned hard and black and devoid of warmth as chips of volcanic glass. All trace of his usual friendliness was gone. 

He said softly, but with clear menace, “That aside, if you _ever_ hurt Ella, I’ll come for you.”

Nick met Lucifer’s gaze unflinchingly. He instinctively knew that Lucifer would make good on his threat, but Nick knew where it was coming from; Lucifer was just looking out for his friend. That made Nick like him even more, even if he _was_ more than a little scary right now.

He swallowed, nodded and replied solemnly, “Understood.”

Lucifer nodded back and a smile spread across his face like the sun breaking through in a storm. “Lovely! Now that that’s sorted, how about that drink?”

The fresh round of drinks arrived just as Ella got back and they all toasted Nick starting college and Lucifer’s club and Ella’s new cat. Then Ella took a deep breath, braced herself and said, “I had a brilliant idea while I was in the bathroom.”

Lucifer said suggestively, “I’ve had many an epiphany up against a bathroom wall myself. What was it?”

Ella turned to Nick. “I could teach you how to use your truck,” she said casually. “All the equipment in there, give you some maintenance tips and stuff… you know, when you come back to LA for classes. And in return you could maybe… be my guide too, show me around where you work. I’ve spent most of my life in the city and I’d love to get out of the big smoke a bit more. I wanna see more of the Mojave than just the I-15.”

Nick smiled, his dark eyes lighting up as he looked at Ella. “That… sounds great. Awesome idea! I’m in.” His gaze flicked to Lucifer’s behind her, and he saw a tiny knowing dimple appear at the corner of Lucifer’s mouth. Nick felt his ears heat up.

He said, “Actually I was kinda thinking along those lines myself, and wondering if… maybe… you’d like to come out with me this weekend? If you aren’t busy. I’d like to show you something but we’ve only got another week or so before it’s too late.” Conscious of Lucifer watching him, he added, “We’d be going off road. Do you trust me?”

Ella eyed Nick appraisingly. “Well, Lucifer thinks you’re alright, and all things considered, you seem like a pretty decent guy to me.” Then she snorted and added, “I can always kick you in the head if you try anything.”

Nick laughed wryly. “You don’t need to worry. Lucifer’s already threatened to come after me if I do anything to hurt you.”

Ella put her hand over her heart and looked up at Lucifer. “You did?”

“Absolutely,” Lucifer replied cheerfully. “They’d never find him.”

“Awww, that’s so sweet,” Ella giggled. Then to Lucifer’s surprise she leaned over to give him a happy, boozy hug.

“And scary,” added Nick. 

“And scary,” Ella agreed, amiably slapping Lucifer in the arm as she moved away. “But that’s just how our Satan rolls. You get used to him.”

Lucifer looked down at her, pleased. Then his DJ caught his eye and he said, “Speaking of ‘how Satan rolls’, he has a set to play so I’m afraid he’s going to have to leave you both to it.” He straightened his suit and swiped a fresh drink from a passing server. “I won’t be finished here for hours yet so the penthouse is free if you’d like to make use of it.” He raised his eyebrows meaningfully. “You might want to change the bedsheets first, though. And there’s a toy cupboard in the walk-in if you’re feeling adventurous, just _don’t_ go into any of the drawers, will you-”

Ella, blushing furiously, held up a hand. “That’s really… uh... thoughtful, Lucifer, but we’re good.”

Lucifer nodded, gave Nick’s shoulder one last squeeze, and sauntered off to the piano. In a matter of seconds he was surrounded by gorgeous women and men all clamouring for his attention. He revelled in it, flirting with everybody, and if their hands and lips wandered a little he didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

Nick, watching him and also blushing slightly, commented, “Maybe he _was_ raised by wolves.”

Ella hummed, but privately wondered how Lucifer could hook up with so many strangers when it couldn’t be clearer that he had strong feelings for Chloe. Why wasn’t he hooking up with _her?_ Maybe Lucifer wanted an open relationship and Chloe didn’t? Maybe that was the roadblock? Each to their own, but those guys loved each other. She had to believe they could find a way to make it work.

Then she turned back to her date and put Lucifer and Chloe firmly from her mind; she had her own love life to worry about. Then she heard Lucifer’s smooth voice as he spoke into the microphone behind her.

“Good evening everyone and welcome to Lux. I’d like to dedicate my first song to all the lovebirds here tonight… but especially to two very good friends of mine. May they get everything they desire.” A familiar riff started up on the piano and as one the crowd surged toward the dance floor.

_I wanna follow where she goes_

_I think about her and she knows it_

_I wanna let her take control_

_'Cause every time that she gets close, yeah_

Ella laughed in delight. She loved this song and loved it when Lucifer got his rock star on. She started humming along under her breath and boogying on the spot, her body moving of its own accord to the catchy tune.

_She pulls me in enough to keep me guessing, mmm_

_Maybe I should stop and start confessing_

_Confessing, yeah_

She beamed and reached out to grab Nick excitedly by the hand, then pulled him into the crowd. “Come on Nick - wanna dance?”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Dialogue shout outs to 303 Mr & Mrs Mazikeen Smith ('It's a turn of phrase, isn't it?'), 402 SBR Dante's Inferno ('Miss Lopez! I'm enjoying this side of you!'), 404 Expire Erect ('Gotta dehydrate.') and 314 My Brother's Keeper ('I'll come for you.')  
> \- I know nothing about trucks and whatnot but a local photographer I follow on Instagram (Sean Scott Photography - he's AMAZING) put his touring rig up for sale and I totally stole a bunch of cool stuff from the listing details. And got a serious case of envy!  
> \- I found the bindrune from a blog called 'Shade Songs and Magickal Musings' that I found on Pinterest. I'm hoping the image embedded, if not I will try to figure out where I stuffed up :)  
> \- If you wanna learn some Mexican slang go find Salma Hayek's tutorial on YouTube :'D


	10. New Frontier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little desert surprise for our fave forensics tech...

Nick and Ella talked, danced and drank until late that night, and Ella had had a really great time, even if she’d _definitely_ gone a little nutso with the margaritas. At work the next day she’d had to wear her sunglasses indoors like a douchebag just to stop the station’s strip lighting from burning out her eyeballs. She lost track of how much coffee, Aspirin and Berocca she scarfed down.

It was worth it though; she’d had the best first date of her life. And she only had to get through one day of work, with a little text banter about hangover remedies, before seeing Nick again. 

He picked her up early in the Bat Tank and even though she’d been a little concerned the magic of their first meeting was a one-off she needn’t have worried. Nick was a fantastic guy; considerate, funny, sexy and smart. She felt like she’d known him for years and she realised pretty early on that she couldn’t get enough of him. She’d fallen hard already.

They chatted nonstop on the hours-long drive out to Hole in the Wall, keen to learn all about each other, and Ella had to admit she was glad of the distraction. While work had been great, _Operation Morningstar_ was still going nowhere and it had now been months of skulking around behind Lucifer’s back. She was becoming more and more inclined to just drop the whole thing. 

Maybe a trip into the wilderness would help her get some clarity on what to do next, if anything; maybe the lack of leads was a sign. A sign that maybe she shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

Either way, she felt happier than she had in months and couldn’t wait to see what Nick’s surprise was.

\-----------------

Nick didn’t think he’d ever talked so much. He should’ve felt exhausted from their long drive into the Mojave, but instead he felt invigorated. Ella just had a... _way_ about her, of bringing him out of his shell and making him feel more ‘himself’ and alive than he did around anyone besides his family and closest friends. And _damn_ she was funny.

He was feeling excited but a little apprehensive about his surprise; he _really_ hoped she’d like it. He had a good feeling that she would, though, and hoped it’d mean they could do something like this again. She was one of the most amazing, sweet and smart women he’d ever met, and he still couldn’t quite believe she actually seemed interested in him.

\--------------

They pulled over on the side of the dirt road and got out of the truck, Nick first grabbing a daypack from the backseat. He took Ella’s hand and placed a finger over his lips. Ella nodded silently and let him lead her through the trackless scrub, covered in a thick springtime carpet of yellow, white and light purple wildflowers. She was dying to ask Nick what they were called, but she held her tongue and followed him as quietly as she could.

They crawled on their hands and knees the last fifty yards or so around the base of a low hill, then Nick put his pack down behind a low shrub and fished out a set of binoculars. He adjusted them to sight something on a slightly larger hill about four hundred yards to the west, then handed them to Ella. (They were shiny and new compared to the janky old ones he pulled out for himself, she noted.) Grinning in anticipation, Nick pointed part way up the other hill.

Ella lifted the binoculars and aimed them in the direction he was indicating. After a few moments of searching she quickly slammed a hand over her mouth to stifle her squeal of delight.

_Puppies!_

A litter of seven puppies were tumbling in the dirt near a large den on the hillside. They were playing under the watchful eye of a nearby adult with a distinct reddish tinge to its fur.

“Nick!” she whispered, entranced. “Oh my Goddd they’re _so beautiful_...”

“ _Canis latrans_. Coyotes,” he whispered back. “Do you see the adult female? I call her Lucille - you know, because she’s a Californian redhead?”

Ella nodded and silently reached out to grab Nick’s arm, giving it an excited squeeze, her eyes still glued to the eyepieces of the binoculars. 

_OMG the floof!!!_ She watched, delighted, as the pups wrestled and stalked each other and climbed all over the mom, who bore their playfulness with contented patience. But when one latched onto her tail with its sharp puppy teeth she bared her own, which made it hurriedly roll off and show its belly.

Looking through his own binoculars Nick whispered, “Coyote parents are fiercely protective of their young but we can watch them safely from over here; we’re downwind, so they can’t scent us. Just don’t make any loud noises; they’ve got _really_ good hearing.”

Ella composedly whispered back, “Okay,” but on the inside she was jumping around doing cartwheels and squealing her head off.

“See the dirt piles?” whispered Nick. “They’ve been enlarging the den. There’s three entrances now, there was only one when I first visited.”

“‘They’?”

“The male will be off hunting for the family somewhere. Coyotes mate for life.”

Ella made a soft _awwwww_ sound. Mating for life was such a goddamn romantic thing, even if it seemed so unlikely. She’d never thought she could be with just one person for the rest of her life, but she had a lot of love for those who did. And besides, it was probably different in the animal kingdom. Like, instinctive, sorta thing.

“How often do you come see them?”

“Every chance I get, either before or after work - the visitor centre isn’t too far from here. The pups are nearly a month old already, they’ve grown so much.”

“Can we come see them again?”

Nick shook his head. “I doubt it. The litter is weaned and more mobile now; another week and they’ll probably be gone. The pack will abandon the den and move on.”

Ella clicked her tongue and let out a disappointed, “Aww.”

Nick smiled. “The mated pair and their female offspring will stay together in a pack, but once the juvenile males reach about nine months of age the alpha male will force them to leave. Then they’ll go find mates and start their own packs. Coyote packs usually rotate between multiple dens, but they tend to return to the same ones every year.”

Ella brightened. “So we’ll see them again next year? Mom and Dad and the girls, at least?”

“Yeah. If you want.”

Ella beamed. “Hells yeah!”

Nick hoped for both the pack and Ella’s sake that the pack would return; between human hunters and larger predators it would take a miracle for the whole family to survive the summer, never mind make it back next year. But looking over at the pups wrestling and nipping playfully at each other he felt hopeful. These guys had been incredibly lucky so far.

One of the pups suddenly lifted their head and let out a long, high-pitched baby howl. A couple of the others joined in and they practised howling for a while, then went back to stalking and tussling with each other and tumbling in the dirt. 

Ella giggled at their antics and whispered to Nick, “Oh my God this is amazing! Thank you, so much, for bringing me out here. I love it!”

Nick smiled. “It’s my pleasure.” And that was the truth; it was fantastic to be able to share this discovery with someone. He hadn’t come across many women who found it fun to crawl around in the sand with wild grass and flower pollen in their hair but Ella wasn’t fazed at all. She only seemed to be feeling the same excitement that he felt, and Nick was thrilled.

A series of high pitched barks suddenly floated toward them on the breeze and another adult coyote melted out of the scrub, light grey with a black-tipped tail. The pups promptly tumbled towards the new arrival amid a chorus of eager welcoming yips.

“That’s the alpha male,” said Nick. “I call him-”

Ella cut in, “Lemme guess; Desi?”

Nick grinned. “You got it. But I call him P.D. too.”

Ella frowned. “Police department? I got nothing.”

“‘Puppy Daddy’.”

Ella giggled. “It’s got a nice ring to it.” She inspected the coyote family and whispered, “They all look like wolves to me! How can you tell the difference?” 

“Coyotes are closely related to the gray wolf and they’re all canids; coat colours are very similar. And it’s almost impossible to tell pups apart. But once they’re grown, wolves are bigger and their faces are different. See how this guy’s face is narrow and pointed with a small nose? But quite large ears? Wolves have broader faces with large noses and short, rounded ears.”

Ella studied the family and did notice those things now that Nick had pointed them out. The coyotes did have adorable big ears, almost too big for their heads.

Nick added, “You can also watch his tail when he runs. Coyotes run with their tail down, while wolves usually run with their tails straight out, away from their legs. Dogs generally run with their tails curled up.”

“Really? How interesting. I did not know that!” Ella wriggled a little further into Nick’s space. She’d always found smarts _muy_ sexy.

Nick continued, “I see P.D. around the visitor centre pretty regularly, and he’s fearless. One night I was working late and saw him catch a jackrabbit near the campground. Then instead of eating it he took it with him. Next morning I managed to track him back here to his den and saw the female. She was heavily pregnant so was staying near the den, and he was bringing her food.”

Ella smiled. “Aw, that’s adorable!”

She could see a lot of detail through the binoculars, and she smiled at P.D. as he greeted his mate then flopped down on his stomach, tongue lolling and yellow-brown eyes watchful. The pups clamoured around him, licking his jaw and insistently jamming their muzzles into his mouth. Abruptly P.D. barfed up a pile of something and the pups dived on it like retirees on a lobster buffet, yipping excitedly.

“Chow time,” she murmured. Still peering through the binoculars she absentmindedly dug around under her knee and came up with a jagged stone, which she flicked to the side.

Nick noticed and said apologetically, “Sorry about making you commando crawl in the dirt.”

Ella waved a dismissive hand. “Psshh, this is nothing. You should see me at work sometimes. Like when I've had to go dumpster diving or trawl the city sewers hunting for evidence. Or when I have to wear my super sexy minion onesie in the middle of summer and go home smelling like Leatherface’s living room.” 

_Oh crap,_ Ella thought, closing her eyes. _TMI! TMI!! Blood and guts is not sexy, shut up, Lopez!_

But instead of being grossed out, Nick merely snorted quietly with laughter. Ella inwardly sighed with relief and laughed too; of course - he used to be a cop, and dark and gross-out humour was practically a survival trait. A warm feeling curled low in her stomach; she loved making him laugh.

To Nick’s surprise he suddenly felt Ella’s heat leaning into his side. He lowered his binoculars and his stomach leapt with excitement when he saw Ella looking up at him, a question in her dark eyes. 

He leaned ever so slowly toward her, asking a question of his own. She moved in to meet him halfway and they kissed, covered in grit and seeds and tumbling gently together into the sand. 

The wide open sky shone with a golden sunset and they heard the faint yips of the coyote pups as their bodies entwined amongst the wildflowers, the twilight desert coming to life around them.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Ella's gettin' a little *al fresco* action... (said in Tom's 'bashful Miranda' voice, lol)  
> \- Also, WIIIIILLLLLEEEEEYYYYYYY!!! <3 So happy to see that his booty call in Joshua Trees had a happy ending ;) Loved checking in with him and his brand new wee family, and we may yet see him again :)  
> \- Ella with a margarita hangover was a reference to Ella with a margarita hangover in 403 O Ye of Little Faith, Father.  
> \- Ella telling Nick about having to go dumpster diving for evidence was a shoutout to when Ella did just that in 325 Boo Normal.  
> \- Research for coyote families from www. wildlife.ca.gov, and the tail down thing I got from another website that *seemed* legit - can anyone vouch for it? Or is it rubbish? :)


	11. Devilish Exposé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reese Getty, intrepid reporter, does a ride along with Chloe and Lucifer and BOY OH BOY does he stumble across a story...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm still here! Don't worry, I am still determinedly chugging away at this WIP and I would never abandon it. Or you guys :) I hope the length of this chapter makes up for the length of the wait I inflicted on you all - I did it again! In my defence, my heart kept straying to another part of the series. If it makes you feel better, I am REALLY happy with what my heart and crazy brain came up with and look forward to sharing it with you later. :D  
> Casefics are tricky so I hope it is interesting and makes sense. Unbetaed so if there are any glaring errors please let me know.

\--------

“Detective Decker?”

Chloe looked up to see a fit-looking middle-aged man approaching her desk. He wore blue jeans and a dark camo-patterned cotton shirt and had a well-worn look about him, the impression aided by the battered brown canvas satchel slung over his shoulder. His short silvering blond hair was a little dishevelled and he had a couple days’ growth of stubble on his jaw, but his blue eyes were sharp and there was a determined jut to his chin. _Definitely the reporter,_ she surmised. Chloe nodded. “Yes.”

“Reese Getty, LA Telegraph,” the man said amiably. “My editor and your lieutenant arranged for me to ride along this weekend?” Getty threw her a charming smile and extended his hand.

Chloe took it and they shook firmly. “Yes. Good to meet you Mr Getty, Linda’s told me a lot about you. And I’ve read some of your work - your series on the local gang turf wars has been a real eye-opener. And I know the Criminal Gangs Unit really appreciates the information you’ve been passing on to them.” 

Reese waved away the praise and Chloe added, “Reading between the lines, I get the feeling you think someone new has moved in and is masterminding it all. Is that the working theory?”

Reese blinked, then huffed in amusement. “Masterminding? It’s been chaos! Leadership taken out, power struggles, new alliances forged only to break up again… there’s nothing _organised_ about organised crime lately, it’s a free-for-all. It’s putting everybody on edge; my sources are either getting ridiculously expensive or ghosting me altogether.” 

Reese kept his tone dismissive, but Decker was right; he _did_ think it was being orchestrated. It was too thorough to be completely random.

Word was there was a new player in town, some ‘big bad’ who was pitting local mobsters against one another, using blackmail, deceit and brute force to extend his control. And he was untouchable; the rumours said he had the cops in his pocket, even had clout with City Hall. So Reese was being _very_ careful about what information he chose to pass on to the police. 

Whoever this new player was he was very good at covering his tracks and that could be easily explained if he had the cops acting as accessories, or even accomplices, to his activities. If somebody high up in the chain of command _was_ somehow involved, Reese would need rock solid receipts to run his story, but finding evidence was proving difficult when informants kept disappearing or ending up dead. 

Fortunately it didn’t seem that any other reporters had caught wind of anything yet; Reese always played with his cards close to his chest and jealously guarded his leads, especially when he sensed he was onto something big.

He threw Chloe a crafty look. “I'd be willing to continue sharing information, even more willing if I was given special access.”

Chloe sighed inwardly. She wasn’t blaming Reese for trying, he was just doing his job, but she hoped he wouldn’t be using the ride along to continually fish for privileged information. It was already risky enough having a reporter tag along with a brain filter-less, super honest Devil with a tendency to overshare.

She’d asked Lucifer as a favour to her, in deference to a reporter watching their every move, to make a special effort today. To maybe just keep the extremes of his devilishness under wraps? Refrain from casual mentions of dodgy business dealings, recreational drug habits and breaking the law? And _maybe_ even follow basic crime scene protocols by NOT taking selfies with corpses or juggling silicone evidence boobs? A scandal could end their partnership, not to mention derail her career. 

He’d promised he’d be on his best behaviour - ‘Devil’s honour’ - but the tricky thing with _that_ was that Lucifer didn’t always know what good - well, normal - behaviour _was_. But he’d said he’d do his best, so she just had to trust in him and hope it all worked out. 

If it were up to her this ride-along would not be happening at all. Normally Chloe preferred to tell reporters to shove it, but the Lieutenant was tight with Getty’s editor and they both wanted this. She needed to get her working relationship with the lieutenant back on track, and Lucifer wanted to do it too; he knew it was Linda’s idea. So it was happening. Hopefully they wouldn’t regret it.

Chloe replied apologetically, “Lieutenant Pierce has final say on arrangements with the media. I can’t comment on ongoing criminal investigations.”

Reese gave her a disarming smile. “Then would you care to comment, off the record, on the rising death toll and disappearances among LA’s gangs? What do you think of the rumour that vigilantism is to blame?”

“I think I don’t put stock in rumours, only evidence,” Chloe replied evenly.

Reese pressed, “As you know, it’s not just one or two gangs getting hit; it’s all of them. And there’s none of the usual bragging and representing going on; definitely not the usual gangland MO...”

Chloe suppressed her irritation and said smoothly, “I can’t comment on ongoing investigations, Mr Getty. Maybe Lieutenant Pierce could provide some comments for your story-”

“Hello there!” said a cheerful English voice. “You must be the infamous Reese.” The reporter turned and saw Lucifer Morningstar, in the flesh, striding toward him, and he was just as magnetic as the stories about him suggested. Carrying three paper coffee cups in a cardboard tray in one hand and putting away his cellphone with the other, his imposing 6’3” height cut an impressive figure in a dark blue three-piece designer suit and maroon shirt. His shoes alone had to cost at least a couple months’ worth of his partner’s salary, and his hair and designer scruff were perfect.

Heads turned all around him. Reese noted that even though the consultant looked extremely out of place in the precinct he seemed completely at ease, and strode through the bullpen as though he owned it. He wore a self-satisfied little smile on his face, obviously revelling in the attention.

From what Reese had learned so far Lucifer Morningstar was a rich, entitled pretty boy who was working with the police to stroke his ego and satisfy a need for notoriety. And feed an adrenaline addiction too, most likely. He and Decker were an unconventional partnership to say the least, and controversy and drama littered their record. And yet, they’d managed to close a truly astonishing number of cases together. There was no denying they had the goods. And also no denying there had to be more to them than met the eye.

Morningstar stopped at the desk and handed a coffee to his partner, which she accepted with thanks, then turned to offer Reese a smaller cup.

Reese, surprised, held up his hand to demur. “Thanks, but I’m-”

“Very particular about your coffee, sources tell me,” Morningstar interrupted. “You were a bit of a challenge. So, here is your double shot flat white - with a thin layer of microfoam, not just steamed milk - and one-and-a-half level teaspoons of maple syrup. With coffee, as with so many things, the Devil’s in the details, don’t you agree?” He raised an eyebrow and held out the cup, as if daring him to take it.

Curious, Reese took it, tempted in spite of himself. He glanced at Detective Decker, who was watching on in amusement, and took a sip. To his surprise it was good. Actually, it was terrific, exactly the way he liked it. Beans roasted to perfection, beautiful velvety texture and glossy finish and just the right amount of sweetness. But he was hardly going to admit it - he didn’t want this pretentious jerk thinking he’d got one over on him. 

“It’s not bad,” he said nonchalantly. “Thanks.”

“Lovely.” Lucifer nodded, pleased. Sipping his own grande he said jovially, “So, Reese, I’ve been looking forward to you riding us today - whoops, riding _with_ us today,” he corrected with a chuckle. “Paging Doctor Freud.”

Chloe cleared her throat and shot him a warning look, then said to Reese, “There’s nothing on the board yet so until we’re assigned a case you’re welcome to use the time for interviews.”

Before Reese could answer Lucifer raised his hand. “Bags going first! Gosh, this’ll be fun, getting to tell war stories about all our adventures.” He pouted slightly. “Too bad Miss Lopez isn’t here, she’d give you enough material for a whole book.” At Reese’s questioning look he explained, “Our brilliant forensics tech. She’s off having a dirty weekend.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and grinned.

This was news to Chloe. “She is? Who with?”

Lucifer’s eyebrows shot straight up. “Ooh, you haven’t heard? Perhaps she didn’t want to jinx anything by telling you beforehand; Ella has a brand new _bae!_ Name of Nicholas. Lovely chap, I met him during my little desert trip. He came by the other day to check in on me and they were making eyes at each other in under a minute.” He chortled. “It seems I’m doing cherub as well as Devil duties now.” 

Chloe remembered seeing Lucifer and Ella in the bullpen with an unfamiliar man the other day; she seemed to remember he was pretty good looking and Ella had been smiling and fidgeting like mad, which was a sure sign she found him attractive. She smiled to herself. _Go for it, Ella_ , she thought. _Get some!_ Then she sighed inwardly. _At least then one of us is._

She returned to the conversation and realised it was going a bit sideways. 

“So… Linda’s ex, eh?” Lucifer was saying. “Linda is an absolute genius, so you must have been a rubbish hubby indeed if even she couldn’t make you two work.” 

Chloe inwardly winced. Lucifer wasn’t trying to be an asshole, he was just being his usual forthright self. Which unfortunately sounded really assholey when he said things like that.

Reese looked taken aback for a moment, then plastered a smile on his face and replied blandly, “I was, it’s not a secret. And what about you - do you really believe you’re the Devil?”

Lucifer replied breezily, “It’s not a matter of belief, Reesie. I _am_ the Devil.” Then he perked up and leaned in conspiratorially. “Are you going to write a devilish exposé on me? Ooh, hello, that sounds a bit naughty.” He raised a suggestive eyebrow. “Heads up, you’ll need a wide-angle lens and a double-page spread... might even need a fold-out.” He smirked at the look on the reporter’s face.

Reese said pleasantly enough, but with an undercurrent of impatience, “Too bad the Telegraph’s not a tabloid.”

Unfazed, Lucifer carried on. “How about a magazine insert then? Oooh, I do love a good _insert_ , a nice _thick_ one,” he said with a lewd wink. “Mmm, particularly fond of a supersized special on the weekend...” Lucifer chuckled, his dark eyes twinkling with amusement. “How about you, Reese Monkey?”

Chloe cleared her throat. She thought she’d better step in before Lucifer said anything too scandalous; she could tell Getty wasn’t taking Lucifer's teasing in the lighthearted way it was intended. Getty was nobody’s fool and very good at his job, and probably just as good at reading people as she was, but Lucifer’s… Luciferness was getting them off on the wrong foot. And even though she knew Reese had split amicably with Linda and _probably_ wouldn’t do a hatchet job on her friends, Chloe’s own experiences with the Press had made her wary. 

She smiled charmingly at Getty and threw Lucifer a quelling look. “Cool it with the kidding, Satan. We don’t need Reese here filing a sexual harassment suit.”

Lucifer purred, “Whatever do you mean, Detective? I’m just getting to know my brother in arms here-” he broke off as his cell phone began to ring; judging by the ringtone - Poison’s _Fallen Angel_ \- the caller was Amenadiel.

Lucifer pulled out his phone with an annoyed grunt and promptly dumped the call. He put the phone away but a few moments later it rang again. Lucifer retrieved it again, frowned at the screen, hung up again, and muttered, “Speaking of harassment…” He threw an irritated look at Chloe. “You know that saying ‘an angel on your shoulder’? I think this one might actually be trying to crawl up my arse.” 

A few seconds later the ringtone started up again:

_Win big - Mama’s fallen angel_

_Lose big - living out her lies_

_Wants it all, Mama’s fallen angel-_

Lucifer glared at the screen and with a sharp jab picked up the call with an exasperated hiss. “For goodness’ _sake_ !” he muttered, jamming the phone to his ear. “ _Can you not take a hint?!_ ” He nodded a curt apology to Chloe and Reese and stormed off in the direction of the interrogation rooms, giving his brother an earful over the phone.

Chloe and Reese looked at each other for a moment, then Chloe deadpanned, “Don’t mind him, he’s British.”

Reese snorted a laugh. “Is he always like that?”

Chloe smiled. “Inappropriate and annoying? No, not always, but it’s fair to say he takes a bit of getting used to. A few months back we had a case where he went undercover at Westridge Canyon psychiatric hospital, using his whole ‘I’m the Devil’ shtick as an in. If he’d been a genuine nutcase they wouldn’t have let him leave, right? At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.” She smiled disarmingly at him. _Nothing to see here_.

Reese nodded thoughtfully, his blue eyes watchful. Then he countered, “Didn’t he break himself out, though?”

Chloe nodded smoothly. “Uh-huh. All part of the sting. He then went back in to flush out the perpetrator, who was one of the psychiatric nurses. Lucifer really came through for us there.”

As Chloe was talking, Reese retrieved a pocket tape recorder from his satchel, showed it to her, and turned it on. Chloe nodded her permission but eyed it warily. Those things made her uncomfortable.

And Reese didn’t pull any punches with the questions. “No offense to your partner, but-”

 _Here we go_ , thought Chloe darkly.

“-he’s a rich club owner who made his name doing favours, playing piano and sleeping around. He certainly doesn’t need the money, and from what I’ve learned about him he always wants a return favour, so what does he get out of this?”

Chloe’s protective instincts rose. “He’s eccentric, I know. But I’ve actually found that to be a huge advantage in having him as a partner. He notices things other people are too… _normal…_ to notice. I’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve cracked a case because of his unique insights.” 

Reese nodded, and Chloe plowed on. “As to what he gets out of working with the LAPD... he probably won’t give you a straight answer, so I’ll tell you what _I_ think. I think a long time ago, somebody wronged him. He avoided dealing with it, and distracts himself with the partying, and the women, and the drinking. But since starting with the LAPD, working on each case, it’s given him an opportunity to right those wrongs, to fight back. He wants justice for victims just as much as I do.” 

_Which usually doesn’t have anything to do with human laws and everything to do with divine retribution,_ Chloe thought, _but he’s entitled. He’s the Devil._

Reese raised a knowing eyebrow. “I think you might be giving him more credit than he deserves.”

Chloe bristled, then decided what the Hell, she was going to take a page out of Lucifer’s book and tell this guy what she really thought.

“Well I don’t think you give him enough,” she said bluntly. “We’ve worked together over two years now and he’s saved my ass more times than I can count. He’s paid his dues, he’s more than proven himself. He loves having a good time but this isn’t a game to him. And on top of what he gives us as an investigator, he’s been amazing for morale around here - everybody loves him. He does a lot of good, for a _lot_ of people, despite people like you constantly questioning his motives and trying to put him down.”

Reese merely nodded and Chloe realised she’d walked right into that one. But she also realised she didn’t regret it one bit.

“Duly noted,” Reese said. “And what about you?”

Chloe’s shoulder twitched. “What _about_ me? After my father was killed in the line of duty I swapped acting for policing. It’s been hashed out a dozen times in the gossip pages and it’s nothing more complicated than that.”

Reese shook his head. “No, I mean why do you work with _him_?”

Chloe blinked. “Oh.” Then a fond smile lightened her features. “He’s a great partner. And we have a damn good solve rate. We met on a case of mine, the shooting of the singer Delilah McCord.” Chloe gave Reese a meaningful look. “I completely wrote him off when we first met. Douchebag Devil wannabe... playboy playing at being a cop, you know?”

Reese hummed, his eyes flicking momentarily to the door that Morningstar had disappeared through. His thoughts exactly. Along with even less charitable descriptors like _Eurotrash_.

Chloe went on, “But he turned out to be surprisingly helpful - he’s got great instincts. We teamed up, tracked down her killer-”

“The producer Jimmy Barnes,” supplied Reese. He’d done his research.

Chloe nodded. “Yeah. When we confronted Jimmy he pulled a gun and shot me. Lucifer took him down, got me to the hospital, saved my life. After that we kept crossing paths, solving cases together, until finally our lieutenant at the time, Olivia Monroe, took him on as an official consultant.”

Reese leaned back in his chair. “Yes, Chief Monroe has been one of your partnership’s staunchest supporters. I believe she even personally backed you after you stood against your entire department to take down Detective Malcolm Graham.”

Chloe nodded. “But I didn’t get Graham alone; Lucifer helped - no, that’s not right,” she shook her head and quickly corrected, “The fact is I couldn’t have done it without him. And you can quote me on that.”

Reese smiled and reached over to pick up his recorder. “Thank you, Detective Decker, you’ve been very helpful. Did you have anything else you wanted to add?”

Chloe was about to answer when her phone chimed. She glanced at the screen and said, “I’ll take a rain check; we’re up. We’ve got a crime scene to get to.”

\------------------

Chloe drove while Lucifer and Reese chatted. Well, Lucifer did most of the talking, and Chloe had no doubt that Reese had his tape recorder going, but thankfully Lucifer steered clear of any hazardous subjects, neatly side-stepping Getty’s more loaded questions by giving him either the absolute truth or a version of the truth which Getty couldn’t print without looking like a jackass.

Lucifer was perfectly amiable, even invited Getty to Lux. The reporter seemed friendly enough too, but Chloe caught glimpses of a definite lip curl or two in the rearview mirror, and sensed his frustration with Lucifer’s ability to talk constantly about himself without revealing much. He probably suspected Lucifer was hiding something… and of course he was absolutely right.

She had a sinking feeling that he’d already made up his mind about Lucifer - call it a personality clash, journalistic cynicism, envy… whatever it was Chloe hoped he was professional enough to put that aside and just report the facts. And hopefully this ride-along would present him with enough facts that showed her and Lucifer’s partnership in a positive light.

The crime scene was deep inside an abandoned warehouse in Hollywood, a notorious drug den that should’ve been knocked down years ago. An anonymous tip had come in, probably from kids who’d come here to get high but instead been shocked out of their minds by discovering the aftermath of a mass murder.

A uniformed policeman led them through a rabbit warren of colourful graffiti tagged corridors, stepping over the detritus of dirty needles, tinfoil, candles, fast food wrappers and makeshift soda can pipes that littered the floors. Shafts of morning sunlight streamed through broken windows in some areas and in others it was shadowy and closed in. At one point they were walking through a long, darkened corridor and Lucifer looked around them and gave a bark of delighted laughter. 

“Look, Reesie! We’re tunnel buddies!” He seemed greatly amused by this, and giggled to himself the rest of the way to the crime scene. 

Reese rolled his eyes. It wasn’t _that_ funny.

The bodies were in a more open area, spread out around several concrete pillars. Three men and a woman lay on the floor in pools of blood and another, heavily muscled, tattooed male, was seated, slumped against one of the pillars with a large knife rammed up under his sternum.

Chloe turned to Reese. “Excuse us.”

Reese moved to a vantage point off to the side. “I'll stay outta your way. Just pretend I'm not here.”

Chloe headed over to the forensics tech while Lucifer went over to take a closer look at one of the bodies. 

“Hey Celeste. What’ve we got?” Chloe asked.

Celeste, a tall woman with long blonde hair tied back in a neat plait, dragged her eyes from Lucifer back to Chloe. “Hi Chloe, Lucifer. Looks like a professional hit, went down at about ten last night. The victims -”

Lucifer suddenly interrupted loudly, “Well I’ll be. Looks like the gang’s all here.”

When Chloe turned to face him he pointed at the body at his feet. “I know this young man, Detective. Joey Pileggi. He’s been working for the Ferrante crime family for the past six months. A bit of a hotshot, I hear.” Then he pointed at the woman’s body next to Joey’s. “And _that_ young woman is an enforcer for the Korean Power.” He went around the circle of corpses. “That’s Kid George, nephew and general dogsbody of Bashir Al-Fassad… that one is a high-level banger from Los Xes… and… oh.” He looked down at the enormous thick-necked tattooed and leather-vested man leaning against the pillar. “I haven’t had the pleasure of either meeting or fighting this one yet.”

Reese frowned. Was he kidding again?

“That’s Sean Bueller,” Chloe told him. “Him and his brother -”

“Ferris?” Lucifer suggested, grinning.

Chloe rolled her eyes. “- _Delbert_ , better known as ‘Drillbit’, are two of the most feared thugs in LA.”

Lucifer peered down at the body and scoffed. “Ferris and Delbert. Yes indeed - names that strike fear into the hearts of hamsters - I mean gangsters, everywhere.”

Chloe turned back to Celeste, who had started distractedly gazing at Lucifer. “I’m sorry, Celeste, you were saying?”

Celeste shook herself slightly and replied, “That’s okay, Lucifer’s absolutely right. Victims are Joseph Pileggi, Eun-Jung Lee, ‘Kid’ George Vahedi, Mario Ramirez and Sean Bueller. All local crime figures.”

Reese commented drily, “You have an impressive familiarity with criminal lowlifes, Lucifer.”

Lucifer waved away the backhanded compliment. “I never forget a face, or a name, Reesie. And I meet a _lot_ of people.”

Chloe looked down at the bodies and mused, “I wonder what brought them all together here?”

Lucifer shrugged. “Kneecappers Anonymous meeting?”

Chloe threw him a long-suffering look.

Lucifer cleared his throat and, abruptly businesslike, asked Celeste, “Miss Hoffman, was this some kind of gangland _Battle Royale_ situation or something? Did they all kill each other?”

Celeste shook her head. “No - they were all killed by the same weapon. That one.” She pointed at the long-handled knife protruding from Ferris’ chest. “And none of their prints are on it.”

“Are anybody else’s?” said Chloe hopefully.

The lab tech nodded and turned around her iPad to display the mugshot photo of a middle-aged African American man with a short Afro and beard. “Yep! Got a hit on this guy; Samuel Carroll. Weird thing is though, he’s clean. Relatively, anyways. All he’s got on his record are a couple traffic violations, petty larceny, some drug stuff and a kidnapping charge last year. But the kidnapping charge was dropped when the victim withdrew their complaint. Said it was all a misunderstanding.”

“Tosh!” Lucifer scoffed. “Kidnapping a misunderstanding? It’s not as if someone bashes you over the head, chucks you in a hole in the desert then turns around and says _whoopsie, my mistake_.”

Celeste explained, “The victim made a statement, said the kidnapping was a hazing prank organised by their college fraternity. Carroll worked for an extreme kidnapping company called-”

“ _Snaatched_ ,” said Chloe and Lucifer together, trading glances. The spider hole case, their first after Chloe had learned the truth about her devilish partner. 

Lucifer let out an exasperated snort. “Bloody idiots,” he huffed. “I think I might engage them to try and kidnap Mazikeen; she’ll sort the stupid buggers out.”

Chloe looked down at the bodies splayed on the floor, then at the various blood trails, spatters and puddles around the scene. “With no history of violent crime Carroll doesn’t sound like the kind of person who could do this,” she said doubtfully.

Lucifer followed her gaze. “It _is_ a big step from hapless kidnapper to hitman. I mean, Eun-Jung over there was no slouch with a blade herself. I suppose Sammy just didn’t get caught for the other things he was up to? Or he did a bit of retraining? Discovered a hidden talent?”

Celeste shrugged. “Carroll apparently went off the grid about five months ago. Maybe he was recruited by one of these guys’ competition?”

Reese perked up at that - yet another gang-related missing persons case? Could these deaths have been orchestrated by the underworld’s mysterious new player as well? “Does Carroll have ties to any other gangs?” he said.

Celeste shook her head. “If he does, they’re not on his rap sheet.” She looked down at the bodies and continued, “But you’d never know he was capable of this from his rap sheet either. Two were stabbed through the heart and the other three had their carotid arteries severed.” She pointed at the concrete columns and floor. “Spatter is both arterial spray and cast-offs, all overlapping and we have no idea whose is whose yet. A super vicious and efficient attack.”

Chloe had a sudden awful thought. She nudged Lucifer and whispered so nobody else could hear, “There’s no chance Maze did this, is there? I know she wanted the bounties on the Buellers. Maybe it went bad?”

Lucifer gazed at the scene and murmured, “With all this collateral damage? I don’t think so; Mazikeen might be a soulless savage but she’s still a professional. She’d never leave a knife behind, or worse, cheat herself out of a paycheck. And besides, while I have no doubt she could have got hold of Sammy’s prints if she wanted to, she’d never stoop to framing innocents.”

Celeste pointed to another blood pattern on the column. “And here’s a twist - misted blood droplets, high velocity and larger spread, inconsistent with castoffs from a blade. Along with what could be brain matter.”

“Head shot?” asked Chloe, surprised.

Celeste nodded. “Presumably the killer; it wasn’t any of these guys. Also, all the male victims had guns, but Bueller’s is missing.”

Chloe tilted her head thoughtfully. “So… perp blitzes the group, gets Bueller last, gets himself shot in the process. Obvious question; where’s his body and Bueller’s gun?”

Lucifer offered, “He had an accomplice? Someone better at _not_ leaving incriminating evidence behind?”

Chloe shook her head. “But if an accomplice took the body to prevent an ID, why would they leave the murder weapon?”

Celeste suggested, “Maybe they were in a hurry to get help? It _is_ possible to survive a gunshot wound to the head. So… accomplice panics, takes his buddy and the gun and runs, forgetting about the knife.”

Chloe blew out a breath. “Could be. Let’s put out a BOLO on this Carroll guy, notify nearby emergency rooms. Was there anything else?”

Celeste nodded and retrieved something from her CSI kit, then held it out. It was a smartphone in a clear plastic evidence bag, the screen covered in spider web cracks. “All of the victims’ phones look like this,” she said. “They were still in their pockets, but could’ve been damaged in the attack? We’ll know more after Tech is finished with them.”

“Uh huh,” Chloe said. “Hopefully they can find out who set up this meeting and why. 

Thanks, Celeste.” The forensics tech nodded and returned to her work and Chloe and Lucifer walked over to join Reese.

Lucifer started with a pout. “How boring. With all this hard evidence this might be one of those open and shut ones. That’s a shame, I was hoping you’d get something a little more interesting, Reesie, something that could really show off our crime solving capabilities.” He sighed. “Oh well, there’s always the next one.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows at him. “As long as we get the guy, that’s the main thing, right Lucifer?” 

He shrugged. “I s’pose. Not as fun, though.”

Reese eyed Chloe. “So a professional hit, huh? What are you thinking? This Carroll guy working for the Russians maybe? Or the Triad? Trying to take out the competition?”

“Oh no, I don’t think so,” Lucifer answered confidently.

The others looked at him. Chloe said, “Why not?”

Lucifer gestured back at the bodies. “Well, because these poor saps are all sidekicks. Important to their respective operations but not indispensable. If whoever did this wanted to destroy the competition they would’ve gone for the head, not the right hand. I think this was an ultimatum.”

Reese was intrigued. “How so?”

“Well, someone managed to get them all together here under some pretext or other, then just executed them, didn’t they? I can’t see the point unless it’s a show of strength, sort of a shot across the bows, ‘surrender now or cop it’ sort of thing.”

Reese hadn’t thought of it that way. “That’s pretty ruthless.”

Chloe chewed her lip. “Yeah. I think our next step is to go talk to the victims’ bosses, see if they can tell us anything. If Carroll did carry out the murders, we still need to find out who ordered them.”

Lucifer brightened. “Now that sounds a bit more interesting.”

Reese’s cell vibrated. He checked the screen; it was Linda. He smiled and excused himself, then turned and headed to the far wall of the room away from the crime scene to take the call. By way of greeting he chuckled and said, “Lemme guess, you wanna know what I think of Lucifer.”

On the other end of the line his ex wife let out a snort of laughter. “No, I’m pretty sure I know already. I’m calling to remind you not to let your pathological dislike of the rich and fabulous get in the way of you giving him a chance. With Chloe what you see is what you get, but Lucifer is a harder nut to crack.”

Reese snorted. “Nut is right.”

Linda didn’t respond and Reese could picture exactly the look on her face. Expressionless, letting him realise he was being a prejudiced jerk, before she gently but firmly set him straight. He felt a pang of loss. God, he’d been such an idiot to lose her. She was the only one who never let him get away with any of his bullshit. And he’d become a better person because of it.

Before she could say anything he said, “No, you’re right. He’s different, but definitely not what I was expecting. He seems genuinely, _annoyingly_ , a nice guy.”

He heard the smile in Linda’s voice. “He is.”

Reese added, “And Detective Decker is right too; he does have unique insights.” Then he added a little stubbornly, “But does he have to crack wise _all_ the time? Seriously, the man talks like a teenager. Sometimes it’s like having a conversation with Beavis and Butt-Head!”

Linda laughed out loud. Then she giggled, “Has he given you a nickname yet?”

Reese scoffed then smiled despite himself. “Reese Monkey.” He decided a ‘grease monkey’ moniker was preferable to the ‘rice-a-roni’ one he’d gotten all through school.

Linda laughed and said something else but Reese’s attention was suddenly diverted by something on the doorframe in front of him. A bloody half handprint, camouflaged by graffiti. He frowned and moved closer, then touched it lightly with his index finger. His fingertip came away spotted with blood.

“Uh, Linda?” he said, cutting her off. “I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to call you back.”

\--------------

He followed a gruesome Hansel and Gretel trail deeper into the building. A bloody smear here, a drip there, seemingly wandering aimlessly through a dozen rooms and corridors. After several minutes of searching, he passed through a doorway and saw a man’s body slumped at the foot of the wall, a gun held loosely in his hand and blood all over his face and shirt.

There was a through-and-through wound in his head, entering at his right temple and exiting slightly higher in a half-inch hole. Reese could see bits of brain in the wound and stuck in his tightly-curled brown hair. The right side of his face was badly swollen and his closed right eye looked strangely misshapen.

Reese stared down at him. This was Samuel Carroll, according to the mugshot he’d seen. Apparently he _was_ the one who’d been shot in the head. _Had_ there been an accomplice, and if so, why’d he dump him here? And if there hadn’t, how the Hell had Carroll got this far on his own? This assignment was getting better by the minute.

He turned to go notify Decker of what he’d found and his foot kicked an empty beer can across the floor. The ‘dead’ man suddenly snorted awake, lifting the gun. Reese startled and dived back through the doorway to take cover. _Holy shit! The sonofabitch is still alive?_

Samuel Carroll called out, his speech slurred. “Whazzat? H’zere?”

Reese said loudly, “Don’t shoot! I can help!”

He suddenly heard what sounded like a gun clattering to the floor. “Huh,” Reese heard him mumble. “Finners not workin’.”

Reese peeked around the wall and realised Samuel was barely conscious and too badly hurt to be a threat, so he hurried back, shoved the gun away with his foot and crouched beside him. This guy needed medical attention, and fast; it was a miracle he was still alive. 

He knew there was a medical examiner just a few minutes away at the crime scene so while he pulled his field first aid kit from his satchel and snapped on a pair of nitrile gloves he also juggled his notebook and phone to find Decker’s number and call her.

She answered on the second ring. “Decker.”

“Decker, it’s Reese. I’ve found Sam Carroll. He’s here, inside the building.”

“What? Where? Where are you?”

“He’s seriously injured but he’s awake and talking,” Reese said, aware that Carroll might be listening. “He needs medical assistance.” He shoved his phone in the crook of his neck and pressed a folded up calico bandage to the man’s wounds.

His patient didn’t object, he seemed to be fighting to merely stay conscious.

“Whass goin’ on?” mumbled Sam. “Can’t see shit. Who’re you?” Reese noticed that the man was trying to open his eyes but the orb of his right eye was gone - just a gory socket. He suppressed a shudder and said reassuringly to him, “I can help. You’re bleeding, and you have a concussion-” _some of your brains got left behind on the wall back there, but don’t worry about that right now -_

Decker said insistently in his ear, “Where are you? I’ll send some unis.”

Reese wound a crepe bandage around Sam’s head as he told Chloe about the location of the handprint and the blood trail. She assured him help would be there soon and hung up.

His patient stirred again. “Who you talkin’ to?”

“Just telling my friends where to find us. Do you remember what happened?” _Keep him talking._

Sam seemed confused. “When?”

“Last night. Do you remember how you got hurt?”

Sam was silent for a moment, then mumbled, “Nuh.”

Reese pressed, “What’s the last thing you do remember?”

“Umm, I think I… uh. A Halloween party?”

Reese blinked. Halloween was five months ago. Looks like even though he was still awake and talking, Sam had sustained some pretty severe brain damage and memory loss.

“Help will be here soon,” he said. “You need a hospital. The police are here already, they’re going to-”

Samuel groped blindly and grabbed Reese clumsily by the shirt. Reese was glad he’d worn dark colours today because Carroll had just put mobster blood all over him. He swore.

“No!” the injured man begged, weakly hanging on. “No cops!”

Reese rolled his eyes as he pulled away and stood up. “You should’ve thought of that before you killed five people.”

Sam frowned, tilting his head to follow Reese’s voice. He looked confused. “Th’ fuck you say? I dint kill anybody.”

 _Hands covered in blood and he still tries the ‘I’m innocent’ line._ Reese suppressed a scoff. He said loudly, “The five people in this building, last night. You can’t remember because you’ve got a head injury.”

Sam, suddenly distraught, weakly shook his head. “No! No, I dint, never killed anyone. I don’ do that. I kidnap people, thass all, I swear… they’re settin’ me up, y’can’t… y’can’t truss the cops, they’re workin’ for _him!_ ”

The hair on the back of Reese’s neck stood up and he looked at Samuel with the focus of a laser beam. “Him _who?_ ”

Sam shuddered. “I tell you that, we’re both good as dead.”

Reese felt a frisson of excitement. Could this be the lead he’d been looking for? A name to finally go with the faceless figure moving in on LA’s underworld?

“Sam, the cops have got you for five murders. Your prints are all over the murder weapon and you’ve probably got the victims’ blood all over you. Your only chance at leniency is to tell the DA who gave you the order, take a plea deal.”

Sam frowned. “But I dint kill anyone!”

Sam’s memory loss wasn’t helping. Reese decided to try a different tack.

“Okay. It’s your right to plead not guilty. But any information you have about the person you think is behind this will help you.” 

Sam went to shake his head but it lolled instead. He was fighting to stay awake. “He’ll kill me. He’s a fuckin’ psychopath.” Then he subsided into mumbling.

Reese suddenly heard shouting further back in the building; the cops were coming. When they got here they’d take Sam into custody and Reese could lose his only lead. _He needed that name._

He yelled, “Sam! Hey! Stay with me!” He grabbed Sam’s hand and pressed his thumbnail hard into the nail bed of Sam’s index finger. 

Sam groaned and came around again. “Ow.”

Reese spoke directly into the man’s ear. “Sam, I’m an investigative reporter, not a cop. I protect my sources, this guy will _never_ know I got it from you. I can help you, but I need a name, somewhere to start. _Give me his name._ ”

Sam was quiet for a moment, then let out a soft snort, his head falling back. “Guess nobody else gonna help me, huh.” 

Reese waited with bated breath. The cops’ shouting was getting closer. 

Sam seemed to reach a decision. “Calls ‘mself the Sinnerman. S-scary dude. Huge crime lord. Does people favours but then forces them to do things… all sorts of things… to pay him off. I owed him big time, I did a couple kidnap jobs for him, but thassit! I never killed anybody, I swear.”

Reese pressed, “How do you know he’s got cops working for him?”

Sam shook his head woozily. “Nobody c’n touch him. I heard some people tried, back in Chicago…” he trailed off. “But he killed ‘em all.” His head fell forward as he passed out again. Reese shook him, rubbed his knuckles up and down Sam’s sternum, but he was out cold. 

He gave up and yelled to the searching cops. “Here! We’re in here!”

\-------------------

Several uniformed officers arrived bearing a stretcher and quickly carried Sam back to the others. Reese trailed along behind, quietly making notes into his tape recorder of what Sam had said before he forgot anything. It wasn’t much, but a lead was a lead. And now he had two; the Sinnerman, and Chicago.

At the crime scene up ahead he heard the medical examiner saying something about not being able to do anything more to stabilise Sam than what Reese had done already, and Lucifer was arguing with him about it.

_I’m not that kind of doctor, Lucifer!_

_Ugh, don’t_ you _start!_

Reese was about to reenter the crime scene when he noticed something beside the doorway that stopped him in his tracks; plaster had been etched away in an intricate circular design about six inches in diameter. It could’ve been a junkie’s bored scratchings and he wouldn’t have paid it any mind but for the fact that he’d seen it before. On the other side of the world, in a place with zero conceivable connection to an LA drug den.

He’d spent four days with a group of refugees in northwestern Syria last December, staying with them in rough shelters built among ancient Roman ruins. And every day he’d seen this exact design carved into one of the crumbling walls.

But that one had been there for decades; centuries maybe, and was faded with layer upon layer of names and dates etched across and around it, each worn by the elements and faded in turn. 

This one was brand new, although only three-quarters complete; etched clean and white into the graffitied wall. When he looked down he saw chunks of fresh plaster and dust coating the trash on the floor below. Had Sam put it here while he lay in wait for his victims? What the Hell did it mean?

He heard Decker calling his name, a slightly pissed off tone in her voice, and hastily pulled out his phone to snap a quick photo. Then he hurried out to find Decker glaring at him with a rather prominent vein bulging on her forehead.

“Mr Getty, just what the Hell did you think you were doing, going after an armed suspect by yourself?!”

Reese shrugged. “I’m a reporter, I’m well aware of the risks, and accept them. It’s all part of the job.” He threw her a hopeful smile. The truth was it hadn’t even occurred to him to tell her what he’d found.

Decker wasn’t placated. “Mr Getty, Lieutenant Pierce has granted you access to crime scenes for the duration of this ride-along but that was under the proviso that you do not interfere with evidence or get yourself killed!” 

Reese noticed Lucifer watching him with amusement and winced. The last thing he wanted was to get reamed and kicked off a ride-along in front of _this_ guy.

Then to his surprise Lucifer threw him a sly wink and commented, “That’s usually the bollocking she reserves for me, Reesie, but I wouldn’t take it to heart. As far as I’m concerned you did us a favour.” Decker rounded on him and he challenged, “What? It’s true. The unis should’ve found Carroll when they checked the building.”

Reese had expected Lucifer to gloat, not side with him. Although, really, he did deserve the ‘bollocking’. He looked contritely at Decker. “I apologise, Detective. I didn’t think it through,” he said with as much humility as he could muster. “I hope I haven’t compromised your investigation.”

Decker turned back to him, slightly mollified, and glanced at Lucifer before answering, “Well, as it turns out we do have our suspect in custody because of you, so I guess I should be thanking you.”

Reese grinned. “Call it even?”

Decker nodded, but quickly added, “But please, don’t go wandering off again? If anything happens to you I won’t only have Lieutenant Pierce and your editor to answer to, but I’ll get it from Linda as well. Probably even worse.”

Reese nodded. “Deal.”

Decker then asked, “So, he was conscious and talking to you? What did he say?”

Reese gave a cynical snort. “Well, he said he didn’t do it. Swore black and blue he didn’t kill anybody. He admitted to kidnappings under duress, but denied murder. But he couldn’t remember how he’d got shot either, and said the last thing he remembered was going to a Halloween party.”

Chloe frowned. “He couldn’t remember anything since October?”

Reese nodded. “Yeah. Whether his memories come back or not I guess depends on whether they’re still in his head or got splashed across that pillar over there.”

Lucifer snorted with laughter. “Succinctly put, Mr Reporter.”

Chloe prodded, “Anything else he could remember?”

“He said he was being set up. He was scared of the cops, said they couldn’t be trusted because they were working with some psychopathic kingpin who did people favours then blackmailed them.” He glanced at Lucifer and saw an affronted look cross the consultant’s face. Then he caught Chloe’s eye. “He said the guy had been moving in on LA organised crime for a while now.” He hesitated for a moment, then added, “Thinks he came from Chicago.”

Chloe frowned at him. “You believe him?”

Reese nodded. “Not about the murders, I think he just lost his memory of that, but about the kingpin - yeah. You were right earlier; I do think the recent spate of gang violence is being coordinated, and what Sam said fits. I don’t think he was lying - who’d even have the capacity to come up with a lie after taking a bullet to the head?”

Lucifer looked miffed. “So some little ponce is moving in on my turf _and_ my schtick? What’s the miscreant’s name, so I can go find him and punch him in the face?”

Reese was reluctant to surrender that final piece of information. Sam had told him the Sinnerman owned cops, and while he was fairly confident these two weren’t involved, if he gave Decker the name she’d tell her boss. And Pierce might tell other cops, or somebody at City Hall. The more people knew the better the odds of it getting leaked and the higher risk to Reese if it got back to the Sinnerman. Not to mention the worse the odds of him getting to break the story without some hack stealing it.

Reese wasn’t a team player and keeping his cards close to his chest had served him just fine so far. So he shrugged and answered, “He didn’t know, he’d never met him. Nobody knew his name. Said the guy’s a ghost.”

\------------------

They spent most of the day talking to the victims’ associates but they didn’t come up with anything useful; if they were indeed dealing with some new threat they weren’t saying anything about it. The only drama came when Drillbit Bueller learned of the death of his brother. 

Infuriated, he rushed Reese with a machete but Lucifer casually grabbed Bueller’s arm, pivoted gracefully and slammed him face first into a wall. The man howled and dropped the blade, and was perfectly civil after that. 

Reese just gaped. He couldn’t believe a fashion plate like Morningstar had got the drop on a hardened street thug, and so easily. Decker had shown no fear either but was also deeply sympathetic to the man’s loss, and judging by her composure she was well aware of Lucifer’s hidden skills.

Reese came to realise that the Decker/Morningstar team were indeed formidable, and worthy of the high regard in which they were held by their department. He watched them work, impressed by how their vastly different personalities challenged yet complemented each other, and how despite their often differing opinions they always backed each other up. 

Decker was patient and professional and showed great compassion, even to criminals. She was a typical cop, sometimes cynical and with a very dry sense of humour, but that served her well since her partner was patently one of the weirdest people in a very weird town - she seemed to have fun with it.

And Lucifer… Reese had thought people couldn’t surprise him anymore but Lucifer had definitely done that. He seemed to have none of the sexist or misogynist attitudes that Reese would’ve expected from a known womaniser, and yielded to his partner’s judgment more often than not. They genuinely respected and cared for each other, were indeed a great team, and that had been borne out by their incredible success.

Reese had started this assignment with a very clear idea of how it was going to go, and for once he was delighted to have been proven completely wrong.

\--------------------

When they returned to the precinct Chloe got a call; Samuel Carroll had succumbed to his injuries. Also, Celeste came by with her report and to inform them that she’d found blood from all five victims on him, and the medical examiner had found a shallow cut on his arm. It was relevant because his DNA was matched to blood found on a switchblade discovered beneath Lee’s body at the scene.

“So he was definitely the guy,” said Reese. He wasn’t surprised, but Sam had seemed so damn _earnest_. Maybe he hadn’t been innocent, but he’d been damn good at acting it.

“Looks like,” replied Chloe, scanning the report.

“And still no clues as to why he did it.”

Lucifer, reading over his partner’s shoulder, replied in annoyance, “No. Although keeping in mind this criminal mastermind theory of yours, perhaps he was sent on a murder-suicide mission.”

Reese’s jaw dropped. “He shot _himself?_ ”

Chloe nodded, waving the report. “Yep. No gunshot residue found on Sean’s hand, only Sam’s. And the coroner and forensics both concluded that the trajectory of the bullet and the blood spray pattern matches up with a self-inflicted injury.”

Reese shook his head. Surely he’d seen everything, now.

He thanked Chloe and Lucifer and promised the story would be in the paper sometime the following week. Lucifer reminded him that he owed Reese a favour, but Reese firmly declined as a matter of journalistic integrity. Lucifer had been surprised at being turned down but respected his decision, and then had remarked casually, in that case, what did he really want out of life?

And to Reese’s surprise, he’d told him the complete and corny truth.

“To expose the liars and the frauds. Bring the oppressors to justice, and make a difference.”

Lucifer had been most impressed. Or maybe he was being sarcastic, Reese couldn't tell. “Goodness, Reese Monkey, quite the firebrand, aren’t we? I bet you're not afraid to take a big swing. I have to say, it’s lovely to have a reporter like you on our side.”

\-----------------

Reese didn’t go home, instead he grabbed some takeout and headed for the office. He did today's write up over a tasty Cambodian beef loc lac and a bourbon at his desk, then turned his chair around to survey the whiteboard that extended across the back wall. It was full of notes, theories and leads for ongoing investigations, and currently was full of bits and pieces for his turf war series. He’d dug up a fair amount over the past few months, but for the most part he’d felt like he’d been stumbling along in the dark, blind.

And now Sam had given him a flashlight, and the new leads would light his path - at least for a while.

He printed off a photo of the graffitied symbol and added it to the board. Then wrote ‘Chicago?’, and finally, rubbed out ‘mastermind?’ at the top and wrote ‘The Sinnerman’. He took a few moments to savour the tiny victory, then called his editor about booking a flight to the Windy City in the morning.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- WHEW! Am I right? Lol.  
> \- Off the Record is one of my all time favourite Lucifer episodes and I'm very excited about having Reese in this series. Canon Reese has overwhelmingly negative qualities; is obsessive, controlling and arrogant, and I'm having so much fun playing with a more moderate version of him and bringing out his more positive qualities. I hope he still sounds 'right'! We will most definitely be seeing Reese again.  
> \- Keep your eyes peeled for shoutouts to the episode, including dialogue lifted straight from the script. Jen Graham Imada did such a great job on the story, with screenplay assist from Chris Rafferty and Mike Costa, all top notch Lucifer writers, it's no wonder it's so good!  
> \- 'trying to crawl up my arse' is a British/Aussie saying. Lucifer's complaining that Amenadiel won't leave him alone/ is annoying/ overstepping his bounds/ trying way too hard to ingratiate himself. See also 'be stuck up someone's arse'. Nothing to do with actual butt stuff :'D  
> \- I gave Delilah the surname of the actress who played her; Annalynn McCord.  
> \- I'd been wondering what happened to Lieutenant Monroe after she got her favour from Lucifer...  
> \- Ferris and Dilbert. I'm such a dork :'D But the Bueller brothers are from canon when Maze captured 'Drillbit' in 405 Expire Erect.  
> \- For the victims' names I either used their character names as listed in IMDB or used the actors'/ a combination of both. Really annoyed that they don't list all the stunt performers' names!  
> \- Samuel Carroll is a mashup of the Sammy character (episode 301) and the guy who played Sinnerphony (episode 309) he was equal parts both of them, with a few twists...  
> \- Hope you liked this one, though it probably subverted your expectations! :) That's all for set-up, so now we can get back to the regular crew :)


	12. Wonton Violence and Destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang investigate a mysterious triple homicide in Chinatown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Has everyone seen Season 5 pt 1 yet? Ain't it great? I loved it but now of course the wait for part 2 is on. Lol the life of a Lucifan...  
> Hope you like this instalment, a bit of detectiving, fluff and action before a big next chapter, which, to apologise for me also making you wait, I will upload on Sunday.  
> Unbetaed, so feedback especially welcome :)

Ella bounded along the sidewalk in Chinatown, forensic kit and ponytail swinging and a huge grin on her face. She was still walking on air after the BEST weekend she’d ever had and she felt like she might float right over the moon.

She’d spent one day, seven hours and forty five minutes straight in Nick’s company, the two of them a tiny oasis of laughter and warmth in the middle of nowhere, exploring on long winding roads through wilderness under an endless blue sky, and she’d never felt safer or more at home.

They were already plotting how they were going to see each other again, and how to make their long distance relationship work. However it happened it was _going_ to happen, there was no question for either of them, and there was an odd kind of freedom in having that focus. Everything else just dropped away.

And with that clarity had come another decision; to stop her sketchy snooping around of Lucifer. Her investigation had gone nowhere, and she’d realised it didn’t matter anyways. Whether he was a former 007 for British Intelligence or a roid-pumping illusionist, he was a good guy and a good friend who’d chosen to use his gifts to help people. She could to-tally relate to that. And even if he’d done some bad shit in his past she had no right to invade his privacy or judge him, not with her history.

She breezed up to the scene, a Vietnamese dining hotspot in Central Plaza, and chattered animatedly to Joan as the dark-haired young rookie lifted the tape for her. She also gave high fives to both Frank and Jane on the way into the building; Ella had to laugh at herself. Could she be any more friggin’ obvious that she’d had a booty call? She was practically bouncing around like Pepe Le Pew! 

Not even a crime scene liberally doused with blood could dent her mood and she was still humming happily to herself when Chloe and Lucifer walked in twenty minutes later.

“Well hello there Miss Lopez,” Lucifer drawled, taking one look at her and chuckling wickedly. “Looks like somebody’s had a very _pleasurable_ weekend - walk here under your own steam did you, or did the unis have to trolley you in?”

Ella giggled. Then she turned to Chloe and was about to fess up when Chloe got in first. 

“So the trip with Nick went well?” she said, grinning. At Ella’s surprised look she tilted her head at her partner and explained, “Lucifer filled me in.”

“Not as thoroughly as Nicholas filled _you_ in, I’d wager,” added Lucifer playfully, and Chloe rolled her eyes. _How_ old was he again?

Ella snorted with laughter and punched him in the arm. “ _Dude!_ ” she exclaimed in mock outrage. Then she added apologetically to Chloe, “I _reeeally_ wanted to tell you on Friday but I was a little nervous and didn’t wanna jinx it, you know?”

“That’s okay, I get it.” Chloe smiled warmly. “So you had fun?”

Ella beamed. “Oh HELLS yeah! I had the THE most amazing time, and Nick is just so amazing. He took me hiking and rock scrambling at this cool place called Banshee Canyon, made me campfire chicken enchiladas, ohmygod _delish_ , showed me this sweet _as eff_ litter of coyote puppies…! Oh my God, Chlo’ _. Wild. Puppies_ ! I swear I nearly died. Plus there were these beautiful wildflowers everywhere, a bottle of wine, sexy music, _the_ most romantic sunset I’ve ever experienced _…_ ” she trailed off with a dreamy sigh. “It’s like _brand_ brand new but already it just feels really… comfy.” Then she gave a bemused scoff. “It’s weird, I always thought nice guys were boring but I had the best weekend _ever_!”

“I’m really happy for you, Ella,” said Chloe sincerely, giving Ella a warm hug. “That you’ve found someone. I hope to meet him soon, Lucifer’s been singing Nick’s praises so much I’ve been wondering if he’s eyeing him off for himself!” She laughed as she stepped back.

Lucifer sighed. “Alas, no. I’ve already been roundly rejected on that front.”

Ella saw Chloe do a double take at him and hastily changed the subject. “So - uh - how’d the reporter thing go?”

Chloe made a soft huffing sound. “It went great. Perp caught, case closed, no problems. And bonus, no reporter getting shot by the suspect _who was still inside the building because the unis missed him on the sweep._ ”

Ella gasped. “Shut up!”

As Chloe and Lucifer quickly told Ella about the weekend’s events Chloe kept her fingers crossed that the ‘no problems’ thing held. Getty had seemed very pleased with how the ride-along had gone, but Chloe had no idea if that was a good or bad thing - good for him might mean bad for _them_ , for a start. Especially since it was a rookie mistake by LA’s finest that had put him in danger.

Chloe took a deep, cleansing breath and put the weekend’s events from her mind. However Getty chose to spin his experience was out of her hands and besides, they had a new case to worry about.

“So,” she said, She looked around the blood-drenched industrial kitchen that was their latest crime scene, “What’ve we got? I know I’m no medical examiner, but I _have_ noticed there don’t seem to be any bodies here.”

“Yes enough socialising ladies,” agreed Lucifer with mock seriousness. “Get back to wok.” 

Both Chloe and Ella rolled their eyes at him. 

“Come on!” Lucifer smirked. “We’re in an Asian restaurant, in Chinatown, of course I was going there. I actually thought it was one of my better puns.”

Ella sighed and said to Chloe, “Yeah, no stiffs, but all this blood, it’s definitely a murder scene. Multiple homicide, looks like. Gnarly.” She walked around the kitchen pointing out three large blood pools among the gory tracks that crisscrossed the floor. “These, my friends, are Class IV haemorrhages. Three vics lost about five pints of blood each.”

“That’s a lot of blood,” commented Chloe.

“Uh-huh. Definitely fatal. Judging by how much the blood’s congealed, I’d say it happened around midnight. Killers took the bodies, hence the big ol’ bloody shoe prints.”

“Killers?” Lucifer repeated. “Multiple victims _and_ multiple killers? Was this some kind of back room battle royale?”

Ella nodded. “Yeah - three blood pools but four distinct shoe sole patterns leaving the scene.” She gestured at the floor, covered with bloody drips, smears and footprints.

“Shocking, isn’t it?” Lucifer said, grinning mischievously. “All this _wonton_ violence and bloodshed.”

Ella groaned but laughed at the same time. “Oh my God, you’re _diabolical_ , dude. I’d say you were going straight to Hell for that one, but... too late!” She winked at him and broke into guffaws.

Chloe barely suppressed an eyeroll. “If only.”

Lucifer chuckled and playfully nudged her. “Are you friend or _phở_ , Detective? If I keep punning will you _bánh mì_?”

Chloe huffed a laugh and shook her head; he’d have to run out of Asian food-based puns eventually. She pressed on, “Has to be gang-related, right? We don’t usually see violence on this scale unless it’s a gang war or something.”

Ella shrugged. “Until we find bodies we can’t know for sure, but this place isn’t a front for any syndicates that Criminal Gangs knows of. Unis are rounding up the staff, seeing if they know anything.”

“Any ideas on the murder weapon? Or weapons?”

“Judging by the amount of blood, and the empty space on the magnetic knife block on the wall there, I’d say a big ass chef’s knife.”

Chloe had a sudden random thought. “How can we be sure the blood is human? This _is_ a kitchen; maybe it’s animal blood.”

Ella tilted her head and gazed around the room, then made a soft scoffing sound. “Huh. I never even thought of that. Damn, that’s embarrassing. Like, maybe this was a delivery accident, or even a Godfather-style prank or something? Do they use pig blood in Vietnamese cuisine?” She pulled out her phone to do a google search.

As Ella was talking Chloe had noticed Lucifer start to bend down, hand outstretched to the nearest bloodstain on the floor. Chloe had a sudden vivid flash of memory of him taste testing Benny Choi’s pet pig’s blood off the floor of his loft. Lucifer wouldn’t… no, scratch that, he definitely would!

“ _Lucifer!_ ” she hissed. He stopped, straightening, and both he and Ella turned to look at her in surprise. Chloe schooled her features into an expression of mild concern, pointed down at Lucifer’s shoes and said in a lighter tone, “Careful, Lucifer, you nearly put your foot in it. Maybe just back it up a little?” Then she frowned and placed her hands together, tapping her fingertips to her lips, gazing in a casually pensive way down at the floor to hide what she was really doing.

 _LUCIFER,_ she prayed, SERIOUSLY. _DO NOT TASTE THE BLOOD ON THE FLOOR! I remember what you did at Benny Choi’s loft, don’t even_ **_think_ ** _about doing that again!_

She caught his gaze and attempted to also convey via facial expression her strong disapproval that he still didn’t know better by now than to interfere with evidence, never mind do something so goddamned disgusting.

Lucifer looked back at her in mild surprise, then smiled in a cheekily approving sort of way and tipped his head slightly in acknowledgement.

Chloe heaved a small sigh of relief, lowered her hands and asked Ella, “Any luck with Google?”

Ella nodded animatedly. “Yeah, actually! Blood soup is a traditional delicacy, sometimes eaten at weddings and Lunar New Year.” She started reading from the screen. “‘In Vietnam, fresh raw blood of pigs, ducks and other animals is consumed in a dish known as _tiết canh_ .’ Whoah, they serve it _raw?”_ Then she muttered to herself, “With a side order of swine bacteria… a little meningitis maybe… think I’ll pass.” 

Chloe noticed Lucifer suddenly turn on his heel and head out of the kitchen toward the front of the restaurant. Then Ella looked up at her. “I gue-ss it’s possible. But then whoever spilled it just left it here to get tracked all over the place? And why’d they take the knife?”

Chloe hummed. “So we treat this as homicide until we find out different…” she trailed off as she spotted a kitschy old mechanical punch clock on the wall of a nearby office area. There was only one card in the rack and she walked over to pull it out and note down the details. “Who called 9-1-1?”

“One of the chefs. Arrived for the morning shift and found the place like this, unlocked and deserted.”

Chloe replaced the card just as Lucifer got back brandishing one of the restaurant’s menus. “Checked their menu - no blood soup. They do a spicy pig ear salad that sounds interesting, though.”

“Thanks, Lucifer. And I found a timecard for someone named Kiet Tran. Didn’t punch out last night so probably here at the time of the-” she hesitated, glancing at the corpseless scene.

“Bloodbath?” finished Lucifer helpfully.

Chloe grunted. It was _that_ , alright. “Let’s go see if the staff can tell us anything.”

Lucifer turned and fell into step beside her as she headed out of the kitchen. Lucifer nudged her again. “Ah, Detective, do you happen to know what the Devil has in common with Vietnamese banks?”

At Chloe’s blank look he replied matter-of-factly, “ _They both like dongs,_ ” then giggled.

And despite herself, Chloe giggled too.

\----------------

Staff interviews revealed Tran to be the janitor; a twenty two year old man who was a relatively new arrival to LA, and the cousin of the owner’s husband. He had hardly any English but was taking classes at his local church, and by all accounts was a model employee, doing kitchenhand duties as well as all of the cleaning, and learning as much about the business as he could. 

He’d last been seen mopping the kitchen floor at nearly midnight, and his colleagues were insistent that he would never pull a prank or leave a mess like that, much less leave the place unlocked. Foul play was confirmed when preliminary forensic testing found the blood to be human.

No one had any idea who the other victims could be. Members of various gangs did dine at the restaurant occasionally but they didn’t bring any trouble. The building didn’t have working security cameras but a street cam caught a group of three men walking along the sidewalk a few blocks away around the time of the stabbings. IDs proved impossible from the grainy security footage but a possible motive was found when Ella discovered a lock pick on the floor under a bench. Perhaps the group had broken into the restaurant, surprised Tran, who grabbed the knife and lashed out in self defence, killing the intruders, then fled?

Tran’s battered white Honda Civic was missing from the parking lot and he wasn’t at his listed address so Chloe had a BOLO put out. They also tried to both call and triangulate the location of Tran’s cell phone but it was either turned off or outside coverage.

Then after lunch they caught a break, not that it actually cleared anything up. 

Tran’s car registration was called in by Vice detectives staking out a bathhouse owned by Russian mobster Sergei Sokolov. Surveillance photos showed Tran going into the building with two other men. Tran’s cousin had told them his relative didn’t know anybody in the city outside of family, work and Church but that clearly wasn’t true. 

Another possibility began to rear its ugly head; Vietnam was a predominant source country for human trafficking. Perhaps Tran had secretly worked for Sokolov there, providing poor and vulnerable Vietnamese - mostly women and girls - for his sex trafficking operation. And had now immigrated to the States under false pretences to join the main firm. If his criminal activity hadn’t been red flagged by USCIS there was no reason to suspect his family would know anything about it. 

But then what were the stabbings at the restaurant all about? Had a rival syndicate tried to take him out, but he’d managed to kill them instead and then gone to ground at Sokolov’s after getting his help dumping the bodies?

Chloe and Lucifer wanted to go immediately to the bathhouse to bring Tran in for questioning, but they were ordered to hold off. The bathhouse was being staked out because a raid was imminent and Chloe and Lucifer were to attend the scene but only as backup. Once Vice had Tran in custody they’d hand him over.

\---------------

Lucifer donked his head back onto the headrest with an irritated huff. “I thought this raid was supposed to happen any minute now,” he muttered. “‘Any minute now’ was half a bloody hour ago. I thought time only dragged this slowly in Hell.”

Chloe made a sympathetic noise. “It’s not our operation, Lucifer. This is how it goes sometimes.”

They were parked a few cars down from a pawn shop, a few blocks from the bathhouse - far enough to be out of the way but close enough to be useful if needed. They’d been monitoring the radio and Tran was still in the bathhouse, so they were sitting tight until told to do otherwise. Lucifer had been content enough to chat with her and play on his phone for the first fifteen minutes but he was getting antsy.

“If they take much longer I’m going to go have a browse in the pawn shop up there. I might even find a new addition to my hat collection.”

Chloe turned to him with a lopside grin. “You have a hat collection? Since when? How come I’ve never seen it?”

Lucifer replied coyly, “You wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve got stashed around the penthouse, Detective.”

Chloe made an amused sound. “Neither would the guys in Narcotics, I’ll bet.” Lucifer chuckled and Chloe added, “Why hats? You don’t even wear them. They mess up your hair.”

Lucifer shrugged. “I’ve been known to put a lid on when fashion calls for it. And some I picked up just for fun.”

Chloe leaned toward him slightly, intrigued. “So what’ve you got?”

Lucifer looked up thoughtfully. “Hmm. Rather natty black silk top hat from about 1910, a cowboy hat from the seventies, a thirties fedora, twenties straw boater, a massive black and silver sombrero, a bowler hat, one of those _Peaky Blinders_ tweed caps, a fez, a Viking helmet-”

Chloe blinked. “What? From a real Viking?”

“Well, from a real Viking _movie_.”

“Oh.”

Lucifer waved his hand. “The movie ones are more interesting with the horns and everything. Real Vikings didn’t actually put them on their helmets; they’re too easy to grab hold of. Just ask any demon, they can be a bit of a liability in a fight. Vikings mainly used horns for drinking.” Lucifer smiled proudly. “Mine’s brilliant. It’s a big furry one, with a couple of decent-sized horns out the sides. Like that Jamiroquai fellow’s.”

Chloe’s mouth turned up on one corner. “So you can be a ‘horny Devil’, right?”

Lucifer grinned. “Precisely.”

“What else have you got? Lemme guess; beaver hat?” Chloe teased.

Lucifer gave a bark of laughter. “No, I haven’t got one of those yet actually, but thank you for the suggestion.” Then he frowned thoughtfully. “Let’s see… a cavalier hat - one of those Musketeer style ones with one side pinned up and a big ostrich feather out the back. A helmet I nicked from SWAT, a trucker’s cap with a big ‘L’ on the front - my staff got me that as a Silly Santa gift one year; of course I’ll probably never wear it but I’ll still keep it. Also a pirate captain’s tricorne and an Asian rice hat that I picked up in China somewhere. Oh, and a crown. It’s technically a hat.”

“What movie is it from?”

“No, no, it’s not a prop,” Lucifer replied. “It’s a real one. Rubies and everything.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows. “ Like _actual_ real? Like… from royalty?”

Lucifer smirked. “I _was_ the King of Hell, Detective.”

Chloe stared. Like sure, he was the Devil and he always said he was the King of Hell and he’d talked before about sitting on a throne and demons were his servants and all that kind of stuff but she’d never made the connection to him actually being proper royalty. He was just so… _not_ royal. Case in point… “You put your old crown in your _hat collection?_ ”

Lucifer shook his head. “It’s not _mine_ , mine - there’s no crown for being the king of Hell. The throne was a punishment, remember? It’d be a dunce cap, if anything.” He grinned craftily. “No, I pinched it from the Vatican.”

Chloe gaped at him. “You mean you stole it from _the Pope?!_ ”

Lucifer said airily, “Not the current one, this was centuries ago, but yes. Along with a few other things. What would the Church have needed all that loot for anyway? It was the spoils of centuries of conquest, tithings, and outright theft, when they were supposed to be all about poverty and charity.” He scoffed loudly. “Isn’t the love of money supposed to be the root of all evil? I did them a favour. Besides,” he sniffed, “What’s theirs is technically Dad’s and I think I’m entitled to a chunk of it. Call it several eons' worth of back pay.”

“Ohh, I see,” Chloe said. “So that’s why you’re so loaded.”

Lucifer shook his head. “I didn’t need the cash, it was more the principle of the thing.”

Chloe frowned. “Then where did you get all your money from? The lottery? Dan saw Lux’ books and told me it operates at a loss. And I know the department pays crap.”

Lucifer said smugly, “The Devil is Creation’s oldest hustler, Detective; I have my wicked ways.”

“Such as?”

“Well just to name one, I can pop out to Saturn or Jupiter, find a storm and just hold out my hand. It literally rains diamonds on a gas giant.”

Chloe stared at him for a long moment then huffed a disbelieving laugh. “You’re messing with me.”

“Nope. Honest to Dad.” Lucifer chuckled at the look on Chloe’s face. “You’ll never think of the phrase ‘make it rain’ the same way again, will you, Detective?”

Chloe was speechless. Diamonds... from _Jupiter?_ He could fly into outer space? ...But of course he could; he’d told her himself he was the Lightbringer, the angel who had helped forge the stars. He’d brought massive suns to life out in the endless emptiness of space, he could go to other planes of existence, he could go anywhere he wanted. The Vatican, Jupiter, the moon… he could go punk _a Mars rover_ if he wanted to! 

Did that mean he could visit other galaxies too? Was there intelligent life on other worlds besides Earth? Did aliens on other planets also worship Lucifer’s celestial family? Chloe’s mind boggled. 

Lucifer was always so… _Lucifer_ , her friend and partner and friendly weirdo, that she kept forgetting just how powerful he was. He had the power of a _god_ , for God’s sake! He could set off a supernova as easily as she could light a campfire. Probably easier, unless she cheated with a capful of lighter fluid. 

Meanwhile Lucifer was drumming his long fingers on the window sash and looking hopefully up the street at the pawn shop. “Think I can sneak in there for a bit? There’s some good-looking guitars in the window. B.B.King told me once that a guitar wouldn't play the blues if it hadn't been in a pawn shop three or four times-”

Suddenly the radio squawked. “Twenty-four Victor to Unit 831, come in.”

They both perked up; 831 was Chloe’s callsign. Chloe grabbed the radio before Lucifer could and answered, “This is 831, go ahead.”

The vice cop on the other end sounded slightly breathless. “Be advised Tran and another suspect could be heading your way. Second suspect is a white male, five eleven, approximately forty years of age, wearing black jeans and with a shaved head. Be on the lookout, we are en route to intercept.”

Chloe opened her mouth to reply but Lucifer snatched the handset and murmured, “Ten-four, Victor darling. Or should I say... Walsh?” He let out a low chuckle. “I’d know that sexy voice anywhere.”

A soft giggle came over the radio. Chloe tugged the handset back and said impassively, “Roger, twenty-four Victor.” She glared at Lucifer and returned the handset to the cradle.

Lucifer pouted slightly. “What? I just wanted a turn. You never let me do the talking.”

Chloe shrugged and scanned the busy street for their targets. “I would if you’d just agree to learn the callsigns and etiquette, but apparently that’s too boring.”

Lucifer nodded. “Yes it is, I’m glad you’re finally seeing my side of it, Detective. So do we agree that next time-”

“Hold up, Lucifer,” interrupted Chloe, spotting something up the street. “This could be them.” Two men had appeared around the corner ahead and were sprinting along the sidewalk towards them. As they got closer Chloe recognised Tran from his DMV mugshot and the other man matched Walsh’s description. The pair stopped at a Toyota Camry parked in front of the pawnbrokers and the second suspect produced a slim jim from his jacket. He started working on the driver’s side window.

Chloe quickly radioed it in, then got out of the car with her gun drawn but down by her side. She headed for Tran, and Lucifer moved toward the other guy.

“LAPD!” Chloe bellowed, bringing her gun up. “Show me your hands!”

The pair’s heads snapped up but instead of complying they promptly bolted up the street. A siren wailed and a police car appeared around the corner, cutting off their escape and they skidded to a stop. With Lucifer and Chloe blocking the opposite direction they turned and disappeared into the pawnbrokers. 

Another police car came around the other corner and there was the whoop of a siren as more backup arrived. Lucifer went to follow the suspects but Chloe put out a hand out to stop him.

“Vice will want to take care of this, Lucifer. Hands off.”

Lucifer smiled at her, inclining his head. Chloe briefly squeezed his arm and started walking toward the nearest squad car to explain the situation. Then she caught a glimpse of Lucifer’s reflection in a car window - as he was disappearing through the pawn shop door.

_Damn it, Lucifer!_

She whirled and dashed after him. She caught a glimpse of him disappearing up the aisle between two rows of shelves and hissed, “Lucifer!” but he didn’t stop. 

The cash register was by the door and the middle-aged shop clerk was eyeing her gun warily. She quickly showed him her badge and sent him outside, just as sounds of a scuffle started up in the aisle. She ran over and saw Lucifer standing blocking the aisle, the second suspect swinging at him with a baseball bat. 

Lucifer ducked and the other man stumbled off balance, but before Chloe could say anything, Lucifer’s left wing shot out and caught the suspect in the back with a solid thump. The man went sailing past Chloe to crash land on a pile of tyres stacked at the end of the aisle, and by the time Chloe turned back around Lucifer’s wing was tucked away again. He straightened his jacket and cuffs, a satisfied grin on his face.

Chloe regarded the suspect laid out across the tyres groaning, then crouched down to handcuff him, levelling an irate glare at her partner. “What the Hell was that?!”

He held out his hands, the picture of innocence. “What? You said hands off and I didn’t lay a finger on him.”

The perp struggled to get up. “What happened?” he asked groggily.

Chloe ignored him. They still had to find Tran. “Where’s -?” she began, then gasped as there was a loud crack and Lucifer’s head jerked sharply sideways. 

“Ow!” he exclaimed, and turned to confront his attacker. It was Tran, wielding a cherry sunburst-coloured guitar by the neck and smiling nastily.

Lucifer gasped in horror and held up his hands. “Don’t do it! For goodness’ sake - that’s a Les Paul! Show a little respect!”

In reply Tran swung the guitar again and Lucifer reared back, the body of the guitar smashing to pieces on the shelf by his head. 

“You soulless BASTARD!” Lucifer yelled in outrage. 

Tran laughed and reached inside his jacket to withdraw a wicked-looking knife; judging by the dark smudges on the blade it was the murder weapon. He slashed at Lucifer who dodged nimbly out of the way, then Lucifer snatched a silver candlestick off a nearby shelf to defend himself with.

Chloe raised her gun. “Drop the knife, Tran!” she shouted, but he didn’t react and Chloe was just about to ask Lucifer to translate for her when there were running footsteps from the end of the row and Tran disappeared under a pile of uniformed cops. He fought and cursed as they wrenched the knife away and slapped a pair of cuffs on him. 

Chloe noted that for somebody who didn’t have much English, Tran’s command of profanity seemed to be just fine. He abruptly stopped struggling and allowed himself to be led away, but with a smugly arrogant look on his face. Chloe frowned. What did he have to be so cocky about?

Chloe turned to Lucifer and let out a frustrated huff. “What happened to letting Vice take care of it?”

Lucifer plonked the candlestick back on the shelf and shrugged complacently. “That was your idea, not mine Detective, and it all worked out, didn’t it? I just needed to stretch my legs for a bit.” He pulled his pocket square out and pressed it to his temple to stop the bleeding. Then he bent down to pick up the destroyed guitar by what was left of its neck and tutted in dismay.

“So much for Tran being a model citizen,” he said mournfully. “He’s turned out to be a bloody axe murderer.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual when a chapter kicks my arse, I eventually ended up coming up with something I really like. I hope you guys liked it too!  
> \- axe=slang for electric guitar :)  
> \- More than the usual number shoutouts to TV canon in this one; when Ella arrives at the crime scene just picture the start of episode 325 Boo Normal (which is now canon, YAY!!! and must be located somewhere between 502 and 506 -after Lucifer gets back from Hell but before Dan... you know. *spoilers!* :D He just forgot to wear his bracelet that day). Plus there's nods to elements from 104, 320,401,408 & 504 (Luci tasting Pig Daddy's blood, ew, Luci's cowboy hat and Viking helmet that we saw during his sleep deprivation montage, the crown he gives Lee, the trucker's cap he wears at his fantasy football night & his fedora from the Lilith flashback, the SWAT helmet from 322) as well as characters mentioned in other episodes and snippets of dialogue from 405, 410, 507... lol. I can't help it, they just fit so nicely and I'll take any chance to give the show some love and build on their amazing world.  
> I even reffed a character from one of my old fics! And there might be more in future chapters.  
> \- when I typed 'kitchenhand duties' the computer tried to spellcheck me into saying 'kitchen hand duties' and I realised what a dirty mind I have :'D  
> \- Diamonds on Saturn and Jupiter is totally a real thing! https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-24477667 In the comics Lucifer has godlike powers and can just magick up anything he wants but in TV canon his powers are much more specific and he's the best at making deals so I stuck with that.  
> \- What Lucifer said BB King told him is an actual quote attributed to him. And Gibson Les Pauls are widely regarded as the best guitar to play the Blues... the Devil's music, according to Lucifer in the pilot :)  
> \- Chloe has used 'Unit 831' as her callsign in a few episodes including 304 What Would Lucifer Do?  
> \- The radio conversation hopefully sounds police-y enough, I used what I could find from LAPD Online and Wikipedia. On that note, did you know that pretty much all US police departments have used their own APCO phonetic alphabet since the 1940s despite the international standard NATO phonetic alphabet being officially adopted in 1974? It's why in 'Lethal Weapon' Riggs & Murtaugh are 'three-william-fifty six' and not 'three-whiskey-fifty six'. The cops just have to be different from all NATO armed forces, the US government, civil aviation, telecommunications, the rest of the world... lol.


	13. Leap of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The investigation hits some unexpected turbulence...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh lucky chapter 13! And uploaded on the 13th too! Fortunately, 13 is my lucky number :)  
> This is by far my longest fic to date, and we're not done yet! Hope you guys enjoy and have a great weekend xxx

Ella’s stomach was growling. She was just about to give in to her afternoon sugar cravings and eat her special cronut with the rainbow sprinkles when Chloe barged into the lab, towing Lucifer behind her. Ella pulled out her earphones and gaped. Lucifer had his pocket square pressed to his temple and dried blood crusted down the side of his face. Apparently he’d been hurt while taking down a suspect with Chloe. Not that he seemed to care.

“He smashed a guitar over your head? That’s so rock’n’roll!”

Lucifer huffed. “I was momentarily distracted and the scoundrel caught me unawares.” Then he added to Chloe, “But is this really necessary, Detective? It’s just a dent, I’ve had much worse. If you’d simply leave me be it would heal in a-”

“Quit complaining, Lucifer, I need you here for Tran’s interrogation and head wounds bleed a lot. I’m sure you don’t want blood all over your Armani.” By the look on Chloe’s face Ella could see that she knew she had Lucifer cornered. And sure enough, he relented.

“Very well. Even though this is _obviously_ Prada.” He looked resignedly at Ella and gestured grandly at himself with his free hand. “Very well. Miss Lopez; one infernal lab rat at your disposal. Do your worst.”

Ella stared at him. She couldn’t believe the timing - she’d only just _given up_ on investigating him. And now of course when she’d decided to drop the whole thing the perfect chance was dropping in her lap! She could finally get the blood sample she wanted, to see what, if any chemical factor was responsible for Lucifer’s strength. 

Was this a sign that she was supposed to keep going after all? And if she chose to believe _that_ , could she really go through with it after deciding that she was done sneaking around behind Lucifer's back?

Chloe gave her a funny look. “Ella? You don’t mind patching Lucifer up, do you? You’ve got the medical expertise and all the supplies in here. If you’re busy I can do it-”

“NO!” Ella abruptly jumped to her feet. Then froze at the surprised looks on her friends’ faces. “I mean no, of course I don’t mind!” She plastered a big smile on her face and self-deprecatingly shook her head. “I was just... thinking of something else for a second. Zoned out, you know how it is. Big weekend. Sorry. I’m on it, just gimme a sec to get my stuff together.” She took a steadying breath and gestured at a chair. “Make yourself comfy, Lucifer.”

Chloe squeezed her partner’s arm then left the lab, and Lucifer remained standing by the backlit table, waiting patiently.

Ella, snapping on a pair of gloves, tilted her head right back to peer at the wound. “Uh, I need you to bring your head down outta the troposphere, dude. I can’t reach all the way up there. Unless you wanna do a five minute squat, grab a seat.”

Lucifer duly sat down and Ella set out her first aid kit with one hasty addition; her sample collecting kit stashed out of sight near the wastebasket. Outwardly she kept up a light chatter with her patient while inwardly she raged at herself.

_Good Ella: What the Hell do you think you’re doing, Lopez?! This is a total invasion of Lucifer’s privacy!_

_Bad Ella: But I have to know! What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?_

_Good Ella: That is a totally self-serving justification. THIS IS UNETHICAL. It’s a betrayal of trust! Come on!_

_Bad Ella: It’s just to eliminate a couple of possibilities, that’s all! It’s only for me, and I’m not gonna judge him for what he gets up to in his spare time._

_Good Ella: I can’t believe you are actually considering doing this, you… Judas! He’s gonna hate you!_

_Bad Ella: No, he’d probably like, think it was awesome that he suckered me into investigating him!_

_Good Ella: Abuelita would kick your ass so hard if she knew you were betraying a friend like this…_

_Bad Ella: I’m not betraying anybody - if he’s taking drugs I’m not gonna rat him out! I’d never do that to Lucifer, and besides, I’m no saint there either! I just gotta know._

Bad, Awful, No Good, Backstabbing Ella’s curiosity won out. She quickly swabbed his wound with muslin squares then surreptitiously stashed them in a vacutainer and hid them in her kit. Then she cleaned Lucifer’s face up, disinfected the wound, and applied a small butterfly closure.

And then, because she felt so lousy, she gave him her cronut. The delighted smile he gave her made her stomach churn even worse with guilt.

“Are you sure, Miss Lopez? We can sharesies if you like.”

“No, it’s okay Lucifer, you have it. I … I’m not hungry anymore.”

Lucifer thanked her for her ministrations and generosity and headed off to find Chloe, munching contentedly on the cronut and fastidiously avoiding getting any crumbs on his suit. Ella watched him go, then picked up the vacutainer and stared at it for several long moments, glancing between it, the trash basket below, and Lucifer out in the bullpen.

It was just a theory. Theories had to be tested. She sought knowledge for knowledge’s sake, not for any ulterior motive. And what Lucifer didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

But still…

Could she really do this?

Her hand hovered uncertainly over the trash, the vacutainer poised to drop from her fingers. Ella looked out at Lucifer again, finishing his cronut and heading into an interrogation room with Chloe, then back down at the sample in her hand. Then her fingers closed decidedly around it.

_My intentions are pure. He’ll never even know._

_\--------------------_

Chloe watched as Tran was brought into the room, hands and ankles cuffed. Officers Alvarez and Robinson, the former sporting a black eye and the latter a cut lip, locked his heavy cuffs securely into the table and threw Tran a dirty look.

“Watch yourself around this guy, Detective Decker,” said Alvarez, her dark eyes flashing. “He’s trouble.”

Tran just sat there smirking, checking himself out in the two-way mirror on the wall in front of him and seemingly not the slightest bit perturbed about his situation. He was acting like a seasoned jailbird who’d done this a hundred times before not the hard-working, honest citizen he'd presented himself to be. Twenty-two years old and already leading a criminal double life. 

Chloe suppressed her disgust. It never failed to bother her at seeing the selfishness and dishonesty of people like Tran, who used and hurt others, even those closest to them. She didn’t understand it. But then she didn’t _need_ to understand it, she just had to put a stop to it. And they’d done that; now they just needed to find out _why_. That, and where the bodies were buried.

Chloe turned to Lucifer. “Can you please ask him-”

Tran spoke. “You won't hold me for long. You idiots have no idea what you’re dealing with.”

Chloe blinked in surprise. “We were told you had no English.”

Tran scoffed and said condescendingly, “What the fuck am I speaking right now?”

Beside Chloe Lucifer bristled. “Watch your manners, sonny jim, or you’ll be **_speaking_ ** out the other side of your face.”

Chloe cleared her throat. Tran certainly did speak English, if with a heavy accent. It was strange though, it didn't sound Asian, it was more guttural; his teacher must be South African or something. She shrugged it off. 

“Mr. Tran, the knife you used to attack my partner - you got it from the restaurant, right?” Tran didn’t answer, but she hadn’t expected him to. “As I’m sure you’re aware there was a triple murder in your workplace late last night. And I have a hunch the blood we found on your knife will match blood found at the scene. We _know_ you were there - wanna tell us your side of the story?”

Tran gazed at her with an insolent smirk on his face. He actually seemed to be enjoying this. “What murders?” he said innocently. “You said you found blood, not bodies. Maybe somebody cut their finger.”

Lucifer turned to Chloe and smiled. “Detective, I believe it’s my turn to do the talking now-”

The interrogation room door suddenly opened and Chloe heard Charlotte Richards’ voice. “Excuse me Detective Decker, I’m sorry I’m late-” She stopped abruptly.

“That’s alright Ms Richards,” Chloe replied smoothly, eyes locked on Tran’s. “You’re just in time. Mr Tran here was just expressing his disinterest in a plea bargain. So I guess the DA’s office will be nailing him to the wall for a triple homicide.”

Charlotte didn’t answer. Chloe turned and saw her standing frozen by the doorway, staring wide-eyed at Tran. Chloe looked back at Tran, who had a look of slightly bewildered amusement on his face. He made a sudden feint toward Charlotte and she flinched backwards. Tran laughed.

Lucifer looked between Tran and the lawyer, then aimed a piercing look at the latter. Charlotte seemed terrified of Tran. 

“Charlotte, what is it? Do you know this wanker?”

“No, it’s nothing! What, nothing, I’m fine…” said Charlotte lightly, plastering a smile on her face. She tried desperately to keep her eyes averted from the suspect, but they kept sliding back against her will. She kept seeing that evil-looking black sludge running down his cheeks, dribbling from his gaping mouth, splattering all over the table. The dead-looking pale flesh, the way those eyeless sockets seemed to be looking _right at her..._

 _It’s not real_ , she berated herself. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. _It’s nothing, don’t react, do_ **_not_ ** _react, it’s all in your head… “_ I’m sorry, I… I think I just need a little air…”

Lucifer, frowning, turned back to the suspect, then did a double take. He looked closer. His dark eyes suddenly widened. “It can’t be…”

Chloe tapped her partner on the arm. “What’s the matter, Lucifer?”

The reaction in their suspect was instantaneous. “ _Lucifer?!_ ” Tran gasped, then his eyes rolled back in his head. Lucifer cursed and his hand shot out to grab Tran’s arm, and at the same time the overhead lights flickered and the two-way mirror shattered, sending shards of black glass cascading to the floor. Charlotte shrieked, dropping her briefcase, and bolted from the room.

As the door swung closed behind her, Chloe and Lucifer looked back at their suspect and saw he was slumped on the table, out cold.

Chloe stared at Lucifer, aghast. “What the _Hell_ did you do?!”

“Me?” Lucifer protested, his hands up in surrender. “Nothing! It wasn’t me who did that, Detective, it was a demon. Possessing Tran’s body.”

Chloe gaped. “ _What_?”

“I did warn you; ‘Beware anyone named Keith’.” He studied the prone form of the man on the table. “The same goes for ‘Kiet’ as well, apparently.”

“A _demon?!_ What the Hell do you-”

Ella came crashing through the door, followed by a couple of unis with their guns drawn. They all gaped at the unconscious man on the table and the glass all over the floor.

Chloe raised a hand. “It’s alright, we’re okay-”

““What the eff happened?” exclaimed Ella. “Charlotte booked it out of here like she’d seen a ghost!”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Not a ghost, but just as alarming I’d wager.”

Ella gave him a blank look. “Huh?”

Lucifer frowned, belatedly realising who he was talking to. He caught Chloe’s eye and attempted to convey that they needed privacy. Chloe nodded almost imperceptibly and retrieved Charlotte’s briefcase from the floor.

She waved the unis away to notify janitorial services and said to the lab tech, “Uh, Ella? Do you think you could go find Charlotte? Return this to her, make sure she’s okay?”

Lucifer added, “Convince her to come back, if at all possible.” Chloe threw him an uncertain look. 

Ella nodded, taking the briefcase. “Uh, yeah okay… did Tran do something to her?”

Lucifer nodded. “Yes. And it’s very important that we speak to her.”

“On it.” Ella disappeared out the door. 

As soon as the door closed behind her Chloe rounded on Lucifer. “What the Hell is going on? What demon? What did Tran do to Charlotte?”

“Scared the Hell out of her, mainly,” Lucifer replied. “Although technically _he_ didn’t do that, it was the demon doing the ride-along.” He narrowed his eyes at the unconscious Tran. “Judging by Charlotte's reaction, I think that she was somehow able to perceive the demon - she just couldn’t recognise what she was seeing. And that on top of the mirror breaking must have scared her half to death.”

“What? How would she be able to -” Chloe stopped. _Oh_. “Is this because of your mom?”

Lucifer hummed thoughtfully. “It’s a fair assumption. That and the fact that she spent a great deal of time in Hell. It’s quite possible certain things are no longer hidden to her now…” He trailed off, then added, “Maybe that’s why she’s been giving me funny looks lately. A couple of times she made me wonder if Mum had somehow come back, but then she tried to kiss me and I realised she was _definitely_ Charlotte.”

Chloe did a double take. “Hold up. Charlotte tried to kiss you? Why?”

Lucifer scowled. “Because Dad has a sadistic sense of humour.”

“When was this?”

“Oh, a couple of months ago.” When he realised Chloe wanted details, he added, “She has no memory of the time she was possessed by Mum. I apparently gave her the wrong impression of our relationship when I first saw her here in the station and she assumed we were lovers-” he closed his eyes and muttered to himself, “Don’t do it. Don’t go there...” He pulled out his flask and took a large swig of whisky, wishing he could pour it directly on his brain. Then he finished, “To cut a rather traumatic story short, she ambushed me in the penthouse.” He shuddered. “I had to vault the piano to get away.”

Chloe realised she was jealous that Charlotte had kissed Lucifer, but also perversely pleased that Lucifer had hated it. 

But then she focused on the first thing he’d said. “So you’re thinking maybe Charlotte saw something… supernatural about _you_?”

“Haven’t a clue. I don’t even know what she _would_ see, with my Devil face gone.” 

That was if she’d seen anything at all; Charlotte hadn’t given any indication that anything was wrong with her… well, unless you counted trading a stellar career with the firm she’d helped build for an entry level job at the DA’s office that is… hm. Maybe she wasn’t as okay as she seemed.

“Even if Ella catches her and convinces her to come back, what the Hell are we going to tell her?”

Lucifer frowned slightly. “I should have thought that was obvious, Detective. The truth.”

Chloe’s eyebrows rose. “What, tell her everything?”

Lucifer nodded. “Hm. Surely it’s better than her seeing these sorts of goings-on,” he gestured at the shattered window, “and running screaming around the place. She could break an ankle. Or get herself chucked in the loony bin.”

Chloe looked back at him dubiously. She herself had had the benefit of well over a year of familiarity with Lucifer and acclimating to his weirdness and mood swings before finding out who he really was. Linda had also known him for a while, and had been best friends with Maze when she’d learned the truth.

Charlotte hardly knew Lucifer, and she’d already suffered a great deal of trauma recently; a near death experience, marriage breakup, losing custody of her kids, not to mention the things she might have been seeing. A shock of this magnitude could send her over the edge, and Chloe had seen for herself just how formidable Charlotte Richards could be. And Lucifer wasn’t exactly known for his ability to think things through.

“Unh, I dunno about that, Lucifer. What happened to all the ‘humans aren’t allowed to learn about the divine’ stuff?"

“If she’s seeing what I think she is, she’s either guessing at it anyway, or thinks she’s going barmy.” Lucifer frowned. “And, well, the poor woman’s been through enough. I can’t help but feel somewhat… accountable for her current condition.” 

“What, being alive? It’s a lot better than the alternative.” Chloe looked down at the debris on the floor. “Why did the glass break?”

“The demon used the mirror to escape back to Hell. Reflections can act as a gateway - a barrier between dimensions. The amount of energy required to force through is considerable, however, hence the mess.” As if discussing the weather, he added, “Exorcists have a particular fondness for them, one in particular. Seven years bad luck every time he destroys one might explain why the miserable bastard can never catch a break.”

“But what was a friggin’ demon even doing here in the first place? You told me they couldn’t cross over from Hell on their own!”

“They can’t. So Tran here must have summoned her, _essence_ , I suppose you’d call it, since demons don’t have souls - with a ritual, and she escaped his control and took him over. They invariably do.”

“Why’d she take off when she realised who you were?”

Lucifer muttered darkly, “Because she bloody well knew that she wasn’t supposed to be up here.” He ground his teeth. “I _nearly_ had her.”

“Why didn’t you realise earlier that Tran was possessed? And why didn’t she recognise you?”

Lucifer replied a little defensively, “A few reasons, including I don’t generally think to check for demonic stowaways in the general population, _and_ I seem to remember getting my head opened by a musical instrument at the time. As to why she didn’t recognise me, I didn’t recognise her either. She wasn’t one of mine.”

Chloe tilted her head in confusion. “Aren’t they all yours? Or, used to be, anyways?”

“Technically they are, but I mean she must be a new recruit, forged after I left Hell. Discipline’s getting unforgivably lax down there if a new demon can just skive off to Earth whenever they feel like it.”

Chloe looked wide-eyed at Tran, and at the wreckage strewn around the room. “Don’t you think that… uh… you should do something? Track down this demon and find out what she was doing? I mean, is there a bunch of demons running around LA killing people?

“Nothing of the sort,” Lucifer demurred. “She was probably just an anomaly. Muriel will have everything firmly in hand, I’m sure, and will have sorted the trespasser out by now. No need to go assuming the worst.” Lucifer suddenly remembered Azrael’s rant about demons coming to Earth. Then just as quickly dismissed it. 

_Coincidence. And coincidentally, not my problem._

Chloe looked back at him doubtfully, zeroing in on Lucifer’s use of the words ‘probably’ and ‘I’m sure’ - she knew her partner well enough to realise that if he was absolutely certain there wasn’t a problem he'd have explicitly said so. Plus there were more questions about the crime scene that he still hadn’t answered - like what about the three blood pools at the restaurant? And why would a demon from Hell go to Sokolov’s bathhouse?

She was about to call him out on it when the prisoner facedown on the table groaned and started to stir.

Lucifer leaned forward slightly. “Hello, our Uber _mensch_ is coming around...”

Tran slowly lifted his head. He gazed at them, blinking in confusion, then around the room, finally settling on his cuffed hands. He startled, eyes wide, then let loose a stream of salty-sounding Vietnamese, tugging at his cuffs where they were chained to the desk.

Lucifer tutted. “There’s no need for that kind of language! There’s a lady present!”

Chloe rolled her eyes. 

Lucifer spoke sternly to the man in his own language, and Kiet answered, his replies very agitated. They contrasted sharply with Lucifer’s more modulated tones; Chloe was sure she could hear his English accent even through the foreign words. Somewhat inappropriately, considering the seriousness of the situation, she found it incredibly sexy.

Apparently Tran didn’t go around summoning demons, and considered Lucifer a nutcase for even suggesting it. He last remembered opening a parcel at the restaurant, then the next thing he knew he was waking up chained to a table in a police station. 

Chloe nudged Lucifer. “Does he remember what was in the parcel?”

Lucifer asked him, then translated, “A rat.” Lucifer frowned for a moment, then quickly asked another question. Tran nodded and showed them his right thumb. There was a small puncture wound on it.

“There, Detective,” said Lucifer in satisfaction. “The rat bit him. That explains it!”

Chloe shook her head, mystified. “Does it?”

“I believe the rat was _infested_. Meaning there was a demon inside it; it’s like possession, but of animals, objects, houses and so on,” Lucifer explained. “Perhaps it was some occultist’s idea of a belated April Fool’s joke.” He scowled. “Because when the rat bit Tran here, the demon jumped from the rat into Tran, taking possession of his body. And judging by the blood pools we saw, indulging in a little casual murder.”

“But who were the victims?"

“Hapless thieves? Miss Lopez found that lock pick. Perhaps they broke in to rob the safe and got very unsafely stabbed instead.” 

“So where were the bodies? And what about those bloody footprints? They weren’t all Tran’s.”

Lucifer opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again. “Ah,” he said finally.

“What? What is it?”

“I think perhaps the murder victims... walked themselves out.”

Chloe just stared at him. “Now you really are messing with me. Please tell me you’re messing with me.”

“I’m afraid not.”

Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose and was silent for a long moment. Then she muttered irately, “There's a God, fine. Devil, _fine_. Angels and demons, Heaven and Hell... all fine . But now there’s frickin’ _zombies?_ " She slammed her hand down on the table and Tran jumped.

"Next it’ll be _aliens!"_ Chloe ranted. "If I’d wanted to deal with this kinda crap I’d have stayed in acting!”

Lucifer said delicately, “If it’s any consolation, Detective, they're not really _zombie_ zombies. I think the bodies were taken over by opportunistic demons and… well, just… taken for a bit of a spin.”

Chloe’s jaw dropped. “Wait, demons can do that? Just possess dead bodies whenever they want? You said they had to be summoned!”

“Summoned into _living_ humans, yes. With dead ones, if the soul goes to Hell, there’s a short window of opportunity for a demon to fill the new vacancy.”

She glared at him accusingly. “You also told me they usually preferred to _stay_ in Hell. That’s FOUR demons now, Lucifer! Four demons that very clearly _didn't_ stay in Hell!”

Lucifer hummed. “Mm-hmh. They used to possess corpses all the time for a laugh but I banned it centuries ago. The other three probably figured I’d never find out and decided to give it a whirl, the little scamps.”

Chloe stared at him. “So where are they? And why did the one that took over Tran go to Sokolov’s bathhouse?”

“Probably to get a massage. I don’t blame her, that was always my first port of call after leaving Hell. Booze, very thorough full-body massages and plenty of sex. As for the others, they’ll live it up for a day or two until the use-by date on their vessels expires. When corpses get too damaged or decomposed demons can’t use them anymore you see, and off they pop back to Hell.” He grinned. “Alright? No reason to worry.”

Chloe stared at him. “And in the meantime, there’s three demons driving corpses around my city! Yes, Lucifer! _Reason to worry!_ ”

Lucifer waved a careless hand. “They’ll turn up. But if you’re that concerned I can get Maze to track them down, speed up the process. Okay?” Then he turned to look thoughtfully at Tran. “Either way, Tran here had no knowledge or control over what the demon was doing. And now, no memory of it ever happening. He’s an innocent.”

Chloe looked at their young not-suspect, who was looking back at them with a very confused but hopeful look on his face. Her heart sank. 

“Forensics will have him dead to rights. He had blood on his shoes, there was blood on the knife, his prints are all over it. After all he _is_ the one who committed the murders, or at least… his body was.”

Lucifer waved his hand. “Circumstantial, isn't it? He washes the dishes, so his prints on a knife could be easily enough explained. As to the blood, who’s to say he didn’t come across the scene in the dark and accidentally step in it? On top of that, there’s no bodies. He can’t be charged with murder when there’s no victims, surely?”

“He can, if other evidence is strong enough. And as far as Vice is concerned he beat up several cops then ran, and tried to stab you.”

Lucifer waved his hand. “Temporary insanity? Maybe there’s a mental condition we can blame this on. He was acting very much out of character _and_ speaking an unknown language after all. Perhaps I could try rustling up a brain tumour.”

Chloe blanched. “You are not giving him a brain tumour!”

“Relax, it’d only be a little one. I can’t kill humans, remember.”

“Absolutely _not!_ ”

Lucifer relented. “Then what do you suggest?”

Chloe hesitated, glancing at Tran. “Is there any chance of Tran… er… relapsing? That the demon will come back?”

Lucifer shook his head. “None. Once the demon escaped back to Hell she surrendered her hold over him and can’t just slide back in. Unless he dies and goes to Hell and she fills the vacancy.”

Chloe let out a sigh of relief, then a few moments later a look of acute discomfort crossed her face.

“What’s wrong now?” said Lucifer.

Chloe muttered, “We can’t let him take the fall for this. He didn’t do anything.”

Lucifer shrugged. “But he _did_ do it, Detective. We can't change that. The fact that he wasn’t in the driver’s seat at the time is a technicality I doubt the courts will recognise. It certainly doesn't _look_ good, but if he had a good enough lawyer...” he trailed off.

Chloe bit her lip, watching Tran watching them, then came to a sudden decision. She tugged briskly on her jacket and said resignedly, “Then… we’ll just have to make the case against him disappear. With insufficient evidence the DA will have no choice but to drop the charges.” She turned to Lucifer. “Think you could stealth your way over to evidence lockup?”

Lucifer nodded, suspiciously agreeable. “Of course, Detective. I’d be happy to.”

Chloe looked at him for a long moment, narrowed her eyes then added firmly, “No helping yourself to the cocaine seizures while you’re in there.”

Lucifer pouted, caught out. “ _Fine_.”

Chloe patted his arm. “Thank you. Even if we can’t officially close this case at least we can keep an innocent man out of prison.” Then she added, “But getting Maze to track down the other stowaways is a good idea. And I’ll get you to check everyone taken into custody at the Sokolov raid too, make sure there aren’t any more.”

\-----------------

As one of the unis escorted Tran to a holding cell and Lucifer disappeared to do his Devil ninja thing Chloe sat at her desk and sorted through everything she’d just learned. It felt so incredibly _wrong_ to be sabotaging their own case; it was something a crooked cop would do. But as wrong as it felt, it was clearly the right choice because as Lucifer had said, Tran was innocent. He'd been hijacked by a goddamn _demon!_ But if Charlotte had indeed seen something demonic in the guy, who knows, maybe she’d be relieved to cut him loose.

Meanwhile, she also had to deal with the knowledge that there were demons at large in Los Angeles. One murderous, soulless and incredibly scary demon in the city was bad enough, even if she was her roomie and Trixie’s BFF and they could sort of keep an eye on her, but the prospect of three more out there, under the radar, worried her. 

And Lucifer wouldn’t know for sure that there _weren’t_ more unless he went down to Hell and checked. Much as she hated to do it, and despite the fact she still owed him for checking on that Prifti guy last week, she was going to ask him to go. Just for a minute. Just to be sure. After all, it wasn’t like Amenadiel or Maze could go.

Chloe blew out a breath, slightly exasperated at the way that this supernatural stuff kept cropping up and confusing things lately. But then again, maybe there had always been this much weird stuff going on. She was gradually coming to realise just how many things she’d been blissfully unaware of when it came to Lucifer and his life here. And while she was glad that she knew the truth now, she had to admit it was hard going. Maybe it _was_ getting easier though; she hadn’t had to fend off a panic attack for a few days now.

She shook her head with a disbelieving scoff. The Devil, angels and demons. No way she’d ever expected anything this nuts to happen to her. If she’d chosen a cheesy sci-fi career path like Mom maybe, but not as a cop. And now this supernatural crap was even forcing her to sabotage a murder investigation and break the law in order to cover it up. If they got caught...

She leaned her elbows on her desk and started massaging her temples.

_Hey God, you up there? Where’s this plan of yours that everybody keeps talking about? Just saying, it might need some work. ‘Cause all I see is friggin’ chaos._

_\------------------------_

Ella blinked hard and looked again. That couldn’t be right.

She’d run immunoassay and gas chromatography-mass spectrometry tests on Lucifer’s blood to see if he was in fact using steroids; he wasn’t. He _was_ using opioids, cannabinoids, amphetamines and cocaine, plus some other things, but not steroids. No angel dust either, though that was pretty much a foregone conclusion. She’d dismissed that out of hand because even though Lucifer was unusually strong, claimed to be the Devil, affected a little paranoia on occasion and was capable of surprising levels of violence, he’d have to be the most asymptomatic psychotic she’d ever seen. If he was using PCP there’d be no hiding it.

She’d been taken aback to see that DNA from his blood sample had come back inconclusive. But what she really couldn’t wrap her head around was his blood cells. When she’d studied them under the microscope she realised she’d seen them before. 

She’d checked, and rechecked, and they were the same weird cells from Malcolm Graham’s death scene. That inexplicable puddle of biological matter _had_ actually been Lucifer’s blood. 

What Dan had said about Lucifer somehow pretending to be shot by Graham, doing some kinda sleight of hand to make a distraction and give Chloe a chance to get away… it wasn’t true. What had _happened_ was Lucifer had got shot and bled all over the hangar floor. Non-human blood.

Non.

Human.

Ella grabbed for a chair and collapsed into it. She’d been looking for evidence of performance enhancers, not this!

So… he really was the Devil? But he was such a great guy! _How_ could he possibly be Satan? Ella scoffed. _Yeah, right. Maybe he’s something else - holy shit, maybe he IS an alien!_

She shook her head and muttered to herself, “Calm down Lopez…” There had to be a rational explanation. Maybe his cells were swimming in MGMT, maybe all his stem cells were pluripotent... maybe cellular immortality was caused by a retrovirus or a spontaneous mutation? Or he could’ve been a guinea pig for iPSC research, or… he could be some kind of super strong genetic experiment with accelerated healing abilities, brought up in a lab or a cult and told he was the Devil and used as a secret agent?!? 

She huffed a laugh in disbelief at the thoughts running through her head. This just kept getting nuttier. Then another, quieter thought asserted itself.

 _Or… he really_ **_is_ ** _the Devil. Is that theory any crazier than the others?_

Lucifer always said he never lied, which certainly seemed to be true, at least for everything _besides_ him saying he’s the Devil. Unless of course... he wasn’t lying about that either.

Her pet theory, that he was a roid-pumping illusionist, had turned out to be a bust, so how was this for a new one; Lucifer had never once dropped out of character or the persona of being the Devil because... he actually _was_ the Devil. 

After all, she was a firm believer that all that stuff was real, that humans just didn’t have a scientific understanding of it yet. People didn’t used to have a scientific understanding of gravity either, or the stars, or even illness if you went back far enough. 

Science had explained all those things but it still had limits; it still couldn’t explain the spirit world, and she knew for a fact _that_ was real. Or at least, that spiritual experiences weren’t necessarily hallucinations or hysteria or mental illness. Just thinking it felt insane but she had to come at this like any other theory.

She remembered the day she’d started here in forensics. Chloe had made an impression by coming over and flat out asking her if she would take the opportunity to prove whether the things she believed in were real or fake. And she remembered how she’d answered. 

But that had been merely a vague concept. Now she had a very real subject in front of her. Sure, Lucifer could be any number of very strange things that were _not_ the Devil. The Devil stuff could be just a misdirect, especially effective in a police precinct surrounded by a bunch of hard-nosed, cynical detectives. Her _lack_ of cynicism was definitely working in her favour in this case. Science had taken her as far as it could, so now she had to look beyond. 

She had new data and a new hypothesis, and now she just had to find some way to test it. She couldn’t call herself a scientist if she chickened out of testing a theory just because it was completely effing crazy. And she couldn’t call herself a believer if she wasn’t at least open to the _possibility_ that Lucifer was who he said he was. She closed her eyes.

 _Time to take a leap of faith, Lopez_. 

She shook her head. 

_Who am I kidding? I’m already jumping._

Just then the man in question opened the lab door and walked in. “Miss Lopez, did you happen to-”

Ella jumped to her feet, startled. “Lucifer! Hi! Good to see you!” she blurted guiltily.

Lucifer blinked in surprise as he closed the door behind him. “Uh, you too?”

Ella dropped a casual hand on the bench, nearly knocking a pen onto the floor. “What can I do to- uh, for you?”

Lucifer wandered over. “We were wondering if you’d-” He stopped, then pointed at Charlotte’s briefcase sitting on the floor by the refrigeration cabinet. “Ah. You didn’t manage to catch her, then?”

Ella groaned inwardly. Crap. She’d completely forgotten to let Chloe know after they finished questioning Tran. She’d been completely sidetracked by Lucifer’s blood sample. How freaking unprofessional!

“No, I didn’t, sorry dude. She was gone by the time I made it to the garage. That woman can sprint like a greyhound.”

Lucifer shrugged and replied. “Never mind. May I have it? We’ll get it back to her.”

“Sure, no problem,” Ella said, handing him the briefcase and trying not to stare.

_Could he be the Devil? HOW could he be? Don’t be stupid, of course he isn’t!_

Lucifer took the briefcase, thanked her, then turned and headed for the door. 

Ella suddenly had a flash of inspiration. If he was the Devil he’d be able to hear a prayer, right? Since he was supposed to be an angel and everything. And if he couldn’t, he wasn’t. There couldn’t _be_ a simpler test to disprove it!

The whole thing was freakin’ bananas and she could scarcely believe that she was even entertaining the possibility, but Ella impulsively put her hands together and prayed one word as loudly as she could.

_LUCIFER!_

Lucifer flinched and stopped in his tracks. Ella instantly slammed her hands back to her sides and stared open-mouthed at Lucifer as he swung back to face her, looking rather taken aback.

“Bloody Hell Miss Lopez, there’s no need to shout! I’m right here!”

Ella scrambled for an answer, her mind reeling.

“Uh… I mean…”

_It’s true it’s true holy freakin’ shitballs he really is the Devil Oh MY GOD_

...He’d heard her! He’d actually _heard_ her!

Her first impulse was to nope the fuck outta there. How could she have been working alongside _El Diablo_ himself for months? _Oh_ _shit!_ Her stomach churned and her knees wobbled. What was she gonna do?

Lucifer was waiting expectantly. “Well? What’s the matter?” Then when still no answer was forthcoming he looked at her in concern. “Miss Lopez? Are you feeling alright?” Then he tutted disapprovingly. “Oh, I know. Is it low blood sugar again? I _knew_ I shouldn’t have taken your cronut.” He pulled his flask from his breast pocket. “Whisky has lots of calories, I’m sure it could do in a pinch. Or I could fetch you something from the vending machine?”

It was the solicitous tone in his voice that snapped her out of it. Suddenly he was just plain old Lucifer again, oddball sweetiepants civilian consultant. He wasn’t scary; she _knew_ him!

 _Keep it together, chica…_ he wasn’t THE DEVIL. Like, he’s not _evil_! He was more like one of her brothers; annoying as hell, more than a bit shady and pretending to not give a crap but they’d do anything for the people they cared about. 

_Don't jump the gun here Lopez, the nutty yet still_ slightly _more rational alternative is simply that he’s telepathic or something._ That’d feed into the whole ‘desire mojo’ superpower he said he had. 

_And after all, lots of people have demonstrated psychic and telepathic abilities, right? Right?! Psychic ability’s not_ **_that_ ** _unusual!_ She flicked a glance at her earbuds. _You should know._

So what the Hell else could she test? Something anatomical? So like... if angels were real and he really was one, then angels were supposed to have wings, right? And if they _did_ , theoretically the scapular joint would have to allow articulation with the humerus of the wing and enough strength to enable flight. There was nothing outwardly visible, he didn’t have a hunchback or anything, but there could be something on closer inspection.

Jacked up on adrenaline she hit on the perfect test. She could check see if there was anything unusual in his shoulder assembly. She didn’t realise she’d made the decision until she found herself striding across the lab, arms outstretched.

Lucifer’s eyes widened and he subconsciously backed up a couple steps, dropping the briefcase with a thump to the floor. Ella lifted her hands to his shoulders, probing quickly with her thumbs just below the lateral ends of his clavicles, searching. Nothing. Then she reached around behind him to run her fingers across his shoulder blades under his jacket. 

_Bingo._

He had no coracoid process in his shoulder assembly. The so-named ‘surgeon’s lighthouse’, the little hook-shaped protrusion on each collarbone that everyone was supposed to have? Lucifer didn’t. It could’ve been some kinda rare anatomic variant but then when she’d also palpated each scapula she’d felt, clear as day, connectors that didn’t belong there. Near as she could tell, without an x-ray at least, his shoulder blades appeared to be part of a rigid scapulocoracoid unit, like a bird’s. 

In other words, _the guy’s got freakin’ wings_ . 

_Wings!!_

_But where are they? There’s no way they’re hidden under that suit, there’s no room! But then where do they go? Do they shrink and retract into... hidden wing pockets or something...? Exist in a different dimension? Disappear into E-space? Are they there right now but just invisible? ...Oh snap, maybe he just cut them off?!_

She reached around behind him again, feeling his back and passing her hand through the air around it, trying to see if she could feel anything. But there was nothing there.

\-----------------

Lucifer was taken aback to say the least; Ella was acting very strangely indeed. She’d always been handsy and unperturbed about invading personal space but even she wasn’t normally _this_ bad. 

She’d yelled at him, then gone abruptly mute, and now suddenly couldn’t keep her hands off him. Which was rather odd even for her, although she _had_ been practically groping his idiot brother that night they were all drinking together...

She finally stopped and stepped back, much to Lucifer’s relief, but then just stared at him.

Remembering Candy, Lucifer patted down his pockets to check everything was still there. He eyed Ella warily. “Just checking I still have my valuables. The last time I was manhandled like that I got robbed.”

Miss Lopez was still just staring at him; it was rather unnerving. “If you’re quite done feeling me up - may I go now?”

Ella shook herself and took a deep breath, gradually rallying her ricocheting thoughts. _Holy SHIT I was fucking RIGHT._

“Oh, uh, sorry Luc… _Lucifer…_ ha _ha_!... LUCIFER! Shit. Oh my God… um sorry, just kinda… zoned out there for a minute. Maybe I do need a snack. But you know me, I just get a little… uh… word vomit sometimes ...this is so friggin’ INSANE!” A huge grin flashed across her face then disappeared just as quickly. 

“And I know I can be a little impulsive with the PDA, I need to work on that. I just…um...” she trailed off for a moment, then shook her head with a goofy little half smile on her face. “I just… I dunno... I guess I just really wanna ...thank you.”

The Prince of Darkness looked confused. “ _Thank_ me? What on Earth for?”

“For… helping us. Here. At the precinct. You don’t have to do that.” Ella looked at him in sudden curiosity and added, “Why _do_ you?”

Lucifer tugged on his jacket and straightened his cuffs. “It’s kind of my _thing_ , Miss Lopez. It’s my job to see that the wicked receive their due. And I’m really quite fond of...” his head subconsciously half turned toward the bullpen, where his partner was, “...the work.”

Ella nodded knowingly. “Riiight.” The _work._ She hid a knowing smile. “Well, you’re doing a lot of good here, Lucifer. We’re really, like, _really_ , lucky to have you. Has anybody ever told you that?”

Lucifer looked flummoxed. “Actually, you’re the second.”

Ella grinned. “Must be true then.” She looked at him and thought in wonder, _He’s a fallen angel. There’s a freaking_ **_fallen angel_ ** _standing right here in my lab._ She went in for another hug but Lucifer startled so violently he bumped into the door. Ella nearly burst out laughing. The six foot three superhuman Lord of Hell was nervous of a hug from a five foot four Latina? Apparently yes. Any residual nerves disappeared in a rush of warmth for her unusual friend. 

Lucifer Morningstar was one of the good guys. She just _knew_ it, balls to bones. He helped take baddies off the streets, was honest, kept his promises, and was utterly loyal to Chloe. He did a lot of nice things around the precinct under the pretext of fulfilling people’s ‘desires’ and his irreverence and sense of humour actually made work _fun_. She liked him a lot, and loved working with him.

He was totally self-absorbed and clueless when it came to personal stuff, but now she knew it wasn’t just because he was a typical male, or a stoic Brit, or a rich narcissistic jerk. 

It’s because he was basically an alien.

She remembered him standing beside her next to a deeply suspicious hole in the ground in the middle of nowhere, asking her to have faith in him. And she did. Because like he’d always told everyone, Ella realised he simply _wasn’t_ Satan from the stories, the one she’d been brought up to believe was the root of all evil. He was weird, sure, _hella_ weird, but weird didn’t mean bad. She herself was weirder than any of her LA friends knew and she considered herself a good person.

\------------------

Lucifer had absolutely no clue what was going on. 

Ella just kept staring at him, an unsettling half smile on her face, so he groped behind his back for the door handle. He pulled the door open slightly and sidled through it, trying to maintain as much distance from Ella as possible as he beat a hasty retreat. 

“Uh-huh lovely well thank you so much Miss Lopez I really must be going now have a nice evening goodbye.” The door clicked shut behind him and he was gone.

Safe on the far side of the door Lucifer heaved a sigh of relief and started towards the Detective’s desk. Miss Lopez was a lovely woman but her tendency to hug anything that moved put him uncomfortably in mind of the Detective’s spawn. And just what _was_ it with all the women in his life lately, wanting to hug him yet not sleep with him? Linda, Candy, Ella, the Detective-! Well, of course the Detective had changed her mind about that now, but thankfully he’d rumbled Dad’s scheme before anything had happened between them.

He suddenly remembered Charlotte’s briefcase; _blast!_ He’d dropped it in the lab. He should go back and get it, but he really didn’t want to go back in there-

Suddenly he heard a shout from behind him, and turned to witness their forensics tech apparently having a fit. Her arms flailed and her body jerked wildly as she bounced and spun around her lab. Lucifer had an alarming thought that perhaps he should go back in, call for help, make sure she wasn’t having a seizure or brain aneurysm or something, but after a few seconds she stopped, _laughed_ , then after a few moments saw him watching her and waved enthusiastically at him with a huge grin on her face. 

He gave her a halfhearted wave back and decided the best option was to make himself scarce. He could say with absolute certainty that she wasn’t possessed (he’d checked), but that was scant comfort. There was no knowing what she’d do next and he’d been on the receiving end of enough PDA ambushes for one day. 

He decided the briefcase could wait. He turned back around and hightailed it across the bullpen to the safety of the Detective’s desk.

\--------------------------

Ella carefully closed the lab door behind him and walked unsteadily back to the exam table. She took a couple of long deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the nose, in through the nose... then suddenly let it all out in one massive yell. 

“ _YEAAAHH!!_ ” 

She started jumping around the lab, punching the air and completely unable to contain herself. “Holy _shitballs!_ ” she squealed under her breath, popcorning around the room in delight. _I am totally Jimmy Olsen! I know Superman’s true identity!_ She stopped and laughed out loud. _And that means Chloe is Lois! ...Chlois!_

Lucifer had never once dropped out of character and there was a reason for that; he wasn’t acting. 

He actually _was_ the Devil. 

It wasn’t Method, it wasn’t a persona, it was really HIM! 

_...Holy shit!_

Incredibly, Lucifer Morningstar didn’t hide the truth of who he was. You just had to be willing to accept it. He’d passed every test with flying colours and without even knowing, and she had to face the truth. He was the real deal.

She spun in an ecstatic little circle trying her darnedest not to shout again. Oh jeez, this was _so freakin’ cool!_ Nobody would believe it. Not that she would ever tell anyone; she would never snitch on a bud and besides, she didn’t want to get herself tossed in the loony bin again.

Jimmy Olsen had kept his trap shut, and so would she, because while Lucifer was indeed the Devil, she knew he wasn’t dangerous. At least not to anyone who wasn’t a total dirtbag. His secret not-secret was safe with her. 

Ella had a sudden thought; Jimmy hadn’t even told _Clark_ that he knew who he was.

Then she spotted Lucifer staring at her through the window and she waved at him, grinning. She watched him awkwardly wave back, then quickly turn and make a beeline for Chloe’s desk. 

Ella laughed and did a happy little jig. 

_Holy freakin’ SHITBALLS the King of Hell moonlights for the LAPD…_

_I work with Satan himself, the Devil is my coworker..._

_Oh._

_My._

_God!!_

This was so much crazier than anything she’d seen on the X-Files, and she didn’t think she’d ever been happier in her entire life.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Bad Ella! But also YAY ELLA! - SHE KNOWS!! Woohoo! Now things are really getting interesting :D It's been a long time coming, and I hope it was as satisfying to read as it was to write!  
> \- The comment about Lucifer doing a '5 minute squat' was inspired by BTS pics of Tom trying to get low enough so the much shorter set hairdresser could reach his head. I'll try to find one and put it in the comments, they're adorable and hilarious :D  
> \- I really liked the parallel between how Chloe had the sample but threw it away, while Ella didn't. Unlike Chloe, Ella didn't have any existential crises staying her hand. The fallout however... hmm.  
> \- The demon inside Tran had a South African accent because she was South African before she died and went to Hell and was turned into a demon. Damned souls becoming demons isn't show canon, it's taken from Christian demonology/mythology that I found and I thought I might chuck it in the mix too :) I chose a South African as a nod to the fact that in the show Maze (South African Lesley-Ann Brandt) spoke Lilim in her native Afrikaans which was very cool.  
> \- 'Beware anyone named Keith.' A line taken directly from episode 109, A Priest Walks Into a Bar :) Another one, where Lucifer says he feels somewhat accountable for Charlotte, was lifted straight from 305, Welcome Back Charlotte Richards, and Lucifer's remark about being manhandled and robbed was a reference to when he gets pleasantly mugged by Candy in episode 306 Vegas With Some Radish.  
> \- Anyone notice the mention of a certain exorcist? Yes, John Constantine :) And the stuff about summoning & possession, and the mirror breaking when the demon is expelled back to Hell I borrowed from the Constantine movie... possibly the TV series too, I can't remember lol.  
> \- The sciencey stuff about MGMT and retroviruses etc was dialogue taken from the final episode of a show called New Amsterdam. Not the medical drama, the show starring Jamie from Game of Thrones. Only 8 episodes but quite good, check it out if you can find it. And the other stuff, the iPSC stuff, (which is about reprogramming of human skin or blood cells to stem cells which happened back in 2006; frickin cool) was my own research and hopefully it sounds sciency enough for my fellow nerds out there. It sounds good to me, anyway!  
> \- "I'm already jumping." Ella said these words in the season 3 finale :)  
> \- the bit about 'wing pockets' was inspired by something Tom said in his Facebook live Q&A with Aimee. I got SOOO much good stuff from that! And the bit where Ella looks at Lucifer and realises he's a fallen angel, which is what Aimee thinks Ella would think about Lucifer if she finds out, I got from an interview Aimee did with AssignmentX. Check it out at https://www.assignmentx.com/2018/lucifer-aimee-garcia-chats-about-season-3-and-playing-ella-exclusive-interview/  
> \- Apologies to Aimee Garcia if my information on her height is incorrect!  
> \- 'Ella just kept staring at him, an unsettling half smile on her face' - this ended up in canon! Not in the same circumstances of course, it was 507 Our Mojo, after Ella found out Chloe & Lucifer had finally slept together, but pretty much that same dopey look. Lol  
> \- Of course I had to have a DC superhero shoutout, especially the Jimmy Olsen thing which is also just too perfect. It might've even influenced my decision to have Ella find out without Lucifer knowing, which I really enjoyed playing with.  
> \- And finally, the quote 'Lucifer Morningstar didn’t hide the truth of who he was. You just had to be willing to accept it.' is paraphrased from the excellent fic 'Lucifer Meta: Sin and the Devil' by XWingAce. That puts it so beautifully I just had to borrow it!  
> Enjoy, and I'll upload the next one next Sunday. xxx


	14. The Luci-Files

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella's investigation gets a whole new lease on life.

Ella's unlikely theory had proven correct, but she still had a lot of work to do; her research was going in a whole new direction now that she’d found out who Lucifer really was. Now, her focus was consolidating all the information she had and filling in the gaps of the information she didn’t have.

What else had he said about himself, his family, Hell? Her thumb drive journal filled with notes, further theories and even more questions.

**_THE LUCI-FILES_ **

_\- DOES. CHLOE. KNOW???!!!_

_\- Why aren’t him and Chlo a thing already? Because of this? Not allowed?_

_\- Maze a demon? Amenadiel an angel? Real bro? Charlotte was really married to_ **_God??_** _Did she know? Was he undercover? Did he wipe_ _her memory?_

_\- What wings like? What really look like? Wearing some English dude?_

_\- POWERS: Super strength. Telepathy. Hypnosis. Flight? Shapeshifting? :O_

_\- Can tell where north is even underground- maybe can see Earth’s magnetic field? Has magnetite in brain, like a bird??_

_\- Bible: legit? Boatload of crap? both?_

_\- How Hell work with him up here? How Hell work_ _period_ _!_

 _\- how long staying in LA/on Earth? ~~Why here?~~ _ _HELL SUCKS DUH. Been here before?_

_\- Why guitar hit made him bleed? Not invulnerable/immortal? Angels maybe like Asgardians? - v. long lifespan unless taken out in battle?_

_\- Demons in Hell wear wigs to torture kitiphobes, wtf is with THAT_

_\- BURNING BUSH_

_\- goats?_

The very first item on her list was the most important, obvi, and Ella tried every stealth tactic she could think of to suss out whether Chloe knew. Every time Lucifer made some comment about being the Devil, or Ella joked about it, she watched for Chloe’s reaction but she got nothing. Chloe always just rolled her eyes or laughed and agreed with her or made some smartass remark or told Lucifer to stop fooling around. Chloe either had one helluva poker face or she didn’t have a clue.

As to why her and Lucifer hadn’t got together yet, Ella had to assume it was because of y’know, Lucifer being Lucifer. One day after Chloe checked in with her about Nick, Ella casually asked if there’d been any progress with Lucifer since their night out together. 

Chloe had jokingly said she should ask Lucifer, then changed the subject. And Lucifer just squirmed uncomfortably, said it was complicated... and changed the subject. 

Ella was sure it was complicated; Lucifer was the Devil, Chloe was a human, and Ella couldn’t _think_ of a bigger roadblock to two people getting together. But Ella was a softie at heart and wanted to believe they could somehow make it work. She could see in their faces that they wanted each other, bad. The way Lucifer looked at Chloe when she wasn’t looking, like a sad puppy who wasn’t allowed in the house. And while Chloe was better at hiding it, Ella could still see her hurt and frustration in her Colours as clear as day.

Maybe Lucifer had, like, too much desire power to be tied down to one person? And Chloe wasn’t cool with that? Or maybe Lucifer didn’t want to be a stepdad to Trixie? He did have enough daddy issues to sink the Titanic. Maybe it was just an angel thing. Or maybe the Devil falling in love would, like, cause some awful cosmic disaster and destroy the world or something? ...nah. That was crazy talk.

Ella wanted to help but had no idea how, so in the meantime she just tried to be as supportive and encouraging of both of them as she could.

Deckerstar aside, there was a long list of things she wanted to test as well. However most of what she’d ‘learned’ about Satan was from pop culture and mainly involved being possessed and/or impregnated by him, or sending him back to Hell. She didn’t want to do any of those things, obvi, or do anything that’d risk hurting or outing him either, so it really limited her options. 

She did attempt one field test but it didn’t go quite to plan…

_In the break room:_

“Hey Lucifer, I want honey in my coffee but I can’t get the jar open. Do you mind?” She held out the small jar to him.

“Of course. Give it here.” Lucifer held out his hand and Ella went to pass it to him but Dan jumped in and swiped it first. 

“Better let me take care of that, Ella, we don’t want Lucifer messing up his fancy manicure.” He grinned cockily at his nemesis. Dan knew it was a bit of a sexist cliché but he’d kind of missed being the useful man about the house since he and Chloe had split up. Plus, Lucifer was rich, good-looking, talented and had literally everything going for him. Hell _yeah_ Dan would take literally any opportunity to show him up, no matter how petty.

He went to twist open the jar, but to his surprise the lid wouldn’t budge. He tapped a spoon around the top edge and tried again, half bent over and muscles bulging, but still no luck. What the hell! There wasn’t a jar he couldn’t open these days, not after all the time he put in on his hand gripper. He tried for a good couple of minutes to no avail, and of course Lucifer took the opportunity to jerk him around under the pretext of offering helpful advice.

“Use your wanking hand, Daniel. I’m sure you’ve got more than enough grip strength there.” 

Dan threw him a dirty look and kept trying. Lucifer being all smug just made him even more determined to open the damn jar.

Ella felt bad for Dan, although she’d be super impressed if he did actually manage to get the lid off. Especially since she’d put dabs of super glue inside the rim.

“Come on Daniel!” coaxed Lucifer. “Give it some stick.”

Dan grunted, forearms straining. “I _got_ it…!” What the Hell, he _should_ have this! But the lid still wasn’t budging.

“Need some pointers for getting into a _honeypot_ , Sir Douche?” Lucifer murmured with a suggestive leer and a wink at Ella. Then he snickered, “Perhaps you should try reading it some poetry. Cook it a romantic dinner?”

With an exasperated harrumph Dan gave up, shaking out his cramped hand. 

“You think you can do better, man? Knock yourself out.” He tossed the jar to Lucifer, who caught it with a chuckle. Dan scoffed, preparing to give Lucifer a whole bunch of crap in return, but his eyes bugged out when the consultant twisted the top in one smooth motion, and the entire top of the jar broke off in his hand.

“Ouch!” Lucifer put both the broken jar and the lid on the benchtop and popped the side of his hand into his mouth. There was blood.

Ella let out a little scream. “Oh, crap! Are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

Lucifer gave a dismissive shake of his head. “I’m fine. It’s not your fault, and no real harm done.” He swept the jar and the lid into the garbage bin. “I wouldn’t eat from that, there’ll be glass splinters in it.” He grabbed a paper towel from the roll on the bench.

Ella tried to get a look at Lucifer’s hand. “Are you alright? Do you wanna come into the lab? I can patch you up…” _I’m such an idiot_ **_of course_ ** _it was gonna do that..._

Lucifer waved her away, using the paper towel to stem the bleeding. “It’s nothing, I’ll just walk it off.” He picked up his coffee and headed for the door. “And I’ll get you more honey while I’m at it, shall I? Let the Detective know I’ll be back in a bit.” He strode off towards the main doors.

“Hmmph,” Dan huffed, his masculine pride dented. “I must’ve loosened it.”

Ella felt awful about getting Lucifer hurt but to her astonishment when she saw him again later that day his hand looked perfectly fine. She didn’t say a word about it but managed to get a good look - she couldn’t see any wound at all, just smooth unblemished skin. He’d completely healed in a matter of hours. So she added ‘super fast healing’ to the list of his powers. 

She decided not to do any more experiments after that though; she stayed purely theoretical, even though the fact that he could get hurt at all was yet another mystery she wanted to get to the bottom of. It certainly went against the traditional idea of angels being these invincible and immortal supernatural beings. Did he age too, then?

As it turned out surreptitiously interrogating him was relatively easy - Lucifer loved talking about himself anyway, plus he thought _she_ still thought he was a method actor.

\------------

_On a trail in Laurel Canyon, beside a charred body with a missing arm:_

Ella was staring again. She couldn’t help it.

Lucifer noticed and made an exasperated noise. “What _IS_ it, Miss Lopez? I’m not one for modesty, usually, but you’re giving me the willies, eyeballing me like that.” He pulled his flask from his pocket and studied his reflection in its shiny metal surface. “Do I have spoof on my face or something?”

Ella snorted with laughter and attempted to recover. “No! No, dude. I was just… wondering if I could throw a little philosophical curveball at you. Like, do you think ‘the Devil’ really said ‘It’s better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven’? Would you have really said that?”

Before Lucifer could answer Dan walked past and said, “Don’t encourage him, Ella. He already wastes enough of our time with this BS.”

Lucifer frowned at him. “Hush, Daniel.” Then beamed at Ella. “I like this line of questioning.”

She just smiled expectantly.

Dan shook his head and kept walking, and Lucifer continued, “I never said it. I never even wanted the job. That’s not to say I don’t agree with it on principle, and it does sound like the kind of thing I might say.”

 _Yes it does_ , Ella thought to herself in amusement. “What’s a quote you live by, then?”

“For inspo I prefer ‘It's better to burn out than fade away.’ Even though neither scenario applies to me, I rather approve of the general outlook.”

Ella snapped her fingers. “I know that one! The Kurgan, right?”

Lucifer looked like he was going to disagree, then sighed and nodded. “I suppose. But just so you know, he pinched it from Neil Young.” Then he gazed down at the dismembered, burned corpse and deadpanned, “So what do you think? Freak barbecuing accident?”

\----------------

_In the break room, on the hunt for caffeine and donuts:_

“ _¡Hola, Satanás! ¿Qué pedo?_ ” said Ella, slapping Lucifer on the back as he poured coffee for himself and Chloe.

Lucifer did a double take. “I beg your pardon? Did you just ask me _what fart?_ ”

Ella snickered with laughter at the expression on his face. “It’s your slang lesson for the day. Means ‘what’s up?’”

Lucifer rolled his eyes, then replaced the jug and waved the latest edition of the LA Telegraph at her. “Never mind that, listen to this,” he said excitedly. He pulled a mug for Ella from the cupboard with his free hand and added it to the pair already on the counter, keeping his eyes glued to the newspaper as he read aloud. “‘ _So while some religious and community groups such as One Million Mums-’”_ he paused a moment to scoff derisively, “‘ _-condemn the partnership, even going so far as to denounce it as a dangerous joke, Detective Chloe Decker and LAPD consultant Lucifer Morningstar are a crime-fighting match made in Heaven. This reporter started out as a non-believer, but has definitely seen the light._ ’” Lucifer chuckled at the page as he started filling Ella’s mug. “I see what you did there, Reese a Roni. And I absolutely agree with your assessment of all those haters; whingeing about us without even knowing us! That says a lot more about them, doesn’t it.”

Ella had only been half listening and hummed in acknowledgement, but when she saw him start to pour she was struck by a sudden thought. And in true Ella fashion, she blurted it straight out.

“What if somebody blessed the coffee jug? Would holy water hurt you?”

Lucifer half turned and let out an astonished guffaw. “Would _holy coffee_ hurt me? Where on Earth did that come from, Miss Lopez?”

Ella quickly laughed too. “Well? Would it hurt... _El Diablo_?” she pressed, with air quotes. “According to your interpretation, you know...”

Lucifer finished pouring Ella’s coffee and replied primly, “Mine is the _only_ interpretation. And of course it wouldn’t; I’m divine, not demonic. Physiologically, at least.” He held up his mug and grimaced slightly at it. “But I will say that when I am obliged to drink this feculent sludge I at least have the good sense to purify it with whisky first.” He produced his hip flask and waved it in Ella’s direction. “Single malt with your creamer and sugar?”

She smiled as she stirred her coffee and said playfully, “Come on, dude. You know this chica is all about that tequila.”

Lucifer brightened. “Well in that case I’ll bring some in tomorrow, shall I? Add in some cream and cinnamon sugar, that’ll make a very nice _Café Pacifico_.” He tucked the newspaper under his arm, picked up the other coffee and followed Ella, chatting animatedly, back to Chloe’s desk.

\----------------------

_In a very fancy West Hollywood mansion, next to a dead woman and a bloodied typewriter:_

“Soo, Lucifer. What’s with the goat thing?”

He gave her an exasperated look. “Don’t ask me. It’s not _my_ thing.”

“Not a fan?”

“Not especially. And as you can see I’m not really an angora sweater kind of Devil either. Amenadiel’s the one who’s more into cardigans these days. He’s always been the nerdy, scholarly type but now he’s even dressing the part. If he starts wearing jackets with elbow patches, or socks with sandals, I might have to get Linda to stage an intervention.”

\--------------

_On a beach in Malibu:_

“So Lucifer,” pondered Ella aloud, “What’s _the Devil_ ’s take on free will versus predestination? I mean, if God really has a plan for us, do we really have free will? Sounds to me like either God has a plan and we have no control over our destiny, OR, we have free will and life is just a bunch of random shit that happens.”

Lucifer made a face at her. “Why don’t you ever want to talk about the good stuff, like who’s in Hell?”

Ella shrugged. “Humour me.”

Lucifer sighed. “Very well. You lot definitely have Free Will. You’ve had it ever since Eve and Adam ate Dad’s precious apple and gained knowledge of good and evil. It’s why souls go to either Heaven or Hell; it depends on the choices you make.”

“But if God’s omniscient, He knows what I’m going to do before I do it, and that’s all part of His _plan_ , right?”

“Knowing and causing are two different things. I may know you have a bewildering propensity for hugging complete strangers, but it doesn’t mean I make you do it.” Lucifer paused; he remembered a while back the Detective had said the same thing about her being a miracle. Then he shrugged it off. That was different.

“And besides, Dad’s not fully omniscient. He just likes to think He is.”

“‘Not fully omniscient’?” Ella repeated teasingly. “Isn’t that like being ‘mostly dead’, or ‘slightly married?”

“Once Dad decides to know something, He knows it. He just needs to make the conscious decision to learn.”

Ella tilted her head. “That... doesn’t sound any different to people?”

“Perhaps not, but we’re talking almost instantaneous learning, and on an infinitely larger scale.”

As she bagged her evidence samples Ella said with mock gravity, “Interesting theories.”

She threw a surreptitious glance at Lucifer and as expected, he rolled his eyes. “Believe me or don’t, I don’t mind either way,” he said flippantly. “But just keep in mind that even people who claim that everything is predestined, and that we can’t do anything to change fate, still check for traffic before they cross the road.”

Ella nodded sagely. “True.” She heaved a sigh, got up from her crouched position beside the body on the sand and stretched her legs. Then she smiled broadly at Lucifer and said, “So go on then, tell me who’s in Hell.”

_\------------------------_

_In a scrapyard next to a crushed and suspiciously bleeding car:_

“What about the temptation of Jesus in the desert? What’s Satan’s side of the story?”

Lucifer sniffed. “I wouldn’t call what I did ‘temptation’, for a start. I’d call it being a half decent brother.”

“Yeah?” Ella prompted as she lined up a shot of the interior carnage through the accordioned window. “How do you figure?”

“Well, it was hardly a tour of the strip clubs of Judea, Miss Lopez. I spent forty straight days and nights trying to talk sense into the dutiful idiot. He was the last person who ever deserved to die like that.” A line appeared between Lucifer’s brows.

Ella hummed, but recited, “‘God sent His only son to die as a human to reopen the gates of Heaven. It was a sign of God’s love for humanity that He let us be saved’.”

Lucifer gave an angry scoff. “Some love. All Dad had to do was change His mind and open the bloody gates. Simple. Instead He ordered Josh to endure an agonising death. Not to mention what Dad did to me, condemning me to Hell for a little backchat.”

Ella kept her tone light, teasing. “War in Heaven was ‘a little backchat’?”

Lucifer hummed, his tone distant. “Well I’d hardly call it a war. _I_ certainly didn’t kill anyone; how could I? They were my family.” He stopped, and swallowed. After a moment he went on, “I wasn’t even armed. I just demanded to know why His precious humans were given free will and we weren’t.”

Ella lowered her camera and pointed at him. “Gotcha!”

Lucifer blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

Ella elucidated, “I call bullshit. You _do_ have free will.”

“No I don’t. We all do what Dad tells us or we get thrown in Hell.”

Ella countered, “But you’re not in Hell now, are you? You wanted to leave so you did, and here you are.” Her mouth twitched. “The Devil, walking the Earth. Ta- _dahhh!_ ”

Lucifer waved his hand impatiently. “I exert my will, but I’d hardly call it free. Permanent exile, punishment, vilification… I didn’t choose all _that_.”

“But you’re still here, living it up, doing your thang. And there’s no rains of fire or plagues of locusts or anything-” she gave him a playful punch in the arm to turn it into a joke - “So your ‘dad’ must be all cool with it, right?”

“Dad is never _cool_ with anything that isn’t His idea,” Lucifer muttered balefully. “These days He just finds it more satisfying to screw with me.”

“Think you guys will ever make up?”

Lucifer hummed in mock thoughtfulness, then replied bluntly, “Think ‘snowflake in Hell’, Miss Lopez.”

“But you guys are family. You should talk it out.” Lucifer made a rude noise in reply and Ella persisted, “You guys had a fight, big deal. Families fight all the time. You should see me and my brothers at Thanksgiving.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “I’d hardly put War in Heaven in the same category as a Thanksgiving punch-up, Miss Lopez.”

Ella countered, “Come to my folks’ for Thanksgiving sometime and you might change your mind. And besides, a fight’s a fight. Stuff gets said and people get upset. Kids get kicked out of the house, siblings stop talking...”

Lucifer scowled. “Disobedient sons get chucked in Hell...” Then he gave her a sarcastic look. “Oh wait, that’s just me.”

Ella didn’t back down. “You started the fight though, didn’t you.”

Lucifer inclined his head slightly. “I set off the rebellion, yes, but the troublemakers who hijacked it went way too far; I never told them to do what they did. They were the ones who wanted to take Dad out and take over the Silver City. It all just went a bit… poo-shaped.” Lucifer sighed. “All I wanted was a bit of freedom from an overbearing father.”

“Yeah I hear you dude. My brothers always got to do whatever they wanted, but since I was the only girl Pops always came down on me. Like, even though Ricky was younger than me he got way more freedom than I did. _Mas too mas_ unfair!” She donned a yellow safety helmet and pulled on a heavy pair of gloves.

“All it did was make me want it more, and then… well, I got into some shit. I admit, I made some not good choices. But at least they were _my_ choices. And making mistakes helped me figure out what I really wanted to do. Sometimes parents don’t realise they just gotta step back and let us mess up.” 

She picked up the jaws of life and positioned the blades ready to cut through the first door post.

Lucifer smiled vaguely. “Well, next time you have a chat with Dad feel free to tell him.”

Ella gave him a crooked smile back. _Maybe I will._ She waved him away from the pancaked vehicle. “Stand back, Lucifer. There could be shrapnel.” She pulled down the face shield of her helmet and started cutting, idly wondering as she did so if Lucifer was strong enough to rip the car’s roof off with his bare hands.

\----------------

Ella was feeling very conflicted.

She was becoming more and more uncomfortable by the day about deceiving Lucifer by holding out on him. There’d been a lot of incredible, probably top secret things about him, God, Heaven and Hell that he’d told her freely, thinking that she was just playing along with some kinda Method thing, so how could she now tell him that she actually knew the real truth and had done so for over a week now?

How would he react? Would he hate her for going behind his back to investigate him? There was a good chance of that, because even _she_ hated herself a little bit. Would he freak out? Get super pissed and leave? 

She couldn’t do that to Chloe - she’d become the sister Ella never had and she was crazy about Lucifer. Ella loved them both and would never knowingly do anything to hurt them. In fact, she wanted to help; there was no telling what Chloe would do if she found out who Lucifer really was. She was an atheist for God’s sake! 

So Ella kept her mouth shut. She did, however, find little ways to make it up to him.

She got him his own mug for the breakroom; it had a blue dinosaur on it and said ‘ _Why should you never fight with a dinosaur?... You’ll get Jurasskicked_.’ She brought extra cronuts on cheat day and always made sure he got his favourite, and once she might’ve even prevented him inadvertently either outing himself to the entire station or getting himself committed.

Amenadiel had come by looking for him and she’d seen them going into an interview room, both looking a little intense. She’d been wondering what it was all about when she spotted Cacuzza heading for the door of the observation room with her phone, no doubt to make a call in private.

Oh, _shit!_ She’d be able to hear everything!

She’d headed her off with a barrage of chatter, and when Cacuzza excused herself and retreated downstairs to make her call instead Ella heaved a sigh of relief. And then... she couldn’t help it… she’d gone into Observation herself. Just one time. Just for a minute, to see what angelic brothers fought about. 

Like, they _could’ve_ been fighting about normal bro stuff, like... maybe Lucifer was pissed at Amenadiel for scratching the Corvette or Amenadiel was pissed at Lucifer because… well, Lucifer was Lucifer and he seemed to consider it his _job_ to piss people off. Or at least a hobby.

She definitely didn’t expect their argument to be about whether or not they should tell Charlotte Richards she’d been the vessel of THE GODDESS OF ALL CREATION. 

...What in the ASS?!

Okay, God has a wife, cool, but how the frak could Charlotte be their _actual_ mom?! Ella had figured that the Big Guy had just, like, 'dallied with a mortal' or something, like what the gods in ancient Greece and Rome were said to have done, knocking up women as swans or bulls or whatever. But she _was_ their mom!?

But wait… she wasn’t a goddess now, the Goddess had gone... into another universe? And Charlotte had been dead, and _in Hell,_ but the Goddess had brought her back to life, and now she had no memory of all the months she’d been possessed? _And_ she was having weird visions and stuff?

Ella’s head swam. Holy crap! No wonder Charlotte’s energies had changed so drastically; when Ella first met her She'd been a _goddess!_ Like, not just with the legs and the hair and everything, but _literally an omnipotent celestial being._ And then She'd left, and 'original' Charlotte had come back... FROM HELL. She'd been two totally different people! Although with very similarly-coloured auras, coincidentally. And she must've had some kinda vision when the mirror broke and she freaked out and ran; that must be why she seemed to be avoiding the precinct.

Ella didn’t listen in to any more of Lucifer and Amenadiel's conversation after that, but maintained her watch on the obs room door. And henceforth designated herself an unofficial sentry whenever Amenadiel came around. Those doofuses had to really smarten up, surrounded by so many cops. One of these days they were going to out themselves completely by accident.

Aside from protecting Lucifer's secret identity, another good thing came out of her spying on Lucifer - she was there more for Charlotte. As much as she needed, anytime she needed it. After all, it had to be incredibly hard for her to bounce back after literally _dying!_ And no wonder she'd wanted her help with trying to 'be good' and everything, maybe on a subconscious level she understood what had happened to her? How frickin' scary must that be? Ella was dying to ask her about it but of course didn't want Charlotte to think she was a complete nutcase.

When Charlotte returned the following week Ella stuck to her like glue. She chatted with her over the coffee machine, took her out for drinks and Korean barbecue after work, tried to be as in-her-face supportive as she could in hopes she'd open up. But the woman was a lawyer; she never gave anything away, even with a few drinks under her belt. 

Ella suspected she might be taking things a little too far when she found herself trying to tag along on Charlotte's lunch dates with Dan, and she got the distinct impression that Charlotte was trying to avoid her. Like once Ella spotted her waiting for the elevator, waved at her and hurried up the stairs to see if she wanted to go grab a coffee, but when she got to the landing Charlotte had already gone. She said later that she hadn't seen her but... Ella didn't know how she could've missed her.

Anyways, even though Charlotte didn't say anything outright, between Ella's rampaging positivity, spending quality time with Dan and Trixie and sessions with Linda, Ella thought that maybe the darkness in Charlotte’s aura looked like it was pulling back a little. And if Charlotte did somehow suspect she'd been to Hell, Ella could see that she was damn determined to not go back. She was working an insane number of cases for the District Attorney, and it seemed to be her new mission in life to put away as many criminal dirtbags as possible. Ella was sure that Charlotte was no longer bound for Hell, but she couldn't help wondering what Lucifer would say about it.

Did he know? Could he tell just by looking at someone, the way she could see things about somebody from their Colours? She was dying to ask him, plus a whole bunch of other questions, but she was at a loss as to where to start. She sighed. At the start it'd seemed like a fun idea to keep this from him but now she was starting to wish she'd just come clean right away. Honesty was the best policy, right? Even if chances were good that they'd have completely freaked each other the eff out.

Ella sighed and nibbled her donut. She was gonna tell him, she just wanted to wait for the right time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I've never done the 'drabble' style of story before, but the little snippets of Ella's snooping and gaining insights were really fun to do! And quick and easy, so I see the appeal :)  
> \- Ella's notes have a few throwbacks to previous seasons; she remembered Lucifer's comment about demons in Hell wearing wigs to torture souls with a fear of hair, which was from back in 218 The Good the Bad and the Crispy. The burning bush too. And the goat thing was of course Amenadiel & Maze's conversation back in season 1.  
> -"Or maybe the Devil falling in love would, like, cause some awful cosmic disaster and destroy the world or something? ...nah. That was crazy talk." A ref to pretty much all of season 4.  
> \- “Do I have spoof on my face or something?”... I've had this chapter completed for... at least six months? But I only came up with that paragraph last week. Kind of a twist on 'There's Something About Mary', lol. 'Spoof' might be more Scottish than English and I could've used 'spunk' which is also British slang for 'come' but a bit cruder, but I like spoof. So to speak, lol :'D It sounds more natural as that's also what we say here in Australia. nb it has a short 'oo' sound like 'book', not long like 'broom'.  
> \- Did you spot the shoutout to episode 104 Manly Whatnots? When Lucifer says to Ella "I like this line of questioning" it's what he said to Chloe in the car staking out the warehouse.  
> \- couple of shoutouts to Off The Record again, and mention of Reese; he's still out there, investigatoring! And there's a mention of One Million Mums in there too, and what they said about the show before it'd even aired. What Lucifer said about that saying more about them is from Tom Ellis. And absolutely true.  
> \- a mansion and a bloodied typewriter? Episode 315 High School Poppycock.  
> \- socks with sandals? (****SPOILER ALERT***** BTS pics of Dennis Haysbert as God in S5b)  
> \- "Isn't that like being 'mostly dead'?" - c/-Miracle Max the Wizard, The Princess Bride. Classic!  
> \- "The Devil, walking the Earth." - Episode 408 Super Bad Boyfriend  
> \- 'frak' as a substitute swear world in Battlestar Galactica - nod both to Ella’s geekdom and the fact that Tricia Helfer ie Charlotte was in it!  
> \- “One of these days they were going to out themselves completely by accident.” I see everyone going into the interview rooms to have these private celestial conversations and think, have they forgotten people can go in that room behind the mirror? Like Reese was in Off The Record?? Gah. The accidental outing thing is something that I wouldn’t be at all surprised at!  
> \- and I kinda swapped around the Ella avoiding Charlotte (in 308 Chloe Does Lucifer) for Charlotte avoiding overly-caring, suffocatingly helpful Ella
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! Posting slightly early as we’re off to Noosa tomorrow and I think I need the break. Hopefully it will ‘re-fill my cup’ and I’ll come back firing on all cylinders in a couple of weeks!


	15. Ride Shotgun with the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer and Chloe say their farewells, we see some familiar faces and Ella gets an unexpected surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for sticking with me! For reading and all your lovely feedback, but mainly for hanging with me while I battle with getting this story into the world. It's taking longer than I expected (what the Hell else is new) but it's mostly a good thing because this story just keeps growing and putting things into itself that I wasn't expecting. Which I then love! So I hope you like this chapter, especially the first bit ;)

Chloe was about to put her key in the lock when there came a ruckus from the other side of the door.

“ _En garde!_ ”

 _“Puny human, I will_ **_end_ ** _you!”_

 _“Nuh-UH! Go to HELL!”_ Then there came raucous laughter and loud banging noises as a furious battle was apparently waged in the girls’ apartment. 

Chloe turned to Lucifer with a resigned look. “Guess it’s time for Warcraft 101 with Maze.”

Lucifer deadpanned, “I think Beatrice can take her. She’s a crafty little bugger.”

Chloe snickered and opened the door, and they were accosted by the sight of Trixie of the Espinozas and Mazikeen of the Lilim having a slo-mo Matrix fight in the living room. It was complete with sound effects, theatrical grunts and furniture vaulting, and the two combatants giggled like lunatics as they chased each other around the dining table and disappeared up the stairs. 

A large blue grappling dummy was stood up against the wall near Trixie’s room, full of holes, with the stuffing knocked out of it in several places as well as a throwing axe embedded in its chest. Lucifer was appalled to realise it was wearing one of his suits; Maze must have nicked it from the penthouse. It also wore a smiling cut-out of his face and a pair of red plastic horns on its head.

Lucifer, his hands full of grocery bags, jerked his head at the dummy and said indignantly, “Did you okay this? I am not the household punching bag!” Loud thumping and more yelling came from upstairs.

Chloe gave him a rueful look as she shut the door and put her bag and jacket on a chair at the counter. “Maze bought the dummy for anger management so she’d stop punching holes in the walls, and dressing it like you was Trixie’s idea. She misses you and liked the thought of having you around more.” Chloe mentally added, _which makes two of us._

Lucifer wasn’t impressed. “She _misses_ me? Judging by the tomahawk in the sternum and all the holes through the bloody thing no-one ever _misses_ me around here at all.” He put the bags on the counter and gave the dummy a dirty look. “What’s with the horns?”

Chloe suppressed a giggle. “That was Maze. But she’s just kidding, she doesn’t want to stab you any more. The pair of them think it’s hilarious beating you up but I catch Trixie giving the dummy hugs and high fives and talking to it sometimes. She does impressions of you too, trying out your accent.” Chloe chuckled. “She’s not half bad.”

“ _Lucifer!_ ” There was a clatter from the stairs and Trixie appeared, jumping the last three steps and plowing into Lucifer, throwing her arms around him and squeezing tight. Lucifer looked down at her with equal parts amusement and resignation, then gave her a light pat on the head. 

“Offspring,” he said by way of greeting, then added in disbelief, “Hell’s Bells, have you grown _again?_ Either Maze has been stretching you on the rack or your mother’s been standing you in fertiliser.”

Maze, walking more sedately down the stairs behind her, commented, “She eats like a hunger demon. She’s like... a quarter human and three-quarters hotdogs and chocolate cake.”

Trixie giggled, then poked around inside the shopping bags. She asked excitedly, “Are you having dinner with us, Lucifer?”

Lucifer nodded. “I am indeed. I was going to take you and your mum out for tea as a send-off for your trip but she’s insisting on making it herself.” Then he added with a cheeky grin at Chloe, “Don’t worry, I’ll be helping, so it won’t be a _complete_ disaster.”

Trixie jumped up and down on the spot. “Cool!”

Chloe suddenly caught the glint of weaponry at her daughter’s back and said accusingly, “Oh my God, Maze, _knives?!_ Absolutely _not!_ We talked about this, Trixie is not allowed to play with knives!”

Trixie turned to her, beaming. “Oh yeah, I forgot! But it’s okay, Mom, look!” She reached back and withdrew two curved karambit-style blades, gleefully twirling them on her fingers. Chloe heaved a sigh of relief; they were only toys.

Maze gave a contemptuous snort. “Relax, Granny Panties, they’re made of wood, not demon steel. They’ll barely even put an eye out.”

Trixie held them up for her mother’s inspection in a fighting pose with a fierce scowl on her face. They were indeed wooden, embellished with multicoloured diamantes and pink glitter. 

“Aren’t they awesome?” Trixie exclaimed happily. “They’re just like Maze’s!”

Chloe nodded supportively. “Yes, they’re very nice Monkey, just be careful and don’t run around with them, okay-”

Maze snorted again. “Seriously, chill _out,_ Decker…”

A fluffy orange tail suddenly appeared over the back of the couch, curling into a question mark as its owner stretched, then jumped onto the floor and stalked over, letting out a meow of greeting. 

“Good evening, your lordship,” said Chloe. 

Pudding brushed his body along Trixie’s legs in passing but went straight to Maze. He walked back and forth bumping against her shins and Maze smiled, then bent down to pick the large cat up. 

“Who’s my special boy?” she said happily. She held up her fist and Pudding responded by rubbing his furry head on her knuckles, then holding her fist in his paws and starting to lick and gnaw on it.

“Pudding’s settled in alright, I see,” said Lucifer. “So he doesn’t mind flatting with a demon? Cats are in-between creatures themselves, so it doesn’t surprise me in the least.”

Trixie shook her head. “His name’s not Pudding anymore, Maze said we should name him ‘Hāris’. It means ‘vigilant watchman’. He’s our new guard cat!”

Maze nodded, scratching the cat under the chin. “He’s way too badass to have a name like ‘Pudding’,” she murmured. “Aren’t you?” Hāris licked her hand and Maze added tenderly, “My fluffy little inquisitor and dog terroriser?” 

Lucifer raised an eyebrow at her and said in a disapproving tone, “As I’m sure you’re well aware, _hāris_ can also mean guardian angel.”

Maze said bluntly, “Too bad. It suits him.”

“Did you ask him which _he_ prefers?” Lucifer retorted tetchily. “It IS his name after all.”

Maze shrugged again. “He doesn’t give a -” she stopped abruptly, remembering Chloe was listening in. “...heck?”

Trixie snickered. She knew exactly what Maze had been going to say. 

Chloe glared. So did she.

Hāris chomped down on Maze’s finger and hooked into her arm with all of his claws, like a hug from a tiny furry Iron Maiden. Maze smiled and planted a kiss between his tufted ears. She adored his sweet little love bites and scratches. “You know, he growls just like Murnarr.”

Trixie said, “That’s not growling Maze, that’s purring. And who’s Murnarr?”

“Guy I used to work with,” replied Maze. “Demonic cat.”

Trixie giggled.

Lucifer had been so impressed with Pudding during the Anaya case that he’d decided to grant him a new home. Not _his_ home, of course, but the Detective’s. He’d refused to ‘buy’ the cat as such, instead making such a generous donation to the shelter that the staff had thought he was punking them. They’d been even more astonished when Lucifer had asked Pudding, “Coming?” and he’d got up and followed him out to his car. 

Pudding had stretched out on the warm leather passenger seat, his long fur blowing in the breeze on the ride to the Detective’s apartment, and once there, acted like he’d been there all along. And to Lucifer’s dismay and Chloe’s somewhat relief, had instantly gravitated toward Maze instead of Chloe.

Pudding meowed, and Maze said, “Okay,” and put him down. Then she went into the kitchen and pulled a large flat food container from the fridge and a bowl with a cat on it from the dishwasher. She opened the container; there was a good-sized whole fish inside.

Pudding started meowing more insistently - yowling actually - and putting his front paws up on Maze’s thigh. 

_Feed me. Now._

“Alright, _alright_ , it’s coming, shut your yap!” Maze yanked a knife from the block and started expertly slicing off a juicy fillet.

Lucifer looked down at Pudding and chuckled. “Well we _are_ living like a king, aren’t we, Puddie lad?”

“We made a deal,” explained Maze. “Fresh fish if he uses the john so we don’t have to get one of those disgusting litter trays.” She shuddered. “I’ve seen tons of Hell loops full of cats, I know what goes on. I’ve dealt with blood, entrails, every gross thing that can possibly come out of a human or demonic body, but cat crap is where I draw the line. Its stench is worse than the foulest reeking depths of Hell!” 

Chloe, putting ingredients on the counter next to her, chided, “Maze!”

“What?” said Maze. “Crap isn’t a swear word!”

Trixie tugged on Lucifer’s jacket sleeve. “Hāris uses the bathroom just like a person! It’s sooo cool! I got a video - wanna see?”

Lucifer grimaced in distaste. “Hard pass.” Trixie’s face fell. “... until later,” Lucifer amended graciously, before muttering to himself _I suppose it gives new meaning to the term ‘shit movie’..._

Trixie’s smile returned, and she went on animatedly, “When my friends came over one time we gave him lots of milk so he’d have to go. It was hilarious!” She turned to Maze, who was putting Pudding’s dinner bowl on the floor so he’d finally shut up. “Where’d you learn to train cats, Maze?”

Maze leaned her elbows on the counter and replied, “I didn’t train him, I just asked him.”

Trixie rolled her eyes and put a hand on her hip. “Look, Maze, I’m nine now. I don’t fall for that stuff anymore.” Lucifer and Chloe grinned, watching the exchange with amusement. 

Maze lifted a scarred eyebrow. “You calling me a liar, Trix’?”

Trixie shrugged and leaned her elbows on the counter, mirroring Maze. “It’s like when Mom and Dad told me it was Santa Claus putting presents under our tree, but it was really _them_ , after I’d gone to bed.” She tossed a braid over her shoulder. “I’m a big girl now, you don’t need to tell me stories.”

Maze straightened, crossed her arms and smiled crookedly. “You don’t believe I can speak cat?”

Trixie gave her a look. “Nope. Nobody can.”

Maze shrugged. “I can. And so can he.” She pointed to Lucifer. Lucifer raised his hands and sidled away to help Chloe in the kitchen.

Trixie turned back to Maze and demanded, “Prove it then. Tell Hāris to lie on the floor.”

Lucifer nudged Chloe’s shoulder in amusement. “Like mother, like spawn…”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

Maze looked down at Pudding, currently stuffing his face, and made a high-pitched trilling sound, a bit like _brr-ow_. Pudding just carried on eating.

Trixie threw Maze a triumphant look. “See? I _knew_ you were kidding.”

Maze lifted a shoulder. “He understood me, he just didn’t wanna do it. He’s busy right now.”

Trixie giggled as she turned and headed over to the Luci-dummy to continue practising. “Sure, Maze,” she sing-songed over her shoulder.

Maze followed her. “I can speak dog too, you know.”

Trixie started hitting the dummy with her toy blades. “Oh yeah? Since when?”

Maze made a slight adjustment to Trixie’s stance and replied, “Since Hell. I learned it from the demon Cerbere - he’s canine.”

Trixie gave her an exasperated look and whacked the Luci-dummy extra hard in the face, then kicked it in the crotch.

“Hey!” protested Lucifer from the kitchen. “Don’t take your annoyances out on _me,_ child!”

Maze grinned. “Want a demonstration?”

Trixie kept hitting the dummy. “Whateverrr, Maze...”

Maze lunged suddenly toward her with a short, sharp snarl. Trixie startled; it had sounded _exactly_ like the big angry dog that lived on the corner. Trixie stared at Maze in astonishment for a few seconds, then laughed in delight. 

“How did you do that?!”

Maze threw her a smug look. “Told you; I can speak dog.”

“What did it mean?”

“Loosely translated it meant shut the f-” Maze checked herself again, and glanced furtively over at the kitchen. Decker had almost God-like powers of omniscience when it came to finding out about slips she’d made around Trixie. “-uh... front door,” she finished.

Trixie looked up at her with huge eyes. “ _Really?_ ”

“More or less. Like I said, it’s a translation.”

Trixie jumped up and down, skepticism forgotten in her excitement. “Coool! I wanna learn to speak dog! No wait, I wanna learn cat first!”

Maze hummed. “I could teach you the basics.”

“Does Hāris talk to you? Does he miss his old mom? Can cats cry? Does he like us?”

“He likes us fine. He thinks we’re, like, big clumsy cats. Well, he thinks you guys are clumsy, anyway,” Maze amended. “He’s good to talk to. Things are simpler with him, y’know? I don’t really ‘get’ people. Animals are easy. Humans are hard.”

Trixie nodded, then went back to beating up the dummy. “Yeah. And sometimes they’re jerks, too. Mom says to not let them get to you, but also you gotta stand up for yourself, _and_ for other people. It’s confusing.”

Maze nodded in agreement. “Does standing up for yourself include beating the shi- stuffing out of your enemies?”

Trixie smiled and ducked down to slash at the dummy’s ankles with her blades. “Yep! Sever their Achilles first, because if they can’t walk, they can’t escape you.”

Maze nodded in approval. “Very good.”

They heard Lucifer muttering loudly to himself with his head in a cupboard. “Where’s she put the bloody truffle oil?”

“In the fridge next to the ketchup,” Chloe replied.

Lucifer groaned. “That’s too cold! You could’ve at least stored it in the cellar!”

Chloe’s voice came again. “What cellar? You mean the parking garage?” She opened the fridge and got out the truffle oil, placing it on the kitchen counter. “Just leave it out for fifteen minutes, it’ll be fine.”

Lucifer grumbled a little but they settled into the routine of preparing dinner together. Trixie watched them for a moment with a big smile on her face, which got even wider when she thought of something.

“Hey Mom?” she called out. “Want me and Maze to set the table?”

Chloe smiled. “That would be great, Monkey, thank you.”

Maze gave Trixie a WTF look. “What’d you do that for? You’ve got moves to practise. You guys leave tomorrow and I won’t be able to train you for a whole week!”

Trixie tucked her blades back into her belt and took the reluctant demon by the hand. She dragged her towards the crockery cupboard. “It won’t take long. Come on - can you help me with something?”

\--------------------

Dinner was served; by the romantic light of every single candle Trixie and Maze could find in the apartment and with The Bangles playing in the background. Trixie and Maze practically inhaled their meals and went back to whaling on the Luci-dummy, leaving Lucifer and Chloe alone together at the table. 

Chloe felt a mix of amusement and chagrin at her daughter’s efforts to play Cupid; they weren’t going to work on Lucifer. He still had a bug up his ass about her somehow being given feelings for him by God and refused to listen to her about it. She sighed.

“Penny for your thoughts, Detective?” her partner said brightly.

Chloe toyed with broaching the subject of their relationship again, but decided against it; she didn’t want to have a fight right before she left for a week. She did have something else on her mind, though.

“Will it be okay, me leaving town? I mean, we did just discover a bunch of demons on the loose. It doesn’t feel right.”

Lucifer shook his head dismissively. “Not to worry, Detective, it’s all sorted. I checked all the suspects from the Sokolov raid, and the three demon Ubers have all been accounted for. There haven’t been any more possessions; everything’s fine. Stop being so paranoid.”

Chloe hummed. “I’d feel a little less paranoid if you went down to Hell to check on things...”

Lucifer made an irritated sound and pulled his flask from his breast pocket. “Not necessary, Detective. Try to forget about it. Dad knows I have.”

Chloe wanted to forget about it, but she couldn’t. The missing murder victims had indeed turned up, all three exsanguinated corpses found in an alleyway around the corner from _Whisky a Go Go_ in West Hollywood. Their DNA had been matched to a trio of petty criminals who’d gone missing the night of the murders. 

Ella had naturally concluded it was a body dump, and with no conclusive forensic evidence found on the bodies and the murder weapon missing the DA had cut Tran loose. Maze had watched him for a few days and reported nothing suspicious. Everything was fine and back to normal. And yet...

There was a knock on the door. Trixie dashed across the room and threw open the front door. “ _Halt!_ Who goes there?” she bellowed, raising her blades.

Ella stood in the doorway, eyeing Trixie with amusement. Then she put her hands up and yelled back, “I come in peace! I surrender!” Then she added admiringly, “Cool knives, dude!”

Trixie’s face stayed fierce but she lowered her knives. “I will spare your life… this time.”

Ella double tapped her fist over her heart and said earnestly, “I am in your debt, noble warrior! I’ve forgotten my _bat’leth_ to duel with honour but I promise to bring it next time!”

Trixie nodded solemnly in approval, then did a double take and delightedly cried, “We’re wearing the same shirt!”

Ella looked down and broke into a huge smile; they were both wearing pastel green t-shirts with a rice ball and a piece of sashimi hugging on the front. 

“SUSHI SHIRT!” they yelled, and laughingly gave each other a high five. Then Trixie grabbed Ella by the hand and dragged her inside. “Come on Ella, I wanna show you my new fight moves!”

As Ella was dragged across the room towards the fighting dummy Lucifer looked over. “What on Earth is all that racket?”

Ella waved. “Hey, guys! What’s up?”

Maze merely lifted her chin in acknowledgement but Lucifer smiled genially. “It’s the last supper before the Detective and Beatrice run off to Oregon, Miss Lopez.”

Chloe asked, “What about you, Ella? Is there a problem with today’s case?”

Ella did a double take at the Lucifer dummy, then watched bemused as Trixie started beating the shit out of it with her knives, elbows, knees and feet. Ella shook her head and said distractedly, “No, actually, the pudding snuff movie case is in the can. I, um, actually wanted to talk to Maze about something.” 

Maze merely raised an eyebrow. Ella explained, “Actually, it’s about my little brother Ricky. I just found out some bangers in a protection racket have moved into his neighbourhood and they’re threatening to break his legs and torch his garage.” She agitatedly threw her hands in the air. “Thing is, _estúpido_ _menso_ is a hothead and got himself a shotgun, and I’m worried that the next time they come around he’s gonna step right up and get himself-”

“Whacked?” finished Maze, leaning casually against the wall. 

Ella nodded, then said cajolingly, “I found out the head honcho has a warrant out for his arrest and I was kinda hoping you’d maybe… possibly… think about bountying him next?”

Maze crossed her arms. “What’s his name?”

“Freddy Mancuso?”

Maze tilted her head slightly, thinking. “Mancuso… _Mancuso…_ huge skinhead dude with a massive scar across his face?” At Ella’s nod she added, “Sure. Why not. I’ll go get him first thing in the morning.”

Ella clasped her hands together. “Thank you! You’re a lifesaver Maze! Buuut I was _kinda_ hoping you’d take care of it sooner? Like maybe... right now. Ricky said Mancuso and his thugs are coming back tonight.”

Maze gestured at Trixie. “Sorry. We’re busy.”

Trixie stopped hitting the dummy and turned to Maze. “I gotta go bed soon. You could go save Ella’s brother after you read me a story real quick?”

Maze pondered for a moment, then rolled her eyes and said with a sigh, “Fine. But what’s in it for me? I had plans.” 

Ella blinked. “Uh, I guess... I can pay you a bonus on top of the bounty? And I’m sure Ricky will give you a really sweet deal the next time you need your car serviced. And, um… I’ll buy you donuts?”

Chloe said slowly, “Isn’t Ricky the brother who gave you and Dan the ZX3 last year?” She caught Maze’s eye and added meaningfully, “For my antidote?”

“Uh-huh,” Ella said.

Lucifer’s eyebrows shot up. “Did he now? Ricky being the brother who owns a chop shop in North Hollywood?”

Ella shrugged innocently. “Like I said, garage.”

Trixie beamed at Ella. “Your brother helped save Mom too?”

Ella nodded. “Oh, yeah, he’s a good guy deep down.” She frowned and added, “Like deep, _deep_ down.”

Maze frowned, glancing between Trixie and Chloe. Then she said, “Okay I’m in. And it’s on the house - my plans weren’t all that exciting anyway, and this Mancuso guy could be fun.”

Ella’s face broke into a relieved smile and she moved to give Maze a hug but was pulled up short by the demon’s hand in her face. “Are you _trying_ to make me change my mind, Ellen?” said Maze irritably.

Ella stepped back. “Sorry, sorry Maze! But seriously thank you, _so much!_ I really appreciate it.” 

Ella gave Maze the copy of Mancuso’s bail form and after Trixie showed off a few more of her ball-breaking and guts-ripping skills, she went upstairs to brush her teeth. Maze got to work stacking the dishwasher, Chloe keeping a close eye. 

Ella stayed to have a quick mug of tea and chat a little longer; she was gonna miss the gang - a whole WEEK! - plus she always got the warm fuzzies seeing Lucifer and Chloe together. 

The Devil hanging out with his friends just like a regular person… it was still such a _trip!_ She got a huge kick out of watching him interact with oblivious humans, although even _she_ forgot who he really was, sometimes. He was just so normal! Well, not _normal_ normal but close enough.

“So Lucifer,” she said conversationally, “Not doing any consulting while Decker’s away?”

Lucifer shook his head, then looked to his partner. “No. The Detective and I are a team. A package deal. And quite a package, at that.” He smirked at Chloe’s eye roll before continuing, “Besides, Lux is sponsoring the awards banquet for the Silver State Classic this year and I thought I may as well go and try it for myself. I’ve been meaning to pop over to Vegas for a while anyway.”

Ella’s jaw dropped as she stared at him. Then she hit him in the chest with the back of her hand. “Dude! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lucifer blinked. “I just did.”

“I’m going too! I’m tagging along with Nick to keep him company while he helps out with the marshalling, but that race is top of my bucket list! I can’t believe you didn’t ask me to be your navigator!”

“Oh!” Lucifer said in surprise. “I didn’t even think of it. But as it happens I don’t have a navigator yet, would you like to-”

“Are you _kidding_ me?!” Ella exploded, bouncing in her chair. “I am _so there!_ The fastest open road race in the world, all that metal - vintage cars, race cars, plain old street cars..! There’s no crash barriers and no spectators allowed, so competing or marshalling is the only way to see it, and I’d much rather be _in_ it! Plus it’ll get me bragging rights with Ricky!” Ella was beside herself.

Racing across the desert in the Corvette with Lucifer, meeting fellow revheads, getting quality time with Nick... she couldn’t think of a better way to spend a weekend. 

Not to mention, spending four and a half days hanging out with Lucifer she’d have plenty of time to tell him the truth. It was time. Plus doing him this favour was the least she could do after snooping on him. _If it means going to Vegas, so be it._

Lucifer nodded. “Very well. Thank you Miss Lopez, I’ll owe you one.”

Ella shook her head. “You don’t owe me a thing, Lucifer. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. If anything I owe _you_ for letting me tag along, not to mention for introducing me to Nick.”

Lucifer beamed. “Alright then, we have a deal. Lovely.”

Ella squealed softly with excitement. “This is so rad! Which class are you racing in?”

“Touring.”

Ella was surprised. “The vintage rally? Not the Unlimited Division? I figured you’d be going for the speed record in some top of the range racecar.”

Lucifer shook his head. “It doesn’t mean I’m going to lazy Sunday drive it, Miss Lopez. I’m driving the Corvette and simply refuse to ruin a classic with an unsightly roll bar. And I’m not about to be seen in one of those ridiculous fireproof racing suits either.”

Ella hooked her fingers into horns on her head and winked at him. “Cos you’re already fireproof, right?”

“Indeed,” Lucifer agreed. 

Ella threw a sideways glance at Chloe but she just smiled and whispered, “I think he just doesn’t wanna get helmet hair.”

“That too,” said Lucifer.

Ella sipped her herbal tea. “You’ll still need to pass the tech inspection, even for Touring Class. Got it all sorted?”

Lucifer flapped a dismissive hand at her. “Piddling details. Who cares about that?”

Chloe raised her eyebrows. “You will when the marshalls don’t let you race.”

Lucifer let out a dismissive _choh_ , then shrugged. “Oh, very well.” He turned to Ella. “Perhaps I could prevail upon your grease monkey brother - gosh, he’s popular tonight. Do you think he can get the Corvette race ready by lunchtime tomorrow? I’ll make it well worth the overtime.”

Ella nodded. “Ricky could do it for you no problemo.”

“As long as he doesn’t try to cannibalise the old girl for parts...” Lucifer said dubiously.

Ella shook her head. “Nope! Ricky would never screw me over like that, or my buds; he’s a sketchy little creep but he’s family. Besides, he’s been wanting to meet you ever since he found out we work together.”

Lucifer pulled out his flask. “Oh yes? And why is that?”

“He hates having a sis in the five-oh but the fact I’m buds with you gives me a little cred. He’s kinda a fan.”

Lucifer smiled and saluted with his flask. “I like him already.” Then he realised something. “Hold on; you do know the main race isn’t until Sunday morning - don’t you usually have a Mass to get to? I mean, there’s plenty of chapels in Vegas but I doubt Father Elvis conducts the kind of service you’ll be after.”

Ella shrugged. “It’s fine.”

Chloe must’ve seen something in her expression because she asked, “Is everything okay, Ella?”

Ella smiled and said dismissively, “What? Of course! It’s only one weekend, it’s all good.” 

Actually, Ella had been feeling a little weird about going to church lately - like it was taking sides. But what the Hell, surely she could skip one lousy Mass; Lucifer needed her way more than his dad did.

\----------------

After Maze read Trixie a bedtime story she left to track down Mancuso, and Lucifer and Ella headed to Ricky’s garage in NoHo. Lucifer pulled up outside the roller door and Ella parked her car a bit further down the street, then walked up to a smaller side door and banged on it. There was the _chk chk_ sound of someone racking a shotgun and a yell from inside.

“We’re closed!”

“ _¡Me vale madres,_ Ricardo!” Ella yelled back, “It’s me, open up!”

They shortly heard locks being popped and the door flew open. The youngest Lopez stood there with the barrel of a pump action shotgun resting on his shoulder and a pissed off look on his face.

“What the Hell are you doing here, Ella? I told you I’d handle-” He suddenly noticed who was sitting in the sweet Corvette and his demeanor changed instantly. “Lucifer Morningstar? Hey man, what you doing here?”

Ella rolled her eyes and wondered how long before Ricky asked him for a selfie. “Emergency, Ricky. Lucifer’s racing in the Silver State Classic this weekend and needs his Corvette brought up to tech. I said you could do it by lunch tomorrow, so don’t make me look bad.”

Ricky frowned and glanced uneasily up and down the street. “Now’s not a good time, Ella. I told you I got... some business going down and I don’t want you here.”

Ella waved her hand. “It’s being handled, Ricky. You don’t need to worry about Mancuso any more.”

Ricky gave her a quizzical look. “ _Handled?_ How?”

Ella grinned. “The best bounty hunter in the city is on his ass. So like I said, no need to worry.”

Ricky threw his sister a skeptical look, then looked at Lucifer, who nodded and said, “It’s true. She’s hunting the miscreant down as we speak.” 

Ricky relaxed. “Oh. Cool.”

Ella prompted, “So can you get Lucifer’s car race ready or not?”

Ricky grinned at Lucifer, subconsciously wiping his free hand on his work pants. “Sure, Mr Morningstar, I can do that, no problem.”

“Lovely,” Lucifer called out, revving the Corvette. “And call me Lucifer.” Ricky smiled even wider, then his face disappeared back inside and the door slammed shut. Seconds later there was the ear-shattering rattle of heavy chains as the roller door was raised. Lucifer drove in, Ella walking in after him, then Ricky brought the door back down. 

He walked excitedly over to Lucifer, his hand extended in greeting. “Whassup, homie? It’s so great to finally meet you!”

Lucifer eyed Ricky’s greasy mitt and instead of taking it placed a large wad of notes in it. “Likewise, Ricksta. And I very much appreciate your fitting me in, so to speak.”

Ricky’s eyes bugged out a little at the amount of cash in his hand but he recovered quickly. “It’s all good, dude. It’s an honour, actually.” He heard his sister snicker and abruptly was all business. 

“Now I _know_ you don’t wanna ruin this beautiful baby girl with a roll cage, so... Touring Class, yeah?” At Lucifer’s approving nod he went on, “All you need's a mounted fire extinguisher and some fast tyres with a suitable load rating. Easy.” He walked over to scribble on a pad on a workbench. “I’ll call you when it’s done, and I can drop her off at Lux if you want; special service for our VIPs! What’s your number?”

Ella grinned. “Just call _me_ , Ricky. I’m his navigator.”

Her brother’s face fell. Ella was positive that the Big Guy would not approve of how much satisfaction she was feeling from seeing her brother green with envy, but it’s not like smugness was one of the seven deadly sins. If anything it was payback for all the noogies, lugies and teasing she’d had to put up with from him her whole life.

“You’re racing too?” Ricky said.

“Mm-hmm.”

Ricky suddenly got a sly look in his eyes and he said concernedly, “Have you told Ma?”

Ella frowned. Only ten seconds to enjoy her tiny victory before he started trying to bust her balls, as usual. She suddenly wished she hadn’t told him.

“No, and I’m not _gonna_ tell her until afterwards,” she said. “You know how she gets, she’ll be all on my case, stressing out that it's dangerous and telling me not to do it. And I’ll probably only get grief from everybody else as well, so keep your big trap shut.”

“Ouch, Ella,” Ricky said, totes faking a wounded look. “You know I got your back.”

Ella snorted and muttered, “Only so you can stab it.”

Ricky turned to Lucifer and added, “Don’t mind her, we’re a real close family. We’ve been through a lot with Ella and we gotta keep her outta trouble. Back when she was a teenager-”

Ella angrily cut him off. _“_ _¡_ _Ricardo,_ _cállate!_ _” If you tell him anything I’m gonna kill you!_

Ricky smiled conspiratorially at Lucifer, clearly hoping he would prompt him for dirt and clearly also keen to spill it. “Man, you would not _believe_ the skeletons in Ella’s closet...”

Lucifer regarded Ricky for a moment, then said blandly, “Can’t be worse than the ones in mine.” Then he leaned in to look into Ricky’s eyes and added smoothly, “And what about you, Ricksta? What deep, dark little secrets might you be hiding?” 

“I…” Ricky’s eyes glazed over and he blinked in confusion. In a few moments his face settled into the dazed expression everyone had when affected by Lucifer’s mojo, and he suddenly blurted, “I… uh… I want... I wanna be like Ella.”

Ella’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. Say what?

“Yes... and...?” prompted Lucifer, leaning closer.

Ricky frowned slightly. “She’s got this really big brain, she went to _college_. And she’s, like, doin’ all this amazing important science stuff, helping people. I’ve always looked up to her, especially ‘cause she’s always looked out for me, ever since we were little kids.”

He blinked hard, his expression clearing as he came out of it, then made an embarrassed huffing noise. “The fuck did I say that for?”

“Hmm, I wonder,” said Lucifer thoughtfully. “Perhaps you just needed to get it off your chest?”

Ella strode over and whacked Ricky in the arm. “If you look up to me so much why’d you keep ghosting me after I followed you to LA? I thought it was ‘cause you were embarrassed I was LAPD!”

Ricky mumbled, “Nah… I figured you’d be ashamed of me chopping cars.”

Ella stared at him. “You’re my baby bro, Ricky, I love you. You piss me off, a _lot_ , but I’m not ashamed of you, you friggin’ idiot!” She hit him a few more times for good measure.

Lucifer offered, “I’d have thought a better way to avoid her being ashamed of you for chopping cars would be to perhaps _not_ chop cars?”

Ricky shuffled his feet. “I’ve been trying to go straight, make a legit business, but it’s harder than it sounds, man.”

Ella resisted the urge to whack him again and instead said, “Why didn’t you _tell_ me? You don’t have to do it on your own. _I_ didn’t.”

Ricky shrugged and avoided her gaze.

Lucifer watched the two of them, then loudly cleared his throat. “Ricksta, it’s recently come to my attention that last year you helped save the life of a very dear friend of mine. To show my appreciation, how about I give you a leg up?”

Ricky looked over at Ella, mystified, and Ella helpfully translated, “I think that means he wants to help you out.”

Lucifer nodded. “Indeed. How about a makeover, for starters...” he looked around the spacious but rather dismal interior of Ricky’s chop shop with his lips pursed slightly. “You’ve got a good amount of space in here, but it’s a bit dingy. We’ll clean it up a bit, give it a bit of chrome, get a bit more light in here, then you might be able to attract a better class of clientele than carjackers and shifty used car salesmen. I’ll direct some high profile clientele your way… of whom I’ll be first, of course, and then we’ll see. Deal?” He held out his hand to Ricky, who was staring at him, gobsmacked.

Ella kicked his foot and Ricky stuttered back to life. “Wow… holy shit… that’s… that would be amazing, I dunno what to say.”

Lucifer, still with his hand out, rolled his eyes and said impatiently. “Well, the usual thing to say is ‘deal’, followed by a handshake. I’ve got better things to do than stand around like a spare prick at a wedding.”

Ricky hurriedly took Lucifer’s hand and pumped it vigorously up and down. “Yes! Hell yes, _deal!_ Thank you, Mr Morningstar!”

Lucifer smiled and nodded, then moved away to mutter an aside to Ella, “Ricksta _does_ actually know what he’s doing, doesn’t he?”

Ella nodded and whispered back, “Of course. Knows everything there is to know about cars, racing, repairs, performance tuning, you name it. Come on, I would never have let you bring the Corvette here if I thought he’d bork it up!”

“Right,” Lucifer said, then added to Ricky, “Congratulations Ricksta, you’re now the Devil’s grease monkey, which means you're under my protection. I’ll take you under my wing, so to speak.” Lucifer smirked at the private joke and Ella smothered a grin. _I see what you did there._

"I have one condition," Lucifer added. "As requested, ‘keep your big trap shut’ about Ella’s racing exploits. It’s her business, not her family’s, and I have always disapproved of tattling siblings.” Ella totally wanted to high five him.

Ricky shrugged. “Sure, yeah… no problem, Lucifer. I can keep a secret.” Then he threw a sly look at his sister. “Speaking of secrets, did Ella ever tell you about the time she-”

There was a sudden squeal of tyres and a deafening bang as the small side access door crumpled inwards with a horrible metallic screech. An SUV’s headlights shone through the gap and a series of jubilant whoops came from outside.

“Knock, knock, motherfucker!”

“Get back, _nena!_ ” Ricky grabbed his sister’s shoulders and gave her a shove towards the back of the shop. Then he picked up his shotgun and strode forward to yell through the half broken door.

“You and your homies get outta here, Mancuso, or my little _mijo_ here will blow your fucking head off!”

In reply a bourbon bottle came whizzing through, narrowly missing Ricky’s head. It was half full of liquid with a lit length of rag stuffed in the neck, and just before it could hit the workbench and explode, Lucifer darted forward and snatched it from midair. Then he casually removed the rag and stomped out the flames. 

He looked over at Ella who was staring on in astonishment, and commented, “Mazikeen seems to be running a little late. Perhaps she’s slowing down in her old age.”

The SUV’s engine revved and metal squealed as the car reversed out of the door back into the street. Then Ricky dodged out of the way as it rammed the door again, knocking it off its hinges and flooding the garage in a bright glare from the headlights. It backed off again, the engine cut out and six men came through the busted door carrying assorted weapons. The first one had a shaved head and a scar running diagonally across his face; Mancuso. At six foot five and built like a tank he was even more physically imposing than Lucifer.

Ella saw Ricky swallow nervously and move to stand protectively in front of her, shotgun raised. She felt a powerful wave of love for her annoying little brother; she knew how scared he must be, but he was still looking out for her. She wanted to tell him everything was gonna be okay, but she stayed silent, observing.

Mancuso surveyed the inside of the garage with an unpleasant smile on his face, smacking a baseball bat into his palm. Then he levelled a dark look at Ricky. “Where’s my money, bitch?”

Before Ricky could answer Lucifer replied casually, “There’s nothing for you here, Freddy. I suggest you take your bat and your Little League team and run off home.”

Mancuso frowned at him, registering the English accent. “Who the fuck are you? His butler?”

Lucifer smiled. “His business partner.”

One of Mancuso’s gang reached up to tap his boss on the shoulder. He said nervously, “Hey Freddie, that’s Lucifer Morningstar, man. Maybe we should-”

Mancuso snorted. “The club owner?” He sauntered over to Lucifer, again slapping the baseball bat menacingly into his palm. “Lux, ain’t it? Nice place you got there, you must be loaded. Maybe you need some protection too; lot of scumbags out there just waiting for the chance to rip you off.” 

Lucifer shrugged. “They wouldn’t be stupid enough to try.” Then he smiled and gave Mancuso an appraising look. “Or would you?”

Mancuso swung the bat at Lucifer’s head. Lucifer almost casually blocked it and Ella gasped, expecting him to have sustained a broken arm, but he didn’t even react. Instead he let fly a right cross and knocked Mancuso out. As he fell Lucifer wrenched the bat from his hands and threw a challenging look at Mancuso's accomplices. 

There was a click as one of them cocked a pistol. Ella grabbed Ricky and dragged him with her behind some shelving, and they gaped as Lucifer smoothly pivoted and flung the baseball bat end over end, hitting the gunman right between the eyes. The man fell, his pistol going off, and the bullet hit the man next to him in the leg. He yelped and went down too. Lucifer straightened his cuffs and strode forward to take on the three that were left.

Ricky was blindsided. “Holy shit, Ella, what the Hell-?” he whispered in disbelief.

Ella grinned, enjoying herself immensely. Watching Lucifer let loose on these dirtbags was even better than watching a John Wick movie!

One flicked out a knife and lunged; Lucifer grabbed his forearm and twisted hard. There was a sickening crack and the man shrieked, and another man stepped up to punch Lucifer in the face. Lucifer’s head snapped sideways at the impact but he unconcernedly turned back then used the first guy’s hand, still holding the knife, to stab the second guy in the thigh. Then Lucifer grabbed them both by the scruffs of their necks and casually smashed their heads together, knocking them out cold. Meanwhile the last guy grabbed a tyre iron and started trying to hit Lucifer with it. 

Distracted by the fight, Ella and Ricky didn’t notice Mancuso until it was too late. He’d come to and snuck around the other end of the shelves, then yanked Ricky’s shotgun off him. He pushed both Ricky and Ella to the floor, then stood over them with the shotgun.

“Morningstar!” he shouted. “Step off!”

Lucifer had wrested the tyre iron from the thug and his fist was cocked ready to hit him, but he instantly stopped and looked over. He watched impassively as Mancuso lowered the muzzle of the shotgun to aim it at Ricky’s head.

“Back up,” snarled Mancuso. “Or I do some redecorating in here.”

The man beside Lucifer suddenly blurted, “Freddy, w-” Lucifer punched him in the face without even turning around and the guy dropped. Lucifer caught Mancuso's eye and grinned.

Mancuso scowled in fury and glared down at the two crouching on the floor. Just as he squeezed the trigger a shadowy figure darted in front of him, knocking the barrel toward the ceiling as it fired. A light fixture exploded and Ella and Ricky shielded their faces from raining shards of glass and plastic. 

They both watched on as a lithe, leather-clad figure springboarded off an axle stand to flip up and over Mancuso’s head like Black freakin’ Widow. The shotgun was wrenched away, then the figure twisted in midair and dived for the floor with her legs wrapped around Mancuso’s neck. Mancuso flew head over heels and landed hard on his back on the concrete with a yelp of agony.

“Argh!” he yelled. “My back! What’d you do to me?! I can’t feel my legs!”

Maze brushed herself off and threw him a cutting look. “Couple weeks in traction and you’ll be fine, Freddy. Don’t be such a crybaby.”

“I got rights!” Mancuso yelled. “You assaulted me! I’m gonna-”

Maze rolled her eyes and knocked him out with a kick to the head. Then she turned to Lucifer. “What was that you said about my old age?”

“You don’t look a day over fifteen thousand, Mazikeen,” Lucifer grinned disarmingly, sauntering over with his hands in his pockets. He added in a slightly miffed tone, “Thanks for the assist, especially considering Mancuso was supposed to be _your_ bounty in the first place. Where the Hell have you been? Getting your roots done?”

Maze sighed boredly. “I’ve been following them for like an hour. They went and got takeout first, then started a bar fight, then finally came here.”

Lucifer frowned at her. “So you figured you’d make _me_ do all the work, is that it?”

“I _like_ watching you work. It’s been a while.” Maze grinned, then at the look on Lucifer’s face she shrugged and added, “I figured we should get his buddies too. You know, catch ‘em all in the act. After all, even with Mancuso in jail it wouldn’t’ve stopped the rest of ‘em for long, would it?” She looked at Ella and Ricky and shrugged. “Consider it a bonus.” She headed over to start tying up her prey.

Meanwhile, Ricky was floored, gaping at Lucifer. “Holy shit!” he said. “I heard you were a badass but that was legit _mercenary!_ Are you, like, ex-special forces or something? I can see why nobody fucks with you.”

Lucifer smiled and raised an eyebrow. “On the contrary, they line up around the block to do _that_.”

Ricky gave a bark of laughter but shook his head. “No, I mean, I never seen anybody kick ass like that. That shit was _lit_.”

Ella tipped her head at Lucifer and smiled widely. “Well, he da king of Hell, right? He got _mad skillz_.”

Ricky huffed a laugh. “Yeah that’s right, shit, the Devil thing. That’s cool, bro.”

Lucifer regarded the unconscious bodies scattered around the garage. “I suppose we’d better call the Douche, get someone to come collect these miscreants. Including an ambulance for Drop Dead Freddy over there.”

Ella said, “What about you, Lucifer? Mancuso got you pretty good with the baseball bat. Want me to take a look?”

“No need, Miss Lopez,” Lucifer waved his arm around in demonstration. “It’s fine.”

Ella nodded, then walked over to give him a hug, wrapping her arms around him, including the arm in question, and squeezing hard. And he didn’t flinch; as she’d suspected, he hadn’t been hurt at all. 

“That was awesome, Lucifer! Thank you, you really saved our asses.” At Maze’s affronted snort she looked over and hastily added, “You totally did too, Maze. That flying headscissors takedown, oh my God that was _epic!_ ”

Maze nodded, pleased. “I like that move.”

Ricky called 9-1-1 and talked cars with Lucifer while Ella helped Maze tie up the rest of the gang, Ella unusually quiet as she processed what had just happened. She was still coming down from a massive adrenaline spike, both from having Ricky nearly killed in front of her and from finally seeing both Lucifer and Maze in action. She was also assimilating a new piece of information; Lucifer was invulnerable.

Freddy’s baseball bat should have broken his arm but he’d barely reacted, and he’d been utterly fearless even with a gun on him, like he didn’t care if he got shot. 

And yet she’d seen him with plenty of injuries at work. Not to mention he must’ve nearly bled to death when Malcolm Graham shot him. Maybe he had to consciously _will_ himself invulnerable, like those guys in the movie _Chronicle?_ Like, he could get hurt by accident or in an ambush, if he didn’t have his defences up? Ella shook her head. There never seemed to be an end to the questions where Lucifer was concerned.

The cops and ambos arrived, and before they took Mancuso and his crew away, sure enough Ricky wanted a selfie with Lucifer… with the gangsters in the background. Lucifer demurred.

“I can’t be seen in a photo with you looking like that, Ricksta, I have an image to maintain,” he said, indicating Ricky’s grease-and-oil-stained work clothes with disapproval. “But I’ll tell you what, I’ll put you on the VIP list at Lux. Once you've cleaned up, you can come by and get one anytime you like."

Ricky beamed. "Wow, Lux? I've never been there, I've heard it's the _shit_."

Ella nodded and said a little smugly, "It is."

Lucifer hummed. "And the perfect place for me to introduce you to some future clients, as it happens. I'll be back next week, so come by and we'll start talking details of your impending glow up, all right?"

Ricky thanked him again and they said their goodbyes and left, Ella dropping Lucifer off at Lux. Before she went home they took a quick trip up to the penthouse to get the SSCC pre-race packet that Lucifer had left forgotten on the coffee table, and when Ella got home she got stuck into prep, with Josie as her study buddy. 

She scoured the course notes and watched the DVD, getting more and more pumped for the race; she already knew a lot about it, but it was super cool to get the insider info. She was starting to get a really clear map in her head and she couldn’t _wait_ until Sunday morning.

\------------

The following afternoon:

Ella heard the familiar rev of a V8 from the street outside her apartment block, grabbed her bag and raced excitedly out the door. Lucifer was waiting for her, the car stereo blaring.

“Still surprised you went with the ‘Vette,” she called out, striding down the path. “I would’ve thought you’d go with the Aston, stand out more!”

Lucifer gave a dismissive flick of his fingers. “What are you talking about, Lopez? ‘Vettes look and sound the best and I stand out in anything.” He patted the steering wheel affectionately. “And besides, this old girl’s my favourite. We’ve been through a lot together.”

“Full disclosure," Ella announced loudly, throwing her overnight bag into the trunk and slamming it closed. "I have a not-so-healthy obsession with vintage cars. And there's just something reeeally special about this beauty… I _mean_..." 

She walked up and placed her hands on the passenger side door, drinking in the classic lines and luxurious interior with her eyes. "This _mint_ 1962 black-on-black Corvette Roadster, last year for the C1 but still packing a 327 cubic inch V8. Uhhh..." she moaned almost sensually, tracing her fingers lightly along the gleaming black paint job. "Every time! Every time, this car."

Lucifer rested his elbow on the driver’s side door and threw Ella a coy look. “Shall I leave you two alone?”

Ella shook her head. “I wouldn’t, dude. I’d never steal her, you know that, right, but… I’m coveting. I’m coveting my _ass_ off right now.” She threw him a playful look and giggled, “Lead me not into temptation!”

“Alright, that settles it.” He killed the engine and tossed her the keys. “You’re driving.”

Ella’s jaw dropped. “Are you for real? Like, really for real? I can drive her? All the way to _Vegas?!_ ”

“It IS what you desire, isn’t it?” He climbed out of the car and walked around the back of the Corvette to the passenger side.

Ella nodded furiously. “Hell _yeah_! I have the biggest, hardest ladyboner for this car, like, so, SO BAD…”

“Then it’s a no brainer. Besides,” he added with a seductive smile, “I like it when my girls get along.” He reached her and gave her a gentle push out of the way so that he could get at the door.

Ella took a couple of steps backward, her face lit with the excitement of a little kid on Christmas morning. “Are you sure, because my view is unless you drive a car like this really really fast, what’s the point?”

Lucifer grinned as he folded his long limbs into the passenger seat. “On _that_ point Miss Lopez, we are in 100% agreement.” He looked up at her with an expression of almost childlike glee on his face. “Go on. Have your way with her.”

Ella stared at him for a moment, then squealed and jumped into the air. “ _Hail Satan!_ ” she yelled, then they both started laughing as Ella bolted around the front of the car to the driver’s side. She had to crank the seat forward like a foot and a half and adjust all the mirrors, but once that was sorted she wriggled in her seat, luxuriating in the feel of the decadently rich leather upholstery.

“Look at me, I’m riding shotgun with the Devil,” Ella sang, giggling with delight as she ran her hands lovingly over the steering wheel.

“No, that’s not until Sunday,” corrected Lucifer with amusement. “The Devil’s riding shotgun with _you_.”

Ella beamed, looking back at him with barely restrained excitement, then finally turned the key in the ignition. She gave him a sultry look as the engine rumbled to life.

“Ohh, yeahh, yeah, that’s it, baby,” she crooned, revelling in the throaty growl of the Corvette’s V8. With the ease of long practise she smoothly put the car in gear and returned Lucifer’s knowing grin. “Enough foreplay,” she murmured. She stepped on the gas and released the clutch and they shot forward down her street, engine roaring. Ella changed up a gear and they took the first corner almost sideways, Ella whooping and steering confidently into the turn and Lucifer chuckling approvingly. “Aren’t we the little hellion on wheels!” He raised his flask to the road ahead. “Sin City here we come!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well-! What's going to happen next? ;)  
> \- Again, lots of canon references and shoutouts!  
> 'En garde!', the blue grappling dummy in the girls' apartment & the sushi shirts - 314 My Brother's Keeper  
> Lucifer getting a throwing axe through the sternum (the dummy anyway) - 402 SBR Dante's Inferno  
> Maze's snarl to Trixie - Maze snarling at real Charlotte's kid in 205 Weaponiser  
> 'pudding snuff movie case' - 305 Welcome Back Charlotte Richards  
> the mention of the club Whisky a Go-Go - 214 Candy Morningstar  
> mention of ZX3 - 213 A Good Day to Die  
> Ella hooking her fingers into little horns, & bits of the fight scene - 401  
> 'We're closed!'/'my little mijo' - 326 Once Upon a Time. Also the twist where Ricky's now his mechanic like AU!Ella was in that episode  
> 'He da king of Hell' - 410 Who Da King of Hell?  
> Maze's hand in Ella's face mirrors the Goddess' hand in Ella's face in 217 Sympathy for the Goddess  
> \- Pudding's back! One or two of you had asked after him - I made a note to thank you for the suggestion but I frickin lost it! DOH - but thank you anyway! You know who you are :)  
> \- the Murnarr reference was from the Hellblazer Wiki.  
> \- Maze ranting about cat crap stinking 'worse than the foulest reeking depths of Hell' is me when I'm clearing landmines from our cat Shady's litter tray. GAH! I only *wish* I could teach him to use the loo. And Pudding being an annoying noisy pest when demanding to be fed was a nod to my first childhood cat, Rabbit. He was VERY vocal, especially about his food :'D  
> \- When Trixie said 'can cats cry' I was quoting my youngest son who asked me this question a few months ago, and he's the same age as Trixie in this fic :) For the record I don't think cats can cry, but I did find out that they can fart. Even though they probably don't want you to know that.  
> \- Ella having a bat'leth, aka a traditional Klingon weapon, is a reference to an earlier fic of mine, Hail Mary. I like to think she has one, and that she has protracted battles with Trixie with it on the regular.  
> \- The Silver State Classic Challenge is actually held in September in real life but I needed it to be in May. So I swapped it with the Nevada Open Road Challenge which is its sister race that starts and ends in Ely. Fuck it, this is an alternative universe :)  
> \- estúpido menso = stupid goofball. Menso is more of an affectionate insult.  
> \- Me vale madres = I don't give a shit  
> \- cállate = shut up  
> \- nena = an endearment meaning 'little girl', but sometimes it sticks beyond childhood and women can be called that their entire lives by family members. I picture everyone calling Ella that because she was the only girl.  
> \- I also found out 'my little mijo', which is dialogue lifted straight from 326 Once Upon a Time, means 'my little son', which is what AU!Ella also called her shotgun.  
> \- 'Knock knock, motherfucker' is a reference to The Bloggess and Beyonce Chicken. ...Have fun googling that one!  
> \- Fred Mancuso is the name of the actor who played the huge scar-faced bounty in the body brace who gets interviewed by Deckerstar in 319 Orange is the New Maze. He is in fact 6'5", as well as a combat veteran... definitely not a wuss like Mancuso!  
> \- The car race idea was inspired by the amazing Grym - specifically her comment on my aforementioned Hail Mary story regarding Lucifer and Ella and her ‘practically lustful’ reaction to the Corvette, and there being a story to tell there. I have always kept it in mind and I’ve loved writing this, so thank you dear!  
> \- A bunch of stuff Ella said about the Corvette I've pinched from Aimee Garcia's Instastories. Along with a bunch of slang and whatnot - she's a veritable treasure trove of Ella-isms :)  
> \- Also found a cool thing about Luci's Corvette at https://jalopnik.com/lucifers-cars-are-fine-but-we-fixed-them-1835205885  
> \- Hope you enjoyed! My next chapter is about half finished, but then the last two are fully done. And have been for months, d'oh. But what that means is the final two will be posted over two consecutive weeks without you having to wait ages. Have a good week, guys xxx


	16. Speed Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella and Lucifer pre-game in Vegas in the lead up to the race, and things get a little kuh-razy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry slightly late Christmas everyone! And a happy 2021 too, as this story is completed and will be all uploaded before New Year's. :D Thank you all for sticking with me and for your lovely helpful feedback, and I hope you all had a lovely Chrissy, even if you were unable to travel this year. Stay safe! xxx  
> PS I've gone back to putting all my end notes straight in, but I do want to engage in the comments with you about references and so on! So maybe skip reading the end notes til after you've commented? If you like :)  
> PPS I only just managed to come in under the 5000 character limit for my end note, a new personal record, and that was after considerable faffing and editing!

**WEDNESDAY NIGHT**

Ella had done the road trip to Vegas many times but this one was hands down beating all of them. Driving a gorgeous vintage car through the Wild West with the stereo blasting, chatting about everything and nothing with a friend who liked talking as much as she did, and with an entire weekend of quality time with Nick and fast cars to look forward to was a dream come true. The four hour trip flew by.

After sunset the neon of the Strip rose out of the desert ahead of them like a lighthouse from a dark ocean as they approached the city. Lucifer checked himself into the penthouse suite at the Bellagio; he’d offered to get the adjoining Tower Room for Ella and Nick but Ella had politely declined; she knew the kinds of shenanigans Lucifer would probably be getting up to and it wasn’t her kinda scene. And it _definitely_ wasn’t Nick’s. She snorted to herself at the thought of Nick walking in on the kinds of wild sexploits Lucifer was always boasting about; Nick would probably have a stroke.

After Ella finished exclaiming over the eye-popping view, racing around exploring the luxurious and colourfully styled art décor rooms and bouncing on the enormous king bed, she took over the Italian marble bathroom. She changed into a light blue one-shoulder dress with a thigh split and gave her hair and makeup a touch of evening glam.

When she finally emerged Lucifer gave her an appreciative up-and-down. “Well, well, well, don’t you look ravishing! Poor Nicholas won’t know what hit him. You’d better put your hoodie back on or he won’t recognise you.”

Ella scoffed in amusement and did a slow turn, swishing the skirt and flipping her unbound hair over her bare shoulder. “I wore girl clothes on our first date to Lux but otherwise he’s only seen me dressed for work and camping. Can’t exactly get your glitter on when you’re stuck in a lab or wandering around in the desert.” Then she giggled. “Unless you're in Vegas, I guess, or driving a big ass lavender bus named Priscilla.”

Lucifer got up from the couch where he’d long-demolished the mini bar and walked over. “Your ‘glitter’ comes from within, Miss Lopez,” he said reassuringly. “And I have no doubt that should you even go about in a hessian sack Nicholas would still consider you the most gorgeous creature on Dad’s green Earth.” He chivalrously proffered his elbow. “Shall we?”

Ella took it with a radiant smile (after first hitting him for giving her such a cheesy but sweet compliment) and they headed downstairs, enjoying the short stroll around the lake to the Strip. By the time they got to _Fletcher’s_ just before seven Nick was there waiting. Ella let go of Lucifer’s arm and dodged along the crowded sidewalk straight into Nick’s arms.

“Hey, El,” murmured Nick, holding her close as she put her arms around his neck. “I missed you.” They kissed, soft and chaste but with the promise of more, then stepped back to look each other over.

“Wow,” said Nick with a big dumb smile on his face. “You look _amazing_.”

Ella beamed, her stomach full of butterflies. “So do you, babe.” On their first date to Lux he’d been presentable in jeans and a collared shirt but tonight he had a much more tailored look, wearing a dark shirt and trousers and even his hair styled. Ella stole a glance at Lucifer, suspecting he might’ve passed on some fashion advice and wasn’t surprised to see him looking a bit smug.

Lucifer and Nick shook hands and did the manly back slap/shoulder hug thing, then Lucifer jerked his head and started into _Fletcher’s_. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll introduce you to the wife.”

Nick did a double take as they fell into step beside him. “Wait, you’re _married?_ Since when?”

“Since for a week last year,” put in Ella.

“Ah, _two_ weeks,” corrected Lucifer firmly. Ella shrugged and Lucifer went on, “Candy and I are still legally married - it takes a whole year for a divorce to come through, did you know that?”

They walked in and the place was already packed. The house lights were down with only the glow of small lamps on each of the dining tables, and a spotlight illuminated a lone singer up on stage. She was singing a heartfelt rendition of _Son of a Preacher Man_ by Dusty Springfield.

“There’s the missus now,” said Lucifer with a proud smile, his eyes on the singer.

_Being good isn't always easy_

_No matter how hard I try_

_When he started sweet-talkin' to me_

_He'd come and tell me ‘Everything is alright’_

Candy was stunning, with a voice to match. Cascading curls of pink-tipped blonde hair spilled across her bare shoulders and she was sultry as Jessica Rabbit in a slinky red evening gown. 

Ella skewered her with a dark glare, determined to hate her. _She’s sure “sweet talkin’” to that microphone, practically deep throating the thing_ , she thought uncharitably. Then she checked herself. 

Candy wasn’t the enemy; she wasn’t trying to steal Lucifer from Chloe. She lived in Vegas, had her own life, and she wasn’t what was coming between Chloe and Lucifer. Her and Lucifer would soon be divorced. Why she’d married Lucifer in the first place was still a mystery however, and it’d sure punched a hole in the good ship Deckerstar last year. Maybe tonight she’d be able to find out what it was all about. 

_The only one who could ever reach me_

_Was the son of a preacher man_

_The only boy who could ever teach me_

_Was the son of a preacher man yes he was, he was, ooh yes he was_

_The sweet talkin’ son of a preacher man..._

When the song ended the club burst into cheers and applause. The house lights came back up and Lucifer put thumb and forefinger into his mouth to let out a piercing wolf whistle. Candy’s head turned and she spotted him waving at her, then dashed down the stage stairs and into his arms, a huge smile on her face.

“Lucifer!” she exclaimed, hugging him and going up on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “You didn’t tell me you were coming!”

Lucifer hugged her back, smiling warmly. “I told Allie so she’d reserve us a table, but I swore her to secrecy so I could surprise you.” He added slyly, “That was quite a performance, Candy; very moving. I bet there’s not a dry seat in the house.”

“Aw honey, that’s so sweet,” giggled Candy, and Ella laughed as well. Nick, meanwhile, looked slightly scandalised. 

Lucifer swept his arm at the other two. “I’ve brought an entourage this time, dear; may I present Ella Lopez, forensics boffin and weekend Mad Max, and Nicholas Gonzalez, the Mojave’s answer to Crocodile Dundee.” 

“Nice to meet you both. Candy Morningstar,” said Candy with a wry grin, shaking each of their hands in turn. Then Ella went in for a hug as well and while she was surprised Candy promptly returned it, then laughed, “I’m Mrs Morningstar for another couple months, anyway. Pity - I kinda like the sound of it.”

Ella stepped back and smiled at the other woman, liking her already. “It’s so great to finally meet you, Candy, I didn’t get the chance back in LA, although I’ve heard a lot about you. I know you helped solve a case, which is pretty awesome!”

Nick’s eyebrows shot up as he glanced between Candy and Lucifer. “Don’t tell me you’re a club owner-turned- cop-consultant as well?”

Lucifer seemed to think that was a fantastic idea. “Ooh, yes! You’d be brilliant at it Candy!” He nudged her playfully. “Team up with some hotshot Vegas gumshoe, detectiving by day and diva-ing by night-”

Candy raised her hands in swift rebuttal and shook her head, blonde/pink curls bouncing. “Nope, uh-uh, no _way_ , I’ve got enough on my plate. Besides, Luce, your job is waaay too dangerous! Hearing about some of the insane situations you’ve got yourself into I am NOT about to sign up for anything like that. I worry enough about _you_ getting shot at and poisoned and whatever else goes on over in LA!”

Nick’s eyebrows climbed even higher and he looked at Lucifer and Ella in disbelief. “What? _Poisoned?_ ” When he’d been a cop the dangers were mostly run-of-the-mill shootouts and getting punched by junkies.

Lucifer shook his head. “Not me.” Then added soothingly to Candy, “It all turned out alright... eventually, didn’t it? Not to worry, Candy darling, your devilish hubby can take care of himself.” He straightened his cuffs then, sighed, and looked wistfully over at the bar. “But my flask ran out hours ago and the mini bar in my room barely touched the sides. I’m in desperate need of Juddy’s TLC...” His big brown eyes looked beseechingly at Candy. 

Her face split into a grin. “Poor baby, dying of thirst. Come on, let’s get you a drink.”

They walked over to the bar where an older man with short salt-and-pepper hair and beard and warm blue eyes was polishing glasses. Lucifer greeted him like an old friend.

“Juddy!” Lucifer turned to his companions and added, “Miss Lopez, Nicholas, this is Judd, Candy’s psychic bar manager.” Ella did a double take but quickly realised Lucifer was joking.

“How’ve you been, Juddy? Staying out of trouble, I hope?” said Lucifer conversationally.

“Hey Lucifer. Long time no see,” said Judd, smiling widely. “Business is booming, the club’s doing just great. Now what can I get you folks?” He seemed a nice guy, keeping up a friendly flow of chatter as he fixed their drinks but Ella noticed spots of darker Subtles in his aura that hinted at something destructive. She shrugged it off.

 _Everybody’s got their vices,_ she thought with a sigh. _Especially in Vegas._

They ate dinner together, Candy occasionally flitting off to do the owner thing, but for the most part she seemed to have the club running pretty autonomously. After dinner she ascended to the stage to do a musical number, and to Lucifer’s delight she invited him to join her. Judging by the crowd’s enthusiastic reaction it wasn’t the first time they’d performed together, and Lucifer seemed right at home on _Fletchers’_ stage.

Ella wasn’t familiar with the songs but they were all about Vegas. The first one was apparently by ‘Bazza’ Manilow, according to Lucifer's intro, and had a very definite cabaret quality to it. With Lucifer playing piano and Candy on vocals, reclining seductively atop the baby grand they looked like something straight outta The Fabulous Baker Boys. Between Candy the sexy songstress and Lucifer the hottie musician Ella had to admit they were quite a team.

_Here's to Las Vegas,_

_It's one of a kind,_

_Here's to the smiles all around_

_Neons are flashing_

_'Bout music and passion_

_All over town_

The next one was more modern and the two of them cosied up side by side at the piano, taking turns singing to each other. Listening to the lyrics Ella had to smile and wonder whether it was Lucifer’s song choice and he was being cute.

_Singing of a famous street_

_I want to love, I've all the wrong glory_

_But is it Heaven or Las Vegas?_

_But you're much more brighter than the sun is to me_

When their set finished and they laughingly shared a bow Ella had another one of those moments of absolute surreality; the Devil was here, on Earth, in a random bar in Vegas, _entertaining people_ over porterhouse steaks and crab legs.

And she wondered, for the hundredth time, how could somebody so fun and free-spirited have ever been in charge of a place like Hell? Ella just couldn’t see it. Either way, she was so happy for him that he had a real life now, and that all that bad shit was behind him.

\---------------

While Lucifer and Nick caught up, Ella and Candy got acquainted. Ella really liked Candy and could see what had drawn Lucifer to her. From what Ella could see, Candy had no idea who Lucifer really was but she was also a very shrewd lady, very perceptive. She could’ve been faking, but Ella saw nothing in her aura - vibrant extroverted gold with threads of analytical yellow - to indicate deception.

A couple of drinks and some animated conversation about their respective adventures in Vegas later Ella decided to ask Candy the question she was _really_ dying to know.

“So dude, I know it’s none of my biz, but why’d you guys get married?”

Candy’s mouth quirked in a lopsided grin. “Vegas! You know how it is.”

Ella smiled. “Yep, Vegas be crazy.” Then she pressed, “But then you didn’t get it annulled, you stayed married. And then you went with Lucifer to LA.”

Candy gave a tiny shrug. “Lucifer wanted me to meet his mom. She was on his back a bit so we held off applying for divorce for a couple weeks so I could go work a little magic.”

“Oh.” Ella nodded silently. His _mom_. _The Goddess_. “Yeah, I met his mom. She’s kinda…”

“Intense?” Candy offered, raising one eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Ella agreed tactfully. “Let’s go with that.” 

Candy snorted softly. “Yeah. I could see why Lucifer needed backup. She was a little neurotic and controlling, but I could tell she genuinely cared about him.” Before Ella could prod for further details Candy tipped her head at Nick, who was laughing at something Lucifer said and asked, “How long have you two been together?”

Ella smiled fondly at Nick. “About a month and a half. But we’ve been mostly calling, FaceTiming, texting and stuff. Technically this is only our fourth date. But we did spend most of a weekend together early on which kinda… _supercharged_ things, if you know what I’m saying...” Ella grabbed a table napkin and jokingly fanned her crotch with it.

Candy laughed, then threw Nick an appreciative look. She whispered with feeling, “Nice _work_.”

Ella grinned. “I _know_ , dude. I can barely believe it myself.”

Candy went on in a sympathetic tone, “Must be hard, though, Lucifer said Nick worked in the Mojave?”

Ella sighed and sipped her drink. “Yeah, based in Baker.” On impulse she added casually, “No harder than it would’ve been if you’d stayed hitched to Lucifer. You know, with him being an angel…” she trailed off meaningfully, then threw Candy a sly look and amended, _‘.._. _Angeleno._ ”

Candy snort laughed as she regarded her husband, who’d taken Nick up to the bar to cadge more alcohol from Judd. “Lucifer an angel... Jesus, there’s a picture! If there was a patron saint of distilling, it’d be him.”

Ella laughed and filed the information away; she was almost positive that Candy was clueless about being Satan’s bride. Then Nick caught her eye and winked at her. She smiled and blew him a kiss back.

“We’re learning how tough long distance relationships can be,” she said. “But since tourism slows down in the Mojave over the summer Nick’s gonna be working in LA. I’m so psyched!”

“Has he got anything lined up yet?”

Ella nodded. “He’ll be working for the LAPD again, but as a civilian. One of his cop buddies got him the inside dope on a keeper’s position going with the Mounted Unit in Atwater Village. Nick’s the outdoorsy type and he’s really excited about working with animals, and he’ll be running tours and trail rides too which is great because he loves showing people cool stuff. He’s a really great teacher.”

Candy blew out a breath and fanned herself with one hand. “Hot guys and horses… two of my favourite things. I might need to come do a tour myself.”

Ella giggled. “Yeah, get in line.” Then she sighed and ran her finger around the rim of her glass, watching Nick. “And in the meantime, quality over quantity, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that crap, right?”

Candy reached out to briefly grasp Ella’s hand in sympathy. “Distance relationships are hard, but when they’re worth it, you make it work. Now don’t get me wrong,” she added hastily, “Lucifer is _absolutely_ worth it, but we’re just good friends. We want different things.” Candy again looked over at Lucifer, still chatting with Nick and Judd, and frowned slightly. 

“Lucifer…” She blew out a breath suddenly. “For somebody who always goes after what he wants and never met a temptation he could refuse, Lucifer sure seems to have trouble figuring out _what_ he wants sometimes.” She threw Ella an exasperated look. “ _Men_.”

Ella gave Candy a knowing look. “You mean Chloe, right?”

Candy leaned a little closer. “You know about her?” She added drolly, “‘The _Detective’_?”

Ella rolled her eyes. “OH YEAH. Who do you think has to put up with them making moon eyes at each other all the time?” She scoffed in vexation. “I wish they’d stop messing around and just get together already, it’s been one bummer after another with those two. Has Lucifer said anything to you about it?”

Candy shrugged. “When I first met him he was a hot mess over her and we spent a couple hours talking it out. It didn’t make much sense to me, he said there was some kinda problem with his dad..? I didn’t really get it -”

Ella perked up. _Lucifer’s DAD?_ What did God have to do with it? Had he banned angels and humans hooking up or something? No that couldn’t be it, because of Amenadiel and Linda. They’d been getting pretty serious, Amenadiel had pretty much moved into Linda’s place. Although… did he even _have_ a home?

“-but I do remember that he seemed crazy about her,” Candy finished. “I did what I could while I was in LA but I’m kinda outta the loop, you know?”

Ella sighed heavily and finished her drink. “Tell me about it.”

\----------

It was after midnight. 

All the other punters had left and Candy was sorting the day’s takings and marshalling the troops to clean and prep _Fletcher’s_ for the next day. Nick had disappeared to take a last minute call about morning registrations, and Lucifer was making himself useful by staying out of the way and finishing off another bottle of Scotch with Ella at the bar.

Ella rested her head on the bartop. “ _Ando bien pedo_...” she mumbled.

Lucifer gave her a confused frown and repeated, “‘I am very… fart’?”

Ella gave a bark of laughter and lifted her head. “ _Drunk!_ I’m very drunk. Well, kinda drunk… I mean, _fart_ … I reckon, like, half fart.” She snorted with amusement.

“Again with the farts,” Lucifer said, slightly exasperated. “What is _with_ this Mexican obsession with breaking wind? Is it all the spicy bean tacos?”

Ella rolled her eyes. “What’s the big deal? You say being drunk is ‘pissed’. Why are farts worse than piss?”

Lucifer cocked his head thoughtfully, then conceded, “You have a point.” Then he grinned. “You could always combine them both like Australians do and say you’re _pissed as a fart._ ” He pronounced it with a surprisingly authentic Aussie drawl - fart sounded like _fahht_ \- and Ella thought it was hilarious. She chortled, “Did you hear that on a Hemsworth Insta or something?”

Lucifer shook his head and sipped his whiskey. “No, I heard it while I was taking a break there.”

“Whaaat?” Ella was intrigued at the prospect of more of Satan’s backstory and eagerly leaned forward. “When was this?”

“Oh, shortly before I moved to California. I spent most of a week nearly comatose on Scarborough Beach in Western Australia, then headed to LA for the weather, the Mexican food and the porn stars.”

“What did you do ‘downundah’?” Ella made a valiant attempt at an Aussie accent and failed miserably.

Lucifer sipped his drink, a nostalgic look in his eyes. “Lay in the sun and drank, mostly. And shagged. Seemed to be the thing to do. Swam in the Indian Ocean, ate some of the best seafood I’d ever had… chilli mussels, kingfish, scallops… and their fish and chips rivals anything you’ll get in a British chippy.” He sighed wistfully. “Ooh, lovely.”

“See anything else while you were down there?” Ella grinned and playfully poked his arm. “Meet any Tasmanian Devils? As opposed to English ones?”

Lucifer made a soft sound of amusement and shook his head. “Not on that trip, no. But they do have a palm-sized spiky lizard they call a ‘thorny devil’, something like a demonic Pokémon but completely harmless. Found some rather impressive balls named after me too.”

Ella’s eyebrows went up. “Balls?”

“Massive granite boulders scattered across the middle of nowhere. According to one legend they’re the eggs of the Rainbow Serpent who created the world, but Europeans called them ‘the Devil’s Marbles’.” He made a disparaging sound. “Bit of an underwhelming name if you ask me - as if I’d trifle with _marbles_.”

Ella grinned and prompted, “What would you have called ‘em, then?”

Lucifer took a sip of his drink, smiling into his glass. “ _The Devil’s Bollocks_ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“I’d like to see _that_ on a tourism brochure,” Ella snickered. ‘ _Come get a selfie between the Devil’s Bollocks’.”_

Lucifer smirked. “Think it could work on a billboard for _Lux_?” Then he sighed in mock chagrin. “The _actual_ Devil’s bollocks are depressingly average by comparison. Nowhere near six metres in diameter and don’t even glow red at sunset.” 

Ella dissolved into laughter and Lucifer smiled in a self-congratulatory way as he finished off his drink.

There was a lull in the conversation while Lucifer sloshed more Scotch into his glass and Ella watched him, wondering... was now the time to come clean? 

It was as good a time as any; he was in a good mood and she was feeling a little Dutch courage from the margaritas. Not that there was ever a ‘good’ time to tell a friend that you’d been sneaking around on them and had found out their secret...

How to break it to him, though? Talk hypotheticals, crack a joke or two, then get serious and say she knew it was all true? 

Or maybe just spit it right out, just rip off the band-aid. _I know you’re the Devil, Lucifer. Like, legit THE Devil, for real. But it’s okay, I know we got you all wrong._

She cleared her throat. 

_Do it._

“Um, Lucifer?”

“Mm?” Lucifer turned expectantly and Ella took a deep breath.

_Just say it. Don’t be a chickenshit._

“Uh, I’ve got something to tell you. I-”

Lucifer’s phone suddenly started up with a ringtone of Yazoo’s _Only You_. Lucifer smiled at the screen and said apologetically, “Well that’s abominable timing. Please excuse me, Miss Lopez, I’ve been waiting for this call. Rain check?”

Ella shrugged. Truth be told, she was relieved. And yeah, she was a chickenshit. 

She got up to go. “It’s cool. I gotta go dehydrate and freshen up anyway. Say hi to Chlo’ for me...” She threw Lucifer a knowing smile as she walked off. 

He picked up the call. “Hello, Detective,” he said happily.

“Hi Lucifer.” He could hear the smile in her voice and it made his stomach go all warm and fluttery. It also heightened the empty sensation in his chest, a feeling he knew very well; longing. He’d felt it every day of his countless thousands of years in Hell between each treasured escape to Earth, and even though it’d only been twenty-seven-and-a-half hours since he’d seen the Detective, it felt like an eternity.

“Sorry to be calling so late, Lucifer-” Chloe said.

“Detective please,” interrupted Lucifer with a laugh. “This isn’t late. And don’t apologise for keeping your promise to me. Whatever the hour I’m always delighted to hear your voice.”

Chloe was silent for a moment then answered, “Me too, Lucifer. I can’t help wishing you were here.”

Lucifer, feeling the emptiness squeeze a little harder, pushed it firmly away and said brightly, “So, how’s Oregon? Has Penelope driven you to drinking in the woods yet?”

“Oh Mom’s been great,” replied Chloe dryly. “And shocker, she managed to get Trixie in the movie.”

Lucifer chuckled. “Mama Decker strikes again. I assume the Spawn approves, else she’d have flat out refused to take any part in it.”

His partner made a chuffing sound. “She does, she’s having a great time. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s hustling to get her own series. Mom’s loving it too, and I gotta give it to her, she _is_ a really good manager. And much as I didn’t want it for myself, I think the two of them would make a great team.”

Lucifer hummed. “Well if she decides she wants to go for it, just let me know and I’ll call in some favours.”

The line fell silent for a moment, then Chloe said, “To get her in movies?”

Lucifer shrugged. “If that’s what she wanted. But a TV series would be just as good, if not better. It’s quite astonishing what they can do on TV these days. The hours can be diabolical, though, or so I’m told.”

When Chloe spoke her tone was unenthusiastic. “Hm, I dunno. She’s a bit young, and I don’t see her enough as it is...” She abruptly cleared her throat and changed the subject. “So - Mom’s seeing someone.”

Lucifer was intrigued. “Really? Who’s the lucky fellow?”

“James, her new manager since about six months ago. I think it’s why she invited me and Trixie to come up here; she wanted us to meet him. I think it’s serious. Well, serious for Mom, anyhow.”

Lucifer nodded. “And what’s your verdict? Does Jimbo get the stamp of approval?”

“Yeah, he does. He makes Mom happy, we get along pretty well, and Trixie thinks he’s really cool - apparently he knows a guy who knows one of the guys who cast _High School Musical_. And no red flags - I got Dan to run a background check on him.”

Lucifer grinned. Of course she did. “Would you like for me to vet him as well? You know one simple question could be all it would take, Detective.”

Chloe hummed thoughtfully. “Never say never. But for now… it’s fine. Thank you.”

“Very well,” said Lucifer, then added brightly, “Miss Lopez says hello - we’re in Vegas with Nicholas, just finishing up at Candy’s for the night.”

Chloe laughed. “Yeah, I saw! Ella videoed some of your songs and put them in her Instastories. I’m sorry I missed it, you guys were great.”

Lucifer smiled. “Another time, perhaps. This town’s always up for an encore.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Chloe fell silent for a moment and Lucifer’s sharp hearing picked up something that sounded like a muffled yawn. He glanced at the time and saw that it was nearly one in the morning. After her early flight this morning the Detective must be exhausted.

“Well, it’s getting very late, I really should let you get some sleep,” he said reluctantly.

“You just said it wasn’t late,” Chloe pointed out.

“Not late for _me_ ,” corrected Lucifer. “You’ve probably got your head on Penelope’s kitchen table by now.”

“I do not,” said Chloe with mock defensiveness, then she giggled. “I’m already in bed.”

(Lucifer bit his tongue at a vision of the Detective sprawled across crisp sheets; would she be wearing pajamas? A silk nightie? _Or maybe she’s naked...stop it._ ) 

Slightly flustered, he blurted, “Well, I’d better let you get to it. Uh, to sleep, I mean.” He cleared his throat. “Um, say hello to Beatrice and Penelope for me tomorrow, won’t you. And remember, Detective - if you need me, all you need do is call.”

“I know. And thanks, Lucifer.” He heard her scoff into the receiver. “But we’re really not likely to get into much trouble up here; Mom’s taking us to a day spa in the morning. If we stick to mani pedis and facials I’ll be okay but I might send out an SOS if she tries to get me in a mud bath...”

Again Lucifer bit his tongue, this time at the arresting mental image of the Detective slippery with mud. With an effort he forced all thoughts of mud wrestling - not to mention facials - from his mind, and tried to get himself together and focus on what his partner was saying.

“...and they’ll probably throw a fit at the state of my nails.” Then Chloe’s light tone changed to one of concern. “But talking about needing help, I’m more worried about you. You and Ella are the ones who’ll be tearing up and down the highway like the Dukes of Hazzard this weekend.”

“Not to worry, Detective, you know I won’t let anything happen to our favourite nerd.”

“Yeah, I know,” replied Chloe. “That’s kinda what worries me.”

“Hm?” Lucifer frowned. “I don’t follow.”

He heard his partner sigh. “Let’s just say you being in Vegas, putting yourself in risky situations… makes me a little jumpy. I know you’re invulnerable and everything, but there’s more than one way to get in trouble.”

Lucifer still didn’t understand. “Is this about my wings? I told you they’re back under control when I have sex now, no more feathery ejaculations. And as for nocturnal emissions I kick everyone out for the night so there’s no need to fret about that either.”

On the other end of the line Chloe suppressed the frustration she always felt when Lucifer discussed his sex life. She wouldn’t mind so much if he wasn’t still steadfastly excluding _her_ from it, on the pretext that her feelings for him weren’t real.

“No, it’s not about your wings exactly. It’s just…” she let out a sigh, then said bluntly, “I worry that you’ll do something stupid.”

“Stupid?”

“Yeah, you know; reckless. Thoughtless. Harebrained. The usual.”

“I prefer ‘devil-may-care’,” Lucifer responded airily.

“You know I love having you as my partner and you’re like my secret weapon and everything, but I _do_ have to do a lot of damage control where you’re concerned-”

“What damage control?”

“- and you tend to do things without thinking them through. I guess I just feel better when I can keep an eye on you.”

“ _Pssh_ ,” Lucifer said dismissively. “It’s only four days, Detective, I’m a big Devil. I managed just fine on my own for five _years_ before partnering up with you, remember. And eons before that.”

Chloe snorted. “ _On your own?_ Come on. You had Maze looking after you!”

Lucifer grunted. “That doesn’t mean what you think it does. But my point is you needn’t worry, I’ve got a lot more experience at blending in with humans these days. My life here has been one long covert op, after all; James Bond has got nothing on me.”

“Uh-huh,” Chloe responded.

The Detective’s voice was neutral, but Lucifer nevertheless got the impression of a particularly robust eye roll. Then he heard another, this time very definite yawn.

“You need to go to sleep,” he said firmly.

“Mmph.”

“Goodnight, Detective.”

“Goodnight, Lucifer,” Chloe said reluctantly. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

Lucifer ended the call then just stood staring at his phone for a long moment. Then he sighed and slipped it back in his pocket, and emptied the last of the Scotch into his glass. He called out toward the office where Candy and Nick were.

“Nearly done, Candy Dish?”

“Coming, Hot Stuff,” Candy yelled back.

Lucifer smirked and said playfully, “Naughty! And here I thought you were supposed to be working!” 

He heard Candy snort, then she emerged from the doorway at the end of the bar, jacket and bag slung over her arm. She nodded at Lucifer’s drink. “Where’s mine?”

In reply Lucifer smiled, fetched another bottle and poured her a glass - topping up his own at the same time - and they sat companionably together at the bar.

Candy rolled her neck and sighed. “Going to Ely with Ella and Nick tomorrow?”

Lucifer put his hand on his heart in mock hurt. “Trying to get rid of me already?”

Candy smiled and shook her head. “Far from it. I’d love it if you could swing staying for tomorrow night’s session? I had a lot of fun performing with you tonight, we brought the house down.”

Lucifer leaned on the bar and grinned. “A return engagement sounds lovely. And I was planning on staying a bit longer anyway. I’m nowhere near done with Las Vegas yet.”

Candy huffed a laugh. “That almost sounds like a threat.”

Lucifer threw her an impish smile and was about to reply when he noticed someone walking toward them from the back of the room. It was Judd. Lucifer raised his whisky glass and called out cheerfully, “Juddy’s back! Decided to join us for a drink, old boy?”

Judd didn’t smile. He stopped thirty feet away, his expression hard, then he pulled a gun from the back of his waistband. “I’m sorry, but this place is mine now.” 

Candy’s eyes widened as she saw the gun and she instinctively shrank back. Judd wanted the club? “Judd? What the Hell! What are you doing?”

Judd’s face twisted and he aimed the gun right at her. “What I have to do.”

Candy didn’t see Lucifer move, but suddenly he was in front of her, shielding her. She peeked out from behind him and stammered, “You… you can’t do this, Judd. We’ve always worked _Fletcher’s_ together! You were like a son to Dad… like a big brother to me!”

Judd’s face contorted with anger and resentment. “But it’s not my name on the deed is it? And now you’ve married this asshole it’s more his than it ever was mine!”

Candy shook her head, still in disbelief. “But why would you do this?”

Judd’s gun hand was shaking. “I started gambling again. I’m drowning in debt!”

Candy stammered, “Why didn’t you just come to me if you needed money?”

Lucifer added sternly, “Or me, for that matter?”

Judd brandished the gun at Lucifer and said angrily, “YOU! You’re the reason I’m in this mess in the first place! The first time you came in here you got wasted and tipped me that massive wad of cash - I couldn’t help myself, I took it to the tables! This is all your fault!”

To Candy’s surprise Lucifer gave a bark of derisive laughter. “Right. Of course. Sitting on your shoulder, was I? Leading you by the nose into trouble?” He scowled. “Interesting, isn’t it, how I was able to remote-tempt you all the way from Los Angeles, Juddy, you pathetic little Judas-”

“Shut up!” Judd yelled, and tightened his grip on the gun. Then he suddenly swung his arm across to point the gun at Nick, who’d just appeared in the doorway at the end of the bar.

“What’s all the- _whoah!_ ” Nick saw Judd and instinctively reached for his hip, but of course he didn’t carry anymore. He rallied quickly and put his hands up, then said calmly, “Judd, man, come on. Let’s talk. You don’t wanna do this.”

Judd seemed to wilt slightly, then he braced himself and retorted, “No, I don’t, but I have to. There’s no other way.”

Candy’s mind was racing, but all she could think about was how you were far more likely to be murdered by somebody you knew than by a complete stranger. Never in a million years had she thought Judd could turn on her like this, despite his problems. Was he really going to kill her? Kill all of them?

She fought to stop her voice from quavering. “Judd, don’t do this. Please! We can work something out, just let me help you -”

“ _How_ , Candy?!” Judd barked. “You don’t have any money! This place is worth crap; it’s the land that’s worth millions! I couldn’t get your dad to sell and I know you won’t either, especially now business has picked up. And I trust your sugar daddy here about as far as I can spit him!”

Candy’s voice broke. “So you’re gonna just _shoot_ me? Shoot _us_?”

Judd’s face twisted again, this time in anguish. “Yes. Yes I am.”

“No, you are _not_.” 

Candy was brought up short by the menace in Lucifer’s voice - she’d never heard that kind of harshness from him before. He was motionless, still shielding her, and even though she couldn’t see his face he was giving off vibes of barely restrained fury. He didn’t seem the least bit scared, and his shoulders looked tense, like he was about to rush Judd for the gun. She tightened her grip on his hand, silently willing him not to do anything stupid.

Lucifer levelled a black glare at Judd. “After everything the Fletchers have done for you, _Fud_.” He shook his head, lip curling in disgust. “Candy stood by you, kept faith in you despite how _manifestly_ unworthy you are, and now you intend to repay her trust with betrayal? With execution?” 

To Candy’s horror he started moving toward Judd, who blinked in surprise and subconsciously took a step back, aiming the gun dead centre at Lucifer’s chest. “Stay back!” Judd shouted.

Lucifer ignored him. “You want to kill Candy, you’ll have to go through me. And you won’t be able to stop me, so you may as well just give up now.”

Candy, fruitlessly trying to hold Lucifer back, whispered urgently, “Cut it out, Lucifer, are you nuts?” He seemed to be almost _goading_ Judd to shoot him! “ _Don’t!_ ”

“Don’t worry, Candy,” Lucifer reassured her, gently tugging free. “As far as killer bartenders go, Juddy here is strictly amateur hour. He can’t kill me.” He levelled a furious glare at Judd and growled, “But he’s going to regret threatening to kill _you_.” He continued walking forward, intent on punishing the double-crossing insect.

Judd suddenly let out a startled yelp and flinched violently, his finger tightening convulsively on the trigger. The muzzle of the gun jerked sideways as it fired and the bullet whined past Lucifer’s ear to shatter a liquor bottle on the shelf behind the bar. Lucifer heard Candy scream his name but he kept going, bracing himself for a second shot. Then to his astonishment Miss Lopez darted in and snapped a high kick that caught Judd bang on the chin with a solid crack. 

“BOOYAH!” she yelled.

Judd’s head flew back with the force of the blow and his finger again tightened reflexively on the trigger. The second shot went high, the bullet punching a hole in the diamond-patterned Fletcher’s sign above the bar. Candy gasped as Judd toppled to the floor like a felled tree, the gun flying from his slack fingers and bouncing across the carpet.

Lucifer clapped his hands and whooped in delight. “ _Yes!_ Well _done_ Miss Lopez!”

Candy let out her breath in a rush, her legs feeling suddenly rubbery as reaction started to set in, and staggered forward to grab Lucifer for support. He turned, surprised, and his dark brows furrowed when he saw how pale she was.

“Alright there, Candy?” he murmured, his deep voice soft with concern.

Candy nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m okay, I-I just… you scared the _shit_ outta me, Lucifer! He was gonna kill you!

Lucifer waved away her concerns as he helped her back to the bar. “He most certainly _wasn’t_. But I can certainly blame him for trying.”

Candy sank gratefully onto a stool and looked over at Ella who had used a table napkin to take Judd’s gun and was checking him over with Nick’s help. Candy gamely called out, “Damn, girl… you could be a kicker for the Raiders with a punt like that.”

Ella grinned and said modestly, “Aw shucks, it was nothing.”

Candy shook her head. “No it wasn’t. That was friggin’ incredible.” Then she turned to Lucifer. “And you! You nearly took a bullet for me!”

Lucifer smiled. “It’s what any good hubby would’ve done.”

Candy reached out to squeeze his hand. “No, not ‘good’; the _best_ ,” she murmured. “Thanks for saving my ass. _Again!_ ”

Lucifer put his arms around her, noticing that despite the steadiness of her voice Candy was trembling violently. He half wished he could use his wings’ divinity to calm her but figured a nice stiff drink would work just as well. He picked up Candy’s forgotten glass and handed it to her. “Here. Get this into you, darling. Devil’s orders.”

Ella watched Lucifer taking care of his wife and marvelled anew at how he couldn’t be more different to all the rumours about him. The Devil genuinely cared for Candy, as he seemed to care for all of his friends, to the extent that he’d even been willing to reveal himself to protect her. 

She sent a silent prayer of thanks to the Big Guy for helping her keep Lucifer’s secret safe. She also thanked Don Julio for the tequila; she’d been blazing with Dutch courage when she’d made that split second decision to rush Judd and kick him in the face. Lucifer had helped as well, although she didn’t think he’d even been aware of it. 

As Ella had been sneaking up on Judd from the shadows at the back of the room she’d seen, as Judd had, the hella freaky sight of a pissed off Lucifer with his eyes literally _glowing red_. His irises had been all lit up like there were teeny tiny fires in there. It had scared the Hell out of Judd and thrown his aim wide, luckily, otherwise Lucifer would’ve taken that first shot right to the chest. It had also provided a great distraction until she could get to Judd, though Ella had been pretty damn distracted herself for a second.

As Candy shakily called 9-1-1 Nick went over to check on her. When he watched Lucifer generously topping up Candy’s whisky glass Lucifer threw him a sour look.

“Don’t tell me, Doctor Dundee; she could be in shock, alcohol’s the last thing she needs?”

Nick shook his head. “I wasn’t gonna say that. I was actually thinking I could do with one myself.”

Lucifer nodded in approval and poured him one, and as Nick drank he kept throwing admiring little glances over at Ella. Then suddenly he gave a bark of laughter.

“So Ella, back when I first invited you to come into the desert with me - you weren’t kidding about the kicking me in the head thing, huh?”

Ella grinned and swept her hair back over her shoulder. “Nope. Like I told you, _four brothers_.” Then added modestly, “Annnnd fifteen years of dance and seven years of kickboxing.”

Nick looked down at the still-unconscious gunman on the floor, then back at Ella with a lopsided grin on his face. Then put down his drink, took Ella’s hand and led her quickly towards the door. 

“Ms Lopez,” he said over his shoulder with playful formality, “There’s something very important I need to give you. _Right now_.” He leaned back to whisper something in her ear and she snorted with laughter. 

Ella gave Nick’s ass an affectionate squeeze and called back to the others, “We’re just stepping out for a minute!”

Lucifer, watching them go with amusement, called out, “For both your sakes I hope it takes longer than a minute!”

Candy, her hand across the phone’s mouthpiece, said, “Hey! You can’t just leave! The cops will wanna talk to you about Judd!”

Ella called back, “Don’t worry, we’ll be back before they get here! Something urgent just came up!”

Lucifer chuckled wickedly and drawled, “I’ll bet it did!” Nick and Ella’s laughter floated back as they disappeared through the door.

Candy watched Lucifer as he casually grabbed her now _ex_ -bartender by the back of his collar and dragged him like a sack of flour toward the kitchen. “Back in a mo’,” he called over his shoulder. “I’ll just lock Juddy in the storeroom for when he wakes up.”

Candy nodded mutely and swallowed, remembering the look on Judd’s face over the muzzle of the gun. Judd must have been desperate to do this, especially now; if he’d only waited a couple of months for the divorce to come through he could have picked any night of the week to... 

A wave of horror, anger and grief churned in her gut. Thank God he _had_ done it now, though. If he’d waited and cornered her when she was alone, she’d be dead. She could still scarcely believe what Judd had tried to do, and that she was still alive. Thanks to Ella and Lucifer.

Holy shit, for a nerdy type Ella sure was a badass. And Lucifer - he’d really been prepared to take a _bullet_ for her! She knew he was generous and kind but that was goddamn heroic. She felt a momentary slight twinge of envy toward Chloe and hoped she knew how lucky she was.

When Lucifer returned he saw Candy silently watching him and he smiled and threw her a speculative look. He sauntered over and moved casually into her personal space as if he belonged there. 

“Miss Lopez was right, you know,” he murmured. “Vegas’ finest probably won’t be here for a while yet. Do you fancy a tumble yourself while we wait? We never did consummate our marriage, did we...” He moved closer and took her hand.

At the promise in his deep voice Candy’s fear and anger at Judd’s betrayal fell away, replaced by a wave of intense arousal. She gazed up at the tall, dark, and extremely handsome man standing willing and available in front of her.

God _damn_ he was a looker. And that _accent_ …

 _Why not,_ she thought. He was her husband, and she was attracted to him, of course she was, who wouldn’t be, and… wait, no, what the Hell was she thinking?

She put her hands firmly on Lucifer’s chest. “No, Lucifer. What about Chloe?”

Lucifer’s expression shuttered and he moved away from her. “We’re just friends.”

Candy’s heart sank. “You screwed it up? What the hell happened?” 

“Nothing and no one was screwed, Candy,” said Lucifer firmly. “As I told you before, the Detective wants to be more, but I can’t allow that because her feelings for me aren’t real. She’s having a hard time understanding that, though.”

Candy blinked. “Hold up - you didn’t actually _tell_ her that, did you?”

Lucifer nodded. “Of course I did. She needed to know the truth.”

Candy gaped at him. “Luce, you can't tell somebody - especially somebody you’re supposed to care about - that their feelings don't matter!”

Lucifer shook his head and replied implacably, “Candy, darling, it’s for her own good. She doesn’t understand yet, but she will.”

Candy stared back at him, then shook her head in disbelief. “Why do guys always say patronising shit like that?” Then a determined look came into her eyes. She grabbed the bottle from the bar with one hand and Lucifer’s lapel with the other and dragged him over to one of the lounges. 

“Husband, we need to talk.”

**THURSDAY**

Nick headed off early the next morning and since Lucifer wasn’t answering his phone Ella took an Uber into the desert south of the strip to the Speed Vegas speedway for Rookie School. She’d been driving since she was twelve and could handle herself in any car at speed, but it was compulsory for all new racers. Ella didn’t mind though. Not one little bit, because their instruction took place in Speed Vegas vehicles, the list of which read like a carjacker’s wet dream. 

There was a lime green Lamborghini Huracan, a bright yellow Porsche 911 GT3, a sky blue Audi R8 V-10 Plus, a Mercedes and a Mustang, a Nissan GTR and more. She was delighted to do over forty laps in a fire engine red Ferrari Italia 458 getting pointers and feedback from one of the performance driving instructors, and she even learned a few things.

She nailed her final lap in a minute ten seconds, earning applause from the grandstands overlooking the track when she tore past, and it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of her life. It was certainly more fun driving fast when she didn’t have to worry about getting her tyres spiked by the cops. She also had fun getting to know the twenty or so other rookies, comparing notes and swapping stories as they cheered each other on, and by the time they gathered in the finish pit area for the graduation ceremony they were all getting along like a car on fire.

Ella looked down at the Certificate of Completion in her hands, feeling a mix of emotions. She’d been looking forward to competing in this race ever since she’d moved to LA. Despite the short notice, she hadn’t missed _a thing_ in her prep. She’d double checked Ricky’s work to ensure the Corvette was race ready, had read the Rules Book cover to cover three times, not to mention all the YouTube videos and blogs she’d consumed over the past two years in anticipation of the day she would finally compete.

And everything had gone to plan, right up until seven this morning, at which time Lucifer had bailed on rookie school. 

She’d texted him like five times before it started, and a bunch more after that, getting more and more stressed out. Where the Hell was he?

After the presentation everyone headed to Sam’s Town Casino for lunch and the press conference. Everyone even peripherally involved with the race was there, but still no Lucifer. She found Nick and had lunch with him and his colleagues, then introduced him to some of her fellow rookies. Outwardly she was her usual friendly self but inwardly she was steaming; she wanted to _kill_ Lucifer for letting her down. Or at least give it a damn good try. She absently daydreamed how she’d do it; maybe she could ‘accidentally’ back over him with the truck a few times...

When she finally spotted him over near the bar he was with a very attractive blue-eyed blonde wearing a Press pass around her neck. Ella stalked closer and realised he was chatting her up, in what sounded like Swedish. Ella held back, teeth gritted, while the woman gave Lucifer her number, and as soon as she’d model-walked away, throwing a coy look at him over her shoulder, Ella pulled off her shoe, strode over and whacked Lucifer with it.

“Where the **_eff_ **have you **_been?_ **”

Lucifer flinched in surprise. “Bloody Hell!”

Ella hit him again. “ ** _Why_ **didn’t you answer my messages?”

Lucifer took half a step back. “Apologies, Miss Lopez, I might’ve been a little distracted...”

“What could distract you enough that you’d blow off rookie school?” Ella fumed.

Lucifer smiled enigmatically, raising a suggestive eyebrow. 

Ella scowled. “Figures.” She wanted to hit him some more, but reined in her temper and shoved her shoe back on. “I’ve been texting you all morning, dude! Rookie school was _mandatory_ and you just-”

Lucifer’s head turned as he caught the eye of a strapping young camera operator with an Italian flag on his t-shirt sleeve. He had dark curly hair and hazel eyes that returned Lucifer’s look with some heat.

Ella clicked her fingers in front of Lucifer’s face and said furiously, “Excuse me, Lucifer? Hey!”

Lucifer blinked and broke eye contact with the young man, then turned to her with equal irritation. “What?”

“Sorry to interrupt your little meet cute there, but we have a big friggin’ problem. I was going to register us tonight but since you _ditched_ me this morning and didn’t get one of these-” she pulled out her certificate of completion and flapped it at him - “I can’t! And if we can’t register we can’t _race!_ What the Hell Lucifer, you left me hanging! What the hell do we do now?!”

“Oh, is that all?” Lucifer smiled and shook his head, then stepped forward to curl a long arm around her to guide her towards the bar. “Not to worry, Miss Lopez, everything’s fine. Come Hell or high water, we will be on that starting grid come Sunday.”

Ella stopped, planting her feet, then said sternly, “Are you sure? I am not in the mood to be messed with right now.”

Lucifer nodded reassuringly, again chivvying her along. “You have my word.”

Ella relaxed. Lucifer had promised they’d be racing, so whatever deal he had to make, they’d be racing and that was that. She knew she could trust him to make it right. 

Lucifer got them both a drink and they settled down on one of the lounges to watch the press conference. “Ah, that’s better,” he said. “Where’s Nicholas got to?”

Ella scanned the room, sipping her beer. “He’s around here somewhere.” She grinned suddenly. “Man, this is so cool, everyone’s here! Over two hundred racers plus marshals, HAM radio geeks, pilots, a few hundred volunteers, reporters… are you gonna give Swedish Barbie an ‘exclusive’? Or the Italian stallion?” Ella nudged Lucifer playfully with her elbow, her earlier pique forgotten.

Lucifer’s eyes roamed the media pack with interest. “Indeed. It’s a veritable smorgasbord. Germany, Japan, Saudi Arabia, New Zealand, Italy-”

Ella suddenly spotted someone on the outskirts of the media huddle. An older Asian man with close-cropped black hair gone white at the temples, wearing a black shirt, black jeans, white sneakers and a baseball cap. She gasped and grabbed Lucifer’s arm, nearly making him spill his bourbon. 

“Oh my God oh my God! Look over there, do you know who that IS?”

Lucifer followed her excited gaze and smiled. “Don’t tell me - the fellow in the baseball cap?”

Ella bounced excitedly. “That’s Daijiro Inada! The founder of _Option,_ the best car magazine _E V E R!_ He hasn’t raced here since 2006, I can’t believe it’s really HIM! He is an absolute _boss_ , he single-handedly made tuning legit!”

Lucifer hummed. “You don’t say?” He chuckled to himself, then pulled out his cellphone. He jabbed at the screen a few times, then held the phone to his ear, grinning delightedly.

Ella watched Inada take out his cellphone, look at the screen then politely excuse himself to answer a call, smiling. And then she heard Lucifer start talking next to her. 

“ _Dai-sensei, moshi moshi!_ Lucifer _desu keredomo, genki?_ ”

She looked up and saw that he was on his cellphone, looking over at Inada. She looked back at Inada, who’d started talking into _his_ phone. Her jaw dropped.

_He couldn’t be…_

She whacked Lucifer in the arm, her eyes still fixed on Inada, as the two of them very clearly had a conversation, in Japanese, on Lucifer’s phone where Lucifer must have _Inada’s personal number stored._ She muttered in disbelief, half to Lucifer and half to herself, “No you don’t. Shut _UP!_ ” 

Lucifer chuckled, obviously greatly enjoying this chance to randomly punk her.

With Lucifer’s apparent direction, Inada soon spotted them and walked over, and they got to their feet to greet him.

“Ussss _…_ ” said Inada, chuckling, and he and Lucifer politely dipped their heads to each other then warmly shook hands, still chatting and clearly on familiar terms. Ella just stood there, mouth opening like a goldfish, completely lost for words.

Then Lucifer turned to her and said more things, from which she only understood her own name, and when Inada smiled and bowed politely to her, with Lucifer’s encouragement Ella bowed too. She vaguely remembered reading something about the deeper the bow to a Japanese person the greater the mark of respect to a superior, so she practically folded herself in half.

When she bobbed back up she couldn’t help herself. She blurted, “Mr. Inada, I just wanted to say I think you’re so amazing. My little brother Ricky and I started reading _Option_ in junior high-”

(Lucifer started translating for her; she tried to slow down…)

“And we admired you so SO much when you just walked away from D1 when it started becoming all about the money and not about us fans-”

(Lucifer seemed to be keeping up just fine though)

“Do you have any thoughts on the drift scene here in the US? Would you and Keiichi ever hold another event here?”

Inada nodded thoughtfully. “I think Americans have already developed their own unique style and with so many cars running big V8s you definitely have something special,” he said via Lucifer, who was grinning his head off. His translation was fluent, running at the same time as Inada’s, and Ella thought how cool a power would that be, to be able to speak and understand every language! It’d come in handy for her for sure; she was definitely a talker. 

Inada went on, “We could collaborate to organize something fun. If you guys want us to come to the United States just let us know, we will come!” He smiled at her warmly, and it was all Ella could do to hold herself back from hugging the life out of him.

She beamed. “Are you kidding? Of course! Do it, please do it! You have sooo many fans here, and me and Ricky will be first in line! Oh my God, that would be so sick!” Lucifer translated, mimicking her excitement perfectly, and both Ella and Inada laughed. 

_Oh my God I’m talking to Daijiro Inada!_ Ella thought, thrilled. _This is the greatest day of my life!_

Inada asked her another question and Lucifer translated again. “Do you drive?” Lucifer snort laughed and added something to Inada, who gave Ella an approving look.

Ella felt herself turning pink. “Uh, Lucifer’s doing the driving tomorrow, I’m the navigator. But I _love_ to drive, love cars! It’s kinda in my family, you could say. Ricky runs a… um, tuning shop in LA.” Lucifer snickered and Ella threw him a glare, and he dutifully translated her reply… hopefully without any more editorialising. 

A younger Japanese woman suddenly appeared at Inada’s side and murmured in his ear. Inada nodded and spoke in an apologetic tone to them both. 

“Ah. Dai-chan needs to head off, he has interviews to do,” Lucifer explained. “Popular lad.”

“Aw, for real?” Ella’s face fell. He had to go already? But she quickly brushed off her disappointment; she knew she would treasure this chance encounter for the rest of her life. No, scratch that; for _ever!_

She thanked Inada profusely, got Lucifer to take a _very_ quick photo of them together, then shook his hand and bid him a reluctant farewell. Inada and the young woman head over to a waiting camera crew and Ella watched him go, shaking her head. “You’re buddies with Daijiro Inada. Because of course you are.” Ella could still barely believe what had just happened. Ricky was going to _completely lose his shit_ when she told him! 

Lucifer huffed a laugh and murmured, “You said Ricky owns a _‘tuning_ shop’? ‘Tuning’s the new street lingo for ‘chop’, is it?”

Ella said defensively, “He had some side hustles going on, but he’s legit now-” 

Suddenly she spotted Nick. She dashed over and said excitedly, “Oh my God, _Nick!_ You are never gonna _guess_ who I just met!”

\----------------

At one Ella and Nick retrieved the truck from the parking lot and joined the caravan north to Ely. It was fun, Ella felt like she was in a military convoy on special ops or something, especially since in the truck they loomed like a tank over everybody else.

A hundred miles down the road they stopped in Ash Springs for refueling, snacks, and the first timers’ course orientation. Then, after another two hours on the road they arrived in Ely, a beautiful, authentic Western mining town set among rolling shrubby hills. 

Later that evening Nick and Ella surfaced from their motel room for the welcome party, and later on the pub crawl Ella pulled her jacket tighter and cuddled close to Nick, breath steaming, and they marveled at the brilliance of the stars in the cold, high desert air.

**FRIDAY**

After another night at Fletcher’s Lucifer drove the four hours and two hundred and forty miles to Ely. Ella already suspected Lucifer had been planning to stay in Vegas for another night or drinking and singing at _Fletcher’s,_ but after what’d happened the night before she figured Lucifer wanted to keep an eye on Candy as well. 

Even though Judd was safely locked up Candy was still in recovery mode. Her trust in people had been severely shaken, and when Ella had said her goodbyes the bright golds and yellows of her energies had been muted by dark brown. Ella got the impression that if it hadn't been for his promise to race with her, Lucifer would have blown off the rally to stay in Vegas to look after Candy. Ella felt a little guilty about it and called Candy a couple times a day to check in.

When Lucifer rolled up at the town convention centre for rookie registration a bit after nine thirty Ella was amused to see he had brand new decals for both _Lux_ and _Fletcher’s_ on the hood and trunk of the Corvette, and their entrant number, 666, natch, was proudly displayed on both doors. And true to his word and however he’d done it, Lucifer had his rookie certification, and Ella heaved a huge sigh of relief after they were officially processed and she had the registration packet in her hands. The Corvette also passed the tech inspection with flying colours thanks to Ricky - and the two FIA standard racing helmets Ella had added to Lucifer’s tab.

They’d decided to give the High Noon Shootout a miss but at one o’clock Ella and Nick headed out to the barbecue at Stardust Ranch, and later that afternoon they joined the traditional parade of cars down Ely’s black-and-white- checkered- flag-decked main street. Ella was delighted to see Nick had invited a couple of locals to ride in the truck with them; an older woman named Ruby, who was a course volunteer like Nick, and her young grandson. 

As the big truck rumbled slowly along the dusty street amid a line of roaring muscle cars, the kindergartener sat in his nana’s lap and with Ella happily tossed candy out the window at cheering bystanders. He laughed his little ass off and Ella absolutely loved it.

She was amused at the thought of Lucifer joining in the parade, picturing him appalled at the idea of letting strange ‘spawn’ and their sticky fingers into his car. She wasn’t surprised he and the Corvette were nowhere to be seen and vaguely wondered where he’d got to. She hadn’t seen him since the tech inspection that morning.

She tried calling him a couple times but the phone reception was pretty sketchy. She wasn’t surprised that he was doing his own thing, but was a little concerned that she wasn’t spending as much time with him as she’d hoped to. Maybe Lucifer didn’t want to be a third wheel with her and Nick. (...Or more likely _he_ wouldn’t have minded, but since they weren’t into that kinda thing he was giving them their space.)

She was starting to stress a little that she would run out of time to tell him the truth. She couldn’t tell him tomorrow, it was going to be far too busy in the lead up to the race. She realised her confession would have to wait until after the rally. Maybe it was for the best; with no distractions they could have their best possible race come Sunday morning.

**SATURDAY**

At the pancake breakfast in Broadbent Park the following morning Ella heard a familiar rumble over the noise of all the other cars and looked around to see Lucifer parking the Corvette next to a low-slung silver Mustang. She ran over to give him a hug.

“Hey Luce! Where’d you get to yesterday? You missed the parade, the welcome reception, and then an in-sane party at Stardust Ranch last night. I was surprised you didn’t show, actually, I would’ve thought a wing ding in a wild west brothel would’ve been right up your alley. I tried calling you but the reception out there was pretty sketchy.”

“Oh, I was around,” Lucifer said casually, lightly returning the hug. Ella eyed his slightly ruffled hair, shirt with one missed button and the lipstick on his neck and figured he’d probably spent the entire time holed up with somebody, or more likely somebodies, in his hotel room. After all, it’s not like Lucifer Morningstar ever needed to go to a ‘cathouse’ to get laid.

“Where’s Nicholas disappeared to this time?” asked Lucifer as they started walking back along the long row of cars.

“He's at the convention centre doing his course worker orientation,” Ella answered. “But he’ll be back in time to see this.” She waved her hand expansively at the rows upon rows of cars lined up neatly on the grass then said excitedly, “Isn’t this sick?! Check out all this metal! There’s gotta be over two hundred cars here!”

There _were_ a lot of cars; not only was every competing car present, there were also a number of locals as well as cars who’d come in from Vegas and surrounding towns. The high performance vehicles were getting the most attention and definitely stood out the most, with eye-popping paint jobs scattered with sponsor logos. Ella’s favourite was an orange Nissan 350Z with black and yellow flames blazing from the bonnet to the rear spoiler, but the others, a bright palette of electric blue, blood red, black, white and sunflower yellow had her drooling too.

She counted a dozen Ferraris, a couple dozen Porches and a whole line of modern Corvettes. She pointed them out to Lucifer, adding “I’ve seen some classic ones too but none as nice as yours.”

“Yes, I’ve seen them around,” replied Lucifer, then added gloomily, “Including one with a bloody great roll bar on it. It’s _sacrilege_.”

Ella huffed a laugh. “Yeah I saw it too. I asked the owner about it and he just said it was his car and he wanted to drive it. If it makes you feel any better the bar’s only bolted on and he’s taking it off after the race.”

Lucifer nodded, relieved. “Good. I consider myself to be fairly open-minded when it comes to people’s desires-” 

Ella smiled to herself. _No kidding._

“- and far be it from me to dissuade anyone from indulging them, but even I find the limits of my tolerance stretched sometimes. For example, I met one young lady whose darkest fantasy was to have sex in the ball pit at a Chuck E. Cheese.” He shuddered visibly. “It's not my place to judge, but I didn’t want to dip a _toe_ in that germ-laden cesspool, never mind anything else. I was very tempted on that occasion... to just say no.”

Ella snorted. “You didn’t though, did you?”

Lucifer snorted too. “Goodness no. The _thighs_ on that woman.”

Nick joined them and they wandered the rows for hours, checking out the competition and chatting with the owners. Some of Ella’s favourite vintage cars included an adorbs 1968 Plymouth Road Runner (it even had the ‘beep-beep’ horn!), a fire engine red Ford pickup and a twin-turbo Viper.

But the most drool worthy was a mint condition silver 1954 Mercedes-Benz 300 SL coupe. The distinctive ‘gull-wing’ doors were flipped up to reveal the decadent cream-coloured leather interior and Ella fell instantly in lust. She realised it was a gloriously impractical car, but that was the whole point of cars like this - practicality sometimes didn't even come into it!

Among the classic and performance autos were also plenty of ‘normal’ street cars, from passenger sedans to pickup trucks. The Silver State’s entry fees were within the reach of almost anybody with a car and a need for speed, and Ella loved the egalitarian feel of so many revheads from so many walks of life coming together to peel rubber down a public highway. There were Mazdas, Mercedes, Fords and Toyotas… even a Prius! A 1971 Oldsmobile was parked with a roaring Lamborghini on one side and a Nissan Skyline on the other, the owners all chatting together like old buddies.

At four o’clock Ella had to head off to the the convention centre for the rookie navigator workshop and the timing and scoring orientation. Then at five thirty she caught up with Lucifer again at the compulsory driver and navigator meeting. They had their final info session, received their race grid number, i.e. their official starting order for the big day, learned how to use the radios they’d be issued, and nutted out the final details of their game plan. It was real, now, and Ella could barely contain her mounting excitement.

The three of them had dinner together at _Nardi’s_ on the main drag then retreated to their respective accommodations for an early night. With one pitstop first; with Nick’s insider intel, he and Ella tracked down the race officials’ cars and decorated them with the roll of police ‘CAUTION’ tape that Ella had swiped from work. After they got back to their room they worked off a little nervous energy between the sheets, then Ella tried to get some sleep, a ball of anticipation still doing lazy somersaults in her gut.

**SUNDAY**

Ella had taken quite a while to fall asleep and was only half woken in the pre-dawn darkness by Nick’s departure. He kissed her lightly and whispered _good luck, be safe_ , and Ella kissed him back, mumbled indistinctly and passed straight back out. 

She didn’t stir again until she heard the low rumble of the Corvette’s engine outside her room; it cut out and was shortly followed by the slam of a car door and a light knocking.

“Good morning Miss Lopez,” Lucifer crooned through the keyhole. “This is Satan from the front desk with your five a.m. wakeup call…”

“Come in!” she croaked blearily, then dropped her face back in her pillow, smiling to herself as she heard the door unlatch itself and Lucifer come in. 

“Wakey, wakey,” he said coaxingly. “I come bearing caffeine. Not that you usually need any, but it might be helpful at this unDadly hour.”

Ella hauled herself to a sitting position, pushing her tousled hair out of her face and reaching for the cup that Lucifer was offering. “Thanks, Lucifer, you’re a lifesaver,” she mumbled, and inhaled deeply of the steam rising from it. She hummed appreciatively. 

“Omigod it smells amazing...” She took a sip and her eyes widened. “Wow, it’s really good. Where’d you get it? Is there a coffee van around here or something?”

“Or something, yes,” said Lucifer vaguely, sitting on the end of the bed and sipping his own coffee. “Sleep well?”

“Not really. Too excited. Then Nick had to head off before four to get onto the course before they closed the highway.” Ella was silent for a moment then abruptly squealed and punched Lucifer excitedly in the arm.

“We’re _doing_ it, dude, it’s happening _today!_ I am so _pumped!_ ”

Lucifer chuckled and got to his feet. “Best get a wriggle on, we’ll need to hit the road by six to make it to pre-grid in Lund by six thirty and I want me brekkie. Can’t race on an empty stomach.”

Ella nodded and swung her legs out of bed, taking another slug of coffee. “No problemo. I got it. Five minutes.”

\-------------------

Ella dressed and packed in record time and threw her luggage into the Corvette’s trunk, noticing distractedly as she did so that Lucifer’s bags weren’t in there. She shrugged it off, still a little fuzzy from just waking up, and they stopped off to grab a quick bite before joining the convoy of competitors leaving Ely. 

They drove nearly half an hour back towards Vegas before turning off Highway 6 onto the 318 to Lund, passing the large sign for the Silver State Classic Challenge Highway. In Lund they were put in a pre-grid area at Lane's Truck Stop before the race marshals directed them onto the starting grid in their racing order. They put on their helmets.

One cheerful volunteer handed them their two-way radio and wished them luck and a team of four others ran their gloved hands over the Corvette’s tyres to check for anything that could be a puncture risk. If there was anything on the road, though, it couldn’t be helped, and if any Unlimited Division car tyres blew out at 200mph there wasn’t much the occupants could do. Other than pray, if they had time before they left the road. Ella offered up her own quick prayer to the Big Guy, asking that He keep all of the racers safe, whether they finished their race or not.

At eight o’clock sharp the first car took off. They heard the tyres squealing down the 318 and numerous car horns going off and Ella let out a whoop, the adrenalin in her system kicking up another notch. Cars were sent off in one minute intervals, and eventually it was their turn to join the queue behind the start line. Every minute on the minute the Corvette moved forward another place.

Ella’s stomach was churning with excited knots and she could barely sit still with the excitement. She looked ahead and saw the giant yellow inflatable archway looming over the start line, festooned with sponsor logos and a couple of oversized inflatable batteries. Underneath was a banner that read ‘START: Silver State Classic Challenge’.

She watched, enthralled, as one by one cars launched themselves through the archway. Some did it quite sedately but there were just as many speed demons who laid rubber to get up to their target speed as quickly as possible. Once or twice Ella was sure she detected the faint smell of nitrous oxide wafting past over the heady funk of exhaust fumes.

The Corvette rumbled beneath them, eager to be away as well. Ella wondered if maybe Judd had shot her after all, and she’d died and gone to Heaven. The smell of exhaust, the rumble and roar of engines in the lineup and with an angel sitting beside her she figured this was definitely the closest to Heaven she’d ever been.

Finally, it was their turn. 

The course was ninety miles long, and she and Lucifer had chosen an average speed of 120 mph, which set their target time at 45.0000 minutes flat. Their goal was to break the beam at the finish line as close as possible to that forty-five minutes by sticking to their average speed like glue.

Lucifer revved the Corvette’s engine as they moved to take their place at the starting line. They both closely watched the official GPS timing clock display and when it ticked over to the top of the minute Ella started the GPS and her smartphone stopwatch and Lucifer threw the Corvette into gear. When Ella nodded that she was ready he stomped on the gas. 

They took off down the road, accelerating from 0-60 mph in less than six seconds. Ella took a moment to let out an ecstatic whoop and punch the air before focusing back on navigating. They were away with a great start! They were already over 100mph as they reached the first bend, veering left before going into a three mile straight. 

They settled into an easy rhythm, Ella calling out pacenotes for the road ahead and using the mile markers and a second stopwatch to monitor their progress.

“Right sweeper, up hill. Into seven mile straight.”

“Left long sweeper up then down hill. At thirty-six. Late apex.”

“Right sweeper, double apex, into eleven mile straight. On time.”

Ella had always loved driving fast and doing it on the open road was awesome fun. There were long fast straights, sweeping corners and blind dips, and several hill crests taken fast enough for the Corvette to get some air under her wheels. They were literally flying! 

About twenty minutes down the road Lucifer suddenly blasted the Corvette’s horn and Ella jumped and looked up.

“Oh, shit, is there an animal on the road?”

Lucifer honked the horn again, a cheeky _shave-and-a-haircut_. “No, but I’ve just spotted Nicholas in his natural habitat.”

Ella squinted ahead and sure enough soon saw the familiar shape of the Bat Tank parked on the side of the road, near the fire engine red pickup with its hood raised. It looked like one of the oldest entrants had become the first casualty.

“Woof,” murmured Lucifer appreciatively, noting that Nick was in uniform, complete with the infamous hat. “ _Well hello_ Nicholas,” he purred. “Don’t you look dashing.”

“What was that?” said Ella loudly. “I can’t hear so good with this stupid helmet.”

Lucifer spoke louder. “I said he looks very dashing.”

He tooted the horn one more time and they both waved at him as they roared past.

There were a lot of straights on the course, the longest about twelve miles long. At about the seventy mile mark they took a right turn, the most treacherous blind curve on the course, and entered the White River Narrows, the only serious bends on the course. Here, the highway crossed from one valley to the next through a narrow canyon cut by the White River, and they had to safely negotiate a series of eight turns over a distance of about two miles.

"Left turn... right turn... left turn... right turn to short straight, away into right turn...late apex! Left turn... left turn up hill..." Ella didn't look up the whole time, her eyes glued to her course notes and her stopwatch, Lucifer calling out the mile markers. He'd had to ease off on the gas a little to keep the Corvette’s wheels on the road but they were still going fast enough on a couple of the twisty sections and uphill kinks for the Corvette to get some air. Ella felt the momentary weightlessness and screamed into the wind in elation.

“Yeah! Go baby, go!!”

As they exited the Narrows, Lucifer sped up again.

Ella, taking splits with the stopwatch, consulted her course notes and gasped. “Oh crap! We’re thirty seconds slow!” They had to get back on time, and fast; they had less than twenty miles left.

Lucifer nodded, but Ella noted the needle of the speedometer wasn’t moving. Maybe he hadn’t heard her. “Hey Lucifer, we’re half a minute behind. Get the lead out!”

Lucifer turned to her and yelled over the rushing wind, “It’s under control, Miss Lopez!”

A couple of miles later Ella took another split with the stopwatch. “Still twenty five seconds slow. Lucifer, you gotta speed up!”

“I told you, it’s fine!” Ella stole another glance at the speedometer and bit her lip in backseat driver frustration. They weren’t going to make it.

Then as they passed mile marker 17 into a four mile straight, Lucifer started to pour on the speed. They passed the final flag station and Lucifer took the next right and two left turns without even slowing down. Ella took another split just before they headed into the final stretch and saw they were still five seconds behind with only five and a half miles to go.

Then Lucifer put the Corvette into fourth gear and put his foot down. The Corvette gave a throaty roar in response and leapt forward. The speedometer shot upwards, hovering dangerously close to the maximum technical speed for their division - 124mph. If they got clocked breaking it, even by .01mph, they’d be disqualified, wouldn’t be scored, and their race would be null and void.

“Watch it, Lucifer!” she yelled into the howling wind, the desert rushing past at a dizzying rate. “Don’t go over our tech speed! I don’t wanna get DQed and busted down to rookie again!”

Lucifer smiled and yelled, “Nearly there!”

Ella saw the finishing banner in the distance up ahead, and in what seemed a heartbeat later they were roaring across the finish line, checkered flag waving. As they broke the infrared beam marked by the orange traffic cones Ella looked over to read their course time. It was 45:0000 - perfect. 

She gaped at Lucifer in awe. “ _¡Ay cabrón!_ ” Then she burst out laughing in exhilaration and delight.

He looked over at her, and even with only half his face visible his smug expression was obvious. “Timing is everything, Miss Lopez. And whether it’s driving, music, sex, you name it, my timing is _perfect_.”

\--------------------

They followed the red cones and the directions of the sheriff’s deputies into the shutdown area, then parked as directed by volunteers. As soon as Lucifer killed the engine Ella yanked off her helmet and flung her arms around him, barely able to stop herself squealing directly into his ear. 

“That was awesome, Lucifer! Oh my God, that was so. Much. FUN! Thank you for doing that with me!”

Lucifer took off his helmet and peered into the rearview mirror, attempting to bring his unruly curls back under control. “You’re welcome, Miss Lopez. And thank _you_ for being my wingwoman. We’d have probably been kicked off the race if it wasn’t for you, so thank you for staying on top of things.” Then he smirked. “Which I’m sure Nicholas also appreciates.”

Ella snorted with amusement as she climbed out of the car. “We make a great team, you know. Not as good as you and Chloe maybe, but we’re up there.”

They took their two-way radio back to the emcee and picked up their finishing medals, and Ella hung around for a bit and managed to sweet talk her way into a sneak preview of the tabulated results. She barrelled over to Lucifer, who was just finishing a quickie (interview) with a very flustered local reporter. The young man was clearly a little overwhelmed, but he pushed valiantly through his questions, despite his mad blushing and nervous giggles. Once he’d walked away Ella leapt over and punched Lucifer jubilantly in the arm. 

“Holy shit, I think we _won_ , dude! We’re the only team to hit our target time so far!”

Lucifer shrugged and said in an apologetic tone, “We won’t be getting the trophy though, I’m afraid; since I’m sponsoring the prizes I can hardly win one. It will have to go to the next closest.”

Ella waved it away. “Meh. That’s cool, Lucifer, _I_ know we did it. And it’ll give me and Ricky something to aim for when _we_ race. Like, the next closest was only 0.0003 seconds over their target time. We’re really gonna have to bring our A-game!”

Lucifer made an approving noise. “You know it’s really quite astonishing how good humans can get at things when they get competitive and really put their minds to it.”

Ella hummed in agreement. “Hells YEAH they’re competitive - Dusty told me the top _twenty_ cars are all within _0.02 seconds_ of their target time! The skill levels are just IN. SANE.”

Everyone stopped off in Ash Springs for refreshments before the drive back to Vegas. They all excitedly swapped times and stories, and were buzzing with the news that the morning had also seen the breaking of a Guinness World Record. The Silver State Classic Challenge was already the world’s fastest road rally but was now even faster, with a new record average race speed of 219.6430 mph, or 353.48 km/h, being set. Robert Allyn and David Bauer, an American team, had smashed the previous record of 217.557 mph set in 2012. Ella was absolutely stoked for them, as well as thankful there hadn't been any casualties, and sent a heartfelt prayer of thanks up to the Big Guy. It'd really been the best day _ever_.

They got back to Vegas and Lucifer, oddly, parked the Corvette back in his spot at the Bellagio. Had he kept the room the whole weekend even though he hadn't been using it? _Wow_ , Ella thought. _Must be nice to be that loaded._

“Since neither of our dates can make it to the awards banquet tonight I thought we’d bugger off early," said Lucifer. "And to make it up to you, care to dine with the Devil?” He grinned. “My treat. How does Japanese sound? I know you like sushi.”

Ella was stoked. “I _love_ sushi!”

“Lovely. I’ll head to _Fletcher’s_ for a bit and say goodbye to Candy while you go on your social with the other racers. What say we meet up in _Yellowtail_ at six?”

Ella’s smile faltered. “Uh… in the Bellagio Casino?”

“Are you familiar? Exquisite cuisine and lovely views of the fountain.”

Ella hesitated. The last time she’d been in the casino of the Bellagio she’d been warned off, in no uncertain terms, from setting foot anywhere near it again. _But then,_ she reasoned, _that was years ago, they won’t remember me._ Plus she was going to a restaurant, not to the gaming floor, and she’d have Lucifer with her. It’d be fine.

She nodded and grinned. “Sounds awesome! See you at six!”

\---------------

_It’s after six! Crap!_

Ella leapt from the Uber and sprinted at top speed between the metal lions into the lobby of the Bellagio. She raced beneath the colourful ceiling of blown glass flowers and past the shiny disco ball horse, then hung a sharp right. 

_Okay yes technically_ the white marble and carpeted walkway then ran a gauntlet right through the Bellagio’s gaming rooms but it was the fastest way to get to the restaurant. It wasn’t like she was going to play, and it’d take her a minute, tops. She blazed past the baccarat bar and dodged around a herd of slow-moving retired couples heading for the slot machines. Then came to an abrupt stop when she slammed into a wall of black Armani.

“Oh jeez, sorry dude,” she began, then froze as she looked up at the two men she’d just run into. One was a bald Asian guy with a goatee and a mole on his chin and the other a white guy with slicked-back brown hair who looked like a fifteen year old who’d got punched too many times. She recognised them instantly as Bellagio security goons and judging by their expressions they’d recognised her too. While she couldn’t help feeling the _teensiest_ bit flattered she was mostly pissed; wasn’t that just her luck.

“Ella Lopez,” oiled Slick. “Card counter extraordinaire. Thought you got told never to come back here.”

Ella attempted a smile as she backed off slightly. “Uh, hey guys! Yeah, I was told that, and I to-tally respect it. You know I quit cards, right? Cold turkey. Haven’t played for years. First time I’ve been to Vegas in like forever, just in town after the Silver State Challenge, ya know? Not to play or anything...”

The men traded glances, then smiled benignly at her. Ella relaxed, but a second later they lunged for her, grabbing an arm each, and started frogmarching her toward a nearby service door.

“No, wait! Just hold on a minute!” She tried to dig her heels in but it was pointless. Combined, these bozos were three times her size. “No, really, I swear I’m not here to play! I’m having dinner with a friend! And I’m already late!”

Slick shook his head. “Shoulda picked someplace else.”

 _Shit_ , thought Ella. Then she rallied, “Call the cops if you want. They can check my Uber receipt. Check your security cam footage! I haven’t done _anything_ , honest, I literally _just_ got here! You’ve got no grounds to detain me. Come on, guys, you don’t want any trouble.”

“You’re the one who wanted trouble, Lopez,” growled Mole. “And now you got it.”

Ella went cold at the clear threat in his tone. Oh, crap. What were they gonna do to her? 

In a last ditch attempt to stay on the casino floor with witnesses, she twisted her body and drove her knee into Mole’s groin. He whimpered and folded in half, releasing his hold on her. Then she stomped on Slick’s foot and tried to wrench her arm free but he swore and tightened his grip. Then his other hand balled into a fist and swung at her head.

Ella felt a sharp pain explode behind her right ear, and then nothing.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- THOSE MOFOS! How dare they (and I) hurt Ella! :) Don't worry, I'll post more tomorrow.  
> \- LOTS of research for this chapter, like omg. The SSCC website was of course very helpful (sscc.us) as were a number of blogs and online articles.  
> Ely's SSCC page: http://elynevada.net/event/silver-state-classic-challenge-2020/  
> Speed Vegas review https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsRNSlrx6Us  
> Inada interview http://www.speedhunters.com/2011/01/behind_the_scenes_gt_interview_daijiro_inada/  
> Video of Inada's 2006 crash is also at https://www.metacafe.com/watch/167574/z350_crash/ & gives a terrifying insight as to just how fast these cars are travelling!  
> Race write-ups: http://www.jonathangreenonline.com/articles/adv_a08/ was a writer for Esquire tagging along with an Unlimited Division driver! (I found him a bit jaded.) Experienced drivers also posted at http://www.sandsmuseum.com/cars/nsx/nsxopenrace.html  
> https://www.americascarmuseum.org/2017/08/18/nevada-open-road-challenge-ely-las-vegas-part-two/  
> https://www.allpar.com/threads/25th-silver-state-classic-challenge.229290/#post-1085223388 as well as a hopeful racer at https://roadtrippers.com/magazine/silver-state-classic-challenge-nevada/ . They were all INVALUABLE in helping me get an understanding of the race experience; I hope that comes across.  
> \- Lots of shoutouts to 306 Vegas With Some Radish. Spot them all? Other snippets were borrowed from 507 Our Mojo & 508 Spoiler Alert.  
> \- What big ass lavender bus? ;)  
> \- Son of a Preacher Man was the song Candy actor Lindsay Gort sang for her audition for S2 of American Idol. Plus of course Tom Ellis, who plays Lucifer, IS the son of a preacher man, a Baptist pastor in fact. I think we can all relate to this song!  
> \- The Allie who made Lucifer's reservation is Candy's lookalike who was murdered by Judd in Radish.  
> \- My vague description of the Barry Manilow song Here's to Las Vegas is a complete guess as I couldn't find a sample online without signing my life away to Amazon. And the other song is Heaven or Las Vegas by the Cocteau Twins; the appalling grammar found in those lyrics was them, not me.  
> \- Ella fanning her crotch with the napkin is a ref to episode 304 WWLD?  
> \- Lucifer's mention of Scarborough Beach in WA is a shoutout to the source material! Also to Perth, my home turf for 10 years, because in the Sandman graphic novel it's where Lucifer first retired after quitting Hell. I couldn't believe it when I found that out, and I knew it HAD to go in this series somewhere.  
> \- Ella trying to say 'downunder' with an Aussie accent is a nod to Aimee Garcia always trying out Tom Ellis' English one. Aimee's IG feed is the best research!  
> \- The Devil's Marbles in the Northern Territory are called Karlu Karlu in the local Aboriginal language, literally meaning 'round boulders'. I tried to find more Devil-related landmarks in Australia but we just don't seem to have any. Guess our early settlers just weren't that religious *shrugs*  
> \- Lucifer's Only You ringtone for Chloe is a shoutout to 315 High School Poppycock, as well as that frickin phone interruption trope!  
> \- Lucifer tipping Judd that enormous wad of 'emergency' cash is my head canon as to why Judd was back gambling again in the Vegas With Some Radish episode.  
> \- Ella kicking Judd in the face mirrored a deleted scene from the Vegas episode - I loved Ella being all badass so I resurrected it for my fic. BOOYAH!  
> \- Candy's not immune to Lucifer's mojo but he didn't have that effect on her when they met because... Lucifer wasn't putting that energy out there? It's all I got.  
> \- Ella smacking Lucifer with her shoe is of course a reference to when Ella does the same to Michael in 502, thinking he's Lucifer. I'd written one in in the next story of this series but I'm so glad it's canon now! Frickin hilarious :'D  
> \- Yes, the Stardust Ranch is indeed a brothel, as they're legal in White Pine County where Ely is situated. And the coveted trophy that the ladies give out to their favourite car is called the 'Hookers Choice Award'. :D  
> \- The 1954 Mercedes-Benz 300 SL gull-wing coupe Ella drools over at the car show was a car used in 404 Expire Erect; Aimee drooled over it on her Instagram.  
> \- ¡Ay cabrón! is Ella saying something like 'what a badass'/' that was baller'. It comes from cabra, goat (lol) but if used as an insult it translates best to bastard, though not in the sense of someone with unmarried parents.  
> \- The results are from actual records. One year someone posted a time just 1/10,000 sec off their target time; goes to show how friggin' good some of these teams are!  
> \- The Guinness WR being broken happened too, on Sunday 21st May 2017, although at the sister event the Nevada Open Road Challenge not the SSCC, which I've already mentioned is in September - I swapped their dates around for the story.


	17. Fear and Lounging in Las Vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer drops by and takes heavy metal lab tech sushi off the menu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the next instalment.  
> ...It's easy to post on time for once when the chapter's been completed for months :'D  
> Hope you enjoy!

Ella groaned. She didn’t feel so good.

The back of her head was throbbing and she was twisted uncomfortably on her side with her arms behind her. The annoyingly loud metallic grinding noise assaulting her eardrums wasn’t helping either… _wait, what the frak?_ Her eyes flew open.

She looked around and realised she was lying on some shabby old car backseat, her hands bound behind her. Then her gaze was drawn out the back window and she saw to her horror an enormous metal press was getting steadily and very noisily lower. She was inside a goddamn car crusher! 

Her extremely unhelpful brain instantly informed her that a hydraulic press generated over 2,000 pounds per square inch of pressure and could inflict more than 150 tons of crushing force on a car body just as well as a human one - she was going to get pancaked into a Rubik’s Cube!

She remembered the mess of the homicide victim from a couple weeks back and forced down a wave of panic. She heaved herself up and peeked out the window. She spotted three guys standing a short distance away; Slick, Mole and an old fat guy with huge eyebrows who she didn’t recognise.

She yelled, “Hey! Lemme outta here - you’re making a big mistake! I’m gonna sue your asses for assault and imprisonment! And on top of that you’ll all be facing criminal charges! I work for the LAPD, you assholes!” She twisted her arms around and tried to open the door but the lock wouldn’t open.

“Sure you do,” laughed Mole.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it honey,” added Eyebrows. “We might not crush it all the way flat. Maybe just enough to break a couple bones. Like maybe your legs!”

“Pity,” smirked Slick. “They’re great legs.” They all laughed and Ella fumed. Goddamn Vegas dirtbags, thinking they can do whatever they want to people!

The roof started to buckle so she flopped back down onto the seat and kicked hard with both feet, trying desperately to force open the door. But the frame had already started to crumple around it and it wouldn’t budge. 

“Open UP!” she yelled in impotent frustration, wincing at the jarring impacts up her legs. " _¡Chinga tu madre!_ " 

How was she going to get out of this?

Then she stopped and shook her head at herself. _Call Lucifer, numbnuts!_

She thanked her old dance classes for her flexibility as she wiggled her butt as fast as she could between her arms to get her hands in front of her, contorting like a pretzel to keep her legs clear of the slowly caving roof. Then as sunlight was cut off from outside she rolled off the backseat onto the floor, clasped her bound hands together in the grinding, screeching darkness and whispered a desperate prayer.

\----------------

Lucifer stepped through _Yellowtail_ ’s doors promptly at 6pm and was instantly welcomed with the traditional call of _irrasshaimase_ from the cheerful staff. He nodded his acknowledgement and looked around to see if greetings from any lab techs were also forthcoming, but his date hadn’t arrived yet.

He sighed and said to the host, “Hello there. I’d like to reserve the balcony for an hour or so. I trust that’s not a problem...” He pulled a wad of bills from his breast pocket and dropped them into the tips jar with a disarming smile. “I have a friend coming too, a Miss Ella Lopez, if you wouldn’t mind showing her the way. You can't miss her, she's wearing a t-shirt that shows a cat sitting in a bottle that reads ‘ANTIDEPRESSANT’.”

The host didn’t even bat an eyelid, merely nodded and smiled politely, no doubt used to the demands of the high rollers that came through the casino. He led Lucifer through the elegantly designed, still mostly empty restaurant, past the enormous trademark bronze fishtail sculpture on the wall and out onto the balcony overlooking the iconic Fountains of Bellagio.

Lucifer was soon settled with a Japanese brew but still without a Lopez, so after a while he pulled out his phone to give her a nudge; she was no doubt having fun with her fellow petrolheads and had lost track of time. He was just about to press dial when he heard her calling him.

_Lucifer!_

He turned with a smile towards the balcony door, expecting to see her, but she wasn’t there. He frowned and looked around as he heard her again, his eyes widening in surprise. 

_Oh my God Lucifer I hope you’re out there where are you I need you like RIGHT NOW I am in so much trouble please come quick please please please please_

“What on Earth…?” It was Ella. And if he didn’t know better, it sounded like she was praying to him.

In one smooth motion Lucifer knocked his chair back and took to the air. Instantly leaving the physical plane he zeroed in on Ella, whose voice in his head was becoming increasingly panicked and disjointed.

A second or two later he popped out high above a wrecker’s yard, to his surprise. He could hear screams over the racket of a running hydraulic compactor below, and realised with a jolt of shock that Ella was trapped in the car inside it. 

His irises flashed brilliant white as he fried the compactor’s circuits, and it came to an abrupt and complete stop. Then he quickly turned his attention to the three men guarding her in the yard below; one he recognised instantly as the human stain Louie Pagliani; the other two must be his henchmen. What on Earth did they want with Lopez? 

Lucifer sheathed his wings and dropped from the sky like a stone, landing hard on the two heavies and knocking them out cold. Then before Louie even realised what was happening, Lucifer punched him in the back of the head. He sprawled unconscious on top of his goons.

Lucifer straightened his jacket and threw a wary glance at the compactor. The entire rescue had taken mere seconds and thankfully the flattened roof of the car was completely flush with the trim of the window; there was no way Ella could have seen him. That was something, at least, but he still had no idea how to explain to her how he’d known where she was, especially without lying. The only other options would be to either leave her in there and anonymously call the fire department to come get her out, or slip her a bloody can opener.

He sighed. It seemed it was time for Lopez to also learn the ugly truth. But on the upside, at least he could count on Linda and the Detective to vouch for him.

He walked up to the compactor, knocked a light ‘shave and a haircut’ on the car door and called out, “Miss Lopez? You okay in there?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she called, her muffled voice surprisingly steady. He heard her take a deep breath, though; no doubt trying to calm down from her ordeal and counting her lucky stars. He was thankful too; her calling him must have been an accidental connection like what had happened with the Detective. Thank goodness he’d also been thinking about her when she’d sent out her plea for help.

He was just wondering how to broach the subject of him being the _actual_ Lord of Hell when he heard her voice again emanating from the depths of the vehicle.

“Thanks for saving my ass, Satan. But we both know you can peel this thing open like a can of spam, so could you please get on with it? It’s a little cramped in here.”

Lucifer’s jaw dropped as he received his second shock of the evening; Ella _knew_.

“What the... _fuck_?”

\-----------------

Being careful not to tear his suit on any razor sharp edges, Lucifer dragged the car out from under the compactor plate with a teeth-shattering shriek of sheared metal. Then he gripped the edge of the roof and peeled it back, opening it up as easily as if it was a flap on a cardboard box. He peered in and saw Miss Lopez’s face, her eyes huge, staring up at him, and waited for the inevitable freak-out.

And then she _grinned_. 

“Busted,” she said. Lucifer was floored.

Far from being terrified at witnessing his superhuman strength, Miss Lopez seemed rather excited about the whole thing. Lucifer wrenched off the door and tossed it aside, reaching in to chivalrously lift the lab tech out of the destroyed vehicle. She interspersed commentary such as ‘kickass’ and ‘bitchin’ about his devilish strength while at the same time delivering a mile-a-minute explanation as to why she’d been abducted. Lucifer was very impressed that she seemed to be a card-counting celebrity in a town rife with them.

And as soon as he snapped the cable ties lashing her wrists together he was gobsmacked yet again when she threw her arms around him in a massive hug.

“Thank you, Lucifer,” she murmured, then stepped back and looked up into his face. He looked uncertainly down at her and she seemed to sense his apprehension because she gave him a reassuring smile.

“You okay?” she asked.

Lucifer nearly laughed. Was _he_ okay? 

“I’m fine… I’m a little more concerned about you, though. I’m waiting for the truckload of pennies to drop.”

Ella threw him a crafty look and jerked her head towards Louie’s car parked nearby. “Come on.” 

He followed her, impressed by her presence of mind to stop on the way and give the still-unconscious Louie and his goons all a solid kick in the sack each, then was even more impressed when she quickly and efficiently hotwired Louie’s car. On the drive back to the Bellagio Lucifer kept a wary eye on her and neither of them mentioned the unholy elephant in the room, but Lucifer was heartened that Ella didn’t seem at all afraid of him. Rather, she kept stealing shy little glances over at him and grinning like they were co-conspirators in some big secret.

Back at the restaurant the host did a slight double take at seeing Lucifer come in the main doors again, but they were escorted to their table and had their meal order taken with a minimum of fuss. Once the server had gone back inside, Ella walked to the balcony railing and took in the early evening view over the fountains, the lagoon, and the Vegas Strip including the miniature Eiffel Tower and the blue Paris ball thingy. She heaved a contented sigh. 

“Wow. I’m not sure I ever noticed just how pretty Vegas is before. Nothing makes you appreciate a view like nearly getting your clock crushed.”

Lucifer had by now caught up and recovered his equilibrium. “It’s fortunate I reserved the balcony so I could have a smoke, because I get the feeling we’re going to need a little privacy, aren’t we?” 

Ella sat back down at the table and nodded eagerly. “It might get a little personal. If I overstep just tell me, okay?”

Lucifer gave her a long-suffering look. “If this is going to be twenty celestial questions that’s fine, but please, Miss Lopez - can we keep talk of Dad to a minimum?”

“Cool,” Ella said, then launched straight in. “First up, I’ve been dying to know-” 

Lucifer quickly held up a stilling hand and interrupted, “No, me first, please; _how?_ ”

“How did I find out?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Well _yes_ , duh.”

Ella mumbled guiltily, “Um, I investigated you?”

Lucifer looked surprised. “ _Investigated_ me? When?”

“It all started that night we went drinking together. I saw how you tossed that massive perv like he was some old shoe, and then Dan filled me in on some really craaazy precinct gossip about you-”

Lucifer tutted in annoyance and muttered, “Useless douche...”

“-and then there was that crazy-ass riot and everything… and it just got me curious. I wanted to find out your backstory, find out what the whole Devil shtick was about.” She looked at him in mild disapproval. “Your paper trail only goes back seven years and that was like a red rag to a bull, dude. It’s like you were _daring_ me to figure you out. I couldn’t resist.”

She leaned back in her chair, looking at Lucifer with glee. “The _Devil_ . Wow.” She grinned. “It’s so nice to finally be able to really _talk_ to you - I’ve been wanting to tell you I know for weeks but it never seemed like the right time.” Then she looked a little abashed. “And I didn’t know how you’d take it. I was worried you’d be pissed, or freak out and leave.”

Lucifer waved a careless hand. “Why would I do that? It’s not like I’m not endlessly telling people who I am.” Inwardly though, he had to admit he was still processing the fact that Lopez knew, had apparently known for quite a while. And she hadn’t let on, hadn’t been acting at all differently around him that he’d noticed… although she _had_ been particularly inquisitive lately… and oddly specific on certain topics now that he thought about it…

Ella leaned forward eagerly. “So what do you really look like? Are you possessing somebody right now? Are you really, like, a huge pillar of fire, or do you have like six pairs of wings or something?”

Lucifer scoffed. “What? No! For goodness’ sake. This is my true form. Well, _now_ it is. I did have another one.” His expression turned wistful. “My Devil face. Nothing better for putting the fear of eternal damnation into the guilty.”

“Ohhh,” said Ella in realisation. “I’ll bet. I’ll admit it freaked me out a little when I saw your- ” she waved her hands at her face, “You know, the thing.”

Lucifer said blankly, “What thing?”

“How your eyes go all angry, glowing red and stuff. Is that what you’re talking about?”

Lucifer stared at her. "What? When did you see that?”

“Couple days ago. At _Fletcher’s_ when Judd was holding the gun on you and Candy. It surprised me for a second, but actually turned out to be really helpful because it distracted Judd long enough for me to take him down.”

Lucifer sputtered for a second, then said, “Are you sure? That my eyes were actually _glowing?_ ”

Ella snorted. “Uh, _yeah_ dude. I don’t think glowing red Terminator eyes is really something that can be mistaken for anything else.”

“And it was _only_ my eyes?”

Ella hesitated. “Uh… yeah? Why? Is there more?”

“Yes. Considerably more.” He frowned. “How strange. I thought Dad had…” he trailed off, then abruptly put his beer down and started looking at her very intently, eyes unblinking.

“Uh… what are you doing?” Ella asked uneasily.

“See anything?” said Lucifer.

“No… are you trying to-” 

“Hell and damnation!” Lucifer growled, leaning back in his chair. “What is _with_ me lately?” At Ella’s quizzical look he explained, “I thought my Devil face was healed and gone for good, but if you saw my eyes it can’t be. It must be just... on the fritz for some reason.”

“Oh. Right.” Ella was secretly relieved. She didn’t know how she’d handle seeing something devilish up close, and she didn’t want to offend him by screaming and running off. But despite that, she was hella curious. 

The waitstaff chose that moment to bring out their meal, and as soon as they were back inside the restaurant she dove right back into the interrogation.

“So this ‘Devil face’ you were talking about...” she said excitedly, “Did you actually look like Hellboy or something?”

Lucifer shook his head. “Goodness no. No bloody horns, for one thing. And no muttonchop sideburns for another - I like to keep myself a little more sculpted than that.” Then he added, “But I will concede my complexion was similarly on the ruddy side. Much less smooth, though; think lasagna.”

Ella gulped and took a second or two to process that, then gamely went on, “Ok, no horns. A forked tail?”

Lucifer’s eyes twinkled. “Not a tail, no, but the damn thing still messes with the lines of my trousers...”

Ella gaped, bug-eyed. He had a forked…?? “ _Whaaaat?_ ”

Lucifer snorted. “ _Joking!_ For goodness’ sake, I’m joking! I am anatomically correct, down to the smallest - and largest - detail.” He indicated himself with a flourish of his chopsticks. “Completely human-looking, as are all of my siblings. Or more accurately, humans are angelic-looking. Dad sort of reverse engineered you lot to eventually look like us. You know, the whole _then God said ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky’_ poppycock? We were your prototypes, if you will. Every ethnicity found on Earth was created first in our Divine image.”

“Ohh, that’s so cool! So Amenadiel _is_ your real bro. You’re not, like part of an adopted Brangelina clan or anything.”

“Exactly.”

Ella nodded, taking it all in, then let out a breath and ticked off a list on her fingers. “Sooo, red skin like Hellboy, strength like Captain America and mind powers like Professor X. What else can you do? Chloe told me she could never understand how you did your eye mojo thing, and why most of the people you meet wanna jump you.”

Lucifer’s eyes flicked at her as he took some squid _sashimi_. “You don’t, though.”

Ella pulled a face and shuddered. “Eww _www!_ I totally don’t even think of you that way! You’re like one of my brothers - it’d be so totally _gross_. Blegh!”

Lucifer brightened. “Aha! So you prefer women!” Then he frowned. “Hang on, what about Nicholas?”

“No, I’m into guys. Just not you.” Ella reached across the table and patted his hand. “No offense, dude.”

“None taken.” Lucifer peered closely at her. “How very interesting. You’re only the third straight woman I’ve met who didn’t want to have sex with me.”

“That’s a pretty solid batting average. Is it lust–related magic like Sorshen, Runelord of Lust? Or Dante Alighieri?”

“Dante? Lust magic?” Lucifer looked impressed, but also a little confused. “I don’t remember reading that in _The Divine Comedy_.”

“Huh? No, it’s from _Dante’s Inferno_. An online video game.”

“Oh.”

Ella eyed him as she took a tuna _nigiri_ from a platter. She popped it in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Is it to do with some kinda sex mojo? Like a vampire? Or Black Widow?”

Lucifer’s mouth twisted wryly. “Or Austin Powers?”

Ella stared at him for a few seconds, then suddenly exploded with laughter, covering her mouth just in time to shield Lucifer from a shower of rice and fish. She choked and snorted, rice going everywhere, then laughed even harder when Lucifer cheerfully drawled in a British accent very different from his own, “Do I make you _horny_ , baby? Do I make you _randy_ ? _YEAH!_ ”

Ella’s guffaws were loud enough to turn heads on the other side of the lake. She gasped helplessly for breath, dropping her chopsticks and making a ‘T’ sign with her hands. “Oh dude, stop… I can’t breathe… ohmygod...”

Lucifer chuckled and relented, chewing contentedly on a salmon roe _gunkan_ and waiting for Ella to regain the power of speech.

After a minute or so her laughter subsided to spurts of giggles and the occasional snort and she cleaned up the mess she’d made. “Oh man,” she wheezed, “you’re killing me, Satan.”

Lucifer smiled in a self-congratulatory way and continued, “My ‘mojo’, as the Detective calls it, is something I was created with. Desire is the ultimate expression of free will, and here on Earth being able to draw out human desires is more for fun than anything. However, since I started working homicides it’s come in very handy for other things, like discovering killers’ motives for example.”

“Ohhh, riiight!” No wonder him and Chloe had such a high solve rate! A crime solving Devil really _did_ make a lot of sense!

“And the flip side of knowing someone’s true desire means I can also figure out their greatest weakness. And back when I still ran Hell, use it to inflict their perfect punishment.”

“Wow. That’s awesome. And really, really dark.” She stared at him entranced for several seconds then shook herself. “You got a flaming sword or god weapon or something?”

“I got rid of the flaming sword. Stupid thing was more trouble than it was worth.” He glanced at her thoughtfully for a second and took the opportunity while she was busy stirring her _misoshiru_ and taking small sips to say, “So Miss Lopez; I have more questions for _you_.”

Ella grunted and gestured for him to go ahead.

Lucifer eyed her curiously. “Why aren’t you more… screamy? Or sobby? Or sprinting off in a cloud of dust?”

Ella put her bowl down and said, “Huh?”

“The Detective took the revelation extremely well but you’re taking it even better. And you’re not even a mira- … uh… little bit scared of me. Not even taking into consideration our rather intense topics of conversation, or that you’ve seen my eyes.”

Ella lifted a shoulder. “I told you. I grew up in Detroit.”

“Even so. The Detective took it well but _you…_ for a follower of my father, colour me stunned. You don’t seem to have been at all affected by me. Normally a revelation of this nature makes humans a little upset to say the least.”

Ella shrugged again. “I realised the truth weeks ago, dude, I’ve had time to deal. And besides, I already believed you existed so it wasn’t actually that big of a shock to begin with. Maybe my faith protected me or something.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. Ugh. The religious symbolism of that theory was absolutely nauseating. And possibly 100% on the money.

 **“** You know, much as I hate to admit it, you could be right. Knowledge is power, perhaps literally in this case. Believing in our existence could actually cushion humans from the shock.” He frowned as he remembered how the Detective had been completely fine despite being exposed to his wings. “And knowing what we are might even… shield you from our divinity?”

Ella said brightly, “You know, my okayness with all this might not be _just_ because of my faith. I’ve always felt a bit of an affinity for weird stuff. Like, I saw Santa and his reindeer on the street outside our house when I was six and was totally cool about it.”

Lucifer’s eyebrows rose slightly and he deadpanned, “Is that so?” 

Ella nodded earnestly. “Uh-huh. Plus I’m kinda a little _woo_ myself.” At Lucifer’s puzzled look she hurriedly added, “You know, uh, I mean being religious is like, ‘everyday crazy’. It’s funny when you think about it. People believe in these totally unbelievable things, and live their lives by these big, supernatural ideas. I mean, I believed in Heaven, Hell, your dad and everything, right, so if I didn’t at least consider the _possibility_ that you were the Devil, I’d’ve been a pretty big ol’ hypocrite, right?”

Lucifer stifled a snort. “No offence to you personally Miss Lopez but religion and hypocrisy often go hand in hand.”

“That’s true,” Ella conceded. Then added, “So why didn’t you come clean with me before about who you really are? I’m probably the biggest believer you know, and at least I already believed in the _idea_ of you.”

Lucifer shook his head. “It wasn’t that I doubted you’d believe I was the Devil, I doubted you’d believe that I wasn’t trying to deceive or corrupt you in some way. In my considerable experience humans who put stock in the Bible also subscribe to the claptrap about me that goes with it.” He raised an eyebrow. “You were taught I was the Prince of Lies, yes? The root of all evil?”

Yeah, she _had_ been taught that. Ella remembered her very first instinctive reaction when she’d realised Lucifer’s true identity. She’d been shocked and scared out of her tiny mind. 

It was a flash of reflex, ingrained in her after decades of Church sermons, hushed prayers and Signs of the Cross, superstitious gestures to ward off evil and receive God’s protection from evil forces. But then her own judgment had asserted itself and she’d been able to see Lucifer for who he truly was.

Ella nodded. “Yeah, but no, I decided for myself a long time ago that was bullshit. We’ve all got both good and bad in us and we decide every day what kinda person we wanna be. Doing bad shit and then blaming it on something else, whether it’s on ‘the Devil’, or on a shitty childhood, or just because you’re pissed at the world, that’s all a cop-out.”

Lucifer looked at her thoughtfully. “And you did stick up for me to Father Brimstone last year.”

Ella threw him an apologetic look. “It was the least I could do. I feel even worse about making you go to that Mass with me, knowing what I know now.”

Lucifer said graciously, “Think nothing of it. As I said at the time, I rather enjoyed seeing you give that old codger what for.”

“I ended up leaving that parish, you know. I talked with Father Middleton about you afterwards and the fact he couldn’t convince me that you were to blame for people’s shitty choices had him practically demanding God smack me down with a bolt of lightning.”

Lucifer laughed. “Good for you, Miss Lopez! You’re in a very exclusive club, you know. I’ve only ever met one other believer who was able to see past all the slander.”

“Chloe?”

“No, the Detective was agnostic. He was a Catholic priest. His name was Frank.” Lucifer shook his head in fond exasperation. “That trusting idiot.”

Father Frank. Ella remembered from one of Lucifer and Chloe’s case files - the youth worker case involving the drug lord called ‘The Spider’. 

“He actually knew who you were?”

“He did.” Lucifer sighed. “But he’s with Father now. Probably bored out of his mind, poor sod. Although,” he mused thoughtfully, “he’d have his spawn back, so there’s that.”

Lucifer was silent for a moment, then asked, “So can you explain something else to me?”

“Shoot.”

“You pride yourself on being a scientist. But you’re also devoutly religious. How did you reconcile believing in a higher power without proof?”

“Proof?” Ella raised her eyebrows then swept her hand up and down, indicating him. 

Lucifer impatiently waved his hand. “I mean _before_ you figured me out. And by the same token, how could you have even entertained the possibility of supernatural goings on with me if you were a woman of science?”

Ella hedged. “I have my reasons. Besides, the two aren’t mutually exclusive you know. Plenty of things were explained away by ‘magic’ and superstition until science came along.” Ella put her head thoughtfully to the side and added, “It’s kind of like... I guess, how Thor is both a god _and_ an alien?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. _Again with the bloody comicbooks._ Then he thought pragmatically, _Whatever gets her through this, I suppose._

“So you believed, in theory, in my father, angels, Heaven, Hell, all that jazz, but what made you believe in _me_ , specifically, during the course of your investigation?”

Ella squirmed a little. “Do you remember that day in my lab when you came in to get Charlotte’s briefcase?”

Lucifer tipped his head thoughtfully. “Do you mean the day you screamed at me, groped me, then leapt around your lab as if somebody had lit your arse on fire?”

Ella nodded. “Yup. That was when I found out. And what made me finally realise was when I couldn’t find the coracoid process in your shoulder.” At Lucifer’s blank look she explained, “It’s a little hook-shaped bone on the lateral edge of the superior anterior portion of each scapula. When I couldn’t find them it made me realise you had-”

Lucifer interjected with a bark of disbelieving laughter. “What? _That’s_ what made you believe? A little bit of bone that no one even cares about?”

Ella nodded. “Yeah, well, it was evidence! I couldn’t ignore it. Well, that and alllll the other evidence that you’re crazy strong, you have really weird blood, _and_ you heard me when I yell-prayed at you... the proof had really stacked up by that stage!”

Lucifer’s gaze narrowed. “Wait – what was that about my blood? What do you know about it?”

Ella gulped. “Uh, yeah, I was gonna ‘fess up about that too. I sorta… kinda… tested it after you got beaned with the guitar.”

Lucifer’s face darkened. “You went behind my back and tested my blood? Why didn’t you just ask?” Lucifer was understandably pissed. “What did you do with it? You didn’t put it in the database thingy did you?”

Ella shook her head furiously. “No! No way! I wiped the record and got rid of the sample.”

Lucifer relaxed. “Good.” That was something, at least. No lightning bolts or meteoric temper tantrums so they could safely assume ‘humanity getting proof of the divine’ wasn't the same as ‘human getting proof of the divine’. He threw Ella an amused look. “I shouldn’t be surprised, really. You are a scientist and a cop, after all; quite the perfect storm of nosiness.” He paused, then added cheekily, “You’ll note that I refrained from making that a sexist comment.” 

Ella hung her head. “I’m sorry Lucifer,” she said miserably. “It was a total invasion of your privacy and a rotten thing to do. I’ve been trying to make it up to you.”

Lucifer shrugged and said magnanimously, “No harm done. Actually, the Detective nearly did the same thing last year.”

“Really?” Chloe had suspicions that far back? “Why didn’t she?”

He shrugged again. “I told her to often enough, but she was convinced my being the Devil was all an act. Chloe is an exceptional detective, but unfortunately in my particular case she was hamstrung by her refusal to accept any non-rational explanations. At the time she said it was because of eggs, but it was really because she didn’t want to give me the satisfaction of thinking that she believed me. And she was determined _not_ to believe me despite everything she’d seen because she thought that would mean she was crazy.”

Ella nodded in sympathy for Chloe. “Yeah, I can totally see why she would do that. It’s pretty out there.”

“But you believed!”

“Not at first; I was just open to the _possibility_ . Having faith that it all existed just meant I could look at the evidence objectively and not just dismiss the more _out there_ theories. I mean, being religious doesn’t mean you should stop using your brain. Some of my other hypotheses were just as bonkers, you know; you were a genetically engineered supersoldier, a mutant, an alien…! I’m open to, no, like totally INTO weird stuff.” Her face broke into a huge smile.

“I’m actually really stoked, I’ve been wishing my entire life that shit like this was real! I’m like one of those kids on _Stranger Things,_ but like, older, and you’re a lot nicer than a demogorgon.”

Lucifer made a face. “Not a fan of that show. Carnivorous monsters are one thing but the loathsome gap-toothed tweenage spawn were a dealbreaker.” He shivered. Then he eyed the lab tech and asked curiously, “So do you believe Heaven will eventually be ‘solved’?

Ella shook her head. “Nah. But it doesn’t need to be. Although I do have a working theory about souls.”

Lucifer smiled. “Do tell.”

“Well, it’s all down to the first law of thermodynamics. You know, the Law of Conservation of Energy? Basically it states that the total energy of an isolated system can’t be created or destroyed, only transferred or changed from one form to another. For example, energy into mass and back again.”

Lucifer nodded; that sounded about right. “Go on.”

“So like, what if our energy, our _souls_ , are more than just our bodies’ electrical activity? What if there’s something else there besides memory cells and neurons? The little spark that makes us who we are. Whether we call it the spirit, the chakra, The Force, whatever. Some of us-” she blinked, then hastily added, “Uh, some of us _humans_ , speaking generally, I mean - can even _see_ that energy. It’s just that science can’t quantify it yet.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “You didn’t fall for that ‘the human soul weighs twenty-one grams’ rubbish did you?”

Ella shook her head. “Of course not. Sample size way too small, selective reporting, blah blah blah. Though it would’ve been cool if it _was_ true. But whatever that energy is, it can't just disappear. So it makes sense that it goes somewhere else after the body dies, ie moves on to the afterlife.”

Lucifer hummed. "It does make sense, at that." He put down his chopsticks and took a sip of his Asahi.

Ella pointed at the remaining seafood on the platters between them. “You gonna eat those?”

Lucifer shook his head and Ella finished them off. Lucifer was quietly impressed at how someone so petite could put away so much; she must have the metabolism of a hummingbird. Or perhaps she just used it all fueling that impressive brain.

There was a companionable silence while Ella finished eating and they watched the fountains while sipping on their drinks. After a while Ella spoke again. 

“Sooo, we haven’t talked WINGS yet. You can fly, right? Angels can fly.”

“I’m not an angel.”

Ella blinked. “Wait, what? But the Bible and your shoulder structure say you are… oh wait - did you lose your wings when you got kicked out of Heaven?”

Lucifer straightened his jacket. “Well I just first would like to point out that despite the origins of the phrase the Bible shouldn’t actually be taken as ‘gospel’.” He went on more reluctantly, “And secondly, okay yes, _physiologically_ I am an angel, but I refuse to let that define me. I am most definitely _not_ any of the things that my siblings hold up as ‘angelic’.”

Ella nodded. “Fair enough.”

“So to answer your question, yes I _can_ fly of course, but I mostly choose not to. I severed my wings when I moved to LA-”

Ella flinched, her eyes like saucers. “Whoahh! You cut them off? What the Hell, dude, that’s so messed _up_! Besides, didn’t you know what the traffic was like in this city?”

Lucifer fidgeted a little, then reached for his cigarette case. “Our wings were supposedly gifts, but they came with a catch; accept the wings, accept Dad’s role for you.” He clicked open his Zippo and lit a cigarette. “Severing my wings was… a gesture.” 

Ella raised an eyebrow. “Riiiight. Kinda like cutting off your nose to spite your face?”

The Former Lord of Hell looked miffed. “A spot of discomfort was worth it to give Dad the finger. I was sick to death of his helicopter parenting.”

Ella nodded. “I can understand that. I thought _my_ dad was annoying, always knowing when I’d snuck out of the house or played hooky with my brothers. But how the heck are you supposed to get away from a dad who’s omniscient?”

Lucifer turned his head and exhaled a cloud of smoke from his nostrils with a frustrated huff. “When I figure it out I’ll be sure to let you know.”

“Right.” Ella fell silent for a moment. But only for a moment.

“So you’re grounded by your Almighty father, searching for redemption? Cool. I’m getting, like, a real MCU Thor vibe from you right now.”

Lucifer retorted tetchily, “Look, I’m not a comic book character for goodness’ sake! What, you think I’m some sort of As-gardian angel or something?” He grinned despite himself at his own pun.

Ella snorted. “I see what you did there.”

Then Lucifer sobered again. “But seriously, I’m the Devil, no hero by any stretch of the imagination, and _my_ father banished me to Hell, not Earth. I quit Hell and came here entirely off my own bat to enjoy retirement, and I don’t _want_ His bloody redemption. Besides which, I’m not grounded anymore, but I’m pretty sure I’m still on the outs.”

“Not grounded? You mean you got your wings back?”

Lucifer watched her expression warily. He saw the moment she jumped to the same wrong conclusion that his brother had, and got in first. “And _no_ , me getting my wings back does _not_ mean Dad and I are going to be hugging it out any time soon. If anything, the bloody things can be a rather large pain in the arse here on Earth.”

“Why?”

“The buggers used to have a tendency of popping out at certain inconvenient moments. I didn’t have to worry about it after I cut them off but after they returned they'd manifest when I was feeling strongly about certain things. Anger in particular, and lust.”

Ella’s eyes widened. That didn’t sound very angelic. “Lust?”

“Yes. They reflexively unfurled when I - how should I put this - _bust a nut_.” He frowned. “And even prematurely, though it only happened once. Talk about a mood killer.”

“Whoah, whoah dude, TMI!” Although it did raise a potentially alarming point. “So one of your party girls… or guys... saw your wings?”

“Yes. I’m much better at keeping them tucked away now, thankfully.”

“What happened? They got scared you were the Devil?”

“No, it was worse than that. She thought I was an angel.”

Ella gave him an exasperated look. “Uh… that’s probably ‘cos you _are_ one?”

“For the last time, I am not! I’m the Devil.”

She rolled her eyes. “Potato, potahto, _potuto_.” She paused for a second, then added casually, “Sooo... when can _I_ get a look at your wings? I should really see 'em. You know, for science.”

Lucifer shook his head. “You can’t. Witnessing divinity tends to melt human brains.”

Ella threw her hands in the air. “But you already said that my faith was a shield! And your party girl didn’t go crazy, right?”

“I have no idea as to the status of the woman’s sanity, and I only said your faith _‘might’_ shield you. It’s hardly a rock solid theory and I’m not about to risk your mental health by using you as a guinea pig.”

Lucifer sighed. He pinched his cigarette out then tucked the end neatly inside the napkin on his plate. “We have a long drive ahead of us, Miss Lopez. We should hit the road, otherwise it’ll be midnight by the time I get you home.”

Ella nodded. “I’m cool with that.” She smiled and looked up at the late afternoon sun reflecting off the buildings of the Strip. “I just love the desert at this time of day. Sunset is the absolute best time. I first saw one with Nick, and it was… awesome.” She grinned widely, remembering she’d had several awesome firsts with Nick during that sunset.

Lucifer shook his head and got to his feet. “I agree. I spent a very unpleasant night out there, but the sunset - the sunrise too, actually - was one of the highlights-”

He was cut off by the sudden _poppoppop_ of gunfire, loud and very close. They both turned to look across the lagoon and saw figures running down Las Vegas Boulevard. Shouting and screams floated across the water, completely at odds with the peaceful _ssshhh_ of the spraying fountains.

Ella gasped. “Shooter!” She took cover behind one of the large stone newel posts of the balcony railing.

Lucifer, still standing, looked over and nodded. “Probably miffed they missed out on some bloody jackpot.”

Ella stared up at him, then after a couple of beats said expectantly, “Well?!”

He looked back blankly. “Well what?”

“Aren’t you gonna do something?”

Lucifer frowned. “What do you expect _me_ to do about it?”

“Oh gee, I don’t know, swoop on over there and save the day?”

Lucifer shot her an incredulous look. “You cannot be serious.”

Ella exploded, “Of course I’m serious! There’s people getting shot at! Don’t you care whether they live or die?”

Lucifer shrugged. “No, not particularly.” At Ella’s shocked expression he added sarcastically, “Jesus saves, I don’t.”

There was another gunshot, and more screams echoed across the water.

Ella looked at him like she’d never seen him before. “That’s… that’s just inhuman!”

Lucifer looked rather hurt. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Ella took a deep breath. “But you punish the guilty. Don’t you ever wanna stop bad shit before it happens?”

“Sometimes. Helping the Detective often prevents further evil acts, even though you could argue that technically it’s interfering with free will. But humans die all the time, it’s just how you’re made. I don’t have any jurisdiction over that. Life or death, neither eventuality makes any difference to me. Your mortal bodies may stop but your souls don’t, they just move on to a different plane of existence.”

“But what about me? You’ve saved _me!_ What about Chloe and Dan and Trixie and Linda? We’re human too, and you care about what happens to _us_ , don’t you?”

Lucifer frowned. “Of course I bloody do! I don’t want any of you to die and shall do my utmost to prevent that from happening. I’m rather fond of you all, truth be told, despite your many and varied baffling tendencies.”

“What’s the difference then?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Ella gave him an expectant look.

Lucifer’s eyes were ancient, and so sad. “You’re all good people, and I consider you my friends. When you die, I’ll be saying goodbye for ever. Once you’ve crossed over I’ll never see you again.”

Ella bit her lip. Oh yeah; Lucifer, the fallen angel, was banished from Heaven. “I forgot. You really can’t ever go home?”

Lucifer retorted, “The Silver City is not my home, Miss Lopez. And neither is Hell. Los Angeles is the first place I’ve ever truly felt like I belonged. Hell is more like a soul-destroying cubicle job and Heaven’s like a… a shitty beer garden that I’ve been permanently barred from. Not the kind of place I’d normally be seen dead at but it’s the only place my friends go.” He sighed. “You’re only human so it’ll have to happen eventually, and you deserve Paradise. But until then if I can prevent it I will.”

Another series of gunshots cracked through the air.

Ella said desperately, “But just think of the senseless murders you’d be averting!”

Lucifer replied indignantly, “Just think of the _bullets_!”

Ella waved her arms in the air. “Who cares? You’re the Devil! You’re _bulletproof_ !” She frowned and added, “You _are_ bulletproof, right?”

“Yes but the Armani _isn’t_ , darling! I went through three times more suits in my first year of working with the Detective than I did in the FIVE beforehand! Scorchmarks, bullet holes, knife slashes, bloodstains, cocaine, cat drool, vomit … my wardrobe is still smited on a regular basis. If it carries on I’ll have to trade in the Italian wool for asbestos fibre and chain mail.” He tugged on his lapels. “Or just take the hint and go around naked!”

Ella crossed her arms and gave him a look that screamed _DUDE._

Lucifer turned and peered hopefully across the water. “I’m sure Vegas PD will be over there any second now…”

More gunshots. More screams. Ella glared back at him in stony silence. And Lucifer realised with a sinking feeling they still had a minimum three hour drive back to Los Angeles ahead of them, which could very well be over three hours of silent treatment for not doing something that would take him a few seconds, tops.

Ella suddenly pleaded, “What if Candy’s over there?”

“Candy’s working, remember?” Lucifer replied. Some of _Fletcher’s’_ staff could get caught up in it though, or the shooter could potentially find their way into the club; it wasn’t far away.

Stopping them wouldn’t take long...

And it was something Ella truly wanted…

It couldn’t hurt. Well, _much_.

“Oh _bloody_ Hell.” He blew out a resigned sigh. “ _Fine_.” He quickly took off his jacket and tossed it at her. “Here. Hold this, would you?”

He turned toward the sound of gunfire and promptly disappeared, just as Ella heard the rustle and thumping of enormous wings and her ponytail was swept back over her shoulder by a sudden powerful blast of wind. She gaped at the place where he’d been then apprehensively glanced back toward the restaurant, but thankfully the other diners’ line of sight was blocked by architectural columns and large decorative screens.

There shortly came another, longer volley of gunfire, a single blood-curdling scream, then silence.

A moment later there was another strong gust of wind and Lucifer reappeared. He cast an irritated look down at his shirtfront, which was now shredded by at least a dozen ragged bullet holes.

“ _Happy_ now?” He snatched his jacket back and put it on. 

Ella stood stunned for a moment, processing what had just happened, then let out a squeal and threw her arms around him. “Holy SHIT that was amazing! Thank you, Lucifer!” She watched him button up his jacket over the top of the _freaking bullet holes_ in his shirt and said with a soft laugh, “Man, you break every natural law I know of.”

Lucifer’s sour look gave way to a self-satisfied smirk. “And a few you don’t, I’ll wager.”

Ella laughed. “Give me time!”

Suddenly there was the wail of police sirens and two cop cars came barrelling along the Strip, one from each end, red and blue lights strobing off the surrounding buildings in the deepening afternoon shadows. 

Lucifer growled in irritation. “Right, of course. _Now_ they bloody show up!”

Ella took him by the arm and led him toward the door that led into the restaurant. “Time to get outta here, I think. We’ve gotten in more than enough trouble for one weekend.” She blew out a weary sigh. 

“Frickin’ _Vegas_ .”  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- It's not over yet! One more chapter to go :)  
> \- ¡Chinga tu madre! = Shit!/Fuck! / go fuck yourself/ (lit) Go bother your mother.  
> \- Ella's cat antidepressant t shirt made an appearance in episode 409 Save Lucifer. I LOVE IT. And the mention of one of Lucifer's party girls seeing his wings was a nod to 302 The One With the Baby Carrot.  
> \- Snippets of dialogue from 401 Everything's Okay in there, 315 High School Poppycock, 306 Vegas With Radish again, and the joke about the forked penis I'm quite chuffed to have written last year, well before it cropped up in episode 506 BluBallz.  
> \- Lucifer describing his own face to Ella as like lasagna was another reference to the hilarious Chasing Sparks Lucifer crack video on YouTube. Love it :'D  
> \- Lucifer said he skimmed the Bible for a laugh, but since angels have total recall in my headcanon he was able to quote Genesis 1:26 about the 'let us make mankind in our likeness' thing.  
> \- Ella refers to Dante's Inferno the video game, and as it happens the character of Dante Alighieri was voiced by none other than Graham McTavish, who played Father Kinley in Lucifer season 4! (Ella voice: Whaaaaat?)  
> \- Lucifer doing an Austin Powers impression - I had to :'D  
> \- Lucifer reasoning that humans believing in angels' existence could shield them from the full effects of witnessing divinity is my explanation as to why those guys in S1 went a bit bonkers after seeing Lucifer's wings and other humans eg Cain and Charlotte didn't. The whole 'knowledge is power' thing becomes kinda literal, and fits with other things that happen with angels ie metaphors becoming real, if you know what I mean.  
> \- Ella seeing Santa outside her house when she was six is totally my little sister. She still swears it happened! And who am I to say it didn't? :)  
> \- Lucifer insisting he isn't a comic book character... ;)  
> \- I'd mostly completed this chapter when the Aimee Garcia S5 ET interview came out, and Aimee said, and I quote: “I think she would hug him, and I think she would just have a lot of questions, and I think she would ask if they could just go out for a beer, and really clarify some stuff for her.” Judging by how this fic turned out, Aimee and I are in total agreement. Only time will tell if there’s something similar in store in canon :)


	18. Rest Stops and Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the long drive back to Los Angeles there are still surprises in store... for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter of this story, but not of the Joshua Trees series! I won't make any promises as to when I'll start posting the next one (because we all know I'll probably break them) but I am quite a fair way along already so that's hopeful!

## 20 miles out of Vegas:

Ella felt like she was in a modern day western, a cowgirl riding a powerful black steed into a beautiful sunset. Ahead of them the sun was dipping its toes into the Pacific and the harsh light of day had melted into pinks and golds which warmed and softened the harsh landscape around them. 

Ella had been surprised by how much she’d grown to love the vast, peaceful wilderness beyond LA. A lot of it could be put down to the company she’d been keeping; Nick was amazing and he knew the desert like the back of his hand, but she felt an incredible peace and contentment every time she came out here. It was empty and peaceful, no phones, no deadlines, no ghostly whispers. Every time she left she felt both rejuvenated and eager to return to her life in LA as well as looking forward to the next time she could lose herself with Nick in the wilderness.

Ella looked over at the passenger seat, marvelling anew at the being beside her. Plain old Lucifer and yet not, bohemian LA weirdo and immortal powerful exiled son of God Himself. Who enjoyed looking fabulous, punishing the wicked, and making dick jokes. 

She noted he wasn’t paying any attention to the natural wonders going on around him, as he was intent on looking up amusing religion quotes on his smartphone while they still had service.

He suddenly snort laughed and read aloud, “‘ _Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant’_.”

Ella did a double take. “No way! Who said that?”

“Mark Twain. I always did have a soft spot for old Sam.” He continued scrolling, then suddenly started cackling.

“Haha! Listen to this beauty by Stephen King; ‘ _When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, ‘Why, God? Why me?’ and the thundering voice of God answered,‘THERE’S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT PISSES ME OFF.’_ ”

Ella burst out laughing as well, although she had to admit she felt a little uneasy about it. Could she _be_ any more sacrilegious right now? Laughing with the Devil, poking fun at God. She gulped and flicked a glance at the sky, which remained pink and orange with fluffy sunset-lit clouds, and thankfully free of thunderheads. Maybe the Almighty had developed a sense of humour since the bad old days?

“How about this?” Lucifer chuckled delightedly. “‘ _I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence._ ’” He sniggered, then added, “Oh, and this one; ‘ _When your God tells you to beat the shit out of somebody, you do it. That's what religion is all about!_ ’”

Ella giggled, then grimaced. “That last one’s so true it hurts.”

Lucifer nodded, grinning. “Indeed. It’s almost as if they’re quoting directly from scripture.”

Ella glanced over at the affable Devil sitting in the passenger seat. “Speaking of scripture, what’s with Eve and the ‘snake in the garden of Eden’ thing?” She had a sudden thought and stared at Lucifer with wide eyes. “Dude, can you turn into a _snake_??”

Lucifer snorted in derision. “ _Tchoh!_ Don’t be preposterous! The ‘snake’, as you say, was more the trouser variety, if you catch my drift, even though we didn’t actually _wear_ trousers back then.”

Ella’s jaw dropped as she translated ‘trouser snake’. “You _boned_ Eve, the first woman?!’

Lucifer smiled fondly. “Yes, she was indeed honoured to be my first. We’re quite _literally_ ancient history but it’s true; you never forget.” 

He noticed Ella giving him a scandalised look and added, “What? I didn’t fancy Adam _at all,_ the tosser, and besides I couldn’t have been less interested in Lilith’s sloppy seconds. And everyone else before she came along was either a sibling, a parent or a prehistoric monster and _completely_ out of the question.” His voice softened in remembrance. 

“Eve was lovely, and utterly irresistible. She tempted _me_ too, but everyone always glosses over that.”

Ella snorted suddenly, then broke into giggles. “So… you’re telling me… in the Book of Genesis there’s a... _trouser_ snake in the _lady_ garden?” She dissolved into loud guffaws, Lucifer laughing along with her.

“Indeed! You’ve got to love those metaphors. I’d say the reality was a little more ‘Biblical’ than the old scribes wanted to admit.”

“I can see why they censored it,” Ella replied, spluttering with laughter. They continued chatting as the Corvette roared through the Mojave, the rosy tones of sunset fading and the stars above winking into view in the indigo of night.

## 160 miles down the road, just past Barstow:

Ella looked over at Lucifer, his face dimly illuminated by the headlights reflecting off the road ahead.

“So you know how before we were talking about Genesis, and trouser snakes and lady gardens…” she snickered a little.

“Mmph.”

“... Have you ever _read_ the Bible?” 

“Why would I? I’m hardly in it.”

“Just for the Hell of it?” Ella suggested.

Lucifer grunted. “I might’ve skimmed it for a laugh.”

“What do you think?” 

“Hmph.”

“It’s supposed to be the Word of God.”

Lucifer made a rude noise. “Operative word ‘supposed’. Keep in mind that the Bible was written to enlighten illiterate sheep herders 2000 years ago, by _men_ , and has been transliterated at least a dozen times since. And like any holy book it’s prone to being cherry-picked.”

“It’s got good stuff in it,” Ella said, a little defensively. “What about ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’?” 

Lucifer hummed. “That one’s fine.”

Ella prodded, “What’s wrong with the rest of it, then?”

Lucifer retorted, “It’d be quicker to say what’s _right_ with it. Otherwise we’ll be here all bloody night.” When Ella kept looking expectantly at him he rolled his eyes.

“Well,” he said with mock solemnity, “Despite what the ‘good book’ says, it’s _not_ okay to stone a woman to death for being raped.” He started ticking off on his fingers. “Slavery is also a massive no-no, as is human sacrifice, shellfish isn’t an abomination and Dad won’t make you eat your own children as punishment for disobeying Him.”

Ella waved her hand. “Come on! Everybody knows _that_. It’s just common sense.”

Lucifer gave her a mirthless smile. “So those things are dismissed out of hand as unacceptable, yet the Bible is still interpreted by some to justify other banalities such as gender and sexuality discrimination? Like I said, cherry picking.” He sniffed, then added, “And even though Dad doesn’t give a shit about people’s fashion choices and mixing fabrics, _I_ personally believe anyone who wears Crocs and/or flannel, especially together, deserves a special place in Hell.” 

Ella rolled her eyes. “Okay, what about the Ten Commandments? The big _numero uno_ , ‘I am the Lord Thy God, Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me’?”

Lucifer laughed. “Mum bloody _hated_ that one! Her and Dad had a huge row over it. She felt the wording left a lot to be desired and I don’t think She ever forgave Him for it. Don’t really blame Her, after all They had a fifty-fifty stake in creating the universe and Dad shafted Her and took all the credit.”

“But does it mean that if you don’t believe in God you go to Hell?”

Lucifer shook his head. “Only unrepentant sinners go to Hell.”

“What about missionaries and evangelists? Are they really ‘saving’ people by converting them?”

“Not necessarily. Your denomination doesn’t matter, only the quality of your actions.”

“What about homosexuality? Does God consider it a sin?”

Lucifer snorted. “Of course He doesn’t. There’s nothing wrong with consensual sex between adults, regardless of proclivities. Why would Dad punish people just for being how He made them in the first place?”

Ella nodded, relieved. Now that sounded more like the Big Guy she believed in.

Lucifer sighed as he pulled out his tobacco case and lighter and lit a cigarette. “Take what you want from the big book, Miss Lopez; people have been doing it for millennia. But they need to keep in mind it was written in highly superstitious, ignorant and violent times. It’s parables and history told from various and sometimes conflicting points of view, using quite a lot of creative license. As such, it should be taken with the proverbial grain of salt. It’s when people start taking it literally, or twisting it to justify bad behaviour that all the trouble starts.”

Ella tipped her head thoughtfully to the side. “So... the Bible’s kinda like... fan fiction?”

Lucifer nodded. “I suppose so. In a manner of speaking. ”

“Wow. The word ‘canon’ takes on a whole new meaning now! And the biggest ficcers were like, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John?”

“Actually, Moses wrote most of it. I do know that he was pretty chummy with the old man, Dad talked to him face-to-face, or rather, emissary-to-face, rather than the usual dreams and visions and whatnot. Probably because Moses took a lot of convincing. So I’m not surprised Moe had a lot to say about what happened.”

Ella raised an eyebrow. “I remember you told me YOU did the Moses burning bush thing.”

“Meh. It was more of a light show than an actual fire. Didn’t burn it, though I could’ve done that too.”

“You have the power of pyrokinesis? Cool! That’s so-” she stopped. “Whoah, whoah, whoah, wait a minute.” Something about their night out suddenly clicked. “The perv who threw beer on himself and ran off screaming, did you...?” she trailed off meaningfully.

“...set fire to him?” Lucifer finished, shifting uncomfortably. “Uh… yes.”

Ella’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “Dude, _what!?_ ”

Lucifer held up his hands and said quickly, “Only a tiny, _tiny_ bit. It was barely anything, honestly, and besides, he kind of deserved it.”

“Holy crap!”

“Entirely accidental, I assure you. I hadn’t realised my powers had returned, that’s all. He was fine.” Lucifer gave her a reassuring look. “After all, if he’d copped anything _really_ serious he wouldn’t have been able to run out of the bar in the first place, would he? He would’ve needed to be hosed out.”

Ella gulped. “Right.” She mentally added _can set fires with his mind_ to the laundry list of totally mental things she’d learned their consultant could do. Then she shook herself slightly. What were they talking about again?

“So why set random bushes on fire? Did somebody else piss you off?”

Lucifer sighed. “I was trying to do someone a favour.”

Ella threw him a doubtful look. “I call bullshit. You don’t just _do people favours,_ Lucifer.”

Lucifer relented. “All right, yes, fair enough, I _mostly_ did it to screw with Dad.”

A smile crept across Ella’s face. “Spill.”

Lucifer stretched his legs and pulled out his flask. “So here’s the thing. Moses barely escapes Egypt with his life, the pharaoh’s guards are legging it after him, and bloody Metatron shows up to give him the absolutely brilliant news that he has to turn around and go _back_ into Egypt to break out thousands of Hebrews from slavery.” He stared at Ella with an exasperated expression on his face, then took a swig from his flask. “One thing’s for certain; when Dad fucks with you, He’s thorough.”

Ella persisted, “But why’d you get all firebuggy at him?”

“I thought it’d be relatively easy to scare Moses off. Didn’t work though; Metatron pestered him for an entire week and he caved.”

Ella hummed thoughtfully. It did actually sound like Lucifer had been trying to do Moses a favour. Sort of. With an ulterior motive, for sure, but still. 

Then something else occurred to her and she snorted in amusement. “Sidebar, Metatron’s a weird-ass name for an angel. I keep thinking he’s a Transformer.”

“A what?”

“It’s from a kids cartoon. Giant robots from outer space who can turn themselves into trucks and planes and stuff. Megatron is the leader of the baddies.”

Lucifer laughed out loud. “So you confuse the Voice of God with a villainous shape- shifting giant alien robot, you say? Brilliant! If I ever see the tosser again I can’t wait to tell him.”

Ella shook her head, both totally wigged out and utterly exhilarated by the insanity that was this conversation.

“So back to Megatron…” she laughed and shook her head slightly, correcting herself. “I mean, _Metatron’s_ name - why is it so different to other angel names? I mean there’s Micha _el_ , Gabri _el_ , Azra _el_ , Rapha _el_ …”

“It’s quite simple. Metatron, and Sandalphon, aren’t ‘of God’. That’s what the _-el_ on the end means. They aren’t my siblings.”

“They’re angels but not of God? How’s that work?”

“Instead of letting them die and go to their _Heavenly reward_ ,” Lucifer’s mouth twisted sarcastically, “Dad had Azrael make them Archangels so they could carry on doing his bidding. And unbelievably, they were only too happy to do it. _We_ were born into servitude but they actually _chose_ it.” He dropped his head back onto the headrest. “It boggles the mind...”

Ella did a double take. “Whaaat - you mean the prophets Enoch and Elijah, right? They got turned into angels? That’s actually true?”

Lucifer abruptly raised his head to look at her. “How on Earth do you know that? You’re Catholic, and their upgrade was only mentioned in ancient Hebrew texts, far as I know.”

“It’s my nerd-fu; I took a comparative religion elective at college. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it.” When Lucifer shrugged she continued, “I was going through a bunch of stuff and…” she didn’t particularly want to talk about it so she kept it vague, “I dunno, just looking around for answers, I guess. Studied up on lots of different belief systems, I have a couple dreamcatchers, I like crystals. Like, I’m still technically Catholic but I don’t agree with _everything_ the Church teaches.”

Lucifer hummed. “A wise course of action.”

“All the major religions have kinda the same central teachings, anyway, even if they don’t believe in God. Respect life, do good, ya know? Even atheists can’t really argue with that.”

“Yes. There’s always a few rotten apples though, who get carried away or corrupt the message to suit their own ambitions, and ruin it for everyone.”

Ella glanced up at the sky and said, a little bitterness creeping into her voice, “Why doesn’t your dad do something about those jerks?”

Lucifer scoffed. “I keep getting told it’s because He has a _plan_.” His mouth twisted in derision. “I think it’s because He’s an arsehole.”

They drove in silence for a few minutes, then Ella said, “You said Azrael made those guys into angels - isn’t Azrael the Angel of Death?” 

“Yes, but mortal death is only one part of her job, and she doesn’t kill anyone, at least, not anymore, to my knowledge. Her official title is the Angel of Transformation. The human soul doesn’t actually die, after all, it merely leaves the mortal shell and moves on to another plane of existence. But Azrael has the power to transform that shell into an angel, or a demon, or a demon into a human, among other things.”

“Cool.” Ella nodded thoughtfully, then beamed. “Oh, wow! How cool would that be, to become an _angel_?”

Lucifer huffed and took a swig from his flask. “It’s really not all it’s cracked up to be.”

“So another question about angel names; yours is different, too. Why?”

“Lucifer is the name I chose for myself after Dad cast me out,” he replied in a clipped tone.

“Why _Lucifer_? Why not Kevin or Tom or something?”

His voice softened. “It was the name ancient humans gave my brightest star, the ‘morning star’. I quite liked the thought they liked something I made, even if they didn’t know I made it.”

Ella blinked. “You made a star?”

Lucifer hummed. “I made all of them. Technically what they thought was a star was actually a planet but it hardly matters, since the planets were eventually formed from the creation of the stars, anyway. Plus the name just seemed a natural choice as it suited my powers. Mum always used to call me her _‘shining one’_.”

Ella’s mind was boggling. He made the _stars?_ The name ‘lightbringer’ was literal? Oh _snap!_ She could _not_ deal with that right now. 

She cleared her dry throat and managed, “So… why’d you change your name?”

He scowled again. “Because fuck Dad _and_ the name He gave me.” Lucifer had a pretty good idea what Ella was going to ask next, and he didn’t like it. And sure enough...

“Oh. So what _was_ your-”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t go by that name anymore.” Lucifer cut in tersely. 

“Why not?”

“And I don’t want to talk about it.”

Ella blinked. “Whoah, okay. Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” 

Lucifer looked over at her, his expression unreadable but definitely leaning towards pissed. Then to her relief, a smile quirked the corner of his mouth. “Like Hell you didn’t.”

Ella smiled back. “Being nosy is my blessing and my curse. But I can take a hint.” She shrugged at his clearly skeptical look. “Sometimes.”

## Nearly home, tooling along the San Bernardino Freeway:

Ella heard the wail of a siren and caught a glimpse of flashing blue and red lights in the rearview mirror. After a split second of instinctive apprehension she relaxed as a speeding green Range Rover shot past in the next lane, closely followed by an LAPD slicktop. Ella raised her fist in the air and yelled, “Go get ‘em, guys!” She saw Lucifer had looked up from his phone and was watching her with an amused expression. 

“What?”

Lucifer grinned. “Oh it’s nothing, it’s just I’m picturing you back in your car-boosting days shouting something rather different at the police.”

Ella shrugged. “I wasn’t in a good place back then. I got into a lot of shit that I shouldn’t have.”

Lucifer perked up. “There was more than grand theft auto? Do tell.”

Ella sighed. “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

Lucifer solemnly held up three fingers in a mock boy scout gesture. “On my honour I will never tell another soul, living or dead.” Then he added, “Or Maze.”

Ella took a deep breath and recited, “B&E, reckless driving, public intoxication, a little fighting, a little vandalism, a little pot…” she shrugged. “The usual. And I told you about getting busted counting cards back in Vegas.”

Lucifer spluttered with disbelieving laughter. “I had no idea you were so multi-talented, Miss Lopez! And they still let you join the police?”

“Card counting isn’t illegal, and only the public intoxication misdemeanor was as an adult. There’s no felonies or violent crimes on my juvenile record - the fighting, that stayed between me and the bitches who started it.” She glanced over at him with a conspiratorial look. “So what’ve _you_ been arrested for?”

“Nothing.”

Ella was a bit disappointed. “What, never? With all the shit you get up to?” 

Lucifer shook his head. “Nope.” 

“Never been caught?”

Lucifer gave her a smug look. “No, just never been arrested.”

“What, you always get off?”

Lucifer grinned. “Not always, but the coppers sometimes do…”

Ella rolled her eyes and hit him in the arm. Then laughed. “You have sex with cops to get out of being arrested?”

“On occasion. Let’s just say I can be very persuasive.”

“No kidding. So what have you been caught for?”

Lucifer’s expression turned thoughtful. “What _haven’t_ I been caught for?” Then he shook his head. “Wait, no, silly me, I _have_ been arrested! The Detective arrested me for murder once.”

Ella’s jaw dropped. “Whaaat?”

“I didn’t actually DO it,” Lucifer clarified hastily. “A homicidal homicide _dick_ named Malcolm Graham tried to frame me for the murder of a street preacher.” 

Of course. Ella snapped her fingers, remembering the case file. “Jacob Williams.” 

Lucifer nodded. “Hmm. It wasn’t an official arrest as such, I let her take me in so we could clear my name. Oh, and she also handcuffed me shortly after we first met. I quite enjoyed that actually.”

Ella huffed a laugh. “Why’d she cuff you?”

“I may have threatened to drop a suspect headfirst off a balcony. Menace is a valid interrogation tool but the Detective doesn’t like me doing it much.” He made a sour face at his phone screen. “And I was only joking that time I said I’d pull a dealer’s arms off. Honestly.” He sighed wistfully. “I never had to worry about being done for excessive force back in Hell.”

Ella glanced over, spotting an opportunity but thinking she should probably tread carefully. “Soo… while we’re on the subject of Hell… why’d you leave? How’d you get out?”

Lucifer kept his eyes on his phone but jerked a thumb over his shoulder at his hidden wings. “The usual way, just flew out. I was actually on one of my regular sabbaticals, so to speak. I was just having the usual mini-vacay but due to complications caused by my idiot brother we had to stay longer, and then I just decided I’d had enough. Told Amenadiel I wasn’t going back.”

“It was that easy?”

“More or less.” Lucifer chuckled and looked over with a self-satisfied gleam in his eyes. “I made a deal with him that he never saw coming. And yet it still wasn’t the last time the big dope underestimated me.”

Ella hummed. Lucifer and Amenadiel’s relationship seemed a little strained at times, and if Amenadiel had been the one keeping Lucifer in Hell all that time she could definitely get why.

“So how does it all work? Who goes to Hell? Who _takes_ them to Hell? Or Heaven? Is it a big white light or something, or is there some ghost bus that shows up to take souls, or what?”

“A _ghost_ _bus_? Seriously?” Lucifer threw her an exasperated look. “Let me guess; another bloody movie?”

Ella shrugged noncommittally. “Maybe.” (It totally was.)

Lucifer rolled his eyes and answered, “I can’t speak for Heaven, of course, but for Hell it’s a case of lights out up here, wake up down there. Most souls don’t even realise they’re _in_ Hell, at least not at first. It’s like their worst nightmare but they can’t wake up from it.”

Ella shivered. She suspected she’d regret asking about this but she also couldn’t resist hearing more.

“So you’re supposed to be the ruler of Hell, but you’re here. What about all the demons and evil souls? Won't they all escape?”

"Nah," said Lucifer indifferently.

"How do you know? Do you check in?”

“Nope.” Lucifer was intent on googling ‘checkered demon leonardo dicaprio quote’. 

“So how can you be so sure? For all you know demons are running around on Earth right now.”

Lucifer heaved a long-suffering sigh. “You sound like the Detective. And my pain in the arse of a sister.” When he saw that Ella was waiting patiently for an answer he replied, “No, they’re not. Demons don’t possess the power to cross from Hell to Earth on their own, just as humans can’t just walk in and out of Hell whenever they feel like it.” 

_Aside from that serial trespasser Constantine_ , Lucifer thought to himself, back on his phone _._ _He’s in Hell so much he should start paying rent._

Ella pressed, “What about damned souls then? What’s stopping them from just leaving, coming to Earth, and, like ...haunting people?” 

Lucifer blew out a breath. Ella was testing even his supernatural stamina, bless her.

Hell’s bells, the _questions_. He lowered his phone and half turned in his seat to face her.

“Very well. In the interests of putting both your mind at ease and a stop to this _interminable_ line of questioning, I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told a human soul before.”

Ella’s eyes widened in excitement. “Really? What is it?”

“Every damned soul has its own special place in Hell; its own personal cell. Each cell creates an endless loop of punishment inspired by the souls’ worst fears, and while the cells aren’t locked, souls are trapped there by their own guilt.” Then Lucifer frowned and amended, “The overwhelming majority, anyway.”

Of course, Ella’s ears perked up at that. “What does that mean? Who _isn’t_ trapped there?”

“There is a tiny percentage of human souls, a fraction of a percent, that for some reason can’t judge themselves. They completely lack empathy and as a result are unable to see or care about the consequences of their actions on others, and thus don’t hold themselves accountable.”

“Psychopaths.” Ella shivered slightly.

Lucifer nodded. “Not all of them, but yes. The worst are the absolute dregs of humanity; humans like Elizabeth Báthory, Josef Mengele, Pol Pot, Nannie Doss… they understand the difference between right and wrong, they just don’t give a damn about it. They care only for their own selfish needs and thus harbour no guilt for the atrocities they commit. It goes deeper than mere denial, or lying to oneself, or even fanaticism; those sinners still send themselves to Hell. _These_ souls are…” Lucifer grimaced slightly. “True evil. Devoid of any redeeming grace whatsoever.” And before Ella could say anything, he added firmly, “And before you ask, no, I don’t make them that way.”

She blinked. “Whoah? Why would I think that?”

Lucifer gave her an incredulous look. “Because I’m the Devil, hello?”

“Oh. Yeah right, of course.” At Lucifer’s frown she hastily added, “I mean of course _you don’t_ . Like sure, I know you’re the Devil, but you’re not-” she took one hand off the steering wheel to make an air quote, “ _That_ Devil, y’know? The big bad that everyone says you are. Christian fanfic, right?

Lucifer relaxed and gave her a tiny pleased nod. “Right.”

They drove in companionable silence for a few moments then Ella asked, “So if they don’t judge themselves, who judges ‘em? You?”

“No. I was just a glorified prison screw. Dad sorts the psychos.”

Ella, wide-eyed, blew out a breath. Whoaah... _Dad_. “The Big Guy.” 

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Yes. Literally _the_ judgiest person in the universe. Closing that loophole was something that had to get hashed out back when - ” he stopped suddenly.

“What?” Ella prompted.

“When He created Hell and threw me in to run it.” Lucifer’s jaw worked as he put away his phone and reached for his flask. He seemed uncomfortable talking about it.

Which wasn’t surprising, really. 

Ella threw Lucifer a sympathetic look. “That sucks, dude.” _Really_ sucks. Lucifer wasn’t a bad guy. What the Hell kind of God kicked His own son out of home into some hellhole for the rest of his life? She was NOT cool with that, and the very next chance she got to talk to the Big Guy she was gonna give Him a piece of her mind. 

“Where does He get off? It’s partly why I haven’t been going to church much lately - I get that you guys had this huge cosmic smackdown, but thousands of years in charge of torture and punishment is a waaay OTT time out if you ask me.”

Lucifer scoffed bitterly. “It was thousands of years up here, Miss Lopez. In Hell it was… rather longer.”

“How much longer? Tens… not… hundreds of thousands?” At Lucifer’s raised eyebrows she spluttered, “ _Millions_ of years?”

“Try billions. Literally eons.”

“Whoah that is… I can’t even…” Ella shook her head in disbelief. “Shit!” Then she frowned and asked, “Why’d you stay in Hell all that time? You could’ve left way sooner than you did.” She added tentatively, “Did you feel guilty or something?”

Lucifer looked like he was going to deny it, then blinked and answered softly, “Perhaps. The rebellion tore our family apart and everyone hated me for it. Including me, I suppose...” He trailed off, staring blankly into the darkness of the desert, and seemed to be seeing something that happened a long time ago. Ella barely heard him when he mumbled; _monsters belong in Hell_.

Ella put her hand comfortingly over Lucifer’s and gave it a squeeze. Lucifer looked down, surprised, then blinked up at her and went on in a lighter tone, “But eventually I discovered being a punisher suited me. I loathed Hell and hated being forced to do it, but eventually I derived some satisfaction from giving sinners their due. It was a job that no one else wanted, and I foolishly thought that if I did what Father asked of me maybe He’d…” Lucifer snorted. 

“But no. Of course it didn’t make a damn bit of difference. They all still despise me. But as it turns out, it was a good thing I decided to stay in Hell, as I recently learned that if I hadn’t, Dad would’ve destroyed me.”

Ella gulped. “Uh… we’re not talking in a metaphorical, ‘obliterate-you -in- the- comment -section’ kinda way here, are we?”

“No.”

Ella’s eyes were enormous. _That is seriously messed up. How could his own Dad want to kill him?_ That definitely didn’t sound like the loving, forgiving God that she’d always wanted to believe in.

“But you’re outta there now, and He hasn’t smitten, I mean, smited you, right? So that must mean something.”

Lucifer gave a resigned huff. “Perhaps.” Then he grumbled, “Or perhaps He just doesn’t give a shit anymore.”

Ella shook her head. Man. She’d thought she’d had issues with _her_ Pops. She decided to steer the conversation back to a less sensitive subject.

“So anyways, God passes judgment on the psychos, then what?”

“Then Azrael or Israfel come down to collect their souls, drag them off to Hell, and lock and chain their cell doors. Theirs are the only locked doors in Hell.”

“Azrael and Israfel? The Angels of Death? Whoahh, cool! Your brothers, right?”

“Half right. Azrael is a sister. Our brother Gabriel also helps out on occasion due to the human population having grown exponentially over the millennia. You lot have been going at it like little bunnies.”

“So if those souls don’t punish themselves, who does?”

“The Lilim; top-ranking demons like Maze. They’re the best, and they do to those damned what they’d done to the innocents they’d hurt in life. Over and over, without respite. And once the Lilim got their heads around the fact that they controlled how the loops ran, that they could employ whatever methods of torture they wanted, they got extraordinarily creative. It became their favourite gig.”

Ella nodded in approval. “Good.” It was a relief to know that even if they didn’t catch every bad guy they’d still get what they deserved, eventually. “Seems like you’ve got a pretty good system going, Lucifer.”

Lucifer smiled and gave a little half bow. “It’s nice to know all the eons of hard slog are finally being appreciated.”

Ella smiled back at him, but then the smile was wiped off her face when she remembered what Lucifer had said earlier. Her stomach plummeted. “Wait - you said guilt sends people to Hell; am I gonna go to Hell for the cars I stole? Or for cheating at blackjack?” Ella paled. _Or for how I treated Mona?_ “I’ve done loads of things I feel shitty about, am I going to Hell for it?”

Lucifer raised his hands in a calming gesture. “Guilt alone won’t damn you, Miss Lopez. There also needs to be actual sin. Along with lack of remorse and atonement. Otherwise the entire human race would end up downstairs!” He gave a rueful chuckle. “Seriously, you lot feel that useless emotion for a truly astonishing variety of reasons. Mother’s guilt, survivor’s guilt, guilt for staying in your pyjamas all day, for wanking, for skipping the gym, for believing that your best isn’t good enough...” Then Lucifer’s dark eyes hardened. “And worst of all, the guilt that others make you feel simply for being different.”

Ella felt a shiver at those words; it was almost like he’d read her thoughts. The ones right at the back, that she tried her hardest to not even acknowledge.

“None of those things are worthy of damnation. You get Hell for intentionally committing wrongful acts and refusing to repent, not for failure, or harmless fun, or things outside of your control. Innocents never go to Hell.”

Ella nodded but remained silent; to Lucifer’s relief she seemed to have finally run out of questions. He pulled out his phone again and started playing Angry Birds, giving her - and himself - a little space. No doubt she had a great deal to process. 

He really was floored by how easily she’d taken the revelation of his identity. There didn’t seem to be any of the shock the Detective had felt at realising Heaven and Hell and all of it was real, but that made perfect sense since Miss Lopez had already believed in them.

Then she started up again.

 _I wanna tell you. I mean, you’re the freakin’_ Devil _! Nothing can possibly be too weird for you. If there’s anybody I can tell without judgment it’d be you._

He sighed. “Tell me what?”

Ella glanced over at him. “What?”

Lucifer looked up. “ _What_ , what?”

Ella said, “I didn’t say anything.”

“Yes you did,” replied Lucifer. “You said you wanted to tell me something. Rest assured there will be no judgment from me, whatever it is.” He leaned a little closer and gave her a sly grin. “Has the good Catholic girl got another naughty secret? Come on, out with it!”

Ella stared at him. “I didn’t say it… but I thought it.”

Lucifer abruptly leaned back in his seat, his mouth an O of realisation. “Oh, right. I’m so sorry,” he said apologetically. “I didn’t mean to listen in, truly.”

“But… how did you hear me? I wasn’t praying!”

Lucifer hummed. “Well no you weren’t, but let’s just say we were on the same frequency for a bit.” When Ella just kept looking at him Lucifer explained, “You were sort of thinking in my direction, and I accidentally picked it up. It happens.” 

When Ella stayed silent, he prompted, “So what’s this weird thing you want to tell me, hm?”

Ella took a deep breath then slowly let it out again. Then she said abruptly, as if forcing the words out, “I talk to ghosts.”

Lucifer paused for a moment, then asked, “Do they talk back?”

Ella rolled her eyes at him. “ _Yes_ , duh!”

Lucifer nodded, then said expectantly, “And-? What’s the weird part?”

“That _is_ the weird part!”

“Oh.” Lucifer looked a little disappointed. “ Well I suppose it might be considered weird to the average human. The average _modern_ human, anyway.”

Ella opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. That was a little anticlimactic.

“But isn’t there a problem with communing with the dead? Isn’t it, like, wrong? Like, even the Bible warns against it. There’s a quote from Deuteronomy that our parish priest showed me once.” She recited from memory, “‘ _There must not be found among you anyone who consults ghosts or spirits, or calls up the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord_ ’.”

Lucifer sighed heavily. “While I would never, _ever_ side with the Church, I imagine they decided it would be easier to just blanket ban it. Humans messing with the paranormal nearly always ends badly, and they probably thought they were doing everyone a favour. Of course the major drawback there was that there have always been humans naturally gifted with an ability to see beyond the mundane, and they were left out in the cold. Shunned, misunderstood, often persecuted, and certainly unprotected. Gifted humans such as yourself need to learn how to wield your abilities safely.”

Ella gave him a bewildered look. “How the Hell are we supposed to do that?”

Lucifer grinned. “Hogwarts?”

Ella groaned but laughed too. “I _wish_!”

Lucifer went on airily, “Well, since that’s not an option, maybe it’s just a matter of practise. I mean, I don’t go around levelling cities every time I get pissed off because I’ve learned to control my powers.”

Ella stared at him, the smile dropping from her face. What did he just say? _Levelling cities_?

“You can yeet an entire _city_? I thought you just set things on fire!”

Lucifer shrugged. “It’s basically the same thing, isn’t it? Just with a bit more _oomph_ and all at the same time.”

Ella nodded dumbly and said in an awed voice, “Like… you said… you made the stars, right? As in _nuclear fusion?_ You can… trigger nuclear reactions?”

Lucifer nodded, then shrugged casually. “It’s all the same sort of thing, when you get down to it.”

 _Makes sense,_ Ella thought incredulously. _Holy crap._ She took a calming breath and decided she didn’t want to go into that yet. She had another, far more important question. 

She took a few moments to gather her thoughts, then asked, “So do you know why this happened to me?”

“That’s like me asking ‘why am I so musically talented’, or ‘why does the Detective have a penchant for crocheted cardigans’. It’s just how you are.”

“Is it some kinda punishment?”

Lucifer did a double take. “A punishment? Why would you think that?”

Ella’s jaw tensed. “Because having this thing hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park, dude. I basically left Detroit and came here to get a little distance from all the crap it caused.”

“Family not supportive of your ‘alternative’ lifestyle, so to speak?”

Ella huffed a laugh. “You could say that.”

Lucifer shrugged. “Been there.”

Ella went on, “I mean, they tried to be, I guess. But their idea of helping was to try to make it go away. They sent me to a priest, and when that didn’t work they sent me to a shrink. But he couldn’t help me either because he didn’t believe me. He thought I was just delusional.”

“Been there too,” Lucifer commiserated. “Frustrating, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” She was quiet for a minute then decided to confess the rest. “There was this ghost who was… haunting me, I guess. I tried to ignore it, ignore her, but she wouldn’t quit. And then one night I was drinking and getting high and got into it with her. Off my face and screaming at her to leave me alone, smashing shit, the works. Only problem was I was in the middle of downtown Detroit and nobody else could see her.”

Lucifer winced. “Oh dear.”

Ella nodded. “Yeah. The cops picked me up and Ma and Pops had to bail me out of the drunk tank in the morning. They were so upset with me, I got a boatload of guilt from my mom, and the disappointed dad face…”

Lucifer snorted. Typical.

“...And they ended up putting me in a psychiatric facility for a month.”

Ella saw Lucifer’s scowl and said hastily, “I know _now_ that they were just trying to do what they thought was best for me. They were worried about me. Like, they told me my great-grandmother was basically run out of her town for being a _bruja_ . It’s why her family emigrated to the States. And my _abuela_ told me that to use it was a sin. Everybody kept telling me it would cause nothing but trouble, that-”

“Ugh. Don’t tell me,” interrupted Lucifer, with an exasperated look. “They assumed it was _my_ doing?”

Ella glanced guiltily at him. “Um, kind of, yeah.”

Lucifer angrily shook his head. “You don’t actually believe that bollocks though, do you? That the talents you possess are somehow indecent, or shameful?”

Ella shook her head and answered, “No. Nope. Not anymore.” But he noticed she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

Protective anger rose in Lucifer. She _had_ believed it, and maybe still did, a little, and had been made to feel ashamed of her abilities. 

“Ella, look at me.” Ella finally met his gaze, and to Lucifer’s dismay he saw her dark eyes were bright with tears. 

“Miss Lopez, people are morons. From an evolutionary standpoint they’re barely out of caves, still terrified of their own shadows. Take it from someone who’s met plenty of cavemen.”

Ella nodded and wordlessly wiped her eyes.

Lucifer looked at her for several moments then leaned over with a conspiratorial air. “Let me tell you something. Do you know where the word ‘sinister’ comes from?”

Ella shook her head. “English isn’t my strongest point...”

“ _Sinistre_ is actually Latin. Meaning ‘left’, but it eventually came to mean ‘threatening’ or ‘portending evil or harm’. Because in the bad old days left-handers were thought of as suspicious or demonic simply because almost everyone else used their _right_ hand to do things. That’s it. That’s the only reason lefties were singled out and victimised. For the hand they preferred to eat and fight with.”

Ella was outraged. “That sucks! And it’s just so… effing STUPID!”

“Indeed.” Lucifer nodded, his point made. “You are… a very special human, Ella Lopez, in more ways than one. Don’t you dare listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.”

Ella smiled, her eyes now dry. “Thanks, Lucifer. You too.” Then she giggled and added, “Well, except for the ‘human’ part.”

\----------------

_A few days later, in Ella’s lab:_

“Come on, Lucifer! Amenadiel’s not interested and I really really really need to get some from _one_ of you!”

Lucifer looked miffed. “That kind of flattery will get you nowhere.” 

“Please? It’ll only take half a minute,” Ella wheedled. “That’s all I’m asking. We’ll pop it in, rub it around for thirty seconds, then out, bam, we’re done.”

Lucifer gazed back at Ella and the long cotton-tipped cheek swab she held aloft like a tiny fluffy dagger. The corner of his mouth curled slowly into a lecherous grin. 

“I’m not usually one for quickies, Miss Lopez,” he murmured flirtatiously. “But I can make an exception. And at work, too, you naughty girl!”

Ella’s hopeful smile dropped from her face and she slapped her hand over her mouth as she realised what she’d said. “Oh myy Goddddd…” she moaned, then burst into hysterical laughter. “I can’t believe I just said that! And to YOU!”

Lucifer chuckled gleefully. He couldn’t believe it either. 

Ella, facepalmed, her cheeks now several shades of bright pink. “Whyyyy Lopez... _whyyyyy_..?”

Lucifer decided to show her a little mercy… for now. He eyed the swab that Ella was holding. “So just to be clear - you want to inspect my spit for _fun_?”

Ella nodded, still snickering. “Yeah! I mean, cheek epithelials have exactly the same DNA as blood, so a quick swab saves me having to hit you with a guitar.” She giggled.

Lucifer eyed the swab dubiously, and Ella sensed a weak spot. She pounced. “You’re the first angel who’s ever done this and I’m the first person ever to study angelic cells under a microscope and I don’t care that no one else will ever know; _we’ll_ know.” She closed her eyes, put her palms together and whispered, “ _Please Lucifer please please please please..._ ”

Lucifer looked at Ella waiting hopefully and heaved a put-upon sigh. Then chortled. “I’ll do it. It’s already worth it, just to have heard those words come out of your mouth.” He shook his head at her, still laughing. “You filthy _minx_.”

Ella blushed an even deeper pink but giggled too. “Thanks, Lucifer! You’re the best.”

As she advanced on him with the swab Lucifer raised a peremptory finger. “I have one condition, however.”

Ella stopped and looked at him expectantly. “Shoot.”

“Destroy the sample afterwards. No need to go pushing my luck any further than I have already. I’ve come to realise that I’ve been more than a little careless with various bodily fluids during my sojourns on Earth.” His expression was a combination of rueful and smug. “All in all, I’ve probably left about a metric tonne of divinity around the place by now.”

Ella squeezed her eyes shut to try to stop the mental picture… too late. “Ewww, _gross_ , dude! I did _not_ need to know that!” Then added, “But you got a deal. I’d have done it anyway.”

Lucifer nodded, satisfied. He then sat patiently while Ella uncapped the swab, scraped it along the insides of his cheeks, lips, and around his gum line, twizzling it between her fingers. And as promised, after thirty seconds she was done. She prepped a slide with it and popped it into the microscope, bouncing with excitement. She peered in.

“Wow! Your buccal cells seem to be undifferentiated stem cells too, just like your blood! Dude, you are totally Jessica Alba in _Dark Angel_.” 

Lucifer nodded in approval. “I’ll take that.”

Ella continued, thinking aloud. “Everyone has stem cells that can change into specialized cell types, but the older you get the less you have because they eventually die off. Except I guess that when you’re immortal, it totally makes sense that your cells would be too.”

Lucifer took a turn peering into the microscope, but was rather disappointed to see that the slide’s contents merely looked like a series of roundish blobs with long noodly things strewn between them. _Hmm,_ he thought distractedly, _I think I fancy spaghetti ai frutti di mare for dinner_.

“So these stem cells act like a template?”

“Kind of. Depending on their potency. But yeah.”

Lucifer murmured thoughtfully, “That makes sense. We were Mum and Dad’s first attempt at creating intelligent life, after all. As I said, we were the templates for all of _you_. Except for our wings, of course. Those are just leverage masquerading as a gift.” 

He suddenly pointed at her, his face brightening in a smile. “Speaking of gifts…”

He reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a red and gold-wrapped package, holding it out to Ella with a flourish. “For you.”

Ella beamed and took it. “Awww! What’s this for? It’s not even my birthday!” She ripped it open and shook out what was inside. It was a white and blue raglan t-shirt, with a Broadway marquee-style design emblazoned across the front.

“‘World’s Greatest Forensic Scientist’?!” Ella read, squealing in delight. She threw her arms around Lucifer and gave him a squeeze. “I love it! Thank you so much, Lucifer!”

Lucifer said quite solemnly, “That is no exaggerated claim, Miss Lopez. I’ve been on Earth for several years and before that, off and on for _millennia_ and you’re the only human to have ever ‘solved’ me. Off your own bat, too.” He threw her a fond smile. “Even the Detective can’t make that claim. You may be human, but your deductive skills are truly preternatural. _World’s Greatest_ , indeed.” Then a crafty look spread across his face. “Actually, speaking of the Detective, can I ask a favour?”

Ella nodded. “Sure. Anything! You name it.”

Lucifer replied gravely, “She doesn’t know _you_ know yet. And I was thinking since I still owe her one for the cat debacle I might break the news gently…” His earnest expression suddenly changed to one of pure cunning. “Say, with an epic punking!”

Ella’s eyes widened. “You mean pretend like I still have no idea then you do something impossible right in front of me and then I pretend to freak out and then _she_ freaks out?” 

Lucifer nodded happily. “Yes. Are you in?”

Ella had a thought that Chloe was like a sister to her and she really shouldn’t be thinking of ganging up on her like this… no, wait up a second. When you put it like that it was practically her _responsibility_ to do it. Chloe as an only child had had a deprived childhood! She’d never experienced getting tortured by siblings. She probably had a massive case of FOMO and Ella couldn’t just sit by and let Chloe go without… _Hells_ no!

She silently held up her palm and Lucifer delightedly slapped it. Then they both dissolved into laughter.

Ella chortled, “Chloe hates surprises! I’m counting on you not letting me go to Hell for this, because she is totally gonna _kill_ us!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Ideas for punking in the comments :D  
> -Right, that's it, *for now*. Subscribe to this series and you won't miss the next instalment :) Thank you for your fantastic support, everyone who read and kudosed but especially COMMENTED and SHARED - I hope you're having as much fun reading this series as I am writing it!  
> -I really didn’t expect writing this story to take so long, but then I didn’t realise just how big a bite I was going to take with this series. Seriously, I think I actually channelled a bit of ‘Ella-writing-about-a-forensic-scientist-who-talks-to-ghosts’ with this one - I just kept coming up with ideas and really struggled at times to sort them out. That’s what took the longest early on - sorting ideas, writing in SO MANY characters, having everything make sense(?), honouring all the various canons and borrowing and changing and mashing it all up, and basically just wrapping my head around it all. This story has also turned out to be closure for another series I love - SPOILER CROSSOVER COMING- And that was a huge challenge as I’ve never done anything like this before! So that is why it took so freakin’ long to start publishing. And keep publishing, as I am writing the entire series ALL AT THE SAME TIME & a lot of the time my inspo wasn’t for the chapters I needed! *gah!!whyyydoesmybrainworklikethis...?!*  
> On the plus side, hopefully the last two stories should come quicker than this one did! Hopefully.
> 
> -Ella’s in this. As a result there’s a lot more nods to geekdom than are even in my other fairly cross-pollinated fics. Because this is Ella and I can totally see her comparing Lucifer to Thor Odinson and Hellboy. Lucifer has already referenced Wolverine in theTil Death Do Us Part episode so you never know!  
> -I loved the idea of a double/reverse reveal: ie not just to Ella about Lucifer being the Devil, but also to Lucifer that Ella knows AND that Ella has a pretty big secret of her own. I think Ella is smart enough and nosy enough, and since she’s a believer as well as a scientist, she wouldn’t completely discount supernatural explanations for things, which puts her in a far better position than Chloe to figure things out by herself.  
> -As far as Ella taking the revelation well, should we get an Ella reveal in canon I think she will take it well, at least better than the others. Ella actor Aimee Garcia thinks so too, and I referred to her Facebook livestream with Tom Ellis for inspiration, along with an interview on assignmentx.com  
> -The 'beat the shit out of somebody' quote was from a tiny Aussie movie called 'Hercules Returns' which I personally think is hilarious!  
> -In canon Lucifer was Eve's first *love*, but in my headcanon Eve was Lucifer's first *lay*. Reasons being what Lucifer said about siblings and monsters. I don't think he lost his virginity with Maze, because I don't think they started having sex til they came to Earth (311 City of Angels). (On that note I am 100% POSITIVE Lucifer is NOT the father of the Lilim with Lilith, because if Maze was his daughter he'd never... UGH!! NO WAY. Some Jewish lore says he is but since he and Maze bonked I don't think it's true for the Luciverse. Besides, if he was, the Lilim would be nephilim, not demons.  
> -I hope I don’t offend anyone with my interpretations of what Lucifer and the rest of the celestials think of various religious texts, customs etc. I just found it fun to play with what supernatural entities might think of what humans wrote about them, as if holy books were like celestial gossip magazines  
> -Lucifer refers to the Bible as the 'big book' and so does Tom Ellis. He also shares my humanist view of its writings, which is to treat it as parables not follow blindly as fact. What good is a 2,000 year old holy book if it encourages people to perpetuate the bad behaviours and attitudes from a less enlightened age?  
> -'Why Lucifer? Why not Kevin or Tom or something?' ;D  
> -The 'ghost bus' is from a lovely Robert Downey Jnr movie called Heart and Souls.  
> -'checkered demon leonardo dicaprio quote’... Google it. Go on.  
> -Azrail, Israfel & Gabrail are the 3 angels of death in Islam.  
> -'Innocents never go to Hell'-my headcanon & I'm sticking to it.  
> -the sinistre thing was a little factoid that kept popping up on thesaurus.com; I figured somebody really thought it should go in this fic  
> -Ella mentions her dreamcatcher & crystals, which we saw in her drawer at work ep 403  
> -pull a dealer’s arms off-209 Homewrecker  
> -I'm going to tell you something that I’ve never told a human soul before -307 OTR  
> -God as the judgiest person in the universe - 216 God Johnson  
> -The rebellion tore our family apart and everyone hated me for it. Including me, I suppose...324 A Devil of my Word  
> -'going at it like bunnies'- 326 OUAT  
> I talk to ghosts-325 Boo Normal  
> World’s Greatest Forensic Scientist-317 Let Pinhead Sing


End file.
